This Too, Shall Pass
by DopeyPixie
Summary: 'I have discovered the secret that after climbing a great hill, one only finds that there are many more hills to climb.' Nelson Mandela
1. Prologue: It Started WA Pregnancy Test

A/N 1: A BIG thanks to fanficgirl18 for helping me come up with ideas, not just for this chapter but the others too!

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><p>AN 2: I know the selected genres for this story are Drama and Friendship, just wanted to let y'all know that other genres included will be Romance, Hurt/Comfort and there is an overall angsty theme. The story is rated T, but for some scenes it is appropriate for kids, while other scenes would be considered 18+ (Rated-M). If you take offense in what you're reading due to the fact that you're not old enough, I would like you to know that I'm hereby warning you if you think this might happen and that I didn't mean to offend anyone.

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><p><span><strong>Prologue:<br>It Started With A Pregnancy Test**

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><p>This takes place on Tuesday September 27th 2005.<p>

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><p>''Where there is love there is life.'' Mahatma Gandhi<p>

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><p>Third persons POV<p>

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><p>Andy was pacing back and forth in her small bathroom. Milo was leaning against the sink, watching her pace.<p>

''How long?'' Andy asked.

''30 Seconds left,'' Milo answered while looking at his watch. He started tapping his short nails against the porcelain sink behind him. The waiting, and her pacing, was getting on his nerves as well. He couldn't remember ever having two minutes passing so slowly. He checked his watch again, ''it's time.'' He told her.

Andy gave a slight nod and walked over to him. She picked up the white stick on the edge of the sink. She looked up from the pregnancy test, before reading the results, and Milo gave her a slight smile. She looked back at the test, finally reading the result. Milo heard a sigh of relief come from her before she looked back up at him. ''Negative,'' she stated and threw it in the trashcan.

She walked back out into her bedroom, Milo followed her after a few seconds. Andy looked at him, trying to read the expression on her face. There wasn't much emotion being shown; no happiness, no sadness either. He put his hands in the pockets of his dark blue jeans and looked back at her.

''You look... disappointed,'' Andy told him.  
>''Well, I was kind of hoping for another result,'' he said, picking up a photo of Jesse and Lizzy from the nightstand.<br>Andy sat down on the bed, ''I thought you didn't want any children,'' she responded with a frown.

''I thought so too,'' he said, sitting down next to her. ''But lately... I don't know. I was kind of excited when you told me you might be pregnant. I was already getting used to the idea.''

Andy put a few stray strands of hair behind her ear. ''I don't understand, now you suddenly do want to have children?''

There was a short moment of silence between them. Milo put his arm around her and she leaned into his body, putting her head on his shoulder. ''Haven't you ever thought it would be nice? Having a little boy or girl running around the house. Or maybe having a boy and a girl running around?''

''You're getting way ahead of yourself,'' Andy said with a chuckle, sitting back up and looking at him.  
>''Why?'' He asked with a smile and a slight frown.<p>

''You were together with your ex-wife for ten years and you didn't have any children. We've been together for two years. Besides; we're not even married,'' she said.  
>''Well, then let's get married,'' Milo said.<br>Andy got a stunned look on her face. ''What?'' Was all she could get out.

''Let's get married! Right now!'' Milo said growing more excited with every passing second. He stood up, looking like he was ready to just go to city hall and get married right that second. Andy quickly brought him back to reality.

''Where's all this coming from?'' She asked. She put her hand on his arm and pulled him back down.  
>Milo sighed. ''Remember that I got paged yesterday, right after you told me you might be pregnant?''<br>Andy nodded, wondering where this was going.

''One of my patients with CHF, she died in the ER,'' Milo said. Pausing for a second.  
>''I'm sorry,'' Andy said.<p>

''That woman, she reminded me of you. I saw her die and I got this thought: 'What if you die?' What if you die and you never know that despite the fact that I've never wanted children, I want to have kids with you,'' he said looking down at his hands.  
>Andy frowned slightly and grabbed his hands in hers, ''I'm not going to die anytime soon,'' she said.<p>

He looked back up at her, ''you could. Everybody could die at any time.''  
>She pulled him closer to her and put her arm around his waist, ''well, let's assume I'm not going to die. As long as I'm alive... I'm not going anywhere.''<p>

He looked back into her eyes, ''promise?''  
>She nodded.<br>''Pinky swear?'' He asked, holding up his pinkie.  
>She started laughing, then hooked her pinkie around his, ''pinky swear,'' she said. Milo kissed her cheek.<br>''I love you,'' she said and put her head on his shoulder.  
>''I love you too,'' he said and kissed the top of her head.<p>

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><p>Wednesday September 28th 2005.<p>

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><p>''So, did you take the test?'' Lu asked as her and Andy walked into the cafeteria together. They both got some coffee and sat down at one of the tables.<br>Andy nodded, ''it was negative.''  
>Lu turned around a little bit to look at Andy, ''that's what you wanted, right?''<p>

Andy gave a slight nod, ''yeah, because I thought that Milo doesn't want to have kids.''  
>''He doesn't want to have kids?'' Lu asked surprised. ''Too bad, he'd make a great father.''<br>''Well, after it turned out negative he told me that he's changed his mind. Now he does want to have a baby,'' Andy explained and took a sip of her coffee.

''So... there's going to be a Morton baby running around in nine months?'' Lu asked jokingly.  
>''We'll see about that,'' Andy said, giving Lu a look.<br>''Wait? You're serious about this, right? You two might actually have a baby together?'' Lu asked, kind of wondering when the conversation had taken such a serious turn. For some reason she had never thought that Andy and Milo would try to have a baby. Get married? Sure! Growing old together? Sure! But them having a baby together had never crossed her mind.

''Look, I'm not saying we will have a baby. It's just that... I'm not ruling it out as a possibility. I actually haven't given it much thought until last night, now I can't get it out of my mind,'' Andy said.  
>''Well, whatever happens; I'm sure Milo will be a great father to your possible son or daughter. And otherwise he'll be a great stepfather to Jesse and Lizzy,'' Lu said as she finished her coffee.<p>

''Maybe...'' Andy started but was cut off by the short, high beep that was coming from Lu's cell phone.  
>''Sorry,'' Lu said quickly as she got her cell phone out of her pocket and opened it to read the text message. She frowned slightly.<br>''Is something wrong?'' Andy asked.

''No, Jonas is just asking me to dinner tonight. Some of his friends are in town. I was supposed to meet them a couple of weeks ago but a couple of them had to go out of town at the last minute. You know what business people are like,'' Lu said, looking back up at Andy with a slight smile.  
>''You can't meet them some other time?'' Andy asked.<br>''There's always at least one of them who can't make it. Too bad I can't go,'' Lu said as she put her cell phone back in her pocket.

''If you really want to go I can take over all night clinic if you'd like,'' Andy said.  
>''You would do that?'' Lu asked surprised.<br>''Sure, I just have to figure something out with the girls,'' Andy said and finished her coffee.  
>''Maybe Milo can take care of them tonight, proof how good of a father he really will be,'' Lu said jokingly.<br>They both laughed a little. ''You know,'' Andy said, turning serious again, ''that might actually be a good idea.''

''Are you serious?'' Lu asked, doubting that.  
>''Think about it: they've never spend time together just the three of them but if we get married or live together that's going to be happening quite often,'' Andy said.<br>''Kind of like a practice run?'' Lu asked, thinking about it.  
>Andy nodded, ''exactly!'' She paused for a second, ''now I just have to talk him into going along with it.''<p>

* * *

><p>''Ready to go?'' Milo asked Jesse as she was putting on her coat. Lizzy was already standing by the door waiting for them.<br>''Yup,'' Jesse said as she slipped her arms into the sleeves of her long, black coat and followed her little sister and mother's boyfriend to his car.  
>''Can I drive?'' She asked suddenly, giving Milo the sweetest possible smile.<br>Milo stopped in his tracks, thinking back to what Andy had said about Jesse's driving ability's, ''maybe some other time.'' He told her.  
>Jesse sighed and got into the car, sitting next to Lizzy.<p>

They drove to the restaurant in silence, none of them really knowing what to talk about.  
>Andy had talked him into spending time with the girls to bond more closely with them. Wanting their first time just the three of them be special he had decided to take them out to dinner instead of just staying in. He had to admit, having to take care of the two girls, and being responsible for their well being, made him a little nervous. Well that, and the fact that he had to ask them a very important thing.<p>

They arrived at the restaurant a little over twenty minutes later. It was quite a big restaurant, but kind of cozy at the same time.  
>They all ordered and soon managed to break through the initial awkwardness.<p>

It took a well forty-five minutes before there was a silence and Milo gathered the courage to ask them the question that had been burning in his mind. He took a deep breath trying to find the right words.

''Are you okay?'' Jesse asked and looked over at him, taking a sip of her glass of water.  
>He looked over at the seventeen-year-old, ''there's something I want to ask you two,'' he said, putting on a serious face.<br>''What?'' Lizzy asked, sitting up a little more straight.

He cleared his throat, ''I want your,'' he looked back and forth between the two girls, ''permission to ask your mother to marry me.'' He said, relieved he finally got it off his chest.

There was a moment of silence between the three of them. Jesse and Lizzy shared a look.  
>''Aren't you supposed to ask grandpa?'' Lizzy asked.<br>Looking at the twelve-year-old girl, Milo thought about what she said for a second. ''I've never met your grandfather. But I do know that it's important to your mom that you two are okay with us being together, so I thought it would be better if I asked you,'' he said, explaining his train of thought. ''And I want you to really think about it before you answer me.''

''I don't have to think about it,'' Jesse said, shifting around in her chair a little bit.  
>''You don't?'' Milo asked surprised, his mind racing trying to figure out if they'd be okay with it.<br>''No, I'm fine with it.''  
>''You are?''<br>''Yeah, she seems happy when she's with you. And besides, you've been together for over two years, it's about time you ask her, don't you think? Jesse said.

Milo looked at her surprised, not expecting to hear that. He figured that they'd probably be okay with it; he just hadn't realized Jesse would have expected it to happen sooner.  
>He looked over at Lizzy, who just nodded in agreement with her sister.<p>

Now that he had their approval there was just one thing left: popping the question. Even though he had been nervous about asking Jesse and Lizzy he knew that he'd have sleepless nights from this part. He had to come up with a great way to ask her. He wanted to give her a beautiful moment, a very romantic moment for just the two of them.

* * *

><p>Friday September 30th 2005.<p>

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><p>He glanced over at Lu and she smiled at him, her eyes telling him that so far things were going according to plan. He was the only one he had told about his plan, he hadn't even planned on telling her but he needed someone to let him know how things were going in the RWHC and who could cover for Andy. Nobody else had to know yet, for now it just had to be something for the two of them. He may not be good at the whole romantic thing but he knew that it was a bad idea to tell everybody about the proposal before he asked her.<p>

He turned around when he heard Andy come out of her office, carrying a pile of patient files. He quickly took them from her and put them on Lana's desk. ''You're not supposed to carry heavy things if you want the whole pregnancy thing to work out,'' he told her quietly in her ear before he softly kissed her lips.  
>She looked up at his face and chuckled, ''you've been reading, haven't you?''<p>

Lana looked over at Andy and held up a patient file, ''last patient for the day.''  
>Lu walked over to them and just as Andy took the file from Lana, Lu took it from her. ''What are you doing?'' Andy asked surprised.<br>''I'm covering for you,'' she said with a smile.

''Why?'' Andy asked. She noticed the short look Lu and Milo shared and she looked back and forth between the two.  
>''So we don't miss our flight,'' Milo said.<br>Andy frowned, ''what flight? What's going on?''

''What's going on is that I'm going to watch Jesse and Lizzy for the weekend and you two are going... somewhere else,'' Lu said, looking satisfied with the way she described it.  
>Andy looked back at Milo, ''where are we going?''<p>

''Wouldn't you like to know?'' He said with a big smile.

* * *

><p>Saturday October 1st 2005.<p>

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><p>''Maui! Who would've thought,'' she said, her feet sinking away in the white sand. She couldn't believe she was actually in Maui.<p>

The day before they had left the clinic and driven to the airport. They had flown to the Honolulu airport where they had taken another flight to the Kahului airport. They had arrived in Maui a little after one a.m., exhausted and thankful they could finally go to the hotel and get some sleep. Right now they were at the Kanaha Beach Park taking a walk, hand in hand, on the beach while watching kite surfers.

Milo looked at the smile on her face. ''Does that mean you like the surprise?'' He asked, already knowing the answer.  
>Andy gave him a look, ''of course I do! I love it,'' she said.<br>''I never thought I'd hear you say that,'' he said.

She chuckled, ''so... why are we here?'' She asked curiously. She had wanted to ask that question ever since they got there.  
>He took a deep breath, not wanting to tell her the real reason right that moment. ''For now, let's just say I thought you could use a weekend away.'' He said. ''Away from the beepers, the cell phones.''<p>

''The silly white coats,'' Andy added with a smile, remembering what he had told her when he first asked her out.  
>''Right,'' Milo said, laughing a little bit. He pulled her closer to him and put his arms around her waist, ''it's nice to have some alone time... together.''<br>She gave a slight nod in agreement and laid her head on his chest. She could hear his heart beat, something that always made her feel come. Hearing that sound let her know that he was there... that she was safe, and that he'd keep her safe.

Andy closed her eyes, enjoying the peace. She felt him pull her a little closer and put her arms around him. As she took a step towards him she felt her upper leg hit something hard.

''What is that?'' She asked, confusion written all over her face.  
>''What is what?'' He asked slowly, not even realizing what had just happened.<br>She took a step backwards, ''there is something in your pocket,'' she said. She knew it wasn't their keys, since it was to flat for that.

Andy looked at Milo as he looked down, his hand going to his pocket, ''it's nothing.'' He said, trying to brush it off.  
>She playfully took a grab at it and he quickly took a small step backwards, looking around a little bit at the other people, or, in this case; lack of other people.<p>

''What's going on?'' She said chuckling. The whole trip had been a surprise, now she wanted to know what the next surprise would be.  
>Milo looked back at her and grabbed her hand. ''Well, this wasn't planned to happen right now but I guess it's a good a time as ever to do this,'' he said as he got down on one knee. He got the black velvet box out of his pocket and opened it, inside was a beautiful yellow diamond engagement ring. He held Andy's hand in one of his own, he held the box in the other and took a deep breath before looking up at her face.<p>

The look on her face quickly changed from kind of laughing - wondering what the surprise would be -, to... shock. That'd be the best way to describe it.

''Milo, what are you...''  
>''Andy,'' he started, a big smile on his face even though he had never felt more nervous. ''I love you with all my heart and want to spend the rest of my life with you. So... will you marry me?''<p>

Andy felt tears well up in her eyes but wiped them away with her one free hand before they could fall. She swallowed past the lump in her throat and finally said the word he had wanted to hear, ''yes!''

Milo took the ring out of the box and put it on her left hand ring finger before standing up and giving her a kiss.  
>They broke the kiss after a couple of seconds and just stood there, embraced, not wanting to let one another go. ''Of course I'll marry you,'' she whispered in his ear.<p> 


	2. It's Hard To Look For The Light

**Chapter 1:**  
><strong>It's Hard To Look For The Light...<strong>

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><p>This is set on Friday December 16th 2005. This is set during the annual bachelor auction.<p>

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><p>''It doesn't matter how rare true love is, true friendship is rarer.'' François de La Rochefoucauld<p>

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><p>Lu's POV<p>

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><p>''I'll be right back,'' I say and Jonas nods.<p>

I look around for a few seconds and see him standing 20 feet away. I walk over to him and tap him on the shoulder. He turns around, he looks exhausted.

''Hi,'' he says, his voice his dull.  
>''Hi Milo,'' I greet him while looking around for Andy. ''Where's Andy?'' I ask when I don't see her.<p>

''She wasn't feeling that well,'' he begins.  
>Before he can continue I interrupt him. ''She left?'' I ask, I can hear the surprise in my own voice.<br>''No, she just went to get some fresh air,'' he says.

I take another sip of my wine.  
>''Do you need to talk to her?'' He asks. I look back at him.<br>''Yeah,'' I say, all of a sudden I'm not sure I want to anymore.  
>''I'll go look for her,'' he says and puts down his drink. I'm guessing it is white wine.<p>

''No, that's okay. I think I know where she is,'' I say and before he can respond I turn away. Suddenly I get dizzy. Maybe that last glass was one too many.

I look around at all the people in the room. They're auctioning the chief of surgery.  
>''Sold!'' Is the last thing I hear before I exit the room. The silence is strange after all the noise.<p>

I take the elevator up a few floors and walk out onto the roof. Even in the dark Peters flowers look bright. There are two wooden recliners with a small table next to one of them.

I see Andy sitting on the recliner with the table. She's tapping her nails against her still full wineglass. I don't think she notices me.

''Hi,'' I say softly and she looks up startled. When she recognizes my voice and sees me she relaxes and lies back down. I lay back on the recliner next to her. She is looking up at the stars and I glance over at her.

''So, they raised a lot of money already. Great, right?'' I ask, making small talk.  
>''Why don't you just ask me what you want to know?'' She snaps at me. We look at each other, she looks annoyed.<p>

''What is bothering you?'' I ask. I look up at the stars again, in the corner of my eyes I can see her looking at me.  
>''What makes you think anything is bothering me?'' She asks.<p>

''You don't have to be shy with me,'' I say. We're both silent for a few minutes.

''Do you remember when I first started to work here?'' She asks me.  
>''Yes,'' I say, wondering why she asked me that. I look over at her, she seems uncomfortable.<br>''Remember how we were fighting about everything. First there was Diane Winston's,'' she looks over at me, ''I mean Lilliana Mendoza's kidney.'' I see her rolling her eyes but decide to not start anything. I just wait for her to continue.  
>''And then there was that woman who didn't want her son to get his shots because his older brother started showing his first signs of autism after he got his,'' she says. I wonder where this conversation is going.<p>

''And we kept fighting about almost everything until...'' I hear her hesitation.  
>''Les hit you,'' I say, finishing her sentence.<br>I hear her swallow hard. ''Yeah,'' she says, ''do you remember what you asked me when I told you about that?''

I think back. ''I remember we had a meeting about...'', I think for a few seconds.  
>''The drug testing,'' she says. I can feel that we're getting closer to why we're talking about this. I try to remember even harder what happened that day.<p>

''And then I saw the bruise and I made a joke about it. You said that you two had a fight. I asked if he hit you, you said it was no big deal and then,'' I blank again.  
>''You... asked if he had ever done that before,'' she finishes. I look over at her and she immediately looks the other way.<p>

''And you said that he hadn't,'' I say, hoping that she isn't going to tell me what I think she is going to tell me. Ever since that time she told me it had happened just once I had often wondered if that were true.

''Yeah, well... that wasn't entirely true,'' she says, I am still looking at her and she is still trying to avoid eye-contact.  
>''Which part was true and which part wasn't?'' I ask, now staring at the back of her head. She shifts in her chair and looks at me.<p>

I can see the hesitation. ''Well, it hadn't happened in a while,'' she begins.  
>''Andy,'' I drug out her name. ''Why didn't you tell me?''<p>

I can see the tears in the corner of her right eye. ''I thought it would stop again,'' she says. The way she says 'again' sound like that had happened several times. When she finally looks at me I give her a look encouraging her to continue.

''We'd have a fight, he'd hit me. That would continue for a while until I told him that if he would do it again I'd throw him out. Then he would stop... for a while,'' she says. I want to say something but nothing comes out.  
>As I think about what possible reason she could have for suddenly telling me all of this something comes to mind. I remember that Les had been in town a few days earlier. I ask her if something happened and if that's the reason why she told me.<p>

There's enough light but I don't see any emotion on her face as she stays silent. It looks as if she is trying not to cry.  
>My mind is racing trying to figure out what could have happened. I haven't seen her much the past couple of days so nothing comes to mind.<p>

I look at her, after a few seconds she looks back. ''Andy?'' I ask softly. I can see a tear rolling down. ''What did he do?''


	3. When You're Lost In The Darkness

**Chapter 2:**  
><span><strong>... When You're Lost In The Darkness<strong>

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><p>This is set on Friday December 16th 2005. This is set during the annual bachelor auction.<p>

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><p>''The beauty of friendship is that you know to whom you can confide a secret.'' Alessandro Manzoni<p>

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><p>Lu's POV<p>

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><p>She looks away again.<p>

''We, ehm... we got into a fight,'' she says with a shaky voice.  
>''And?'' I ask. I can sense that the most difficult part is yet to come.<br>''I don't know what happened,'' she says looking back at me. ''One moment we're just talking, and then suddenly he gets upset about something I say and...''

I see her shaking her head, tears glistening in her eyes again.  
>''He just started yelling all these things, he was really upset but he was going so fast that I couldn't follow it. And then... all of a sudden he started hitting me,'' I see her looking up at the stars again. There isn't much emotion on her face.<p>

After a few moments of silence I decide to speak up. ''What happened then?'' I ask, I can see her hands shaking.  
>''He...'' all of a sudden she starts sobbing and looks away again.<br>''It's going to be okay,'' I ensure her. I put my hand on her shoulder trying to comfort her. She pulls away and starts to cry even harder.

It's like one of those moments when everything starts to make sense, everything falls into place. The behavior that I've seen the last couple of days makes sense now. The way she responds to other people, the pulling away, not wanting to talk. Basically avoiding everybody.  
>I've seen this behavior many times, in many different women who all had one thing in common.<p>

I'm pretty sure what happened but I'm afraid to ask. ''Did he... rape you?'' I ask and she starts to sob even more.

She never even answers my question, and she doesn't have to. Just like with many other things action speaks louder than words.  
>We sit there in silence for a few minutes; the only sounds are her almost quiet sobs and some of the sounds from inside. The auction is far from over.<p>

''Do you think I should tell him?'' I suddenly hear her ask.  
>''What?'' The question suddenly comes out of nowhere, I hadn't even realized she had stopped crying.<br>''Do you think I should tell Milo?'' She asks, wiping away a few stray tears.

I hesitate for a few minutes.  
>Before I can answer she continues. ''After he...'' she doesn't want to say it out loud. I nod, encouraging her to continue. "I went to the Pennsylvania Hospital and they did a rape kit. The police are looking for him.''<br>''If they catch him and there is going to be a trial than you'll have to tell him,'' I say. I can see in her eyes that she knows that too, but that she is afraid to tell him.

''You have nothing to be ashamed of, you didn't do anything wrong,'' I say, knowing what is going through her head.  
>''I know,'' she says. I can hear the doubt in her voice. I know that in her mind she knows that but that the rest of her isn't convinced yet. ''He needs to know,'' I hear her say softly.<br>''What are you not telling me?'' I ask.  
>''Nothing...'' she says, I can tell she is lying. I give her a look and she sighs. ''There's is just a lot going on,'' she coughs.<p>

''Andy?'' I smile at her, wondering what it is. I'm trying to get her to stop thinking about everything with Les, even if it's for just half a second. I know it's going to be a long time before that is not going to be on her mind all the time, in the meantime I have to go on about something else. Hopefully something that is a little easier for her to talk about.  
>As I wait for her to answer I notice something that I hadn't noticed before. Her left hand is resting protectively on her lower stomach.<p>

I frown at her.  
>''What?'' She asks me, I think she knows I noticed something.<br>I raise an eyebrow and look at her arm. She looks at it too and then quickly looks back at me, moving her arm away at the same time. She nearly knocks over the wineglass standing on the low table, spilling a little of it on the small table, but she doesn't seem to notice.  
>''Andy, something you want to tell me?'' I ask, she smiles at me.<p>

She nods, confirming my suspicions. ''Congratulations,'' I say. ''Have you told Milo yet?'' I ask.  
>''Yeah, I told him two weeks ago about it,'' she says.<br>''After what happened with Les the other night,'' I see her looking away again, ''is the baby okay?''  
>''They did an ultrasound and they say that he or she is fine,'' she says. I sigh in relief.<p>

I see her getting up and I sit up too. ''Where are you going?'' I ask.  
>''I'm going to talk to Milo, even though I'm not sure I want too,'' she says.<br>''Are you sure you're ready for this?'' I ask.  
>''No, but I'm going to anyway,'' she says. She gives me a slight smile.<p>

I see her walking in and a few minutes later I see Jonas walking out of the elevator. He walks out the door and towards me.  
>''Have a nice talk?'' He asks, sitting down next to me.<br>''Define 'nice','' I say. He raises an eyebrow and I shake my head giving a little smile. ''I don't even know where to begin. I don't even know if I should tell you at all.''

He grabs my hand and I squeeze his hand a little. I feel a lump in my throat. The conversation with Andy brings back memories. I swallow past it and Jonas notices. ''I'm sure you'll be fine,'' he says smiling at me.  
>''It's not me I'm worried about,'' I say. I sigh and lay back.<p>

He frowns. ''Are you okay?'' He asks.  
>I shake my head. He lies down next to me and kisses my forehead. I cuddle with him. I feel upset but don't really know why. If anybody should be upset it should be Andy, but she seemed calm. I know that she wasn't calm, just pretending. On the inside she is probably mad as hell. But she'll be fine, I ensure myself. I close again and the storm in my head calms down. Everything just fades away as I drift of.<p> 


	4. There Are No Right Words

**Chapter 3:  
>There Are No Right Words<strong>

* * *

><p>This is set on Friday December 16th 2005. This is set during the annual bachelor auction.<p>

* * *

><p>''In love it is easier to feign what you don't feel, than to hide what you do feel.'' Claude Prosper Jolvot de Crébillion fils<p>

* * *

><p>Andy's POV<p>

* * *

><p>I can't believe I told her. I can't believe I told her. I start pushing the elevator button repeatedly even though I don't want to talk to him. The elevator doors finally open and I hurry out of it. In my haste I nearly bump into Jonas.<p>

''Sorry,'' I mumble under my breath and quickly walk away.  
>''That's okay,'' I hear him say but don't turn around. I hear the confusion in his voice, probably wondering what was wrong. I nearly smile as I realize that he probably doesn't have a clue. And even if he had an idea he still couldn't know everything.<p>

I step into the crowded room and for a second I'm overwhelmed by all the noise. Everywhere there are little groups of people talking, the auction is still going on and people are bidding. It's all just one big noise.

''Dr. C?'' It takes me a couple of seconds to realize Peter is standing next to me.  
>''Yes?'' I ask, it seems as if we are the only two people there who haven't been drinking.<br>He frowns at me. ''What?'' I ask.  
>''Are you okay, you look a bit pale.'' He says, putting his hand on my shoulder.<p>

I freeze for a second and then take a step away from him. ''I'm fine,'' I say and smile a fake smile.  
>He nods and I thank God he believes me. I don't need everybody that I know to know what happened.<p>

''Have you seen Milo?'' I ask while looking around the room.  
>''Yes, he was looking for you. That was why I was so happy I finally saw you,'' he says. He has a strange look on his face and he's slurring his words a little bit. On second thought, maybe he had been drinking.<br>I nod. ''And you also know where he is now?'' I ask, talking slowly.  
>He starts looking around the room, I sigh. ''He is somewhere in the room,'' Peter says.<p>

I take a deep breath. ''I'll go find him,'' I say and walk away before he can answer. I don't even bother to be polite right now. After wandering around for about a minute I see him standing at a table, talking to Bob.

''Milo?'' I ask when I reach him.  
>He looks at me surprised. ''Andy!'' He looks happy to see me but at the same time he also looks tired and his voice sounds dull.<p>

He pecks my cheek and puts an arm around my waist. He doesn't seem to notice how uncomfortable I am, Bob does.  
>He looks at me concerned; probably thinking something went wrong between Milo and me. I look around for a few seconds.<p>

''Can we talk?'' I ask Milo, looking up to him. He looks at me; his face is so nearby I can feel his breath. I feel how my whole body suddenly stiffens. I fake yet another smile, my mind racing trying to block out flashbacks.  
>''Sure,'' his voice brings me back. His eyes are waiting for me to start talking.<p>

''In private,'' I say raising my eyebrows.

''Oh, yes... sure,'' he says after a few seconds. I can't help but notice the confusion written all over his face.  
>He grabs my hand as we walk away together.<p>

We sit down in a small waiting room near the RWHC. I motion for him to sit down in one of the chairs. I grab another chair and sit down.

For a few seconds I don't even know what to say. My hands are shaking and there is a lump in my throat. I look around for something to look at. When I finally look back at Milo he immediately senses something, I can see it in his eyes.  
>Before this moment he had been smiling, probably thinking it was nothing serious. In a split second he turned serious. ''What's wrong?'' He asks.<p>

I look down at my hands and start playing with my engagement ring. He puts his hand on my arm in a comforting way. He sees me flinch.  
>''Did something happen?'' He asks and I nod.<p>

''Last Saturday,'' it's now Friday, ''I talked to Les.'' I say and hesitate to continue.  
>''Yeah, he was in town, I know,'' I hear Milo say.<p>

I open my mouth to say something but then close it again.  
>''Did something happen between the two of you?'' I hear Milo ask. I can hear in his voice that he thinks I cheated on him.<p>

''No!'' I quickly look up. ''Or at least...''  
>I can see Milo frown.<br>''We got into a fight...'' I start.

''Did he hit you?'' I can hear the anger in his voice.  
>''No,'' I quickly say. I sigh, ''I mean yes, he did that but that is not what this is about.''<p>

''Than what is this about?'' I hear Milo ask.  
>''He...'' I look down at my hands again<br>''He what, Andy? You can tell me,'' he says.

I look up. ''He raped me,'' I say quickly, wanting this moment to be over as quickly as possible.

He just sits there, speechless. He doesn't move, it looks as if he is not even breathing. For a few minutes we just sit there, staring at each other.

''Please say something,'' I say desperately. I don't like noise but silence drives me crazy after a while.  
>I can see in his eyes he is thinking of something to say. ''What...'' He doesn't finish the sentence, looks down at his hands and then starts staring off into space. I can see his hands clenched into fists.<p>

I know what he is thinking right now; he was supposed to be at my house last Saturday. The girls were both at sleepovers and we were going to have dinner together. He had to cancel at the last minute because they needed him in surgery. Les called, said he needed to talk to me...

''He called and asked if he could come over because he needed to talk to me about something. I said it was okay, but after a while the talking turned into arguing, fighting and then...'' I don't want to continue. I take one of his hands into mine but keep my distance. I can see by the look on his face he doesn't want to know what exactly happened.

''Did you at least go to the police,'' he suddenly asks, snapping me out of my thoughts.  
>''I went to Pennsylvania Hospital and one of the doctors there did a rape kit, after that I talked to the police.''<br>''And...?''  
>''They are looking for him,'' I say.<br>He nods. ''Is the baby okay?''  
>''They did an ultrasound and they said that he or she is okay,'' I say, he gives a slight smile.<p>

I look at one of the clocks. ''They are about to wrap up the auction, do you want to go back?'' I ask.  
>He nods. I stand up. He looks at me but doesn't stand up just yet. ''What Les did to you isn't going to change things between us is it?'' He asks.<p>

I hesitate, ''It is going to change things but we'll be okay,'' I say. He smiles at me and for the first time tonight I have a real smile on my face as well.


	5. New Week, New Chances

A/N: I put the beginning of ''Cutting the Cord'' in here but I changed a few things since that episode was set (I think) somewhere in May and this story isn't.

* * *

><p><span><strong>Chapter 4:<strong>  
><span><strong>New Week, New Chances<strong>

* * *

><p>This is set on Monday December 19th 2005.<p>

* * *

><p>''Only morons have the right to commit suicide, they are no loss to society.'' Henri Duvernois<p>

* * *

><p>Lu's POV<p>

* * *

><p>I'm being woken from my sleep by the shrilling sound from my alarm clock. I push the button on top of it and smile. I stroke Jonas' arm that is wrapped around me, the alarm didn't even wake him.<p>

''Jonas?'' I say in a singing voice. After a few seconds I see him opening his eyes and immediately closing them again because of the bright light.  
>''Morning,'' he says, he sounds like he is still sleeping.<p>

The window is closed but there are traffic noises coming from the street. We've both gotten used to them and, unfortunately in this case, they don't help when you try to wake up.

There is a loud bang against the front door.  
>I feel Jonas half jump up, startled by the sound. ''What was that?'' He asks, suddenly wide awake.<br>''Newspaper,'' I say.  
>''Sounds like a battle ram,'' I hear him say and I laugh.<br>''Hostile delivery boy.''  
>''What, did you forget to tip him at Christmas last year?'' He asks.<p>

''No, this the only one in my neighborhood who gets Business News Daily,'' I explain while getting out of bed, ''poor kid has to get 2 miles of his route just to get it here.  
>''Wait, you're a doctor. Why are you reading a business news paper?'' Jonas asks, still in bed.<br>''So we have something to talk about,'' I say as I'm walking into the living room.

''Does this mean I'm going to have to take the New England journal of medicine?'' He asks. I smile, open the door and pick up the news paper.  
>''Only if you want my undying love and devotion,'' I joke as I shut the door.<br>''I can't earn that by showing you a good time in the sack?'' He asks while also getting out of bed and making his way to the kitchen.

''Okay, but how about you cook me breakfast too,'' I say while walking into the kitchen.  
>''You know, I have people at my place who do the cooking,'' he says as I sit down.<br>''Ehm, two eggs scrambled, toast and orange juice,'' I say while getting the paper out of the plastic bag.  
>''Lucky for you I like bossy women,'' he says. ''I also tasted your cooking.''<br>''I'll make the coffee.''  
>''No, please just sit,'' he says laughing and walks over to the refrigerator.<p>

* * *

><p>''Tomorrow, same time, same place,'' I say as I walk out of chat room. I hold the door open for the other women.<br>After they've all left I walk over to Lana, ''So, who is up first?''

''Janice Lambert, but she isn't here yet'' she says and hands me a patient file without looking up from the mess on her desk. I open the file and look inside, just a quick check up. I don't get those often.

''Morning,'' I hear Andy say from behind me.  
>''Morning,'' I say back without looking up from the file.<br>''Any messages Hawkins?'' I hear her ask.

''Yes, Mrs. Clarkson cancelled her appointment and you've got another one from the police. If you could call detective Lenting back,'' Lana says handing Andy a few post-it notes. This catches my attention.  
>''What did you do this time?'' I ask her, sarcastically.<br>''I don't know,'' she says. I glance over and smile at the confused look on her face.

Andy walks towards her office and I follow her. While opening the door she turns around and looks at me, she raises an eyebrow, ''Something you want to tell me?'' She asks, almost smiling.  
>''No, I want you to tell me something,'' I say as I follow her into her office. She hangs up her coat and sits down. I notice that even though she is not as pale anymore as she was Friday she still looks quite sick, probably morning sickness.<p>

Since our conversation during the auction I haven't seen her and I'm anxious to know how her conversation with Milo went, if she had even told him at all, ''Did you tell Milo?'' I ask as I sit down in one of the chairs.  
>She sighs, ''Yes, I did.'' She has an unhappy look on her face, which I completely understand due to the circumstances.<br>''How did he respond?'' I ask.  
>''A little upset and angry, but... calm,'' she says.<br>I nod. I get a feeling he was just pretending to be calm, just like she had. ''Have you talked to him since you told him?'' I ask.  
>She shakes her head, ''He was at a conference, he had to leave right after the auction was over,'' she says. ''He wanted to stay because of...'' she still can't say it. ''I told him to go anyway,'' a few moments of silence, ''he's coming home today.''<p>

She seems uncomfortable talking about something this personal, just as I suspected. I decide to change the subject. ''Why do you have to call the police?'' I ask.  
>''I don't know,'' she says looking down at the little piece of pink paper on her desk.<p>

There is a knock on the door. ''Come in,'' Andy says, not taking her eyes of the note.  
>''Lu, Janice is here,'' Lana says as she walks in.<br>''Okay,'' I say as I stand up. ''Things will be okay between you and Milo,'' I say as I walk to the door.  
>''You have a good feeling?'' She asks with a small smile, referring to when Jesse needed back surgery.<br>I nod as I walk out the door.

I walk into the waiting area, ''Janice Lambert?'' A young woman with bright red hair stands up, dropping her magazine in the chair next to her.  
>''I'm Dr. Lu Delgado, but you can call me Lu,'' I say as I shake her hand.<br>''And you can call me Janice,'' she says smiling.

* * *

><p>''Call me if you need anything,'' I say as I walk out of my exam room, Janice follows me.<br>''Will do,'' she says smiling and then she leaves.

As I walk over to Lana I see in the corner of my eyes that the waiting room is nearly empty.  
>''Who's next?'' I ask Lana.<br>''No one for you,'' she says. ''Those are all patients of Dr. Campbell,'' she says pointing at the waiting room.  
>''Well, where is she?'' I ask.<br>''Still on the phone with the police, I guess,'' Lana sits back in her chair and opens a psychology book and starts to read.

I nod but Lana doesn't seem to notice, completely focused on her book. I walk over to Andy's office, the small blinds are open, and peek inside, I see her hanging up the phone and I knock.  
>''Come in,'' I hear her say after a few seconds, her voice is dull.<p>

I open the door and walk in. Her face is pale and she looks shocked. ''Is something wrong?'' I ask as I walk over to her desk and sit down in one of the chairs.  
>''That was the police, they found Les,'' she says with a frown, her hands folded in front of her on the desk.<br>''Great,'' I say, but she doesn't seem to happy. ''Did they take him to the station?''

''No,'' she says, looking at the phone and biting her lip.  
>''Why not?'' I ask, the doctor at Pennsylvania Hospital had collected all the evidence so they should have a good case.<br>''He committed suicide,'' Andy said quietly.


	6. Letting Children be Children

**Chapter 5:**  
><span><strong>Letting Children be Children<strong>

* * *

><p>This is set on Monday December 19th 2005.<p>

* * *

><p>''There are some things children cannot know, because once they learn them they are no longer children.'' Ashleigh Brilliant<p>

* * *

><p>Andy's POV<p>

* * *

><p>''Is he...?'' I don't even have to finish my sentence because the receptionist is already nodding and pointing to his office door. I walk to the door and glance at the name plate, a long time habit of mine, I sigh and knock.<p>

''Come in,'' I hear him say and after a moment of hesitation I open the door with a smile on my face, correction, a fake smile on my face. I still can't believe that I'm upset because he killed himself, most women would be happy if there rapist committed suicide.  
>''Hi,'' I say as I shut the door behind me.<p>

''Hi,'' he says and stands up. I just look at the floor as he walks over to me and pecks my cheek. He grabs my hand, something he always does, but he let's go when I look up and he sees the expression on my face.  
>I don't have a mirror but I know the smile, fake smile, has faded and I look sad.<p>

''Sorry,'' he says quietly.  
>I shake my head, ''it's okay,'' I ensure him.<br>After a few moments of just standing there in a comfortable silence I walk over to the couch and sit down, his gaze follows me as I do so. After a few seconds he sits down too.

''I have to talk to you,'' I say and immediately I think back to the last time I said that to him, last Friday.  
>''I already know that what happened is going to change things between us, but...'' Milo starts. I look up and I can see in his eyes that he thinks I'm going to break up with him.<br>''Yes, it is, but we'll be okay,'' I repeat what I said last Friday. He sits back and looks calmer now.  
>''Than what do you want to talk about?'' He asks.<p>

''It's about Les,'' I say and I can immediately see anger in his eyes. ''The police called today.''  
>''Did they catch him?'' He asks, sitting up again.<br>''Not exactly,'' I say.  
>''Than what...''<br>''He killed himself,'' I interrupt him.

His mouth opens as if he is going to say something but for a while nothing comes out, ''how do you feel about this?'' He finally asks.  
>I look down at my hands. ''I don't know. On the one hand I'm happy because of what he did and now I don't have to deal with the trial and all that. But on the other hand he is the girls father and God knows how this is going to affect them.'' He nods.<p>

''Do they know about what he did... to you?'' He asks, I shake my head. ''Have you told them he is dead?''  
>''No, I don't know how to. How do you tell your kids their father has killed himself when you're almost happy about it?'' I ask.<p>

''I don't think they made a 'How do you tell your kids their father is dead for dummies' yet,'' he jokes. I laugh but than I remember the situation and we're both quiet again.  
>I can see that he is uncomfortable because he doesn't know what to say or do. Usually when I'm upset he puts an arm around me but he knows that that would just make me uncomfortable right now.<p>

''Want my advice?'' He asks.  
>I raise my eyebrows, ''sometimes it's like talking to a wall,'' I say while shaking my head smiling. He looks at me confused, ''that means yes, please.'' I always make jokes when I don't know what to say, it's like a defense mechanism. As long as you keep making jokes and make other people laugh you don't have to talk about what you really feel. Milo's voice snaps me out of my thoughts.<br>He nods, ''okay, this is what you have to do: don't talk around it, it will only make things worse.''  
>I nod, ''okay.''<p>

He looks down as he starts to think. ''Don't lie about anything, of course you're not going to tell him that the police found him because they were looking for him because he raped you,'' he looks up. ''I'm sorry, I didn't mean to...''

I shake my head, ''It's okay.''  
>''Just tell them that the police found him and that he killed himself. Don't make it too long a story and make sure you do it somewhere they're comfortable,'' he finished.<p>

''I can do that,'' I say not very sure about myself.

* * *

><p>''I'm home,'' I yell as I hang up my coat.<br>Lizzy comes running out of the kitchen and gives me a hug. I follow her back into the kitchen and see Corrina cooking.

''Dinner is almost ready,'' she says. I smile at her, ''it just needs another 15 minutes in the oven.''  
>I nod. ''Why don't you take the rest of the day off?'' I ask and she looks at the oven, ''I can take care of that,'' I ensure her.<br>''Okay,'' she says and walks into the hallway and grabs her coat. ''I'll be here tomorrow same time as usual.''

I nod and close the door behind her, Lizzy has followed me. I turn around.  
>''Honey, why don't you go sit down on the couch while I get your sister, we have to talk about something.'' I say looking down at my hands.<br>''Okay,'' she says. I don't think she notices that I actually don't want to talk to them about this. She sits down on the couch.

I walk up the stairs and knock on Jesse's door. ''Come in,'' I hear her say and I open the door a little bit.  
>''Jesse, could you come downstairs, we have to talk,'' I see her rolling her eyes.<br>''I'm on the phone, can't this wait?'' She asks.  
>I don't even bother to answer because as soon as she sees the look on my face she says goodbye to whoever she is talking to and hangs up the phone.<br>''Is something wrong?'' She asks while getting off the bed and walking over to me.

''We'll talk about it downstairs,'' I say and we walk down the stairs together.  
>She sits down next to Lizzy on the couch and I sit down in one of the chairs across from them.<p>

''The police called me today,'' I say as I fold my hands in my lap. They don't answer but just look at me, obviously noticing that something is very wrong.  
>'Don't talk around it, it will only make things worse,' I hear Milo's voice say in my head.<p>

''Your father had been staying at a hotel in Georgia for a couple of days and when they went to go check on him today...'' I say before hesitating on how to say it. ''They found him dead,'' I say, just getting it out. For a few seconds it's like time is standing still, the expression on their faces doesn't change and they just sit their calmly.

Than time starts again and they both get confused looks on their faces.  
>''Oh my God,'' I hear Jesse say as tears form in her eyes. ''Do they know what happened?'' She asks after a few seconds.<p>

''So far everything's pointing to that he took his own life,'' I tell them. ''They'll let us know when they know more.''


	7. There's No Saying Goodbye

A/N 1: I made up Les' middle name. It was mentioned in season 3 episode 6 that his name was Leslie J Campbell so I decided that his middle name was Jonathan (I made Les a Christian because somehow it seemed appropriate. The name Jonathan is a traditional Christian name and so are the names I used for his mother and brother). This chapter is just going to be the funeral. I looked up all the information about Christian funerals since I'm not now, nor have I ever been, religious. If there are any mistakes in what is being said or if you want to correct my English please put it in your review.

* * *

><p>AN 2: The following is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to any persons living or dead is purely coincidental.  
><span>Especially<span> you Carmen.  
>Bitch.<p>

* * *

><p><span><strong>Chapter 6:<br>There's No Saying Goodbye**

* * *

><p>This is set on Thursday December 22th 2005.<p>

* * *

><p>''The only person who likes change is a wet baby.'' Roy ZM Blitzer<p>

* * *

><p>Andy's POV<p>

* * *

><p>I swallow hard as I see the 6 ft. hole in the ground with the coffin above it. All this time I've been trying not to look at it but it's becoming difficult. Jesse is standing next to me in her black dress with tears in her eyes. Lizzy is standing in front of me and I have my right arm around her shoulders.<p>

We are in Chicago, Illinois at Les' funeral. In my left hand I have the funeral invitation; Leslie Jonathan Campbell, it says in big bold letters on the front, looks quite inappropriate for a funeral. There are two reasons I'm here, number one is called Lizzy and the second one is called Jesse. Besides, nobody, except from Milo and Lu, knows what happened and I'd like to keep it that way. If I don't show up here for the funeral it's only going to make people wonder if something happened.

It's a Christian funeral since Les was baptized when he was little and he went to church as a kid. I'm trying to ignore the fact that he hasn't prayed, to my knowledge, since he was a teenager and had his back turned to religion until the day he died.

I tear my eyes away from the coffin as the minister begins to speak, ''Our brother Leslie has gone to his rest in the peace of Christ. May the Lord now welcome him to the table of God's children in heaven. With faith and hope in eternal life, let us assist him with our prayers.''

I look around and I see Les' mother, Carmen, standing next to Les' little brother, Aidan. Les' father died a few years ago and was buried next to where we are burying Les right now.

''Lord Jesus Christ, by your own three days in the tomb, you hallowed the graves of all who believe in you and so made the grave a sign of hope that promises resurrection even as it claims our mortal bodies. Grant that our brother may sleep here in peace until you awaken him to glory, for you are the resurrection and the life,'' I hear the minister continue as I look at Carmen. We've never gotten along but I feel bad for her, nobody should have to bury their child.

I look around at all the people that I used to know so well, until we moved to Philadelphia and Les and I divorced. ''Because God has chosen to call our brother Leslie from this life to himself, we commit his body to the earth, for we are dust and unto dust we shall return,'' the minister continues. ''For our brother Leslie, let us pray to our Lord Jesus Christ, who said: 'I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me shall live even in death and whoever lives and believes in me shall never die.'''

I see Carmen break down in Aidans arms and realize I got tears in my eyes as well. I'm not sure if it's because Les is dead or just the whole idea of being around people who are grieving. Even though I'm a doctor and have to deal with people dying on a daily basis I still can't look at crying people without getting tears in my eyes as well. Even though the last time I saw him was one of the worst nights of my life, because of him, I somehow feel sad that he is gone. Last night lying in bed I remembered the good times we had and it makes today more difficult.

''He was nourished with your body and blood; grant him a place at the table in your heavenly kingdom. We pray to the Lord: Lord, have mercy,'' the minister ends and the coffin is slowly lowered into the ground. I swallow past a lump that has formed in my throat and forget to blink a few times.

I take a deep breath as I can feel Lizzy sobbing in my arms as she turns around and hugs me.

* * *

><p>I sigh as the front door closes behind me. I flip on the light and on my way into the kitchen I throw my keys on the dining room table. It's moments like this when I'm happy you're allowed to drink one glass of wine every day you're pregnant. I pour myself half a glass and sit down at the kitchen table.<p>

Jesse and Lizzy are staying with Les' mother and are supposed to come home at the end of Christmas break which is Sunday January 1st 2006.

On the plane back to Philadelphia I just kept staring at the funeral invitation. I wanted Les out of my life, but not like this. I wanted to never have to talk to him again, but now that I don't have the option to talk to him I just feel sad. Even though he has hurt me, bad, I still miss him. I have known him for what seems like a lifetime, it was tool long but not long enough. I knew everything about him, he knew everything about me. Knowing that I could talk to somebody who knows what I've been through and how I feel about certain things was comforting.

Now that I don't have that comfort anymore I just feel numb, like I'm dead inside. I'm about to take another sip of my wine when I realize my glass is empty, I stand up and walk over to the counter.

After I've rinsed out my glass I walk up the stairs and into my bedroom. Without changing into my pajamas I crawl under the covers and fall asleep.


	8. Christmas 1: You Say It Best

A/N 1: I decided to skip the two days between the last chapter and this one because I couldn't think of anything to write (that's also why it has taken me so long to upload, which I'm sorry for).

* * *

><p>AN 2: As a warning: people are going to be out of character, I'm aware of that.

* * *

><p><span><strong>Chapter 7:<strong>  
><span><strong>Christmas 1: You Say It Best<strong>

* * *

><p>This is set on Sunday December 25th 2005.<p>

* * *

><p>''One of the many forms of loneliness is having a memory but nobody to talk to about it.'' Brigitte Bardot<p>

* * *

><p>Andy's POV<p>

* * *

><p>''Good morning and merry Christmas,'' I say cheerfully as I walk into the kitchen.<br>''Merry Christmas to you too,'' Kayla says. She holds up her coffee cup, ''do you want some coffee?''

I shake my head. ''I'll just have some water,'' I say and walk over to the refrigerator. I try to act as normal as possible for it not to seem suspicious that I stopped drinking coffee all of a sudden. She doesn't know I'm pregnant, nor do Jesse and Lizzy or anyone else besides Lu and Milo, but she'll find out tonight.

''Andy, can I ask you something?'' I hear Kayla ask and I turn around.  
>I nod my head and she sits down at the kitchen table. I grab a bottle of water and sit down next to her.<p>

''Is something wrong?'' She asks and I look at her confused. ''You seem... off, and you have been for a couple of weeks.''  
>''Nothing is wrong,'' I lie and shake my head. I think she notices that I'm lying.<br>''Are you sure. Maybe it has something to do with, you know, the whole thing with Les,'' she says.

I look up, how does she know what he did. I haven't told her about anything that has happened lately.  
>''I mean, I know nobody expected that he'd kill himself, but...'' she says and I sigh in relief, she doesn't know.<p>

She notices my sigh and looks at my suspiciously.  
>''Look, Kayla. A lot has happened the past couple of weeks and I'll explain everything later but I'm not ready for that now,'' I say.<br>''Okay,'' she says and nods. I can see it wasn't a very satisfying answer. She drinks the rest of her coffee and leaves soon after; she is on call for the rest of the day.

After she leaves I go upstairs and take a shower. When I get out I see it's nearly 9:45, I have to hurry because I told Milo I'd be at his house at 10:30 and it's a twenty minute drive. Because Lu and Kayla are both on call we decided to all have dinner at the RWHC, we're supposed to be there at 4 p.m.

I pick out a dark blue dress that fits tightly around my barely beginning to show belly. I do my hair and make-up quickly and put on a pair of dark blue heels. After that I go to Milo's house.

* * *

><p>It's nearly 3:30 p.m. when Milo and I leave his house to go to the hospital. We spent the entire afternoon just talking and preparing food for dinner tonight. In the car there is a comfortable silence while he is driving.<p>

We pull up into the parking lot, there aren't as many cars as there usually are. He turns off the engine but doesn't make a move to get out of the car. I look at him and he sighs, his hands are still on the steering wheel.  
>''Is something wrong?'' I ask.<br>He shakes his head, ''Just thinking.''  
>''About...?'' I start.<p>

''The plans we had, you know... to get married before the baby is born. That's not going to happen is it?'' He asks. This confuses me and I'm about to ask something when he stops me, ''just think about.''

We're both silent for a few seconds, ''why do we have to talk about this now?'' I ask as I take of my seatbelt to get more comfortable.  
>''Because,'' he gives me a look that says I should know the answer to my own question. ''They are going to ask about that tonight. We can't tell them what Les did because you don't want to and it's just a bad idea. As soon as they find out you're pregnant they'll ask if we'll get married before it's born because they know that we both think it's the right thing to do, but...'' he shakes his head and stays silent.<p>

''Well, than we should get married,'' I say, simple solution.  
>''That's going to be impossible,'' he gives me a look. ''There is... 'you may kiss the bride' which we can't do because it's too uncomfortable for you. There is the honeymoon, same reason as problem 1. Even just the first dance at the reception we can't do because of that reason. And I understand that this is difficult for you, and I want to help you any possible way I can, it just... makes things very difficult,'' he says avoiding eye contact.<p>

I sigh, I hadn't even thought about all of this. ''We'll just tell them that we're still thinking about what we are going to do. Keep our options open and see what things are like in a few months, if you're okay with that.'' I say. He nods and grabs my hand. For a moment I feel bad, all of this has been so hard on me I hadn't thought about what this was like for him.

* * *

><p>''Okay, so what was your favorite Christmas?'' I hear Peter ask Lana as I walk off to my office. I close the door behind me and sit down; putting my head in my hands. I sigh and after a few seconds I look up at the clock, almost 21:30.<p>

Tonight has been exhausting so far. Everybody was talking, sharing stories, Lu and Kayla both got paged several times and Milo and I told everybody that we're having a baby.

I hear a light knock on the door, ''come in.''  
>Lu walks in and sits down across from me, leaving the door open. ''How are you?'' She asks.<br>''Tired, how are you?'' I don't know what to say. Or actually, I do know what to say I'm just not sure I want to talk about it with Lu.

''Milo got paged so he left,'' she says, ignoring my question.  
>''Okay, and...?'' I ask.<br>''After he left Lana asked me if everything was okay between you two. They don't... understand your behavior, don't you think you should tell them what happened?'' She asks. I know she only means well but I don't think I'm ready to tell them, despite the fact that I told Kayla I would tell her everything.

''Look, I know this is difficult for you, trust me, I do. But, I think it'll be easier for you once you're able to talk about what happened. Right now you can not even say what happened, but...''  
>''Sure I can,'' I say, interrupting her. I'm getting annoyed, because she's right: I'm not comfortable talking about this, I can't even understand that somebody would be talking about it after it has happened to her.<br>''Than just say it, you were raped,'' she says simply.

''You were what?'' I suddenly hear from the doorway, as I look up I see Kayla standing there.


	9. Christmas 2: When You Finally Talk

A/N: I know Nick and Kayla were not in the series at the same time and considering the date I guess Nick would be long gone but I like him to much to not include him in the story.

* * *

><p><span><strong>Chapter 7:<strong>  
><span><strong>Christmas 2: When You Finally Talk<strong>

* * *

><p>This is set on Sunday December 25th 2005.<p>

* * *

><p>''It is better to act exposing yourself and regret it, than it is to regret not having done anything.'' Giovanni Boccaccio<p>

* * *

><p>Lu's POV<p>

* * *

><p>I turn around and see the shocked look on Kayla's face. ''I have to go,'' I hear Andy mumble behind me, tears in her eyes, right before she storms out of her office.<br>I see Kayla giving me a look that is partially saying 'tell me what happened', partially 'I don't want to know what happened' and the rest of it is just pure and utter shock.

I don't know what to say, and more importantly; it's not my place to tell anybody anything about this.  
>I stand up and walk out of Andy's office as well, looking around. I can see the others at the table looking confused at me, they probably know that I know what's going on.<p>

''What is going on?'' Dr. Jackson asks me when I don't say anything.  
>''And don't you dare say it's nothing,'' Lana says, also giving me a look.<p>

''It's a lot, actually,'' I say as I walk of.  
>''Where you going, kid?'' Lana asks as she is standing up.<br>I turn around, ''I have to find Andy,'' I say and walk away before anybody else can ask me anything.

It doesn't take me long to find her. She's exactly where I expected her to be; on the rooftop again. She looks up when she hears the door and sighs when she sees me enter.

''I'm sorry,'' I say quietly.  
>She shakes her head, ''it's okay. She was going to find out anyway.''<br>''Now you just have to tell the others,'' I say.  
>''Don't remind me.''<p>

I wait a few seconds and than walk over to her, sitting down on the recliner next to hers but not reclining like she is.

She looks up at the stars and when she looks back at me and I can see her eyes, I can almost see what she is thinking. ''You're going to tell them, you have too,'' I say, trying not to sound like I'm forcing her to tell them.  
>''Why? He's dead so what does it even matter?'' She asks, knowing the answers.<br>''Not talking about and trying to forget isn't going to make it go away. It's not going to undo what is already done,'' I say, not caring that she already knows.

I can see her rolling her eyes, but I decide not to comment on it.  
>We're both silent for a while. ''I don't want to tell them,'' she says quietly, almost a whisper, after a few minutes.<br>''I know.''

For a few minutes we just sit there, I'm waiting for her next move.  
>I look up startled when she suddenly gets up and walks over to the door. I follow her and on our way back to the RWHC neither one of us says anything.<p>

As we walk back in they all look up, waiting for an explanation. Obviously Kayla hasn't told them anything, which is probably for the best. Andy is completely ignoring all the stares she is getting and after a few seconds they all look at me, waiting for me to explain. Andy just sits there, occasionally taking a sip of her water.

Nobody is talking, everybody has already finished eating and we're all waiting for somebody to break the silence.

I can see Andy open her mouth as if she is going to say something, she looks up at Kayla, and then closes it again without saying anything.

I bite my lip; the silence is getting on my nerves.  
>I glance over at Andy, ''Andy?'' I ask quietly.<br>She looks at me for about half a second and than she puts her head in her hands.

Lana looks back and forth between Andy and me, ''What's going on?'' She asks.  
>''A lot,'' I repeat as an answer.<br>She glances over at Andy and repeats her question.

Andy looks up and looks at Lana, ''Is there something wrong with the baby?'' Lana asks.  
>''No, no there isn't,'' Andy says.<br>''Than what? Something wrong between you and Milo because I could swear that...''

''There's nothing wrong between Milo and I,'' Andy interrupts her. She looks upset. ''I...'' she begins and looks over at me. I nod for her to continue. ''I was raped,'' she finishes.

I thought it was quiet before but now you could literally hear a pin drop. Everybody is sharing looks with each other, not sure how to continue this conversation.

''Who?'' Kayla asks after a few seconds.  
>''Les,'' Andy answers, not really looking at anybody.<br>''When?'' Lana asks.  
>A small, barely audible, sigh. ''A few weeks ago,'' I can hear in her voice that she doesn't want to talk about it, much less go into details about the when, where, who were involved, the why and the how questions everybody has but isn't sure how and if they should ask them.<p>

15 Days to be exact, two weeks and one day. December 10th 2005, a day she'll never forget. Unless she gets Alzheimer, of course.

Everybody is looking around uncomfortably, not sure what to do. Andy doesn't seem to notice though. I'm clueless as well on what to do now.

''So...'' Peter starts, trying to continue the conversation that ended when we walked in but not really sure how to begin.  
>Andy gives a small chuckle and I glance over at her with a frown. She looks back at me. ''This would have been so much easier and a lot less uncomfortable if you had all been drunk,'' she says.<p>

''There's still plenty of time for that,'' Nick comments and he takes a big gulp of his beer.  
>We all laugh and it isn't long before everybody starts talking again, as if nothing had happened. I can see Andy smile to herself, probably happy that they didn't ask too many questions and that it didn't make things too uncomfortably for too long.<p>

A few minutes later Milo walks back in and sits down next to her. I can see that she is telling him that she told everybody what happened.

The rest of the night it seems easier to talk to everybody than before she told them, she even seems more comfortable about being very close to Milo most of the time.

* * *

><p>''So, that was... interesting,'' Jonas says. We're on our way back to his house. It's nearly midnight and we've been driving in silence for a while.<p>

I look over at him and frown. I was half asleep before he started talking and it takes me a second to realize what he is talking about. When I finally do I sit up and shrug.

''You already knew, didn't you?'' He asks, probably already knowing the answer.  
>I just nod. ''She told me the night of the bachelor auction,'' I say, not really knowing where this conversation is going.<br>''Well, that must have brought back some memories,'' he says and I shrug again.  
>''Maybe a little, I guess,'' I answer.<p>

When he doesn't respond I sit back in my chair again, still frowning.

''Isn't it difficult for you when somebody you know so well gets hurt like that. Especially since you know what they're going through?'' He asks. Now I'm completely lost as to where this is going.  
>He sees the confusion on my face, which is probably not very difficult. ''Because you don't have to do this if you don't want to, you know.''<p>

''What are you talking about?'' I ask, this certainly grabs my attention.  
>''It's just that I've got a meeting in a few days and we might be moving the company to a different place which would mean that I'd have to move,'' he says, kind of rambling.<p>

''You're moving?'' I ask, suddenly getting a flashback to what happened between Ben and me.  
>''It's not certain yet, but it's possible,'' he says. ''And if I do I want you to go with me.''<br>Despite the fact that that answers what this conversation is about this is not really what I was hoping for. ''I'm not moving,'' I say immediately.

''Just think about it...'' he begins.  
>I don't even give him a change to continue. I have been over and over this when Ben asked me to move with him and I'm not going through that again. ''My clinic is here, my patients are here, my friends are here, my whole life is here,'' I say, barely realizing how angry I sound for having this happen again.<p>

''So if I have to move we are over?'' He asks.  
>I hesitate for a few seconds, ''yes, I guess so.''<p>

We are both silent for a while. He is focusing on the road and I'm just staring at him. He stops at a red light and it gives him a second to focus on me and the conversation we were having.

''Look, Luisa, I'll do anything I can to make sure the company doesn't have to move. But if there is no other way than I have to think about all the investors and what it's going to do to them,'' he says.  
>I nod. ''I understand, it's just...'' I don't know how to explain it. Sure, I want his business to go the way he wants it to but I don't want him to move.<p>

I sigh.  
>The light turns green and he starts driving again. We're barely halfway across the intersection when I'm suddenly blinded by two bright lights. I don't even get time to process what is happening before the car crashes into ours...<p> 


	10. Knocking On Heaven's Door

A/N: The first part of this chapter is based on the 2005 film ''Crash'', I don't own that storyline.

* * *

><p><span><strong>Chapter 8:<strong>  
><span><strong>Knocking On Heaven's Door<strong>

* * *

><p>This is set on Sunday December 25th 2005Monday December 26th 2005.

* * *

><p>''Often the test of courage is not to die but to live.'' Vittorio Amedeo Alfieri<p>

* * *

><p>Lu's POV<p>

* * *

><p>There are two things I immediately notice once I finally regain consciousness: the first thing is the unbearable pounding in my head and the other thing is that someone is tugging at my arm. I wait a few seconds before I open my eyes, not that it matters; I still can't see anything.<p>

I can see a few bright lights on my left side. I realize it is Jonas who is holding my arm tightly while somebody else is obviously trying to get him out of the car. Something doesn't seem right though... I look up and immediately know what is wrong: the car is flipped upside down.

I can hear a loud banging noise on my right side and turn my head. I get dizzy and my neck hurts, but I don't care. I just want to get out of the car. ''It won't open, it's stuck!'' I hear somebody yell. As soon as I realize they're talking about the car door I try open it from the inside. He was right, it won't open. Somebody flashes a flashlight and I see there is a big dent in it.

I can feel Jonas letting go of my arm and I turn my attention back to him. ''Jonas?'' I ask, barely realizing how scared I must sound.

''I'll be right back, everything is going to be okay,'' I hear him say. I nod even though he probably can't see it. Just seconds later he is dragged out of the car to God knows where.

''Ma'am, can you get out of the car or do you need help?'' I hear somebody ask.  
>''I can't get out, I'm stuck,'' I answer.<p>

He doesn't respond back to me but I can hear people talking. I try to stay as calm as possible but now that Jonas is gone it's getting more and more difficult. The pain throughout my body isn't helping either.  
>I hear a dripping sound and I look up, clear liquid is pouring out of the hood of the car. It's either water from the cooling system, which is what I'm hoping for, or it is gasoline.<p>

My vision is a little bit blurry but I can see that another car, probably the one that hit us, is on fire. That, in combination with gasoline, just can't end well.

I can see something, or more likely someone, move on my left and I turn my attention back to it, trying not to freak out over the fact that this car might blow up within seconds. A man, in uniform, is crawling into the car.

''Dr. Delgado?'' I hear him ask.  
>I nod, when he doesn't respond I suddenly remember he probably can't see me. ''Yes,'' I say in a barely audible voice.<br>''I'm Officer Don Smith. I'm going to get you out of here, can you move?'' He asks.

My breathing gets faster and I cough a few time. ''I can't breathe,'' I manage to get out as everything starts spinning again. I can feel a pain in my chest; I'm guessing a broken rib, which makes it difficult to breath. I can feel myself going into a panic attack.  
>It's difficult to see in the darkness but I can see him nod out of the corner of my eyes. ''I know it's difficult but you have to stay calm. If you start panicking it's only going to get harder.''<p>

''I know,'' I say quietly, looking for something to concentrate on so I can calm down.  
>''Focus on my voice,'' I hear him say. ''I have to crawl under you so you won't fall when I unbuckle your seatbelt, okay?''<br>I nod, apparently he is now close enough to see me because he crawls closer. I can feel one of his hands on my stomach, trying to hold me up, and his other hand is unbuckling my seatbelt.

I put my right hand on the rooftop, which is under me, so I can break my fall. I put my other hand next to officer Don's body.

Right as he finally gets me loose I'm distracted by the sirens from an ambulance and I fall anyway. ''Oww,'' I moan as I land on the rib that was already hurting.

We are only able to crawl a few inches towards the driver seat door when there is a lot of screaming. I look up and see that that the gasoline that was dripping out of the car is on fire. There is fire in front of us, on my right, behind me and above me.

I can see a few men, probably cops as well, grabbing Don's feet. He grabs my arms and looks behind him. ''Pull!'' He screams and we're dragged out of the car. When we're finally out I'm half dragged, half carried over to an ambulance where Jonas is as well. I can feel somebody put a blanket around me as Jonas wraps his arms around me.

I hear Jonas' car explode and close my eyes, exhausted.

* * *

><p>When I open my eyes again I'm in a hospital bed. Jonas is sitting next to the bed, holding my left hand in his hands. Before I even move he already looks up.<p>

''Hi,'' he says and smiles at me.  
>''Hi,'' I say and smile back.<p>

I look out the window and see a clear blue sky.  
>I look back at Jonas, ''what time is it?'' I ask.<br>He looks at his watch. ''Nearly 9:30,'' he answers.  
>I nod and try to sit up, I immediately get dizzy.<p>

Jonas gently pushes me back, ''you have a concussion,'' he says.  
>''Anything else I should know?'' I ask with a slight chuckle.<br>''Let's see; 2 broken ribs, your right leg is completely black and blue, the concussion... I think that's it,'' he says and smiles at me.

For a few seconds we're both silent,'' and how are you?'' I ask.  
>He gives a nod, ''I'm okay,'' he says.<p>

I try to sit up again, slower this time, and Jonas grabs a pillow and puts it behind my back. I lie back a little and sigh, much more comfortable this way. ''So, when can I get out of here?'' I ask.  
>Jonas chuckles, ''Dr. Campbell said you had to stay here two or three days.''<br>I make a face at him.  
>''It won't be that bad, all you have to do is stay in bed and get better. There are people who would kill to stay in bed for a couple of days,'' he says.<p>

I raise my eyebrows, ''It seems a lot less bad when I'm the doctor and somebody else has to stay in bed,'' I say.


	11. We Have To Talk

**Chapter 9:**  
><strong><span>''We Have To Talk...''<span>**

* * *

><p>This is set on Friday December 30 2005.<p>

* * *

><p>''The most important thing in communication is to hear what isn't being said.'' Peter F. Drucker<p>

* * *

><p>Lu's POV<p>

* * *

><p>It has been five days since the car accident and I have been home for 3. Andy has allowed me to come back to work next Wednesday but that's only if I rest until then.<p>

Resting meant only one thing: stay in bed until Wednesday, I can't imagine anything worse. Well, it was worse at the hospital, the beeping of the machines were driving me crazy. At home I only have Jonas who keeps checking up on me.

We still haven't talked about our conversation in the car right before the accident. He hasn't had the meeting yet so he doesn't want to talk about. I'm going crazy not knowing what's going to happen. I know he doesn't want to move, I don't want him either, but if he has to because it's better for his company he won't have much of a choice.

I can't imagine what it'll be like if he moves away, I have gotten too used to him being around. He stays over at my house most nights, especially know because I'm not supposed to move around too much. Besides that, I don't really want to come out of bed anyway, my head hurts to much due to the concussion. Worrying about what's going to happen isn't helping either.

I'm so lost in my thoughts I don't even realize Jonas walking in with a tray with my breakfast on it. Hot chicken soup, almost as if I have the flu.  
>He puts the tray on my lap and sits down next to me on the bed. My upper body is propped up on a couple of cushions, not that it matters; my broken ribs hurt to bad to be comfortable.<p>

''I hope you're hungry, '' he says with a smile.  
>I smile back and start to eat my soup.<p>

I hear him take a deep breath and look up when he says, ''Lu?''  
>''Yes? '' I ask. I can see he is finally ready to talk about our conversation, even though he hasn't had his meeting yet.<p>

''I've thought about what I'm going to do,'' he says. He pauses for a few seconds before he continues, ''I'm not moving away if you're not going with me. ''

We're silent for a few seconds, just looking at each other. He gives me a quick kiss before he starts talking again, ''do you know what I said to my mother the first time I saw you? ''

I shake my head. We don't talk a lot about right before we met. We have talked about when we were little, I know some things about his childhood, he knows a couple of things about mine. We have only been going out for about 6 months, we're still getting to know each other.

''We just came from dr. Campbell's office and were walking out the door when you walked in, I leant over to my mother and told her I was going to marry you someday, '' he tells me.

I just look at him speechless, waiting for him to continue.  
>''You know when you talk to older couples who, you know, have been in love for thirty or forty or fifty years, right, it's always the guy who says 'I knew'. I want us to be one of those couples one day, because I knew the first moment I saw you that I was going to marry you. I knew, right from the beginning. I know we can be for forever and I don't want to ruin it. I'm not moving away because I know that if we try we can make this work, I know we can last. I'm committed to this relationship, I just have to know that you are as well,'' He finishes.<p>

Even if I knew what I wanted to say I still couldn't say a word. It doesn't happen often but right now I'm speechless.

''Look, Luisa, I'm not asking you to marry me. I just need to know that you think we have a chance to make it, do you?'' He asks.

I can see in his eyes that he's being serious and that it is important for him that I really am as committed as he is. And I think I am, it kind of scares me; I haven't felt this way since I told Mickey I loved him. And thinking back on how that ended it scares me to have these feelings again.

But I really do think Jonas and me can last. I only give a slight nod before I kiss him.

* * *

><p>Andy's POV<p>

* * *

><p>When it comes to how work is, this last week has been the strangest since I've started working at the RWHC.<p>

Since I've told them what has happened everything has changed, even though I'm pretty sure most of it is just my imagination. Barely anybody knows but to me it is as if even all the nurses and doctors look at my differently, which is impossible since they don't know.

There have been positive changes as well, they're keeping more distance from me which makes me more comfortable. I didn't think it would, because I trust all of them, but somehow it just helps to make my days easier.

And in a way Lu was right, now that it is out in the open it does make it easier to deal with. I mean, it's still difficult, always will be, but it helps.

'A lot to think about while making coffee,' I think as I pour the coffee into two cups. Milo is here to finish our conversation. We told everybody what we had planned: we would wait a few months and then see what we're going to do. Should we get married before the baby is born or not?

It was an easy answer to tell them but we still have to discuss it. It isn't like we can just one day decide, okay we're going to get married today. It takes a lot of planning, and besides, I don't think I could handle the not knowing.

I need at least a bit of certainty. I could barely wait until know to talk about it, let alone another couple of months. Usually I talk to Delgado about stuff like this but since she has to rest I've had to wait until now. And tonight was the only moment I had time to do something other than work. I have my own patients, and now I also have to take care of Delgado's patients, or at least the ones that really couldn't wait until next Wednesday when she comes back to work.

I walk back into the living room and put the cups on the coffee table. After that I sit down on the couch next to Milo.

He smiles at me.  
>''What?'' I ask as I smile back.<br>''I don't know, I'm just happy to see you again,'' he says with a shrug.

''So…'' I begin. We have so much to talk about I don't even know where to begin.

''So, do you think we should get married?'' I frown when he says this, ''I meant before the baby is born.''  
>''I do, but after all that you said last Sunday I don't see it happen,'' I say.<br>''Well you know it's all up to you, I could get married right now,'' he says with a smile.

I roll my eyes and smile at him, ''well, not today.'' He nods.

''You do want to get married before it's born right?'' He asks after a few seconds of silence.  
>''You already asked that,'' I say.<br>''No, I asked if you think we _should_ get married, not if you _wanted_ to,'' he says and smiles. ''Do you? Want to I mean,'' he says.

I nod, I really do. It's just going to be difficult. Right now we're just sitting on the couch and he's already too close for my likings.

I think he can see it in my eyes.  
>''If you want you can have a gun in your hand the entire time we're talking,'' he says.<br>I laugh at him, ''well, I guess I could buy one,'' I say.

''I think we should get married, I want to get married, just not right now. Maybe in a few months,'' I say. ''What do you think?''  
>''I'm ready whenever you're ready,'' he says. He pauses for a few seconds but before I can say anything he continues ''I don't think we're ready to make this decision right now,'' he says with a sigh. ''I know you want this but I don't think you're ready.''<p>

I nod, ''I guess.''

''So… what do you think it's going to be?'' He asks. I frown again, ''I meant the baby.''  
>''What do you think?'' I ask him.<br>''Well, you already have two daughters so I think it is going to be another girl,'' he says.

''I don't know, I think it's going to be… a boy,'' I say and put my hand on my belly.

''How far along are you anyway?'' He suddenly asks.  
>I think for a second. I've known for almost a month now and with Jesse and Lizzy both I was two months along when I found out. ''I think around three months, so we still have six months to get ready.''<p>

''I can't wait,'' Milo says and I smile at him.  
>''Me neither.''<p> 


	12. NewYears 1: Reliving The Past

A/N 1: WARNING: There is physical violence in this chapter as well as some verbal abuse. (It basically describes the couple of minutes that lead up to the rape which was mentioned earlier in this story.)

* * *

><p>AN 2: I added one of Patricia Richardson's lines in there from when she guest starred on Quantum Leap back in the early '90s. I do not own that line.

* * *

><p><span><strong>Chapter 10:<strong>  
><span><strong>New Years Eve: Reliving The Past, part 1<strong>

* * *

><p>This is set on Saturday December 31st 2005.<p>

* * *

><p>''Everybody must be aware that violence is just a form of impotence.'' Walter Roland<p>

* * *

><p>Andy's POV<p>

* * *

><p>It's already getting dark while we're driving to Jonas' house.<p>

Milo is driving and we were continuing the discussion about the wedding.

It's nearly 8 p.m. and we just came from the restaurant where we had dinner. Because Lu has to stay in bed, Kayla was still on call and Peter was working overtime we decided that instead of all having dinner together at Jonas' house, which was the original plan, we decided to all meet here at 8 p.m. after dinner.

For the past 5 minutes it has been silent in the car. Not one of the comfortable silences we used to have, this one is rather uncomfortable.

At first we just had trouble finding time to spend together, we were both always working and with Jesse and Lizzy it was almost impossible to see each other on a daily bases. Just to think, back then I though we were going through a difficult time.

But now... that seemed great. I would give a lot if we could just go back to that.  
>And the worst part, it isn't even our fault that things are between us the way they are.<p>

It has all to do with what happened that night, with what Les did to me... I try to stop myself from going into a flashback but it's too late:

_''I just don't understand what your problem is,'' I hear Les say to me, he starts to sound more angry by the second._

_I sigh, ''I just don't love you like that anymore.''_  
><em>''So, you do still love me?'' I hear him ask as he takes a few steps towards me.<em>

_We're in the kitchen, our coffee mugs on the small wooden table. I don't completely understand where all of this is coming from. One minute we were just catching up about everything that has happened since the last time we saw each other when all of a sudden the conversation became about my relationship with Milo._

_And now this question... do I still love him, Les. Way to throw me off guard. I could come back with a quick answer to pretty much any question but this one...?_

_''Of course I still love you, as a friend. I love you as the father of my children but that doesn't mean that I want to be with you. I'm happy with Milo, I'm happy the way things are now,'' I tell him, trying to sound as sincere a possible while on the inside I want to yell at him for bringing this up again._

_''Why can't you be happy with me? You didn't want me back because I didn't go to those workshops about... anger management. I've been to those now, I've been in therapy, I've worked on my problems... okay? I've done all the things you wanted me to do so why can't you take me back?'' He asks, I can almost hear the sadness in his voice._

_"Well...'' I begin but before I can continue he interrupts me._  
><em>''Well what?''<em>

_''Well, it's too late. If you had done all of those things back then than we might still be together but...'' I say._  
><em>''So you do admit that doing those things helped, huh?'' He says, I look at him with sadness. '' You say that if I had done those things back then that we might still be together which means that you do still love me like that.''<em>

_I don't even bother to respond to his rambling. I quietly hope that this night would judt have gone the way I planned it, that Milo didn't have to work late and I could just be with him tonight._

_''Tell me that you can still love me like that,'' he begs me with desperation is his voice._  
><em>He knows excactly what he has to do to win me over, and besides... who knows. Most relationships don't work out and since I can't predict the future I can't say with absolute certainty that my relationship with Milo will work out, I can't say that if it doesn't work out I won't fall back in love with Les. And I don't want to hurt him like that...<em>

_''I don't know,'' I begin before I change my mind. The way things are going right now I am going to stay with Milo, since we are engaged, and I shouldn't give Les false hope. I just need to tell him straight forward so he can move on._

_But before I can say anything else he already takes another couple of steps towards me and kisses me._

_And for a split second I am completely caught of guard. Kissing him feels familiar... and before I can even think about what I'm doing I start to kiss him back, though it isn't long before reality catches up with me and reminds me that I shouldn't be doing this._

_I put my hands on his shoulders, breaking the kiss, step away from him and slap him in the face._

_He looks at me shocked, I can't even imagine how shocked I must be looking right about now._  
><em>''What was that about?'' Les asks.<em>

_''For taking advantage of me at a weak moment,'' I say, my voice shaking._  
><em>''Advantage? You kissed me back,'' he responds.<em>  
><em>''And I shouldn't have,'' I say.<em>

_''But...'' oh, great, now he's going to reason with me?_

_''You have to admit that that kiss,'' he seemes completely lost._  
><em>''That kiss meant nothing,'' I quickly say, holding my hand up to calm him down.<em>

_''Yes, it did. I know you felt the same thing I felt. I felt so... familiar,'' he says._  
><em>''No it didn't,'' I lie, there is no need for him to know that for a second it really did feel familiar and that in that moment I didn't want the kiss to end. ''It was a one time thing and now we're just going to forget about it.''<em>

_For a few seconds he just looks me. Then he comes towards me again as if he's going to kiss me again._  
><em>''No,'' I say firmly taking a step away from him towards the wall.<em>

_He goes ahead and kisses me anyway. I try to break away from him but I'm already up against the wall, I do the only thing I can do: I bite down on his lip as hard as I can until I taste blood._

_It works and he steps away from him. He wipes his mouth and looks at the blood on his hand. I can see the confused look on his face and for a second I think that the message came across. That he knows I don't want this._

_Then he looks up at me and I can see the anger on his face, right before he slaps me across the face. I cup my right eye with my hand in shock and I swallow hard trying to fight the tears._

_''What the...'' I begin._  
><em>''Bitch, why did you do that?'' He asks, interrupting me, looking back at his hand before wiping it on his blue shirt.<em>  
><em>''Because you wouldn't let me go, okay? I don't want to kiss you, I don't want to be with you, ever again,'' I say, now I'm starting to get real pissed off as well.<em>

_''Like I give a damn what it is you want,'' he says looking at me with hatred._

_I'm not completely sure how we got from just cathing up, almost like old friends, to... this._

_I take a step towards him, ready to give him a piece of my mind when he shoves me back against the wall. I cry out in pain. I only have half a second to recover as he comes at me again._

_With struggle I manage to push him away but I know he is lot a stronger than me. I may have all the techniques but he has the physical strength, and he knows that. I only manage to keep him off of me for a second before he pushes me back into the wall with even more strength._

_As soon as my head hits the wall everything goes black for a few seconds. Before I'm able to recover from that another blow to my head makes everything fade away again. I can hear a sound that I can't place until I hear one of the mugs being thrown against the wall, breaking and the broken pieces falling on the tiled floor I'm standing on._

_''You don't want to be me? You are so freaking happy the way things are right now?'' I hear him ask in a taunting voice. _

_I don't even focuse on his words, they just sound far away and they are the last thing I should worry about right now as I can feel him punch me in the face again. I can feel my mouth fill with blood, my head hits the wall behind me again and I loose my balance. I only fall a little bit since he has his hands on my throat unabling me to get away from him. He pushes me to the cold, hard floor and I squeeze my eyes shut. I'm trying to pretend none of this is happening, that this is all just a dream, or should I say a nightmare, and I try to wake myself up._

_But when I open my eyes he is still there, leaning over my body. I can feel tears roll down the side of my face as I close my eyes again. But when I feel him tugging at my shirt my eyes fly open, with sudden realization as to what he is going to do._

''Andy?'' I can hear Milo's voice and my eyes open again. I'm relieved when I see I'm in Milo's car instead of being back on that kitchen floor, reliving that night.

''Are you okay?'' Milo asks, worry in his voice.  
>''Yeah, I'm fine,'' I say, swallowing hard.<br>I can see on his face that he doesn't believe me. ''Andy, you were talking to yourself. Okay, I heard what you were saying and I think, no, I know, that you're not okay.'' He says and then pauses for a second, ''If you would rather go home we can go back.''

I open my mouth to say something when I suddenly realize the car isn't moving. ''Where are we?'' I ask.  
>''We're at Jonas' house, why? I something wrong...?''<br>''We're already here?'' I ask and when he nods I get out of the car, almost running towards the house.

I can hear him get out of the car. ''Andy, what are you...''

''I have to talk to Lu,'' I say, not letting him finish his question.


	13. NewYears 2: Friends, Lies and Flashbacks

**Chapter 10:**  
><span><strong>New Years Eve: Reliving The Past, part 2<strong>

* * *

><p>This is set on Saturday December 31st 2005.<p>

* * *

><p>''When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand.'' Henri Nouwen<p>

* * *

><p>Andy's POV<p>

* * *

><p>I can hear Milo lock the car doors and walking towards me as I repeatedly ring the doorbell.<p>

''I'm coming, I'm coming,'' I can hear Jonas say from inside as he walks towards the frontdoor.  
>He opens the door with a confused look on his face. ''Come in,'' he tells us and opens the door a little further so we can walk in.<p>

''Is Lu here?'' I ask him, not even bothering to greet him.  
>''Yeah, she's upstairs in our room,'' he says and shoots Milo another confused look.<br>Before he can say anything else I walk up the stairs to their room.

I walk into the room and close the door behind me. Lu is sitting on the bed. Her hair is still wet so I guess she has just showered.

''Andy? Are you okay?'' She asks and she stands up.  
>''Yeah, I'm fine,'' I say and force a smile. She gives me a look. ''Flashbacks,'' I add.<p>

''About...?'' She doesn't even has to finish the sentence. She knows excactly what I'm talking about.  
>''Yeah,'' is all I say.<br>''What triggered it?'' She asks and sits back down.

''Nothing,'' I say with a sigh, ''I was just thinking about the way things have been lately.'' I say and sit down in a chair in the cornor of the room.  
>''Between you and Milo?'' She asks.<br>''And with everybody else,'' I say.

She frowns at me.  
>''Milo and I were driving here, talking about the wedding. For a while we were just quiet and...'' I shake my head.<br>''How many have you had?'' She asks.  
>''Just this one,'' I say.<p>

She looks at me surprised.  
>''What?'' I ask.<br>''I'm surprised you haven't had more. After my rape I had them all the time,'' she says. ''You might have more too but you'll deal with them.''  
>I shrug, I don't know what else to say.<p>

She grabs another chair and puts it down next to me. ''Andy...'' she looks unsure about what to say.  
>She puts one of her hands on my shoulder.<p>

_I can feel Les tugging at my shirt and my eyes fly open. He's standing over me, looking straight in my eyes. A cold stare._

_I lift my head off the floor a few inches and, while trying to ignore the dizziness, I try to push him away. In all my confusion as to what is suddenly happening I realize that it is pointless, I have lost most of my strength due to trying to fight him off earlier._

_He chuckles, almost as if he is laughing at me. He probably is. He grabs my hands and tears them of of him. He grabs my shoulders and now instead of me pushing him away from me he is pushing me back to the floor._

_I can feel him trying to yank the shirt of my body but in my mind it's like it's far away, as I try to push everything to the back of my mind. It doesn't work, as much as I try to block it all out it isn't going away._

_I realize that I only have two options: lay here and do nothing or at the very least fighting back even though it will be pointless. I choose the second option, it won't help much but I know that I can't look back later and say ''I did nothing to try and stop him''. In my mind the first thing isn't even an option._

_I gather all my strength and swing my fist into his face. He backs of for a second. I open my eyes just to see the look on his face._

_He seems completely lost, as if he is only now realizing what he's been doing for these last couple of minutes.  
>He looks at me, a little unsure. I'm not sure what he is unsure about but I also don't care. I immediatly try to get away from him, from underneath him. I get out from underneath him and try to stand up in only a second, when he grabs my shirt and pulls me back. I can feel and hear it tear as I'm back on the floor.<em>

_I look at his face, straight into his eyes. All the uncertainty has faded from his face. With the look that is now on his face, one that I can't even describe, I know I've lost. There is nothing I can do. Yes, I can confuse him a couple of times. Postpone what he is doing by a few seconds but it isn't going to help._

_I squeeze my eyes shut and force myself to take a deep breath. The floor feels even colder now that I'm not wearing a shirt anymore.  
>''No, no, no!'' I cry as he pulls down the zipper on my jeans. ''Get off of me.''<em>

_I can hear him chuckle and more tears well up in my eyes._

''Andy?'' I can hear Lu's voice bring me back.  
>''Yeah?'' I look up at her.<br>''Another one?'' She asks sincere.  
>I just nod.<p>

I hear the doorbell ring, Jonas opening the door and then I can hear Peter and Kayla come in.  
>''We should probably go downstairs,'' I say and stand up.<p>

She gives a slight nod and stands up as well. Neither one of us moves.

She sees my hesitation. ''Andy, if you want we could stay up here for a while,'' I hear her say.  
>I take a deep breath, shake my head and leave the room.<p>

I can hear her follow me down the stairs.

_I hear the doorbell ring. 'That must be Les,' I think.  
>''I'm coming,'' I shout as I leave my bedroom and walk down the stairs.<em>

_I take the few steps to the door and open it.  
>As expected Les is on the other side.<em>

_''Hi,'' I greet him cheerfully._

''Andy.'' I can hear Lu say quietly behind me.  
>It takes a few seconds before I realize that I'm standing, completely frozen, on the middle of the stairs.<p>

I turn around and give her a look that tells her that what we talked about upstairs is a subject that I don't want to talk about anymore.  
>I take the last few steps down the stairs and walk into the living room as I put on a smile.<p>

Jonas has also just walked in with Peter and Kayla and Milo has stood up to greet them.  
>When he hears me enter he turns to me.<p>

''Are you okay?'' He asks with a partially confused, partially worried look on his face.  
>''I'm fine,'' I say, a little too quick.<p>

He glances over at Lu, who is now standing beside me, as if he's looking for confirmation.  
>She looks at me, obviously unsure about what to tell him.<p>

''Yeah, everything is fine,'' she says. Even to me she doesn't sound very convincing.


	14. Here We Go (Again)

**Chapter 11:**  
><span><strong>Here We Go Again<strong>

* * *

><p>This is set on Sunday January 1st 2006.<p>

* * *

><p>''As long as there is rape... there is not going to be any peace or justice or equality or freedom. You are not going to become what you want to become or who you want to become. You are not going to live in the world you want to live in.'' Andrea Dworkin<p>

* * *

><p>Andy's POV<p>

* * *

><p>''Mom? Are you okay?'' I hear Lizzy's voice behind me say as I unlock the frontdoor.<p>

I just picked them up from the airport. They spent the time after the funeral with their grandmother in Chicago but school is starting tomorrow so they had to come home.

The ride home with them seemed really long to me. They are still sad because of their father but they were sharing stories about what they've done this past week.  
>Meanwhile, I just kept thinking about if I should tell them or not.<p>

I don't want to but now that they're home they are going to notice something is wrong. I can't just keep lying to them everytime they ask if I'm okay. Before Les killed himself and they were home I somehow managed to put on a smile but now that I keep having flashbacks it's getting more and more difficult.

Last night was terrible. They all know what happened and they can all see that instead of things getting better everything is just getting worse by the second. Since it was a party I just wanted to be happy, _and_ look happy but the entire time I just felt like crying. Everytime somebody touched me, even if they just bumped into me by accident, I had a short flashback.

It felt like there wasn't an inch of my body he didn't touch me before he raped me, while he raped me or even afterwards.

Rape... you hear it happen to often as a doctor, especially as an army doctor, but having it happen to me. I never thought it would happen to me, I never thought Les could do this to me.

Yes, he has been violent in the past... verbal abuse, physical abuse and sometimes sexual abuse but it never went as far as rape.

''Mom?'' I hear Jesse now say.  
>I turn around slowly to look at them as I push open the front door. ''Yeah?'' I ask.<br>''Are you okay?'' Jesse repeats Lizzy's question.

''I'm fine,'' I say. Even I can hear that I sound exhausted. Last night I barely slept, I was home late, Milo dropped me off here at around 2 a.m. and I couldn't sleep because of flashbacks.

''Maybe you should get some sleep,'' I hear Jesse tell me.  
>''No, I don't,'' I say, holding her gaze for a second before we all three walk into the house.<br>''It wasn't a suggestion,'' she says harshly.

For a moment it's like she's the mother and I'm her child before I remember that I'm her mother and she can't tell me what to do.

''Go to your room,'' I tell both of them.  
>''But I didn't even do anything,'' I can hear Lizzy start to argue.<p>

''It's 10 p.m., you should both get some sleep. After all, school starts again tomorrow and I don't want you to fall asleep there,'' I say, I'm barely able to keep my eyes open.

They both seem to give up.  
>Lizzy sighs and then kisses my cheek before heading up the stairs. I can feel my whole body stiffen.<p>

_I can feel Les kiss my cheek, his body on top of mine. His hands holding down my arms, unabling me to fight back. ''Let me go,'' I say in tears, trying to ignore the unbearable pain._

''I'm not touching you,'' Lizzy's confused voice snaps me out of the flashback.  
>''What?'' I ask her.<br>Jesse and Lizzy share a look. ''You told me to let go of you but I'm not even touching you,'' Lizzy explains, sounding more and more confused with every word.

I give a slight nod. ''Oh, right. Sweet dreams,'' I tell them and I take a step towards the dining room as they both walk up the stairs.

I take another step but freeze as my glance lands on the floor, I can practically see myself on the floor, hopeless with him on top of me. I just stand there for a moment, taking in what that spot on the floor looks like now. The sound of the birds in my neighbors aviary snaps my out of my thoughts this time.

Not wanting to be here for another moment I turn on my heel and quickly walk up the stairs. As I walk into my bedroom I think back to what happened earlier today. A patient of mine has been in a car accident and I went into work to take care of her. I'm off work in the weekends but since Jesse and Lizzy weren't home yet I decided to go in anyway.

Right as I was about to walk out of the ER they wheeled in another patient, not one of mine this time.

_''Female, approximately 27 years old. Beaten and raped in some downtown alley. Which one of you gets her?'' The EMT (Emergency Medical Technician) asks as he looks back and forth between back and me._

_My gaze is stuck on the woman. Her body is completely black and blue, her shirt is ripped and her jeans are still unzipped._

_''I'll take her,'' I hear Nick say._  
><em>''Okay,'' the EMT responds and walks back over to the young woman.<em>  
><em>''Dr. Campbell?'' Nick asks.<em>

_''Yeah?'' I ask as I tear my gaze off of the girl and look back at him._  
><em>''Go home, get some rest. I'll see you tomorrow.'' He says.<em>

_''I'll see you tomorrow,'' I say back quietly. He is already rushing over to the girl and doesn't hear me. I look at the woman one more time before I turn my back on them and walk out of the ER._

I take a deep breath, trying to get past the moment that I saw what that woman looked like. Raped, ripped shirt and unzipped jeans. Sounds familiar...

I take the few steps from the door to my dresser and pull out a black pajama. As I unbutton the buttons on my blouse I am started by my reflection in the mirror. After getting over the initial startle I take a closer look at my body.

The bruises are fading but as soon as I touch them it still hurts as bad as it did the first day after I got them. I caress the fair, comparatively pale skin around it. Being careful not to get near the bruises, they still hurt to bad. And besides, it'll just remind me the beating that was immediatly followed with rape.

I take one last look at all the bruises, on my stomach, chest, legs, inside of my thighs and on my throat, before I quickly put on the pajamas and crawl into bed. As soon as my head hits the pillow I'm halfway gone and it isn't long before I'm asleep.

_I can feel his big hands let go of my arms which are by now hurting worse than ever. He slowly caresses my stomach for a second before he puts his hands besides my body and pushing himself off of me, finally getting off of me._

_As soon as I can't feel his skin touching mine anymore I break out in quiet sobs. He bends over and wipes a tear away with one of his thumbs, only resulting in more tears._

_''You should take a shower or something, you look like a mess,'' I can hear him comment._  
><em>I ingore it, showering is the last thing on my mind. With him no longer touching me I am finally able to pull my shirt back on, helping me stay warm and blocking Les' view.<em>

_When I don't feel him trying to stop me as he did the last time I tried to put my shirt on I open my eyes. It takes me a few seconds to focus on his face, it's the last thing I want to see now. It's one big smirk._

_When I see this I freeze for a second before sitting up a little bit, placing my hands on the floor and attempting to crawl away from him. Crawl anywhere but towards him._

_''What?'' He asks with a smile. When I don't respond he says: ''Don't pretend you didn't enjoy it.''  
><em>_My back is now against one of the dining room chairs, I can't crawl any further away from him without first having to get closer to him. _

_He buttons up his jeans while he is smiling at me. I try to look anywhere but towards him, that would just cause more tears.  
>When he walks over to me I try to get further away from him but I can't. <em>

_He leans over to me. He suddenly moves his hands as if he's going to slap my face. I've already closed my eyes and prepared myself as much as possible for yet another blow to my face before his hand stops in mid air, just an inch away from my face._

_He softly caresses the tender, red, swollen skin and then kisses it._

_''We should do this again sometime, I had a lot of fun.'' He says right before he kisses my lips, stands back up and walks out the door as if nothing has happened._


	15. First Look

**Chapter 12:**  
><span><strong>First Look<strong>

* * *

><p>This is set on Wednesday January 4th 2006.<p>

* * *

><p>''When you do take the home pregnancy test, it doesn't quite seem real. But when you see the baby and the heartbeat on the ultrasound, it's so incredible.'' Danica McKellar<p>

* * *

><p>Andy's POV<p>

* * *

><p><em>As I'm pacing back and forth in the small bathroom I'm becoming more and more nervous. The time seems to go very slow, I feel like hours and hours have gone by since I came in here. In reality it has only been a few minutes, 5 at the most.<em>

_Living proof that time really does go a lot slower when you're waiting. Normally I can be quite patient, but in moments like these... I'm too eager to know the results and I get restless._

_Wouldn't any possible new-mother-to-be be? Seriously, waiting for the results of a pregnancy test can drive anybody crazy._

_I look at my watch, one more minute and I'll know. Just 60 seconds._

_I don't know if I want it to be positive or not. Milo and I aren't even married, yet, and even though we have conciously made the decision not to stop this from happening, it wasn't expected to happen this soon. I hope that he is okay with having the baby this soon, but if he does than... I don't even know. I guess he knows that this would happen sooner or later because of lack of protection. _

_If he doesn't think we're ready to do this before we're married... I don't know what I would do then. I can't raise another child on my own, Jesse and Lizzy I can handle. Yes, they do fight all the time but they are teenagers, they're not little babies who cry all hours of the night._

_30 More seconds, I'm biting my lip, tapping my nails on the edge of the bathroom sink. Only 30 seconds until my life can change forever or just stay the same. 30 Seconds until I see one or two little stripes._

_I sit down on the edge of the tub, only to stand up again after two seconds and start pacing again._  
><em>I take another look at my watch and see that the waiting is finally over, I can finally be sure. Well, as sure as you can be with a home pregnancy test. I know how inaccurate they can be...<em>

_I take a deep breath and pick it up. I close my eyes and count to five before I look at it. _

_The second I see the two little stripes time stops. My eyes are fixated on the stick, pregnant. Even though in my mind I was already convinced I was pregnant, due to all the symptoms, it still comes as a surprise, sort of._

_I don't know how to explain it, I needed confirmation and now that I have it... I don't know what to do. How am I going to tell Milo, how am I going to tell the girls? What's going to happen? Will they all be happy about this?_

_How am I going to tell Milo about this?_

'How am I going to tell Milo about this?' Is the last thought I remember before waking up. I wake up smiling, thinking back to the afternoon I found out for sure about this little miracle.

It's the first night in a long time that I've woken up with a smile. The last time was a little over a month ago when I slept over at Milo's house on one of my rare days off. Right before my life went downhill...

Every night this week I have had dreams full of flashbacks, and that was if I slept at all. I couldn't sleep at night until I just passed out from pure exhaustion. I'd have nightmares and wake up about an hour after I'd fall asleep and than it would take me a while to fall back to sleep.

But this night, I went to bed early and immediately fell asleep, deep dreams. Good ones, for once. I guess the exhaustion finally got the better of me.

And now, I feel happy. Today Milo and I are going to see the baby for the first time.

Lu is coming back to work today. Because of the car accident we had to wait a little longer for the first ultrasound, which was difficult, but it'll be worth it. I know Milo is very excited about seeing our baby for the first time. I'm too, obviously, but for him it's different.

I think back to when I was first pregnant with Jesse, hearing the heartbeat for the first time, the first ultrasound... Words can't describe the way that made me feel.

* * *

><p>Before I know it I'm at work. Lu is already at the front desk, chatting with Lana.<p>

''Good morning,'' I greet them.  
>''Morning,'' they both say back, simultaneously.<p>

''Any messages?'' I ask Lana.  
>She shakes her head, ''nope.'' She adds.<p>

I nod and then walk to my office, Delgado following me. As I walk in and hang up my coat she sits down.  
>''How are you feeling?'' I ask her, putting on my lab coat.<br>''Better,'' she answers. ''Excited for the ultrasound?'' I hear her ask as I sit own in my black office chair.

''A little, '' I shrug, smiling.  
>''How about Milo?'' She asks.<br>''Couldn't be more excited about this,'' I answer. All the worries I had about him not wanting to have a baby, this baby, had left as soon as I told him I am pregnant. He had been shocked at first, but as soon as he got past that he had been very happy.

''I can take all your information now so we can do all of that before he gets here,'' she tells me.  
>''Sure,'' I say.<p>

She gets everything she needs and starts writing it all down.  
>''Name?'' She asks, jokingly.<br>''Funny,'' I respond.  
>She writes my name down. ''Address?'' She asks.<br>''9520 Milnor Street. Philadelphia, PA 19114,'' I say.

''Date of birth?''  
>''February 23rd 1963.''<p>

''Insurance?''  
>''Yes.''<p>

''Religion?''  
>''Methodist,'' I say, the fact that I don't pray doesn't matter right now. I was raised a Methodist and always will be.<p>

''Profession.''  
>''Doctor and surgeon.''<p>

''Okay, that was all the basic information. Now I need your medical information,'' she says.  
>''I know,'' I say.<p>

She gives me a look. ''Have you've had any operations?'' She begins. It takes us a few minutes to gather all of the information. Everything about operations I've had, medication I'm using, allergies and diseases such as heart diseases, epilepsy and diabetes which I don't have.

Next we go to medical conditions that run in my family such as high blood pressure, diabetes and thrombosis. There aren't any I can think of, I have a big family on my father and my mothers side but I don't remember any of my cousins having any kind of condition. I also don't remember Milo ever mentioning that a medical condition runs in his family so Lu and I decide to ask Milo about it later and move on.

Next topic is previous pregnancies. Anything out of the ordinary during the pregnancy or during labor. There once again aren't any. The pregnancies went smoothly and they were both fine, very healthy little girls.

Then we move on to congenital disorders that run in the family such as Down syndrome and other congenital disorders and children that died before, during or shortly after labor. I don't remember having anybody in my family with Down syndrome but a couple of aunts on my mothers side did die from SIDS (Sudden Infant Death syndrome). Once again we decide to ask Milo about information from his side on the family once he gets here.

The last thing on the information form for now is Milo's health.

* * *

><p>Half an hour later Milo has gotten here and Lu has gathered all the information she needs from him.<p>

We go into my examination room and first she measures my blood pressure. ''How are you feeling?'' She asks me as she is measuring it.  
>''I feel fine,'' I say.<br>''Morning sickness?''  
>''Not anymore,'' I say.<p>

''120/80, that's good,'' she says.  
>Next she feels my abdomen. ''What are you doing that for?'' Milo asks her.<br>''It's to determine how much her uterus has grown,'' she says.

She frowns a little bit. ''What is wrong?'' I ask.  
>''How far along do you think you are again?'' She asks me.<br>I glance over at Milo and then back at Lu. ''I thought about three months. Why?''

''Just asking,'' she says and smiles at me.  
>Milo glances over at me and I just shrug at him.<p>

''Okay, are you ready for the ultrasound?'' Lu asks and we both nod.

She puts the gel on my stomach and moves the probe around. After a few seconds an image appears on the screen.  
>''There it is,'' she says, pointing at it on the screen.<br>''How far along do you think she is?'' Milo asks her.  
>''I'd say about 13 weeks, maybe a few days more,'' she says. ''I'd say your probably due at the end of June or the beginning of July. Do you know when the first day of your last period was?''<p>

I think for a second. It was very regular, so it isn't very difficult to remember. ''September 28th,'' I say.  
>''And how long was each menstrual cycle?'' Lu asks me.<br>''28 Days,'' I say.  
>She calculates for a second. ''Your due... July 4th,'' She says with a smile.<br>''How do you calculate that?'' Milo asks.  
>''If you have a 28 day cycle you take the date of the first day of your last period, add 7 days and nine months and then you have the due date. If you have a 26 day cycle you add 5 days and 9 months, if you have a 32 day cycle you add 11 days and nine months,'' I explain to him.<p>

''Okay,'' he says and looks back at Lu. ''How long is the baby at this point?'' He asks.  
>''About... 2.6 inches,'' Lu answers looking back from the screen at him.<br>''Can it even do anything when it's only this big,'' Milo asks, looking closely at the screen to see if it moves.  
>''Sure, it can get the hiccups, it can swallow, it can turn its head and it can frown its eyebrows,'' Lu answers.<br>''Do you know what it is?'' I look up when he asks this. Even though it's too soon to tell we haven't talked about if we wanted to know the sex of the baby before it's born.

''It's too early, but you can probably find out at the 20 week ultrasound,'' Lu says.

''At what point do women usually get their first ultrasound?'' Milo asks, still amazed by what he is seeing on the screen.  
>''Usually somewhere between 7 and 10 weeks,'' she answers.<br>He gives a slight nod.  
>Lu prints out a few pictures of the baby and turns of the machine.<br>Milo finally sits back in his chair.

We listen to the heartbeat for a few minutes. It's the same heartbeat I hear oh so often but it's also a lot different because this is our baby. Hearing the heartbeat really makes it sink in that we're having a baby.

After a few minutes, too soon for Milo and my likings, Lu turns it off.  
>''Okay, now I'll just take some of your blood and then we're done,'' she tells me.<br>''Why do you need her blood?'' Milo asks.

''It's to check for a couple of things,'' I tell him.  
>''Like what?''<br>''Blood type, if the blood tests positive for Rhesus factor D and C, Irregular Erythrocytes Antibodies or IEA for short, Hepatitis B, syphilis, HIV, iron content and glucose level to check for gestational diabetes,'' I say.

''And when do we get those results?'' He asks.  
>''Usually you get them during your next appointment but since you both work here I can tell you as soon as I get them,'' Lu says.<p>

''Okay,'' Milo says taking a deep breath.  
>Lu gives us the pictures from the ultrasound and leaves the room to give us some alone time. I'm still sitting on the table and Milo is sitting in the chair next to the table, staring at one of the pictures. The amazement is still evident on his face.<p>

''Like what you see?'' I ask him.  
>''I love what I see,'' he says as he finally looks up at me. ''Both the picture and you,'' he adds and kisses my cheek. I'm so in heaven that for the first time in days I don't have any flashbacks.<p> 


	16. Good Mourning

A/N: The qoute only applies to the begin.

* * *

><p><span><strong>Chapter 13:<strong>  
><span><strong>Good Mourning<strong>

* * *

><p>This is set on Monday January 9th 2006.<p>

* * *

><p>''If tears could build a stairway, and memories a lane,<br>I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again.'' Unknown Author

* * *

><p>Jesse's POV<p>

* * *

><p><em>Everything around me is cloudy so I have trouble seeing what's around me. I can vaguely see somebody standing next to me but it takes me a few moments to see that it's Lizzy. I wrap my arms around her shoulders, something I'd usually never do. <em>

_I can see a tall figure coming towards us, it isn't until I see his face that I realize it's my father. He grabs one of my hands and with a smile he gives a slight nod. ''It's going to be okay,'' I can see him say, I can't hear him. I can feel pressure on my ears which makes it unable for me to hear anything._

_He wipes Lizzy's tears away with his thumb and kisses us both on the head, his way of saying goodbye._

_I can see him walk away. I want to stop him but I can't move, I can't talk. I can't do anything but watch him disappear in the fog._

''_Here comes the sun, and I say, It's all right_,'' I snap awake when I hear my radio. I groan as I lay my head back on the pillow while hitting the snooze button.

I look over to the bedside table at the picture of Lizzy, dad and me. It was taken a few months ago when we were at his house for the summer.

I don't realize it as much when I'm awake but I do miss him a lot. Ever since the funeral I keep having dreams like this one and I always wake up in a cold sweat, wishing he was still alive. I rarely saw him when he was alive but it's still better than never. And knowing that you never can again. When he was still alive I could at least talk to him over the phone, I miss that.

Since we came home last week we haven't said a word about dad, whenever Lizzy or I try to talk about him mom changes the subject. Mom has been really quiet about everything as if she's hiding something.

''… and now another classic…'' I don't even let the radio guy finish his sentence, I hit the snooze button again and look over at my clock radio. It's 6:54 a.m. I have to get out of bed and get ready for school.

* * *

><p>Lizzy's POV<p>

* * *

><p>While putting on my school uniform I glace over at the picture on my desk. It's a picture that was taken a few years ago. We were on vacation and I got to go horseback riding. In the picture I'm sitting on the horse and dad is standing next to me.<p>

If only I could go back in time, or find a way to bring him back to here. When he was living in California I missed him, but not this much. Back then I knew that if I wanted to I could just call him up to talk to him. Now that I don't have that possibility anymore I miss all the more.

In my dreams I keep reliving the moment his coffin was lowered into the ground and I break down in my mothers arms. In reality the whole thing probably lasted about 5 seconds but in my dreams it takes 8 hours for the whole thing to be over and for me to wake up. 8 Hours that I hate to have to go through every night.

* * *

><p>Andy's POV<p>

* * *

><p>I look at my watch as I walk into the clinic. 8 a.m. Right on time. ''Any messages Hawkins?'' I ask as I walk by her desk.<br>''Good morning to you too,'' Lana says to me with a smile, ''Ms. Rijers rescheduled her appointment to tomorrow afternoon, and a message from Milo asking if you'd like to have lunch with him,'' Lana tells me while handing me the notes.  
>''Okay, thank you,'' I say and walk to my office. I take of my coat and put on my white lab coat. As I walk back out of my office and to the front desk I see that Lu has also come in and is standing at the front desk.<p>

As I walk over to them she heads for her office, I follow her. ''How was your weekend?'' She asks me while taking off her coat, she doesn't even have to turn around to know that I've followed her in.

''It was… okay,'' I say. ''Yours?''  
>''Fine,'' she says with a slight frown.<br>''Something wrong?'' I ask her as I sit down on the couch.  
>''No, it's nothing. Jonas and I had lunch with his parents,'' she says.<br>''You met his parents for the first time?''  
>''I forgot how awkward those things could be,'' she says while sitting down next to me. ''But when we got over the awkwardness of it all we had fun.''<br>''That's nice,'' I say, staring off into space. I know Jonas' mother but I've never met his father.

''Are you okay?'' She asks with, yet again, a frown.  
>''Yeah, sure,'' I say shrugging.<br>''I'm not believing you,'' she says. ''Did something happen?''  
>I give her a look. ''What hasn't happened?'' I say with a slight smile. When I see the look on her face I sigh, ''I'm just not feeling that well. I barely sleep and I have really bad headaches.''<br>''Are you still having flashbacks?'' She asks.  
>I shake my head, ''thankfully, no.''<br>''Anything at home?'' She asks me.

''Jesse and Lizzy…''  
>''Something wrong with them?''<br>''Well, they miss their dad like crazy, if that counts,'' I say. ''I think they want to talk about him but… I don't know what to say to them.''  
>''Do they know about what he did?'' She asks and I shake my head.<br>''They don't know about anything that's going on, they don't even know about the baby,'' I say, ''I think that they know something's up.''  
>''Don't you think it's about time you tell them?'' She asks me surprised.<br>''Probably,'' I say.

''Dr. Campbell,'' Lana says.  
>I look up, I didn't even hear her come in. ''Yes?''<br>''Mrs. Miller is here,'' she says and leaves again.  
>''Well, I have to go,'' I tell Lu. I stand up and leave her office. As I walk past the front desk Lana hands me her file, I take a quick look at it and walk over to the waiting room. ''Mrs. Miller?'' I ask, putting on a smile.<p>

* * *

><p>As I walk back to my office after lunch Nick walks up to me. ''Dr. Campbell.''<br>''Biancavilla,'' I say.  
>''Ms. Philips is upstairs. Surgery went well and she's asleep,'' I hear him tell me as we walk into my office.<br>''Ms. Philips?'' I ask confused, I don't remember her.

Nick gives me a look. ''Your patient from the ER,'' he ads. ''You saw her just 3 hours ago.''  
>I think really hard but the name doesn't ring a bell.<br>''Car crash, car slipped because of the ice and she hit a lamppost,'' Nick continues. ''You treated her in the ER, she had a broken leg that they had to fix in surgery.''  
>''I, eh… I don't remember her,'' I say confused. ''Are you sure I treated her?''<br>''A 100 percent sure,'' he says. ''Are you okay?''  
>''I'm fine,'' I say quickly and without letting him continue I walk out of my office and to the front desk.<p>

''Hawkins, next patient,'' I ask Lana.  
>As Lana is about to hand me a patient file Nick stops her. ''Dr. Campbell, are you sure that's a good idea after what just happened?''<br>''What just happened?'' Lana asks, looking back and forth between Nick and me, ''what's going on?''  
>''Nothing, I'm fine,'' I say. ''Really.''<p>

''You don't remember a patient you just treated,'' Nick argues.  
>''So? I have a lot of patients. It's not a big deal,'' I tell him. I take the file from Lana's hands and walk over to the waiting room, ''Ms. Miller?''<p> 


	17. Bad Baby, Good Baby

**Chapter 14:**  
><span><strong>Bad Baby, Good Baby<strong>

* * *

><p>This is set on Tuesday January 10th 2006.<p>

* * *

><p>''Family is not an important thing, it's everything.'' Michael J. Fox<p>

* * *

><p>Andy's POV<p>

* * *

><p>I put my hands in my pockets and check if I have my keys one last time before I close the front door behind me. I take a deep breath and turn around. There's nobody else on the street, yet. Just like every morning I'm greeted with silence and darkness.<p>

Then again, it's only 5:30 a.m. so there's not really a reason for anybody else to be up yet. I can feel a few drops of rain fall on me, just great. As I jog to the park, that's only a few blocks away from my house, I try to forget about everything that happened yesterday.

Biancavilla kept bugging me about the whole thing with Ms. Philips so I decided to go home early and do some chores around the house.

When I get to the park and walk through the gates all I hear is silence. With there not being anything else to really focus my attention on, like the girls or a patient, I am forced to start thinking about everything that is going on.

Aside from the headaches, sleeping problems and problems with my memory I'm actually doing a lot better compared to a few weeks ago. Not having any flashbacks really helps, though I do think about everything that has happened a lot.

It seems things are finally starting to settle down, so much happened in a short period of time but right now... I just have to find a way to move on. Obviously that easier said than done but I think I can do it.

* * *

><p>''Are you ready?'' I ask my patient, Monica Jacobs, with a smile as I start the ultrasound.<br>''You have no idea,'' she answers as she shares a look with her husband, Adam.

It's their first ultrasound of their first child. I move the probe around a little bit until I get a clear image, when I finally see their baby I stop breathing for a few seconds. I can't believe what I'm seeing.

''What's wrong?'' I hear Monica ask me.  
>I turn the screen away from them and print out a few shots of the ultrasound. ''Could you two wait here for a few minutes?'' I ask them.<br>''Sure,'' I hear Adam say confused.

I walk out of the exam room with the pictures in my hand. ''Is Delgado with a patient?'' I ask Lana.  
>''No, she's in her office catching up on some paperwork,'' Lana tells me.<br>''Okay, thanks,'' I say and walk to Lu's office. I walk in without knocking.

She looks up as I close the door behind me. ''Since when don't you knock?'' She asks me with a smile.  
>I walk over to her and hand her the images.<br>''What's...?'' She begins.  
>''Look at them,'' I say.<p>

She studies the pictures for a second and I can see her frown. She looks back up at me, ''anencephaly?'' She asks me.  
>I give a slight nod. ''Holo anancephaly. I haven't told the parents yet,'' I say.<br>''Hearing that your baby doesn't have a brain, that'll be rough on them,'' she says.  
>''I know,'' I say as she hands me the images back.<br>''Do you want me to be there when you tell them?'' Lu asks me, obviously wondering why I came to her.  
>''No, that's okay. I just wanted to make sure that's what it is,'' I tell her.<p>

''Okay.''  
>''Thanks,'' I say and walk out of her office again, heading back into the exam room where Monica and Adam are waiting. Monica is still sitting on the table, Adam is sitting next to her with one of his arms around her waist.<p>

''Dr. Campbell, is something wrong with the baby?'' Adam asks and stands up.  
>''I'm afraid so, yes,'' I say and motion for Adam to sit back down. He does and I take a deep breath. ''Your baby has holo anencephaly,'' I say.<br>They share a look, ''what is that?'' Monica asks me as she grabs Adams hand.

''Anencephaly is a cephalic disorder that results from a neural tube defect that occurs when the cephalic end of the neural tube fails to close, usually between the 23rd and 26th day of pregnancy, resulting in the absence of a major portion of the brain, skull, and scalp,'' I say. ''Your baby has holo anancephaly, which means that the brain is completely absent.''

I can see Monica break down in Adams arms as he looks at me in horror.  
>''Most anencephalic fetuses do not survive birth. If your baby does survive birth he or she will probably be blind, deaf, unconscious and unable to feel pain and he or she will probably die within hours after birth from cardiac arrest,'' I say.<p>

''Monica, I know how difficult this must be for you...'' I begin.  
>I can hear her sobbing stop and she looks up at me, ''do you?'' She asks me, sounding angry. ''I am growing a live inside of me that I know is going to die as soon as it is born. With all due respect, you have no idea what this is like,'' she yells at me.<p>

I'm a little taken aback by this, she is right; I don't know what that's like. I'm glad I don't know what that is like, but obviously I can't tell her that.  
>Before I'm able to say anything else she stands up and runs out of my office. Adam just looks at me, hopeless, neither one of us knows what to say. ''I have to...'' he doesn't finish his sentence. He shakes his head a little bit, clearly confused, and leaves as well.<p>

I walk out of my office and see them walk out of the clinic, Adam has his arm around her and it looks like she is still crying. Not that I can blame her...

I walk over to Lana's desk and let out a small sigh, ''who's next?''  
>''Nobody for half an hour but Lu asked to see you,'' Lana says. ''She's waiting in her office.''<br>I give a slight nod and walk over to her office and knock, when I hear a faint 'come in' I open the door, walk in and close the door behind me. ''You wanted to see me?''

She looks up and holds up a manila folder, ''I got the results from your blood test.''  
>I sit down in one of the chairs across from her desk, ''and?''<br>''Everything is fine,'' she says as she stands up and sits down in the chair next to mine.  
>''That's a relief,'' I say and my right hand automatically goes to my stomach.<p>

She opens the folder and tells me what it says: ''Blood type B, it tests positive for both the Rhesus D and C factor and IEA. It tests negative for Hepatitis B, syphilis, HIV, and your iron content and glucose level are both fine.''

* * *

><p>''So, how's your day so far?'' Milo asks me as we both sit down at one of the tables in the hospital cafeteria.<br>''Okay, I guess. I had to tell one of my patients that her baby will be born without a brain, that sucked,'' I say.  
>''I can imagine that,'' Milo says.<br>''Lu got the results of my blood test today,'' I say and pause to take a bite.  
>''And?''<br>''Everything's fine.''

''That's a relief,'' he says.  
>I look up at him and smile. ''What?'' He asks.<br>''That's what I said,'' I tell him, he smiles back at me. ''How is your day so far?''  
>''Fine; nobody died,'' he says.<p>

We are both quiet for a few minutes, enjoying each other's company in a comfortable silence.  
>''I think we should tell Jesse and Lizzy about the baby,'' I say, breaking the silence.<br>He nods in agreement, ''I think we've waited long enough.''

''Dr. Campbell to the ER. Dr. Campbell to the ER.'' I suddenly hear on the speakers.  
>I sigh, ''that's me, '' I say as I stand up. I take one last bite of my salad before leaning over and pecking his lips.<br>He looks at me surprised. I give a slight smile before turning around and rushing to the ER.

* * *

><p>''Girls! I'm home,'' I close the front door behind me and Milo as they run down the stairs.<br>''Hi!'' They say simultaneously.

I glance over at Milo real quick before looking back at the girls. ''We have to talk,'' I tell them.  
>The smiles they both had on their face immediately disappear, ''is something wrong?'' Jesse asks us.<br>''No, this is a good thing,'' Milo tells her as I'm silently wishing they'll agree with him.

They sit down in the two chairs, they still look slightly worried. Milo and I sit down on the couch, we share a look and he grabs my hand. ''We're having a baby,'' I tell them. I immediately see the worry turn into shock.  
>''You're pregnant?'' Lizzy asks, the shock evident in her voice.<p> 


	18. Building (Unhappy) Memories

**Chapter 15:**  
><span><strong>Building (Unhappy) Memories<strong>

* * *

><p>This takes place on Thursday January 12th 2006<p>

* * *

><p>''Unhappy memories are persistent. They're specific, and it's the details that refuse to leave us alone. Though a happy memory may stay with you just as long as one that makes you miserable, what you remember softens over time. What you recall is simply that you were happy, not necessarily the individual moments that brought about your joy.<p>

But the memory of something painful does just the opposite. It retains its original shape, all bony fingers and pointy elbows. Every time it returns, you get a quick poke in the eye or jab in the stomach. The memory of being unhappy has the power to hurt us long after the fact. We feel the injury anew each and every time we think of it.'' Cameron Dokey

* * *

><p>Andy's POV<p>

* * *

><p>''Headaches, trouble sleeping and problems with your memory?'' Lu asks.<br>I give a slight nod.

I'm sitting on the exam table and she is sitting on a tabouret in front of me. After Monday Nick told Lu what happened and now she is on quest to find out what's wrong with me. Right now she wants to know if there are any other things she has to know about since she has done a bunch of tests but can't find anything that's wrong.

''Anything else out of the ordinary that I should know about?'' She asks.  
>I shrug.<br>She goes over the test results again and after a few minutes looks back at me.  
>''So what do you think it is?'' I ask her.<br>''Well, from what I can tell from these tests you're as healthy as a horse, so... I don't know,'' she says. ''We could do more tests...'' she begins.  
>I let out a groan, ''more?'' I ask her.<p>

''That's possible but I think we should do something else first,'' she says.  
>I frown, ''like what?''<br>''We've pretty much ruled out that there's anything wrong with you, physically,'' she says. ''And as you and I both know, traumatic experiences can lead to unexplainable physical problems.''  
>I nod, of course I know that. It's not uncommon.<p>

'Maybe... with everything that has happened lately... I think it would be best if you'd talk to a psychologist before we do any additional tests,'' she says.  
>I sigh.<br>She raises her eyebrows, ''just give it a try. If it doesn't help we'll try something else.''

* * *

><p>Finally getting a moment to myself inbetween seeing patients and being Lu's patient I sit down at my desk and let the exhaustion take over. I put my arms on my desk and lay my head down.<br>The dream comes quick, darkness taking over the light.

_I'm standing in the kitchen of my house, but the furniture is gone. It's also darker than usual. The lack of light and the normally always present sounds frighten me, an unusual feeling for me that has gotten more common the last couple of weeks. Even though I don't see anybody I can feel that somebody else is in there with me. I swallow hard and look around me, trying to make out any familiar figures._

_The only thing I recognize is the size of the room, the counters and the windows. I turn around in a small circle where I stand, afraid to turn my back on anything. When I finally turn back to the kitchen island I see that there are chairs around it, I'm sure those weren't there before. It takes me a few seconds before I see a tall figure sitting down in one of them. I don't even have to think about who it could be, I know it's him..._

_''What are you doing here?'' I ask a quiver in my voice. He doesn't answer me, although he does stand up and walks over to me. It isn't until he's just 2 feet away from me that I finally see his face. A familiar, but frightening face. The weak light casts dark shadows on his face which make him all the more scary.  
>He takes one last step towards me and with his hand he wipes a stray strand of hair from my face. I want to move away, run and scream, but I can't. I'm completely frozen where I stand. I can feel my heartbeat racing and I feel nauseous.<em>

_He studies my face for a second, I know I look scared. Suddenly he starts laughing, loud. I'd cringe if I had been able to move. I try looking away but I can't, the laughing is becoming louder and louder and, aside from the loud thunder I hear outside, it's all I hear. In the corner of my eyes I can see lightning strike outside, and at that exact moment his laughing stops. He looks me straight in the eyes, ''dr. Campbell, dr. Campbell,'' I hear him say in a taunting voice with a smirk on his face._

''Dr. Campbell,'' I snap awake at Lana's voice. It's only then that I realize it was her saying my name to me in my dream.  
>I take a few seconds trying to calm my breathing and stop my hands from shaking. I look up at Lana, she is standing in the doorway.<br>She takes a few steps towards me, closing the door behind her. ''Are you okay?''  
>''Fine,'' I answer curtly.<p>

I can see her hesitate for a few moments, ''Monica Jacobs is back. She wants to talk to you,'' she says to me.  
>I stand up and as I run one of my hands through my hair is say, ''could you send her in?''<br>''Sure thing,'' Lana says and walks out the door again. I take a glance at the mess on my desk and shuffle some patient files around into a not-so-neat pile on the right side of my desk.

After a few seconds the door opens and I see Monica stand in the doorway, her eyes are red and she looks like she's been crying. ''Monica,'' she takes a step towards me, ''take a seat.'' I offer.  
>''Thank you,'' she says quietly as she walks over to a chair and sits down, her eyes looking down at her hands. I sit down in the chair across from her. ''I'm sorry if this is an inconvenient time for you but...''<br>''It's okay,'' I say, interrupting her.  
>''Adam and I talked all day yesterday and we... ehm,'' she wipes away a tear, ''we don't want this baby. I want to have an abortion,'' she says, finally looking up at me.<p>

''Are you sure you...'' I begin but now she interrupts me.  
>''We talked all day, we looked up what exactly will be wrong with... it. I don't want to go through this pregnancy and end up loving this baby even more than I love it right now, only to have it being taken away from me,'' she says, speaking fast.<br>''Was this your decision or his?'' I ask her, I want to make sure she won't end up regretting her decision and get mad at Adam for it.  
>''It was... it is<em> our<em> decision,'' she says.

''Okay.''  
>''Can I get one here?'' She asks me, she looks like she is ready to get it aborted right now.<br>''Well, I can make an appointment for you at a clinic...''  
>She interrupts me again, ''when?'' She asks me.<br>''It will depend on how booked they are, but I would like to wait at least one week so you can think it over and be sure,'' I say.  
>''I am sure,'' Monica says.<p>

''Just to be sure,'' I repeat, trying to win her over.

* * *

><p>I'm driving through the pouring rain, going way to fast. Lu made an appointment for me to go see some psychologist named Miranda Purdy, and I'm running late. Somehow, I got lost and had to call Milo for directions which took me a couple of minutes, but I'm almost there. Thankfully, the road isn't too slippery. I turn right at the end of the street and I can see the building where I have to go. I sigh, I really don't want to do this.<p>

15 Minutes later I'm sitting in her office, she's sitting across from me. I had told Lu she could Miranda all the information she thought was necessary so I don't know exactly what Miranda does and doesn't know.

''So, dr. Delgado told me a few things about what kind of problems you're having,'' I nod, ''she told me you've been having trouble sleeping, you're having trouble with your memory and you're having headaches,'' she says.  
>I nod again, ''right.''<br>''She thinks they're being caused by a traumatic experience you've recently had,'' she said, looking down at what she wrote on a notebook.  
>''I know,'' I say when she pauses and looks back at me.<p>

''Before we get into that traumatic experience... I would like to know a little more about you,'' I frown, ''what kind of family live do you have?'' She asks me.  
>''Well, ehm... I live with my two daughters. I'm engaged to my boyfriend of two and a half years and I'm pregnant with his child,'' I tell her. She writes along.<br>''Who is the father of your daughters?''  
>''My ex-husband,'' I say.<br>''Does he live nearby?''  
>''He is dead.''<br>She looks up when I say this, she has a surprised look on her face but doesn't ask a question, she just keeps writing.

She asks a bunch more questions about what life was like when I was growing up, what married life was like and a couple other things. After a few minutes though, she asks the question I've been dreading.  
>''So, now that we've got that covered,'' she says with a smile, though I don't smile back. ''Could you tell me about this... traumatic experience?'' She sounds sincere and I know I should tell her just to get it all of my mind and finally share it with somebody but I sit there quietly. I don't want to tell her about what happened and go back into a flashback like a lot of other times when I thought about what happened.<p>

''I understand this is difficult for you,'' I hear her say as I look down at my hands.  
>Suddenly I feel like what happened Tuesday with Monica Jacobs is repeating itself. I told her that I knew it's difficult what she must be going through, even though I had no idea just how difficult I must be, and I'm sure Miranda doesn't know what I'm going through either.<br>I look away, out the window at a tree that looks like it's frozen. Almost everything outside is covered in snow. ''I don't think you understand how difficult this is for me,'' I tell Miranda honestly.

''I probably don't, but... I think you'll feel better when you tell me what has happened.''  
>I keep quiet for a few seconds, then clear my throat. ''Well everything was going great... I was planning my wedding, I had just found out we were having a baby. And then... one afternoon I was at work and my ex-husband called me and told me he had to talk to me. He came over that night, we started talking which lead to a fight, like we were still married. Then he beat me up, raped me and a few weeks later he killed himself,'' I say simply, covering up all my emotions.<p>

She writes a few things down and then looks back at me. ''Could you tell me what the fight was about?''  
>''It's a long story,'' I say.<br>''I've got time.''  
>''We had a very... abusive marriage. Eventually I threw him out, I told him that I would only take him back if he went to counseling and it wouldn't happen again. He told me he went to counseling, then I found out that he had never went. We broke up and he moved to California. During the conversation we had that night he told me that he had went to counseling in California and he got mad that I wouldn't take him back even though he had done that,'' I explain. When she stays quiet I continue. I tell her about what happened that night, the flashbacks and all the other things that are going on.<p>

As I walk back to my car after the session I feel better, like a tremendous weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I guess talking about it really does help...


	19. Didn't I Almost Have It All?

**Chapter 16:**  
><span><strong>Didn't I Almost Have It All?<strong>

* * *

><p>This takes place on Wednesday January 18th 2006<p>

* * *

><p>''We are more interested in making others believe we are happy than in trying to be happy ourselves.'' François de la Rochefoucauld<p>

* * *

><p>Andy's POV<p>

* * *

><p>I knock on his door and wait until I hear the faint, ''come in,'' before I open the door. I open the door and see him sitting on the couch watching a tape of a surgery he is most likely going to perform soon.<p>

He smiles and stands up when he sees me. He kisses my cheek and I sit down next to him. Milo's normally tidy office is a bit of a mess right now. I look at him and frown, ''what happened in here?'' I ask him with a slight smile.

''I was looking for that tape,'' he says with a quick glance at the TV, ''I should probably clean all this up tonight.'' He's looking around for the TV remote so he can pause the video.

I shift uncomfortably and it doesn't go unnoticed, ''are you okay?'' He asks as he stops looking around for the remote.  
>''Yeah, my jeans are just getting tight,'' I say.<br>''What'd you expect?'' He asks with a grin as he finds the remote lying next to him and pauses the tape.

''What're you watching?'' I ask as I glance at the TV.  
>''Nothing,'' he answers curtly. ''What are you doing here?''<p>

I shrug as I sit back, ''just wanted to see you.''  
>He smiles and gives a slight nod, ''how's therapy going?'' He asks.<br>''It's... going okay,'' I say slowly and he frowns. I've had two sessions, last Thursday and yesterday, with Miranda and I actually notice difference. I didn't really expect that so soon. All the problems I was having are not as bad anymore. I'm still having headaches but I sleep through most of the nights and thankfully I remember all of my patients.

I can see him hesitate, probably unsure on what to say next. ''So... ehm, when is our next appointment with Lu?'' He asks.  
>''For prenatal care? February 3rd,'' I say. ''Do you want to know if it's a boy or a girl. She can probably tell us by then.''<br>He thinks for a second, ''I do, but I don't,'' he answers my confusingly.

I frown, but with a smile, ''okay...?''  
>''I do want to know because it would help when we decorate the nursery, but I don't want to know since that way it could be a surprise,'' he says.<p>

''You don't like surprises,'' I comment with a smile.  
>He shrugs, ''I wanted to talk to you about something,'' he says, suddenly turning serious.<p>

I sit up and clear my throat, ''about what?'' I ask.  
>''Well, it's about our conversation about getting married and how we're going to raise this baby,'' he begins.<br>''What about it?'' I ask with a frown.

''If we're going to wait with the wedding for a while, are we still going to live together? I mean, we're having a child together and I want to be there for him,'' he says, ''or her, of course.''  
>I keep silent for a few minutes, thinking about this. I have thought about this a couple of times but have never come to a decision about what would be best. Not just for us, but for Jesse, Lizzy and this baby too.<p>

''Well, maybe...'' I don't get a change to finish my sentence because my pager starts beeping. I grab it out of my pocket, it's the ER.

I stand up, ''I have to go,'' I say and peck his lips before I run out of the room, to the ER.

* * *

><p>I sigh as I push my office door open, we had to perform emergency surgery on Monica Jacobs, the woman who was pregnant with the baby without a brain. Was, being the operative word.<p>

She got into a car crash, had internal bleeding. We had to remove her womb in order to stop the bleeding and save her life. She didn't want her baby, now she can't ever get pregnant again. I had scheduled her for an abortion tomorrow...

I sit down in my desk chair. I can't imagine ever not wanting to have my baby, but then again; I've never had a sick child. Without really thinking about it my hand immediately goes to my abdomen. Lu hasn't been able to tell us anything about the baby's health when we had the first ultrasound but there's no certainty this baby will be okay. Thankfully there haven't been any complications, yet, and I'm feeling fine.

I look up when there's a knock at my door, ''come in,'' I say automatically, a little absentminded.  
>Lu walks in, closing the door behind her. ''Is this a good time?'' She asks, looking at all the paperwork on my desk.<br>''As good a time as ever,'' I answer.

She sits down in one of the chairs.  
>''So, what's up?'' I ask smiling. It looks like she wants to ask something but doesn't know how to ask it.<br>''Nothing much. I was just wondering how therapy is going,'' she says.

Right. We haven't even talked about that, I haven't told her anything that Miranda and I talked about. ''It's going... fine,'' I say. For some reason I don't know another way to explain it. We talk about everything, up to the point where I'm not sure I can continue talking about it. Working through emotions, somehow we're still stuck on the ''it wasn't my fault'' part.

Consciously, I know that what happened wasn't my fault. I know that Les has always had anger management problems and I couldn't change that. He was going to hit me no matter what I did. But for some crazy reason there's always that little voice that says: 'but you did kiss him back at first.', 'But you could have fought him off; you just didn't try hard enough.', 'If you really didn't want to be with him than you would have been able to stop him.' I hate that voice. I know it isn't making any sense, I know I shouldn't listen to it. But those words are always stuck in my head, they always come back. I don't think there is enough therapy in the whole world to make it stop, and keep it from coming back.

I swallow hard and look at Lu. For some reason it always seems as if she can look right through what I'm saying, and she knows that I'm not telling everything there's to it.

She narrows her eyes, ''are you sure?''  
>I nod but she doesn't seem to believe me. I can't blame her, I am lying a little bit after all. ''It's going okay, we're talking about things and it's nice to,'' I pause, thinking of the right way to explain it, ''not have to keep it all inside.'' I finish.<p>

''But?'' She asks, knowing by my tone of voice there's more.  
>''I don't think that she really understands what I'm saying, what happened. I mean, I'm assuming she's never been raped and though that's great for her, it doesn't really make me feel that she knows what I'm talking about,'' I explain.<p>

''And what you're feeling and what you are going through right now,'' she finishes for me.  
>I nod, ''exactly.''<br>We are both quiet for a few minutes, thinking about what has just been said but not knowing what else there's to say.

''How did you deal with it?'' I suddenly ask her.  
>''What?'' She looks up, a bit startled.<br>''How did you deal with your rape?'' I ask.

"I spray painted 'rapist' on his car, I made a huge scene in front of the waiting room, I nearly lost my job and I almost moved out of my crappy apartment into another crappy apartment the next building over,'' she says to me, trying to keep a straight face but failing.  
>We both laugh, ''that does sound like you,'' I say with a grin, it takes me a few moments before turning serious again, ''but did you go to therapy or something?''<p>

''No, I've never had a therapist and I'll probably never have one,'' she says smiling.  
>''Than how did you deal with it?'' I ask. I'm having a hard time dealing with it as it is, I can't imagine not having anybody to talk to about it.<p>

''Well, I...'' she stops mid sentence. I can see her get an idea.  
>''What?'' I ask confused.<br>''Are you doing anything tomorrow night?'' She asks me.

''Yeah, Milo and I are having dinner. Our two-and-a-half year anniversary,'' I say with a smile.  
>''Okay. How about Friday?''<br>''No plans. Why?'' This just gets more and more confusing.

''Don't make plans for Friday night between 7:30 and 9 p.m. I'm taking you somewhere,'' she says as she's standing up.  
>''Where are we going?'' I ask, I'm following her with my eyes as she walks to the door.<p>

''Somewhere,'' she says with a grin as she pushes my office door open and leaves.


	20. Every Two Minutes

**Chapter 17:**  
><span><strong>Every Two Minutes<strong>

* * *

><p>This takes place on Friday January 20th 2006.<p>

* * *

><p>[Referring to rape] ''It already is bigger than everything else. It lives in front of me, behind me, next to me, inside me every single day. My schedule is dictated by it, my habits by it, my music by it.'' Daisy Whitney<p>

* * *

><p>Lu's POV<p>

* * *

><p>''So, are you ready to go?'' I ask as I walk into Andy's office. She looks up. She is shuffling a bunch of papers into her deskdrawer and her briefcase. She has asked me during lunch where we're going, obviously curious, but I want it to be a surprise.<p>

During our conversation two days ago she asked me if I had ever had therapy and I realized I could take her to the chat group where I went to after my rape. Every single person in there knows exactly what she is going throug and it helped me a lot. Besides, it would be great to go back and see Ardelle again. Ardelle Davis is the one who runs the chat group and I promised I'd swing by soon.

I decided to tell Andy where we're going over dinner, that way she can still make the decision not to go. I made reservations for dinner at a small restaurant called Marra's, it's near the building where the chat group is.

''Okay, let's go!'' She says and we walk to my car together. I decided we could just take my car and I coud drive her back to the hospital after chat group.

''So... are you looking forward to it?'' I ask.  
>''To what? I don't even know where we're going,'' she says as she gets into the passenger seat of my car.<br>''You can always look forward to the surprise, for once in your life not knowing what's going to happen next,'' I say as I start the engine and drive out of the parking lot.

''I have a lot of those moments,'' she says while looking down at her hands which are folded in her lap.  
>I glance over to her, realizing what I had just said, ''I know. But you know what, things are going to get better. You're going to get through this,'' I say.<br>''I'm not sure about that,'' she says quietly. She looks back up again, '' can't we just talk about something else for a change?''

''Okay, what do you want to talk about?'' I ask and stop at a red light.  
>''I don't know, just something else I guess,'' she answers.<p>

''All right. Ehm...'' I'm trying to think of something, ''Do you want to know if you're having a boy or a girl?'' I ask.  
>She looks over at me, ''I'm not sure actually,'' she says with a frown. ''Milo isn't sure if he wants to know yet either but I don't think I can wait until it's born.''<br>''Curious, huh?'' I ask with a smile. ''Did you know what Jesse and Lizzy were going to be?''

In the corner of my eyes I can see her shake her head, ''Les didn't want to know and I didn't really care what it was going to be.''  
>''As long as it's healthy, right?''<br>''Exactly. I don't remember how many patients I have hear say that.''

''What do you think it's going to be?'' I ask as I pull into the restaurant's parking lot and find a vacant parking space.  
>''I'm not sure, but I'm thinking a boy,'' she says.<br>''Do you care what it is going to be?'' I ask as we both get out of the car and I lock the doors.  
>''Not really. I guess after two girls it would be nice to have a boy but it doesn't really matter I guess,'' she says as we walk into the restaurant.<p>

* * *

><p>We are standing outside of the small building where all the meetings are held. I can see her look at the poster which says: ''Every two minutes, another woman is raped.'' She seems to be a little uncomfortable to be here, but I can't blame her.<p>

''So, you still want to go?'' I ask her, noticing the doubt on her face now that we're here.  
>''I... I'm not sure what I want to do Lu,'' I can hear her say.<p>

Back at the restaurant, when I told her where we were going, she had the same reaction. It's the reason why we're not inside yet.

''Look, Andy, I want to help you cope with what happened. But I can only do that if you want this help, it's fine with me too if you only want to talk to Miranda but I know how helpful this chat group can be,'' I tell her. ''I know this is what worked for me but you have to figure out what the best way for you is. I'm not going to force you into this, it's your decision.''

She looks down at her hands for a second and then back up at me, ''I want to do this. At this point, I'll try anything.''

Her words kind of surprise me. In her eyes I can see she is having a hard time dealing with everything that has happened over the last month and a half or so, I hadn't seen that before. At work she doesn't really show her true emotions but right now... I can see the pain. A pain that I recognize more than I really want to admit to myself.

''Let's go inside,'' I say, I have my hand on her arm as we walk into the building.

We find two vacant chairs and sit down, we're right on time; Ardelle is just starting as we sit down. It isn't long before everybody starts talking about how they're dealing with certain things: telling other people about what happened, lawsuits, flashbacks and what not. I can help but notice that Andy isn't saying much at all. She nods in agreement from time to time, that's it.

''Lu, how did you deal with telling your son?'' I hear somebody ask me and I turn around. I immediately recognize Faizure, a Turkish girl who is one of my patients. I don't see her very often anymore, the last time was a little over five months ago; when she was raped.

I think about her question for a second, remembering how difficult it was to talk to Marc about my rape is hard. His reaction was even harder to deal with. ''Ehm, I told him about a week after it happened. Just telling him straight out; this is what happened, I answered all of his questions.''  
>''How did he respond?'' Another woman asks me, I don't recognize her but she seems to be about the same age as me.<p>

''He seemed fine at first, asked a lot of questions. I thought he was dealing with it quite well, later I find out he had attacked the guy who raped me. I had to literally pull him off of the guy, that was how I find out how much it had hurt him. It was very emotional, very hard. Most woman don't realize how much their children are affected by this as well. Most of the time the children, especially the sons, feel that they have to protect their mothers from guys who do this. When you do decide to tell your kids, which I encourage you to do so, you should explain to them that it's not their fault right at the beginning,'' I say.

''And what do you do when your rapist is their father?'' I hear Andy aks me. I turn to her, not quite knowing what to say, ''am I still supposed to tell them?''  
>I don't really have an answer for this. I figured she was going to ask me this question sooner or later because she didn't know what to do, I just still haven't the answer to it yet.<p>

I notice that they're all looking at me, waiting for me to answer, ''I don't know if you're supposed to tell them,'' I say honestly. ''Obviously it depends on what kind of a relationship you have with your children, what kind of a relationship they had with their father and last, but definitely not least, if they're noticing a change in your behavior.''

I can see Andy look down at her hands and think about this, obviously still unsure on what to do. ''In your case,'' I say to here and she looks back up at me, ''if they ask, I'd tell them that there _is_ something going on that you'll explain to them when they're a little older.''

She gives a slight nod, I think she's pretty satisfied with the answer, probably happy that now she has a plan to at least fix one thing; even though there are plenty of things she's yet to figure out.

I look around, the other women seem to agree with my answer. ''Do you think I should tell my friends and family?'' I hear somebody ask and look at the woman. ''I mean, I told my best friend but nobody else yet. I don't know if I should.''

For the next hour and a half we all talk about things we've had to deal with, how we dealt with them. We give each other advice on how to move on.

* * *

><p>''So, what do you think?'' I ask Andy as we leave the building. It's a little after 9 p.m. and it's dark outside as we walk to my car.<br>She gives a slight shrug, ''I think it's great that this way everybody can kind of help each other out, but... I don't know if it's the kind of therapy that would help me,'' she says as she, once again, gets into the passenger seat of my car.

''What do you think of some of the advice you've gotten?'' I ask as I fasten my seatbelt and start the engine.  
>She thinks about this for a second and then takes a deep breath, ''I hope it'll help me.''<p>

I decide to change the subject a little bit, she doesn't seem too comfortable talking about this right now, ''how are your flashbacks and nightmares? Are they still as bad as they used to be?''  
>''Ehm... no, they're actually not bad at all. The nightmares aren't as bad and as frequent as they were and the flashbacks are pretty much non-existent right now,'' she says, I don't know why but she doesn't sound to happy.<p>

''It sounds a little bit like you think that's a bad thing,'' I tell her, not understanding the tone of her voice.  
>''It's just that,'' she pauses, probably looking for the right words to explain the way she feels, ''I know how long it can take for things to get better after somebody is raped. For most of my patients who've been through this it takes an average of a year before they feel that things are getting better and they can move on. With me, it's been a month and I already feel like I'm halfway through working my way through it and I can already see things get better, I can already see what things are going to be like once I've left this behind.''<p>

''You want to close the chapter on it before working through all of the emotions and changes that this has created?'' I ask, surprised. I get a feeling that tells me that if she tries to move on too quick it's going to come back twice as hard and make it even more difficult to deal with.

''I don't know what to do anymore Lu,'' I can hear sadness in her voice and glance over at her real quick before looking back at the road.  
>''It's okay,'' I assure her.<br>''No, it's not,'' she says and I frown as I look back at her for a moment, ''for one of the first times in my life I have no idea what to do. I'm completely lost and I don't know how to find my way back to my normal life again. I just want it all to be over so I can move on and focus on what's really important right now,'' she says and I can see her put her hand on her abdomen. Whether that was a conscious decision or not, I don't know.

''It's going to be okay,'' I reassure her.  
>''I'm not so sure about that,'' I can hear her say in a soft, almost whispering kind of voice.<br>''Have I've ever broken a promise?'' I ask her.  
>She thinks about this for a second, ''no.'' She answers me.<p>

''Than I promise; it's going to be okay.''


	21. Here's To Future Days

A/N: Just to be clear; as you may have noticed all of the relationships (Andy-Milo and Lu-Jonas) have started a little later in my story than they did on the show. Kayla and Peter are not dating yet in (this part of) my story. Oh, and this is also the first time I created an OC, so I hope y'all like him.

Also, I don't own the song 'Happy Birthday', all rights go to the respectful owner.

* * *

><p><span><strong>Chapter 18:<strong>  
><span><strong>Here's To Future Days<strong>

* * *

><p>This is set on Wednedsay January 25th 2006<p>

* * *

><p>''Every year on your birthday, you get a chance to start new.'' Sammy Hagar<p>

* * *

><p>Lu's POV<p>

* * *

><p><em>''Happy Birthday to You<em>  
><em>Happy Birthday to You<em>  
><em>Happy Birthday Dear Lana<em>  
><em>Happy Birthday to You<em>

_From good friends and true,_  
><em>From old friends and new,<em>  
><em>May good luck go with you,<em>  
><em>And happiness too.''<em>

We're all singing the happy birthday song and Lana blows out the candles on the small chocolate cake.

''What did you wish for?'' I hear Kayla ask curiously. She's sitting next to me on my right side. We're all sitting around a quite big, round table in the back of a small restaurant that is just a few blocks away from my apartment.

''That's for me to know, and for you to find out!'' Lana says with a cocky smile before she starts laughing because of the pretended disappointment on Kayla's face for not telling. It's only a matter of seconds before she turns her attention back to Peter who's sitting next to her. I've noticed they've been spending more time together lately and they seem like they would make a great couple. 'Oh well, I guess I'll just have to wait and see with what happens between them,' I think before taking another sip of the cool wine.

Peter and I had decided that we would take a few hours off, so we could all go to dinner together for Lana's birthday, before we go back to the hospital and start all night clinic. We've already eaten dinner and Lana's birthday cake is our dessert.

We are sitting at the table in the corner and most of the other tables are vacant though there are a few people sitting at the bar on the opposite side of the restaurant.

I see Lana get up and walk over to the bar to get another drink while Peter cuts the cake and gives everybody a piece. ''Thank you,'' I say as he gives me one of the pieces. It isn't long before everybody starts talking again, continuing the conversations that were started before we sang the song. As I get up to go the restroom I see Lana talking to a guy at the bar, he looks a few years younger than her and he's very handsome. Even from this distance I can see they're flirting like crazy.

When I get back from the restroom I see that he has joined her at our table. As I sit back down in my chair she introduces us to each other, ''Lu, this is Atticus Antonio Chapman. Atticus, this is Lu Delgado,'' she says and he leans over the table to shake my hand. I shake his hand and smile at him, meanwhile looking at Lana, the question is obvious. ''I asked him to join us,'' she begins.

''And how can I refuse a classy woman like her anything, especially on her birthday,'' he finishes as he sits back down and puts an arm around Lana and smiles at her. He seems to be a bit of a smooth talker, but he has a friendly tone in his voice and a sweet look on his face. I don't know him, and I don't have a reason for it, but I think he's a pretty nice guy.

It seems as though he's already been introduced to everybody else while I was gone, but none of them really seem to mind him being here.

''What time do you have to be back at the clinic?'' I hear Jonas ask me and I turn back to him.  
>''At 9 p.m.,'' I look at my watch, ''I told Peter we'd leave at 8:30 so we still have a little over half an hour left.''<br>Jonas nods, ''and what time are you going to be home tomorrow night?'' He then asks.  
>''I don't know, 6:30 or maybe 7 p.m.. Why?''<p>

''I was thinking we could do this again tomorrow, but just the two of us,'' he says with a smile. ''Would you be up for that after all night clinic?''  
>I smile at him, ''sure, just pick me up at 7:30.''<p>

We all talk some more but it isn't long before Peter and I leave. One of the nurses is taking Lana's place for the night since Lana has the night off for her birthday. 'It's not exactly difficult to figure out what, or who, she'll be doing,' I think with a smile as I walk into the clinic at 8:50. There are already a couple of patients waiting outside, I know and recognize most of them.

* * *

><p>Thursday January 26th 2006.<p>

* * *

><p>I yawn as I lay my head down on my arms during lunch. Andy and I are sitting in the hospital cafeteria. I can hear her chuckle but don't bother to respond.<p>

''Long night, eh?'' She asks.  
>I lift my head back up and look at her, ''just like every other Wednesday night.'' I grab my spoon and take it out of the packaging, though hesitating to eat my soup which is, without a doubt, still too hot to eat.<p>

Last night was crazy, it was busier than usual, though it might just be the exhaustion speaking. I didn't realize it at first, but working, than going out for dinner, and then working an entire night and the next day is a lot more exhausting than when you leave the part where you go out for dinner out. It kind of took me out of my normal rhythm. I think my body expected a Wednesday night off after that, but no such luck.

And then today has been pretty crazy too, I got paged to the ER twice, the rest of my patients weren't that far out of the ordinary, there were just a lot of them.

''You okay?'' Andy asks.  
>''Fine, just a bit tired. Maybe I should just cancel my date with Jonas tonight,'' I say as I play with the spoon in my hand.<br>The look on Andy's face changes, ''no, it'll be good to have some relaxation after such a long night, and then working today, you know.'' She says, talking a bit fast.

I squeeze my eyes shut a little bit as I look at her. ''Okay, what's going on?'' I ask.  
>''Nothing,'' she says with a plain face. ''Absolutely nothing,'' she eats a bit of her soup, ''your soup is getting cold.'' She says and motions to it.<br>I decide not to press the matter and just change the subject, even if there's something going on there's no way she is going to tell me. ''So, how are you?'' I ask.

''Fine, why?''  
>''Well, I just wanted to know if anything has changed since we went to the chat group,'' I explain.<br>''Oh, right. Ehm, I don't know if it's really changed anything,'' she says with a confused look on her face. ''It's just...'' She doesn't finish the sentence, just looking away into thin air.

I frown a bit, ''it's just what?'' I ask.

''I don't know... what to do,'' she says, clearly trying to think of a way to explain her thoughts to me. She takes a deep breath, ''I just want to leave it all behind me and move on.''  
>''Are you sure that's good idea?'' She looks at me confused. ''You do know this is not just something you can get past, it's not going to disappear if you try to forget about it.''<p>

''It's... I just feel like I can accept that it happened and I feel like I've dealt with it, and that's enough. While we were married he controlled what I did all day and all night. He told me where I could and couldn't ago, who I could and couldn't hang out with. After the divorce I felt... free, for the first time in a long time. And now I just feel like he has taken control again, like he has taken that freedom. I don't want him to have that, especially now that he is dead I just want to forget that I let him take that from me,'' she says and I can see a hint of tears in her eyes.

It's not often that she talks so openly about her marriage, or even about how she feels, so I'm glad she opens up to me. Now I just have to figure out if I can help her. I want to, and I completely understand these feelings but I don't know if I agree that she should just leave it all behind.

I look at her not knowing what to say for a while. By the look on her face I can tell that she knows I don't agree with her one hundred percent.  
>''I just have to find a way to close the chapter on this and move on. I'll figure it out later,'' she tells me before continuing to eat her soup. She looks up at me since I'm still not responding to her, ''you should eat your soup.'' She says, obviously this conversation is over.<p>

* * *

><p>''So, did you have fun?'' Jonas asks me on the way back to his house. I'm reclined in the passenger seat of his car.<br>I nod with a slight smile on my face. It wasn't very special or anything but we talked a lot and it was fun. It was a little fancier than where we usually go so not really my thing but I'm just glad we finally got some time to spend together just the two of us. I don't think there can ever be enough of that.

I'm half asleep as he parks in his garage and we get out of his car, ''I hope we can do this again soon. Maybe at a little diner downtown,'' I say as a suggestion.  
>He grins, ''big restaurants are still not really your thing huh?'' He asks and smiles at me.<p>

I walk up the stairs with him behind me. As I walk over to his bedroom door I turn around since he's not following me anymore. I look at him confused.

''I just have to... get something,'' he says, motioning to the door of one of the guest bedrooms. He takes a few steps to the door. I'm too tired to even think about what he is up to.

I yawn as I walk into his bedroom. I frown when I see a kind of glow come from underneath the balcony which is on the opposite side of the bedroom. I walk over to it and open the doors, walking on to the balcony and looking down.

I see a bunch of tea lights sitting on the grass in the backyard. I gasp when I see what they spell out:

'Luisa,  
>Will You<br>Marry  
>Me?'<p>

I can feel my jaw drop and I hear footsteps behind me. I stand completely still for a few seconds before turning around and seeing Jonas on one knee holding up an engagement ring. ''Luisa, you're the most amazing woman I've ever meet. You're beautiful inside and out and every time I see you I fall even more in love with you. So... Luisa Magdalena Delgado, will you marry me?'' He asks.

I'm speechless for a moment as I can feel tears rolling down my face, ''y-yes,'' I say, trying to get control over my emotions.  
>A big smile appears on Jonas' face as he slips the ring on my finger and stands back up. He kisses my lips and I bury my face in his chest. ''A thousand times yes,'' I say.<p> 


	22. Flowers For A Ghost

A/N: Okay, so this chapter was named after one of my favourite 'Thriving Ivory' songs. This chapter is a little darker and emotional than the others but this chapter is important to keep the story going and will, hopefully, prevent me from writing myself to a point in the story where there's no way to continue it.

* * *

><p><span><strong>Chapter 19:<strong>  
><span><strong>Flowers For A Ghost<strong>

* * *

><p>This is set on Saturday January 28th 2006.<p>

* * *

><p>''Sometimes the hardest part isn't letting go but rather learning to start over.'' Nicole Sobon<p>

* * *

><p>Andy's POV<p>

* * *

><p>I notice my hands are shaking as I grab my cell phone out of my pocket and dial his number. He picks up after the first beep.<p>

''Andy, where are you?'' I hear him say.  
>I take a deep breath and try to calm myself down a little bit before I say anything, I don't want him to notice that something is wrong. ''Andy?'' He asks.<p>

''Milo, I'm...'' I don't know how to explain it.  
>''Where are you?''<br>''I'm in the car. Look, I'll be home tomorrow night, there's just something I have to do,'' I say.

''What do you have to do?'' He asks, trying to sound as sincere as possible.  
>''It doesn't matter right now, I'll explain everything later. Can you just look after the girls today and tomorrow?'' I ask.<p>

''Sure,'' I hear him say. I notice he answered a little hesitant.  
>''Thanks, tell them that I love them, okay?'' I pause for a second, ''and I love you too.'' I try to keep my emotions under control but feel the tears in my eyes.<br>''I love you too,'' I hear him say in a soft voice and I hang up.

'Right now he doesn't have to know where I'm going, nor does anybody else,' I think as I see the sign:

''Welcome to Chicago  
>Mayor Richard M. Daley''<p>

I swallow hard, I'm not entirely sure I want to be here. But if I want to move on than I have to tell him.

It's almost 45 minutes later when I park in the graveyard parking lot. I get out of the car and walk through the black steel gates; I remember exactly where they buried him. My stomach is hurting because I'm very nervous. I don't know why though, he's dead, he can't hurt me anymore.

I bite my lip as I walk to where he's buried. I read the headstone, it says: ''Leslie Jonathan Campbell, Loving son, brother and father. 25/10/1960 - 17/12/2006''.

I sigh as I lay down the flowers on his grave, I don't even know why I bought those; it doesn't seem appropriate at all, considering our relationship before he died.

''Les...'' I begin but don't know how to continue. ''You...''

I honestly don't understand why this is so hard for me; he hurt me more than anybody else ever has, both physically and emotionally, every time I think of him I'm disgusted by what he's done and I wished he was dead. And now that he is... I wish I hadn't wished that, I miss him. I don't want to miss him; I don't want to feel anything but hate for this... sick, insane person.

So why can't I just tell him that and move on? Why can't I just leave all of that behind me and move on, and be happy again. I put my hand on my belly which has already grown quite a bit. Every time I touch my belly I'm remembered that there's a future in which I'm going to be happy, a future in which everything is going to be okay. Why can't that future, that happiness, start now?

''Les, I... hate you,'' I say. If I can just tell him how I feel than I can get it off my chest and move on. ''I don't want to be here. I don't want to talk to you, or at least your body, I guess. There was a time when I loved you, a time when we were happy and I don't know when or why that went wrong. I don't know how we let it get to a point where you felt like wanting to hurt me that bad. I don't know what happened to... us, I guess.'' I say with clenched fists, feeling all of the anger and hatred come back up.

''I don't know who, or what, ever decided that we, I, had to go through this. I don't why our daughters have to be forced to grow up without their father. I don't know why you ever thought that would be good for them. I don't know why you decided to do what you did all those years, and I certainly don't understand why, after we got divorced, you managed to hurt me still. I don't understand what the hell you were thinking. I don't know why, even though I kept begging you to stop and let me go, you decided not to listen to me and just kept doing what you were doing,'' I say as I feel tears roll down my cheeks. I feel like everything I've wanted to say these last 1.5 months is finally coming out, it's finally out and no longer inside of me and hurting me so much.

I swallow hard and take a deep breath, ''I don't really know what to say anymore. I wish I could have said this all to your face, I wish I could have seen your reaction. I wish... you hadn't killed yourself. Not just because that way you could have actually been punished for what you did, got punished for all the damage you have done... but because I feel it's unfair to Jesse and Lizzy to have to live the rest of their life without you, even though they really miss and need you,'' I say.

''A lot of people miss you, and in a way I miss you. And I hate to say it but in a way I think I even still love you a little bit. And trust me: you have no idea how much I hate that,'' I say and chuckle a little despite my uncontrollable tears. I wipe the tears away and hesitate to continue talking for a moment.

''There's so much I still wanted to say to you, and I'm sad that now I never can. I'm mad at you for killing yourself; to me it feels like you just took the easy way out because you didn't want to deal with life. It makes me sad and it angers me that you apparantely had so much pain that you wanted to kill yourself, but shit happens and you have to deal with it,'' I say.

I stand there for a while and after a few minutes it starts raining, but I'm not moving. I don't care about the rain; I'll just take a shower and be fine. I know that if I want to be done with this I have to finish it now. And it's not exactly like I can just come here every day.

I think for a moment, there's so much I still want to say. But I know I don't have enough time today. I bite my lip; now that some of the anger and sadness has come out I just want to cry. 'Stupid hormones,' I think as I rub my belly.

''Sometimes I think back to when we were teenagers, when we first met. Thinking about what you were like back then, it just makes dealing with you not being here even more difficult. I'm confused about everything that has happened; things started out so great and it ended... in such an awful way words can't even describe it... This all has been difficult to deal with since nobody understands what it has been like for me. They think I must be happy that you're not here anymore, they think I'm probably happy that I never have to deal with you and your shit again, but... though some of that might be true I still miss you. I still wish you were here.''

As I run my hand through my hair I realize my hands are shaking, ''I don't know why it went wrong but I have to know, I have to figure it out. Because of what you did to me, because of the way you treated me, I can't even commit to a relationship with somebody else. It's partially because you raped me... but even more than that it's because I'm scared that, just like with our relationship, things will go wrong and this relationship ends the same way ours did,'' I notice my voice is shaking too as I'm saying this. ''I truly love Milo; I want to be with him, I...'' I look down at my belly which is obviously showing, ''I want to raise this baby with him and I just want to be happy again. I wish that even though you had hurt me I could give this relationship everything I have to make sure that it lasts, but I'm so scared about committing to this.''

I look down at my feet for a moment before looking back to the headstone, ''why couldn't you just let me be happy? Why couldn't you just have let us be? Why couldn't you just have...'' I choke on my words and take a deep breath. ''I didn't think this was going to be this hard,'' I say honestly. Even though Les is dead I still feel like I'm talking to him, like he is standing right in front of me, listening to me. I look up and even though I'm not really looking at anything I can almost see him standing in front of me and I'm looking straight into his eyes. It's scaring and comforting at the same time. Scary because it reminds me of the last time I looked at them, into those cold, blue eyes. Comforting because I know that if he had been here he would've understand what my feelings are.

I scratch my head and frown a little. I don't understand how it's possible that despite the abusive relationship we had and the abusive aftermath of that, I can still love him.

I can feel somebody touch my shoulder and immediately my entire body stiffens. Right as I feel that hand I'm back on the kitchen floor feeling his hand pushing me back down to the floor when I try to get up. I feel all of the times he has pushed me away, just hard enough to hurt a little bit. I feel all of the pain he has caused come flooding back to me. All of the memories I had pushed away of him hurting me. It knocks all of the air out of my lungs and for a few seconds I can't breathe. It is only that split second, that moment in which it all comes clear again... it is just what I needed. And in that moment I realize: I don't love him anymore.

I can talk to him all I want, I can forgive him for what he has done or I can just ignore everything that has happened and never look back. But that wasn't what I needed; I needed to know that I don't love him anymore. I needed to know that even though I don't forgive him, I simply don't care anymore about what he has and hasn't done.

I turn around and see a young man stand in front of me. He is probably in his late teens to early twenties. ''Ma'am, are you okay?'' He asks concerned.  
>I wipe a few raindrops off of my face before I answer, ''yeah, I'm fine.''<br>''Well... the gates are closing in a few minutes,'' he says.

'The gates?' I think. I'm confused for a moment before I realize that he's talking about gates at the entry to the graveyard. ''Oh, okay.'' I say a little unsure.  
>I think he notices the confusion on my face, ''you have to go or else you'll get locked in.''<br>''Okay, I'll... ehm...'' I'm completely out of it for a second, ''I'll go.''  
>He glances down at my belly, ''look, do you need anything? A cup of hot tea or something?''<p>

''No, I'm fine. Thank you though,'' I say. He gives me a slight nod before he walks off.

I turn and start walking back to the parking lot. I notice I have a pretty bad headache which is kind of annoying, but I don't care. 'I don't love him anymore,' I think. 'I'm finally free.'


	23. The General And I

A/N: The general in this chapter title is obviousy Andy's dad. 'The Softer Side' was this chapter's original title.

* * *

><p><span><strong>Chapter 20:<strong>  
><span><strong>The General And I<strong>

_Alternative title: 'The Softer Side'_

* * *

><p>This is set on Friday February 3rd 2006.<p>

* * *

><p>''I just wish I could understand my father.'' Michael Jackson<p>

* * *

><p>Andy's POV<p>

* * *

><p>''So, are you freaking out already?'' I hear Milo ask me and I turn my attention from the radio back to him.<br>''Just a little bit,'' I say, I know the nervousness is written all over my face.

We are on our way to pick up my parents from the airport. His parents are also coming over and, along with Jesse and Lizzy; we are all going to have dinner together.

I explained everything to Milo about what had happened at Les' grave when I got home. He was a little upset that I had just taken off but thankfully didn't make too much of a big deal out of it.

''I think we should get married,'' I suddenly say out of the blue.  
>''That's why I proposed to you,'' he says in a joking manner.<br>''No, I mean... I'm finally able to move on from everything that has happened. I can leave all of that behind me and I think we should get married before the baby is born, just like we had planned,'' I say and put my hand on my lower abdomen. I'm currently eighteen weeks and two days pregnant, so my belly has been showing a bit more the last couple of days.

Milo quickly glances over at me, needing to see my face to know I'm being serious about this. ''Are you serious?'' He asks, just to be sure.  
>''Yes,'' I say with a smile as I grab his hand which was lying on his leg.<p>

I can see a big smile spread on his face. ''I love you,'' he suddenly says after a few minutes as we're nearing the airport.  
>''I love you too,'' I say back.<p>

The last couple of days we keep having moments when we're more affectionate towards each other, just like we had before I was raped. It's moments like that, and moments when he tells me he loves me, that make me feel like things are getting back to normal.

I think Jesse and Lizzy notice the changes as well; they at least seem to smile a lot more.

''So, when do you think we should get married?'' I ask curiously. I'm happy that he seems to be so on-board with the wanting to get married. Especially since we only have five months left until the due date.

''Well, Valentine's Day is coming up,'' he jokes.  
>''That would be great,'' I say, ''but it's too soon.''<p>

''And besides, it's a little clichéd to get married on Valentine's Day, don't you think?'' He asks as he pulls into the crowded airport parking lot.  
>''I don't know, I think it's kind of romantic,'' I say. ''But there's only eleven days left until Valentine's Day, we can just go out for dinner or something.''<p>

''Why won't you let me think about that, I think you'll have your hands full with your parents. And when I say 'your parents' I really only mean your father,'' Milo says with a grin.

He's probably thinking back to when he first met my parents, which was a couple of months ago. That did not exactly go smoothly. They haven't seen each other since then. Though I have told my mom and dad that we're engaged, I haven't told them I'm pregnant just yet. I could never really find the right moment so this is going to be interesting. It's not exactly like I can hide it now and tell them over dinner; as soon as they see me they're going to notice the obvious bump.

Milo finds a parking spot and it isn't long until we walk into the airport. I have my coat hanging over my arm to cover my stomach, trying to keep it just at least a little hidden.

We find a place to sit and wait for a while, ''where are they?'' Milo asks me.  
>''I don't know,'' I look at my watch, ''they should have been here like a half an hour ago. They're probably delayed or something.''<p>

''So, wedding plans. Do you have any ideas?'' He asks me as he grabs my hand.  
>I think for a second, ''I was thinking that maybe we could keep it small, you know?''<br>''Friends and family?''  
>I nod, ''but only close friends and family.''<p>

I'm about to say something else when I hear my mother's voice calling my name. I look up and see my mother and father rushing over to us. ''Hi, mom,'' I say as I stand up and give her a hug. I try to keep a little distance from her so she won't notice the baby bump.

As my mother is giving Milo a hug dad walks over to me. He studies me for a second, ''you look different.'' Is all he says. He gives me a short hug and shakes Milo's hand, but doesn't say anything else.

''Andrew,'' my mom gives my dad a look as Milo and I look at each other too, he's giving me a look that says, '' Should we tell them?'' I let out a small sigh and my mom looks over at me. ''Andy, is something going on?'' She asks me, clearly confused. I can't blame her though.

I smile as I grab Milo's hands; I look at him to see if he's okay with this. He just smiles back, ''we have some news to tell you.'' I begin and glance over at Milo, I give him a look to tell him to continue.  
>''We're having a baby,'' he says and I smile at him, a little afraid of how my parents are going to react.<br>''You are what?'' I hear my dad say and I turn to look at them.

I can see my mom shoot my father a look before she smiles at us. ''That's great!'' She looks back at my dad who's quiet. ''Isn't it, Andrew?''  
>I can't help but notice that he looks a bit grumpy though I don't know if the baby is the reason or not. ''Yeah... it's great. Congratulations,'' he says.<br>I know he is only saying that to please mom but I'm just glad he said anything at all.

''So, how far along are you?'' My mom asks me as we start walking to the car.  
>''Eighteen weeks,'' I say and she looks over at me and frowns. I move my coat out of the way.<br>She smiles, ''that was sneaky.'' She comments and we laugh.

* * *

><p>''Could you pass me the salt?'' I hear my dad ask me and I give it to him.<p>

We're all sitting around the big dining table at my house. But since there's eight of us: Milo's mom and dad, my mom and dad, Jesse, Lizzy, Milo and myself, it suddenly doesn't feel so big.

It's been nearly four hours since we picked mom and dad up from the airport and a little over three hours since Milo's mom and dad, Eve and Philip, came over. Unlike my mom and dad they responded pretty well to our news. I guess they're just happy that Milo is having kids after all. I do know they already have a couple of other grandchildren from Milo's sisters and brother, but they probably didn't expect any more.

''So,'' Eve looks up at me, ''have you two already set a wedding date?''  
>Milo and I share a look before he shakes his head 'no'. ''We're still talking about that,'' he adds.<br>She just responds with a short nod. She and Philip share a short look, ''but you are getting married before the baby is born, right?''

''That is the plan,'' I say as I notice that Jesse and Lizzy suddenly seem a lot more interested in the conversation. I haven't talked to them a lot about the wedding.  
>''When are you due?'' My mom suddenly asks.<br>I have to think for a second, ''July 4th.'' I then answer.  
>A smile spreads across my mother's face, ''Independence Day! That's nice!''<p>

''But that's only five months from now,'' I hear Eve say and look over at her. ''What have you already planned?''  
>''Nothing yet, actually,'' I say. I cross my fingers under the table hoping that she and mom aren't going to take it all over.<br>I look up and when I see their faces I know my wish won't come true.

''Well, how about we help you plan it?''  
>As soon as I hear my mom's voice say that, all I can think is: 'Oh God no!'<br>Before I can say anything Milo starts talking, ''You know, I think it would be best if we just plan it ourselves.'' He says, giving his mother a look too.  
>''Well, it's not like we have to plan the whole thing,'' she looks over at my mother. ''Maybe we can just go dress shopping.''<p>

Milo looks over at me, waiting for me to answer. ''Sure, that would be... nice,'' I say. I had actually though to ask Lu and Lana to go with me, but I guess it can't hurt to have Eve and my mom join us.  
>''Great! We can go tomorrow,'' my mom says, looking back at forth between Eve and me.<p>

''I can't tomorrow,'' I say, I have an appointment with my therapist. I decide to continue quickly so they won't ask why: ''maybe we could go some other time.''  
>''How about next Saturday?'' Eve asks me.<br>I think for a second and I think my mom notices that I'm hesitating. ''Andy, five months is not a very long time. And it can take a while to find the right dress.''  
>It's moments like this when I decide to make an exception to my rule of 'never giving up'. ''Fine, next Saturday,'' I say.<p>

I can see my mom look at Jesse and Lizzy.  
>''Na-ah, I already made plans to go to the mall with Stacey,'' Jesse says, reading her mind.<br>''I'm not going either,'' Lizzy says.  
>''Why not?'' I ask her, already knowing the answer.<p>

I can see Lizzy looking back and forth between mom, Eve and me. ''I really don't want to,'' she finally says a little reluctant.  
>''That's my girl,'' I can hear my father say quietly but decide to ignore it.<p>

* * *

><p>''So, what did you think of Milo's parents?'' I ask my dad as I sit down next to him on one of the recliners on the deck.<br>''They seem like good people,'' I hear him say.

I'm quiet for a second, a little afraid to ask the next question, ''what do you think of me marrying Milo?''  
>I hear him take a deep breath, ''you know what I think of your... situation.'' He says.<p>

Oh right, my situation. That's what he has been calling it ever since I told him about Milo and me being engaged. I know he doesn't agree with my divorce, but I can live with that. I guess he's even more pissed off now since he knows he might have a grandchild that might be born out of wedlock.

''Can't you just be happy for me?'' I ask, knowing, and fearing, how he's going to respond to this.  
>''Happy? You decided to get a divorce from a perfectly fine man, you decide to marry some other guy without even letting us get to know him and now that guy has knocked you up!'' He says and I can see the anger in his eyes, ''I don't even know what to say about this,'' he motions to my belly.<p>

I'm quiet for a moment, choosing my next words carefully. ''How about saying that since it's my life I should get to choose what happens. How about saying that you're happy that for the first time, in a long time, I'm happy,'' I say, I can hear a hint of anger in my own voice as well.

He lets out a big sigh, ''despite what you may think from time to time, I do want you to be happy. Every parent wants his children to be happy, you should know what as a mother.'' He pauses for a second as I wonder where he's going with this. ''People often say to their children that all they want is for them to be happy. But I want to you to be happy second, safe comes first. Considering what's going on right now I don't know if you're safe.'' He says.

''Daddy, I'll be fine,'' I say, trying to ignore the fact that I sound like a kid.  
>''I know you will, you just have to understand how I feel about this,'' he says.<br>''And I do,'' I say. ''So can you now please say you're happy for me?''

''I'm happy for you,'' he says, mimicking my voice, teasing me a little just like he did when I was little.

''Good!'' I say and stand up, walking to the door. ''Good night.'' I say as I turn around.  
>''Good night,'' he says and I open the door. ''Oh and Andy?'' I turn around to look back.<br>''Yeah?''  
>''I can't wait to walk you down that aisle.''<p>

''Thanks dad,'' I say and walk back inside. I really do feel happy now.  
>'Now all I have to do is plan a wedding,' I think and groan at the thought as I walk up the stairs.<p> 


	24. Thanks, But No Thanks

**Chapter 21:**  
><span><strong>Thanks, But No Thanks<strong>

* * *

><p>This takes place on Saturday February 11th 2006.<p>

* * *

><p>''I was afraid to look in the mirror afraid the image of myself in the wedding dress would send me over the edge into a full-scale panic attack.'' Kristen Stewart as Bella Swan in the Twilight Saga<p>

* * *

><p>Andy's POV<p>

* * *

><p>''What do you think of this one?'' I look up and see Lana standing a few feet away from me with a column cut weeding dress in front of her.<br>I shake my head, ''I don't like it.''  
>''Then how about this one?'' I watch my mother pull another one of the rack, a mermaid cut this time.<br>I shake my, ''I don't think so.''

''Honey, if you want us to help you find the right dress you have to at least tell us what kind of dress you want,'' my mom says as she puts the dress back.  
>''I don't know what I want,'' I think for a second. It has to be simple, but not too simple; that's the only condition I really have at this moment.<br>''Do you want something like the one from your first wedding?'' My mom asks.  
>I shake my head no before I let out a sigh. Just thinking back to that day... it makes me happy and sad at the same time. It was a beautiful day, but considering how that marriage ended I'd rather not think about it. It was a beautiful dress but if I have a dress that looks similar to that one... that can't end well.<p>

As they continue browsing through all the dresses I look at Eve and Lu who are in the back of the story, also browsing. I can see Lu pull out a dress and think for a second before putting it back. I look around; kind of hoping one dress will catch my eye and have it be the perfect dress. I'm wrongly disappointed.

''What do you think of this one?'' I can hear Lu ask, obviously talking to Eve. I hear them talk but don't bother to listen.  
>'This isn't how things were supposed to go,' I think as I absentmindedly look at all the dresses on the rack in front of me. I don't even bother to pay attention to what I'm looking at. Usually I plan every step in my life; I don't like to be surprised. And now... We were supposed to have gotten married before ever having children, if we had children at all. I never thought I would have another baby after Lizzy, especially not now that she's almost 13 years old.<p>

''Andy?'' I can hear Lu ask. I turn around and she's standing in front of me with a dress. ''What do you think?''  
>I look at it: it's a cream colored, A-line, strapless, simple but not too simple, not shabby and not chic kind of dress. I didn't know what I was looking for, but this might've been it.<p>

''I think you should try that one on,'' I hear my mom say and I turn a little bit to look at her. I can see Lana nod in agreement with her.  
>As I follow Lu into the changing room I can feel knots in my stomach. As soon as I see myself in a wedding dress it's going to become real. I'm really going to do this; I'm going to get married, again. What if people think we're only getting married because I'm pregnant?<p>

I can feel the beginning of a panic attack and as soon as I'm in the changing room I take a deep breath. Lu glances over at my with a worried look on her face.  
>''Are you okay?'' She asks me as she hangs the dress on one of the hooks.<br>''Yeah, I'm fine. Just a little freaked out,'' I say as I sit down in one of the chairs.

''About the wedding?'' She asks me as she sits down next to me.  
>I look at her for a second before I respond, ''about all of this. The wedding, the baby... Everything is just moving so fast all of a sudden, it's too much,'' I say, avoiding eye-contact at the same time.<p>

She throws me a confused look, ''what about the baby?'' She asks me concerned. I know that if I tell her that I feel like something is wrong she is going to take it very seriously since she knows a mother can usually tell when something is wrong with her children.  
>I give a slight shrug, ''something just doesn't feel right.''<br>''In what sense?''

''I don't know, it hasn't kicked yet,'' I say, it's one of the things that seems strange to me. Considering how far along I am it's not that strange that it hasn't, but during my previous pregnancies the girls started kicking way earlier.  
>''As in; that's odd, or is it something that you're actually worried about?'' She asks.<br>''It seems strange, it just seems to take a lot longer than it did with Jesse and Lizzy.''

''Well, every pregnancy is different. Especially when they have different fathers. I'm sure a lot of other things will be different too,'' she says. I know this is supposed to calm my nerves but when I think about all the other things that are probably going to be different it's kind of freaking me out. Both other pregnancies were very hard on me, very emotional all of the time, always exhausted a lot of movement and I was moody all the time. I haven't even had morning sickness right now, the baby isn't kicking yet.

'Well, at least it can't be harder than last times', I tell myself. I look back at Lu, ''everything will be okay.'' I say.  
>''Look, if it's still concerning you we could do an ultrasound Monday,'' she says.<br>I give a slight nod, that'll probably make things easier.  
>''So, want to try on the dress?'' Lu asks me with a smile as she stands back up. I nod. Just the mere thought of seeing myself in a wedding dress again is freaking me out.<p>

I turn my back to the mirror and Lu helps me change into it. ''Okay, that was the last button,'' she tells me as I can feel her button up the last button. I take a deep breath and look at her. She smiles and I turn around to look in the mirror. When I do my jaw drops, ''it's perfect.'' I say and can feel tears well up behind my eyes.  
>''And it fits perfectly,'' Lu tells me and I give her a nod. It fits tightly, but not too tight, at the top and the skirt flows out perfectly. I notice how it makes my baby bump look smaller so it's not as noticeable anymore.<p>

''What does it look like?'' I can hear Lana yell from out in the shop.  
>''Come on, let's show them,'' Lu tells me and takes my hand. I follow behind her as we walk back in.<br>As soon as I see their faces I know it's the right dress. ''What do you think?'' I ask them anyway.

''Oh honey, it's perfect,'' Eve tells me and Lana and mom nod in agreement.

In the corner of my eye I can see the shop owner, who introduced herself to us as Helena, rush over to me. The about 60-year-old woman runs one hand through her short gray hair and puts on her black-framed glasses and takes a look at where the dress might need some alterations. ''It seems to fit pretty good, how do you feel in it?'' She asks me.

''Good,'' I tell her and look over in the mirror on the opposite side of the store. It feels so strange, I can't even describe it. It's making me nervous, but in a good way. I really do feel like I'm ready to move on with my life, close the chapter on my life with Les and start over with a clean slate.

* * *

><p>''I'm home!'' I yell as I walk into Milo's house. Jesse hung out with Stacey today and decided to stay over there for the evening, so my mom decided that she and my dad would take Lizzy to the movie so I could stay with Milo for the evening.<br>He walks out of the kitchen and greets me with a kiss on the lips, ''how was your day?'' He asks me as I follow him back into the kitchen.  
>''Great! We found a wedding dress,'' I tell him.<p>

''So much for it taking a while to find one,'' he says, reminding me of what my mom told me last week.  
>I snigger, ''I'm just glad that part is over,'' I say. We went to a couple of different shops but I couldn't find one that I liked and that looked good with this,'' I say, pointing at my belly. I rub it for a moment, still wondering why it won't kick.<p>

Milo glances over at me, ''everything okay?'' He asks me. When I don't immediately answer he asks, ''is it kicking already?''  
>Before I can even shake my head or say 'no' he has already rushed over to me and put his hand on my stomach. ''Actually no,'' I say and can notice a vague sense of disappointment on his face.<p>

''Shouldn't she already have started by now?'' He asks and starts stirring something in one of the pans.  
>''First of all; we're not even sure it's girl. Just imagine you calling it a girl the entire time and then it turns out to be a boy? And second; Lu is going to do an ultrasound Monday to check if everything is alright,'' I say and sit down in one of the chairs in the dining room.<p>

''Should we be concerned about it?'' He asks and I shake my head.  
>''It'll be fine,'' I reassure him and immediately feel guilty for promising him that without being sure.<p>

''So... do you want to find out what we're having on Monday?'' He asks me, changing the subject a little bit.  
>We have gone over this and over this. On the 4th of this month we had our last ultrasound and we had decided that we didn't want to know. At least, he didn't think he wanted to know. I didn't really care. Milo keeps saying that he wants to know, but as soon as he could find out he didn't want to anymore.<p>

''It's all up to you,'' I tell him.  
>''Ehm, maybe we should wait just a little while longer,'' he says, backing out again.<br>''I thought so,'' I say and grin again.


	25. Wedding 1: Ups And Downs

**Chapter 22:**  
><span><strong>Wedding 1: Ups And Downs<strong>

* * *

><p>This is set on Monday February 13th 2006.<p>

* * *

><p>''He loved her, of course, but better than that, he chose her, day after day. Choice: that was the thing.'' Sherman Alexie<p>

* * *

><p>Lu's POV<p>

* * *

><p>I can hear Andy sigh in relief when the sound comes on. ''See, it's perfectly fine. A nice, strong heartbeat,'' I tell her.<br>I can see her smile, ''that's a relief,'' she says with a slight smile, listening to the fast beating of the heart.  
>''Do you want to see him or her?'' I ask her, already knowing the answer. She nods a little hesitant, probably because Milo isn't here. I move the probe around on the stomach as I look at the screen. I show it to her, ''look: ten fingers,'' I point them out, ''and ten toes.''<p>

She smiles at me, ''thanks,'' she says quietly. I can hear the sound of relief in her voice as I hand her a towel to wipe of her stomach.  
>''So, have you and Milo already thought about when you want to know what you're having?'' I ask her.<br>''Well, Milo keeps saying that he wants to know. But every time I tell him I can ask you, he backs out and says that he doesn't want to know,'' she tells me.

''And it is still the same? You still think it's going to be a boy, and Milo still thinking it'll be a girl?'' I ask her as she buttons her shirt back up.

''Still the same,'' she says with a smile.  
>''If you want I can tell you right now!'' I tell her, trying to tempt her.<br>''I wish I could say that I really didn't want to know,'' she tells me and I laugh. ''I had hoped that Milo would decide that he wants to know so we can just find out already.''

''If you want I could write it down on a little piece of paper and you two can just decide on what you want to do,'' I tell her with a shrug. I've often done this with my other patients, leading to a variety of results.  
>''No, then he'll just feel like I'm forcing him into it, and I don't want to do that,'' she tells me with a sigh. ''What do you think it's going to be?'' She asks me curiously.<p>

''I overheard an army colonel once say that you should never bet against the girls, so... I think that if I go by that policy that it's going to be a boy,'' I tell her with a grin. I decide its best not to continue about this, it'll just make her think about what she's having even more. ''Have you thought of any baby names?'' I ask her, changing the subject a little bit.  
>A slight frown appears on her face, ''well, for a girl we were thinking that the middle name could be Eve, after his mom. But we haven't discussed any first names, nor do we have any for if it's a boy,'' she tells me as I stand up and walk back into my office with her following close behind.<p>

''Well, what names do you like?'' I ask her as I sit down in my desk chair.  
>''Pff, there are so many,'' she answers, looking away into thin air as she thinks about this for a second.<br>''How about a classic one, what about James?'' I ask her as I sit back.  
>''That's my dad's middle name,'' she tells me with narrowed eyes.<p>

''Andrew James March?'' I ask her and she nods, ''I know you were named after your father but please tell me your middle name isn't James too.''  
>''No, it's Jacoba,'' she tells me. I frown at her. ''It's after my grandmother, she was German.'' She tells me with a sigh.<br>''It's pretty,'' I comment.  
>She sighs at just the thought of the name, obviously she doesn't agree.<p>

''Have you thought about... godparents?'' I ask her. It is one of the subjects I'm actually very interested in. Jonas and I have been talking about what it will be like if, or when, we do have children and one of the subjects was who would be the godparents. I actually chose Andy and Milo to be the godparents.  
>Andy grins, ''Les and I chose Karen Ryan and her husband as the godparents for Jesse and Lizzy but we haven't really talked about who it'll be this time.''<br>''Not Karen this time?'' I ask her.

''No, we chose her because we both got along with her and her husband, I think that whoever it's going to be this time has to get along with both of us too. Milo has never even met Karen,'' Andy explains to me. She glances over at the clock on my wall, ''I have to go now, I promised Milo I'd swing by his office after the check-up.''

I give a slight nod and sit back in my chair as she walks over to the door, ''oh, and Lu?'' I sit back up and look at her, ''if it were up to me, you and Jonas would be the godparents,'' she tells me and gives me a smile before walking out the door.

I sit back again with a smile.

* * *

><p>Andy's POV<p>

* * *

><p>''Hi,'' I greet him as I walk into his office.<br>Milo stands up and greets me with a kiss before we both sit down on his couch. ''So, how did the ultrasound go?'' He asks me as he grabs my hand.

After I told him that I was worried about the baby he started to get concerned too, ''everything is fine. Strong heartbeat, ten fingers, ten toes,'' I tell him with a smile.  
>''I'm glad to hear that everything is okay,'' he says with a pleased look.<p>

Lu checked to see if all the organs were okay and it all seemed fine. It calmed my nerves a little bit but not completely. I look down at my hands.

''It still isn't kicking is it?'' Milo asks me with a sincere voice.  
>I shake my head slowly. ''There's no reason why it shouldn't, everything looked good on the ultrasound.''<br>''There is one other reason,'' Milo tells me with a smile.  
>I frown, ''okay?''<p>

''Because it's too early. Maybe she just wants to take her time,'' he tells me as he grabs his cup of coffee from his wooden coffee table and takes a sip.  
>''Actually… Lu just told me it is a boy,'' I tell him with a grin.<p>

I watch him choke on his coffee as I start laughing. He coughs a few times and looks down at his shirt, on which he has spilled some of it before he looks back at me. ''Really?'' He asks me in disbelief.

''No, I just wanted to see your reaction,'' I tell him with a smirk.  
>He takes a deep breath and lets out a sigh, ''you're mean,'' he tells while shaking his head at me and he stands up. He walks over to his desk and gets another, clean, shirt out. He takes off the coffee stained one he is wearing and I can't help but watch him as he's doing this.<p>

''Like what you see?'' He asks me.  
>I shrug, ''it's okay,'' I tell him, a little jokingly.<br>He narrows his eyes, ''that's mean,'' he tells me with a grin. He knows I'm joking, thankfully. He puts on his clean shirt and sits back down next to me.

''So, do you want to talk about wedding plans?'' He asks me with a genuine smile.  
>I groan. I'm glad he is excited about planning the whole thing but when I think about how much work there has to be done... I don't know where, or how, to start.<p>

''What?'' He asks me a little alarmed.  
>''There's so much work we have to do. I wish we could just go down to city hall and get married now. Just to have it over with,'' I tell him honestly.<p>

''Well, we do already have our marriage license,'' he tells me suggestively.  
>I look at him a little stunned. ''You're kidding right?'' I ask him.<p>

He thinks about this for a second. We're both unsure if he was kidding or serious. ''I don't mind having a wedding, I just don't want to have a big one,'' he tells me.  
>I look down at my stomach and place one of my hands on it, ''and we probably shouldn't wait too long either,'' I tell him.<p>

''Yeah, I don't want to miss too much,'' he tells me. I can sense that deep down he is glad that the baby hasn't kicked yet, he wouldn't want to miss the first one.  
>''I know,'' I tell him. ''And besides, aside from the wedding there is still so much we have to do before this little one comes.''<p>

He just looks at me, waiting for me to continue. He doesn't have any children yet so he has no idea how much there has to be done.

''I kind of just want to get the wedding out of the way so we can focus on the baby without that in the back of my mind constantly,'' I say, biting on my lower lip.  
>He looks away, at nothing in particular so it seems, and thinks for a few seconds, ''I'll figure it out,'' he tells me, ''Don't worry about a thing.''<p>

* * *

><p>Tuesday February 14th 2006.<p>

* * *

><p>Third persons POV.<p>

* * *

><p>As she turned around the corner she felt herself bump into something and she felt all the files she had been carrying fall onto the floor. Andy quickly squatted down and started gathering all of them. ''Sorry,'' she mumbled as she looked back up to the person she had bumped into. She smiled when she saw Peter stand in front of her and squat down as well, picking up some of the manila files.<p>

''It's okay,'' he assured her as they both stood back up and he handed her the files. He opened his mouth as if he were going to say something but quickly closed it again. She frowned at him, the question obvious in his eyes. He cleared his throat, ''at what time is you last appointment?'' He asked her.

She thought about this for a few seconds, partially trying to remember at what time the appointment would be, partially wondering why he wanted to know. ''At about 2 pm,'' she answered, quickly following it with a question: ''why?''

''Just... you know, wondering,'' Peter said slowly as he glanced down at his watch.

Andy let out a small sigh, ''okay, what's going on?'' She asked, looking up at his face.  
>''Nothing,'' he said innocently as he put his hands up. She looked at him with raised eyebrows in disbelief. ''Nothing,'' he said again as he looked into her eyes and put his hand on her shoulder, as if to emphasize what he had just said.<p>

She could feel her whole body freeze under his touch and she quickly looked down at her feet as she took a small step away from him. He removed his hand as fast as he could, knowing that it had made her uncomfortable.

She bit down on her lip and cleared her throat before she looked back up. ''Sorry,'' she said quietly as she hurried past him, back to her office. When she heard the door close behind her she leaned against it and took a deep breath. She could feel tears well up into her eyes, Peter's hands... so much like _his..._

'Get a grip, Andy', she told herself. She had gotten used to Milo's hands touching her, but ever since her rape all other men had kept their distance, just like she had wanted. It just made moments like these ever harder. 'Breathe', she told herself as she slowly inhaled and exhaled.

She could feel herself calm down but jumped slightly when there was a sudden knock on her door. She spun around and opened the door. On the other side was Lu with a surprised look on her face. ''Wow... okay,'' she said quietly and then showed a small smile.  
>Andy took a few steps backwards and watched Lu and Lana walk in. The latter woman carrying a dress in a clothes cover bag. ''What is going on?'' Andy asked as Lu closed the door.<p>

''How would you feel about getting married today?'' Lu asked with a smile.


	26. Wedding 2: Holding Us Back

A/N: This chapter is mainly just Andy/Lu bonding, I guess. I hope y'all enjoy!

* * *

><p><span><strong>Chapter 22:<strong>  
><span><strong>Wedding 2: Holding Us Back<strong>

* * *

><p>This is set on Tuesday February 14th 2006.<p>

* * *

><p>''Emotional roller coasters tend to emphasize the lows, tend to be more affected by the low, by the dip in an emotional roller coaster than when you are at the peak.'' Rush Limbaugh<p>

* * *

><p>Lu's POV<p>

* * *

><p>I watch Andy looking back and forth between Lana and me with a shocked look on her face. ''What?'' She mutters after a few seconds.<br>''Getting married, today, on the roof of the hospital,'' Lana breaks it all down with a smile.  
>Andy glances over at the clothes cover bag, ''and that is...''<br>''The dress you tried on in the store,'' I finish her sentence. It is the last one she tried on when we were at the store last Saturday, it was the only one she liked and the sample-dress fit her so well that her mom and Eve Morton bought it for her.

She looks like she's thinking really hard for a second before the stammers: ''Who...? I mean... what...?''  
>Lana starts laughing at the flabbergasted look on Andy's face.<br>''After the conversation you had with Milo yesterday he came up with the idea that it might be best for you, and perhaps the baby, that you two get married... a little sooner. So he asked Lana if she could plan it, your parents are already at your house, and...'' I tell her before she interrupts her.

''And he assumes that I am okay with this?'' She asks me with her jaw slightly dropped.

Lana and I look at each other before Lana glances back at her, ''you're not?'' She asks a little surprised. I can see Andy think about this for a second, she looks like she may have a panic attack.  
>I quickly pull up a chair ''sit,'' I tell her and she sits down. ''Breathe,'' I tell her and she tried to take a deep breath.<br>''Please tell me you're not going to have a panic attack over this,'' I mutter to her.

Lana looks over at me, ''maybe I should get Milo down here,'' she suggests, mainly to me, as I look at Andy who isn't really responding. When I look back at Lana I give her a slight nod and she leaves.

I pull up another chair and put it down in front of Andy before I sit down in it, ''Andy,'' I say and she looks back up at me. ''I thought you wanted to get married? What's wrong?'' I ask her sincerely.  
>''I did... I mean, I still do... want to get married. It's just that it is getting so... real all of a sudden,'' she tells me as she looks down at her hands with a frown.<p>

I look at her for a moment, ''why do I have a feeling something else is wrong too?'' I ask her and she looks back up at me as she takes a deep breath. ''It's nothing,'' she tells me as she bites on her lip.  
>I take a moment to figure out what the best way is to bring this up, ''Peter told me about what happened... you know, this morning,'' I begin.<br>''Nothing happened, I just... froze, I guess,'' she says, looking away.

We're both quiet, neither one of us knows what to say. ''Why can't I get passed that?'' She asks me suddenly.  
>''What?'' I ask her, a little confused, she caught me off guard.<p>

''Why can't I... not keep thinking about what happened,'' she continues.  
>''I thought you said that it was getting easier,'' I say, questioning if that was even true.<p>

''I thought it was,'' she says before she shakes her head. ''I just keep... getting reminded of him, you know?'' She looks at me questioningly. ''Every time I see somebody who looks even remotely like him... I, ehm... It's like I go back to that night,'' she says. ''It's like it is always following me around and waiting for a moment to show itself.'' We look at each other, she has tears in her eyes and I don't know what to say.

I hear her office door open and in the corner of my eyes I can see Milo rush over to us. ''Are you okay?'' He asks as he squats down next to her.  
>She swallows hard and keeps her eyes on me for a second before she feigns a slight smile and turns her head to look at him, ''everything is fine,'' I hear her lie.<p>

* * *

><p>''Why did you lie?'' I ask Andy as she steps into her dress. It's a few hours later and she's getting into her wedding dress in her office. Milo has planned to have the wedding on the roof, surrounded by all of Peter's flowers, so this was the only place she could change.<br>''I didn't lie,'' she says, a little too soon and the words come out slightly too fast.  
>''And that's another one,'' I say, giving her a look that she can't see considering the fact that I'm standing behind her.<p>

She lets out a sigh and I can see her swallow when I look up and can see her face in the mirror. I had imagined she would snap something back at me; something along the lines of: 'I want to leave the past in the past and just move on.'  
>The silence is louder than if she'd been screaming. If she had been screaming, yelling something at me, I at least would have known more, I'd have something to respond to. Her eyes look a little sad as she looks down at her hands and remains quiet.<p>

I pull up the dress to around her waist before I'm able to think of something to say. ''You know, if you're not ready for this, I'm sure Milo will understand,'' I say quietly, avoiding eye-contact in the mirror, though I know she's looking at me.

''I know,'' she answers curtly. She purses her lips together in a strange grimace, almost as if she's thinking that maybe she should ask him for a little more time. I can see her look down at her baby bump and bites her lips. ''I can't believe how much has changed since I first came here,'' she says, it almost sounds a little like a confession. I don't know who she is talking, or confessing, to either: we're the only ones in the room but she seems to be talking to herself.

I think for a few seconds, wondering if I should respond. ''For the good or the bad?'' I ask her as we make eye-contact in the mirror.  
>She closes her eyes for a second or two, ''I don't know,'' she says, her voice sounds like she's getting a little choked up. ''I honestly have no idea,'' she says, shaking her head slightly.<p>

I can see her lower lip quivering and it makes me frown. Maybe this is all a reaction to what we've just talked about, maybe it's letting all the emotions she's kept to herself these last couple of years finally out. When I look at her eyes the latter seems the more likely.

I take a deep breath and then open my mouth to say something. I want to comfort her, tell her it's all going to be okay, but... nothing comes out. She turns around to face me. ''I wasn't particularly happy before we moved here, but now... it's peaks and valleys I guess. There are days that go so well, and then other days when... it's not so great.''

''When you feel like shit?'' I ask her as she looks down at her bare feet.  
>She chuckles slightly and scratches her forehead, ''exactly,'' she says as she turns back to the mirror so I can button up the dress.<p>

''Why can't I just have it be done with and be happy?'' She asks me, it's the question I had been anticipating since Lana and I told her about the 'surprise wedding'.  
>I give her a slight smile, ''you'll be okay,'' I tell her, trying to encourage her.<br>It doesn't work; the expression on her face remains the same discouraged one it has been the entire time, ''what if it won't be okay? What if I won't be okay?''

I stop buttoning the dress for a second thinking about this. I've never heard her give up like this. How can I say that everything is going to be okay when I don't know what'll happen? If things continue the way they have been going for a while, it will probably only get harder.  
>She looks over her right shoulder back at me, ''isn't this supposed to be the part where you tell me everything is going to work out just fine?'' She asks me, only slightly joking.<p>

I look at my hands before I have the courage to look back at her face, ''Yeah, I mean: You and Milo will get married, you'll have the baby and everything...'' I close my eyes and let out a sigh. I open my eyes again and she looks at me with a look that breaks my heart. There's so much pain radiating from her face... ''Truth be told: I have no idea what's going to happen.'' I tell her honestly as I turn my focus back to the buttons.

''I wish I could tell you that you'll have a happily ever after, I wish that you will, but I don't know. Perhaps everything will go wrong, and you won't be happy and you'll wonder every single day where it all went wrong and you'll wonder why that guy couldn't just take 'no' for an answer…'' I say and can hear slight anger in my voice. I'm desperately attempting to button up one of the buttons but I can feel so much anger inside of me that it keeps going wrong.

I let out a frustrated sigh before I take a step back and run my hand through my hair. Andy turns around to look at me and she looks quite shocked. ''Lu, I...'' We just look at each other, neither one of us knows what to say next.

And then she does something I had never expected, something she'd never done before: she walks over to me and hugs me. I'm not sure why I'm so stunned by this... I mean, usually it's the other way around, with me hugging her, but... I don't know. It takes me a few seconds before I hug her back. ''It's okay,'' she whispers in my ear.

I honestly have no idea why I'm so upset all of a sudden; I don't know where the anger is coming from. I had expected this reaction from her, not myself. And all the anger is just making me sad... I allow a few tears to get out but can't help to hold back the other ones.  
>As Andy pulls away she stands in front of me with a slight smile, it's telling me that it's okay to tell her what's bothering me, she doesn't need words for that. ''Wow,'' I say as I grab out a tissue and start dabbing my cheeks, careful not to ruin my mascara, ''I didn't see that coming.''<p>

''Me neither,'' Andy says.  
>''I don't like crying,'' I confess to her, though I have a feeling that she already knows this.<br>I can see her frown. ''Do you ever have that feeling that you're scared to cry, because you're worried that once you start you'll never be able to stop?'' She asks me.

She has just described my feeling perfectly. I'm already trying to forget what just happened and start buttoning up the last three buttons. ''I'm okay, you know?'' I tell her, just for the sake of trying to convince myself and needing to know what she'll respond.  
>''I know,'' she smiles at me in the mirror. ''Me too,'' she says, though I'm guessing she's talking to herself again.<p>

''Done,'' I say as I take a step back and glance in the mirror to admire the dress.  
>She lets out a small sigh and fixes one of her earring real quick before turning back to me, ''how do I look?'' She asks me.<p>

''I think you're going to be the Belle of the ball,'' I tell her with a grin and she starts laughing.  
>She shakes her head slightly; I can tell she's thinking back to the bachelor auction a couple of years ago. It was right before she and Milo got together and it was a similar situation to this one.<p>

She takes a second as she stops laughing, ''I'm doing the right thing, aren't I?'' She asks me; though I can tell her doubt has faded away for the most part.  
>I smile and take a few steps towards her, ''yes, you are,'' I tell her before I pull her in for another hug and tell her one more thing: ''and things will be okay, I promise.''<p>

* * *

><p>Please review, I'm thankful for any and all feedback!<p> 


	27. Wedding 3: If This Isn't Love

A/N: So, after haven taken forever to update, I now present to you: a new chapter! It's a little longer to kind of make up for the lack of updating. I absolutely love this chapter and I hope you do too!  
>I'd like to thank fanficgirl18 for helping me with the chapter, and I'd like to thank Franzi for reviewing the previous chapter.<p>

Enjoy!

* * *

><p><span><strong>Chapter 22:<strong>  
><span><strong>Wedding 3: If This Isn't Love<strong>

* * *

><p>This takes place on Tuesday February 14th 2006.<p>

* * *

><p>''When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.'' Nora Ephron, <em>When Harry Met Sally<em>

* * *

><p>Lu's POV<p>

* * *

><p>''So, are you ready?'' I ask Andy, I'm standing behind her, peering over her shoulder into the mirror. Kayla, Lana, Lizzy and Jesse have just changed into their dresses as well. They are, just like me, dressed up in red dresses. They don't match, but considering the time span we had to get them I don't think anybody will expect that we would have.<p>

Lana and I, along with Milo, already figured Lizzy and Jesse would be the maids of honor, without even talking to Andy. She completely agreed though. And Lana, Kayla and I will be bridesmaids. There won't be that many guests, but the real important people have all managed to come down here and are all already dressed in their suits and dresses; waiting, a little impatiently, on the rooftop.

''I think so,'' Andy replies as she takes a deep breath. She's still looking in the mirror, fixing little things on her dress that don't need fixing.  
>We stand in silence for a few minutes - everybody is already waiting for us to come out. I didn't tell her about this though, no need to pressure her even more.<p>

When our eyes meet in the mirror I can notice her eyes are glistening in the weak light. I can immediately feel a little panic come up and I stand up a little straighter, ''are you okay?'' I ask and I can hear the worry in my own voice.  
>''Yeah,'' she says and a bright smile appears on her face, ''don't worry,'' she tells me. ''These are happy tears.''<p>

I give her a slight nod in understanding.  
>''I actually can't wait to get married,'' she sounds like she has just realized this. Her hand goes to her stomach for just a brief moment; I guess her worry has been alleviated a little bit by yesterday's ultrasound.<p>

She turns around as I glance down at my watch - thinking about the impatient people. ''Are they waiting for us?'' Andy asks me as she smooths out her dress even though it doesn't need smoothing.  
>''Your dress looks fine,'' I tell her as I grab her hand - trying to get her to stop fixating over it. ''Your father is waiting for you; he mentioned something about wanting to walk you down that aisle.''<p>

I can see a slight smile appear, probably some conversation they had that I don't know about. ''Ready?'' I ask again and she nods. I grab her hand and we walk out of her office to the elevator.

* * *

><p>Third persons POV<p>

* * *

><p>Milo took a deep breath as first Kayla, then Lana and then Lu walked out of the door and down the aisle. They were all three dressed in their beautiful red dresses and were all holding a bouquet of red flowers. He knew that Jesse and Lizzy would follow soon - after which Andy would come out with her father.<p>

And then they'd get married, he could feel a smile grow on his lips. He quickly put his hands in his pockets, he had put a small paper towel in both so he could dry his hands if he'd get sweaty palms - now, he was sure glad he had made that decision. He smiled at Kayla, Lana and Lu as they were walking towards him and took their places on the left side of the wedding arch, next to where Andy was going to be standing.

There was only a few seconds between Kayla, Lana and Lu walking out the door, it took a little longer before Jesse and Lizzy both came out. Milo wasn't sure why - perhaps because they were the maids of honor. He couldn't really think of any other explanation. He watched Jesse walk down the aisle and take position, and as Lizzy took hers the music stopped and another song started.

It sounded vaguely like 'Here Comes the Bride', but it sounded slightly different. He didn't know how he could tell the difference - he barely knew the song.

He could notice himself stop breathing as she appeared in the doorway, next to her father - who, frankly, scared Milo. He didn't know what it was; the man was just a real authority figure. One that made Milo realize that if he messed up, he could get killed...

But in that moment that didn't matter anymore - he only saw her. Everybody else had disappeared and it was just them. She walked down the aisle in the slow fashion she was supposed to, and he kept his eyes on her the entire time with a big smile.

Standing next to Milo were his father, Philip, his best friend from medical school who had moved away a long time ago but they were still good friends, named Rick Sheridan, another good friend named Calvin Boas', and next to them were Robert Jackson and Nick Biancavilla.  
>A bunch of white folding chairs had been put on the roof so all of the guests could sit. Among them were Milo's mom, since she wasn't in the wedding, and Milo's sister, Veronica. Jonas Rey was there, as Lu's date, and Atticus Chapman was Lana's 'plus one'. Susan Jackson was sitting in the second row with Lauren and Paige. Marc Delgado had decided to come, and they were glad to have him there, and Milo had asked Dana Stowe to come by as well.<p>

Despite the fact that they hadn't talked in a while, Milo and Dana had been friends when she still worked at the hospital and he thought it would be nice to have her there. Aside from that; he was sure everybody else would love to see her again as well and he knew that, after having heard so much about her, Andy would love to meet her.

Sarah Garcia, a good friend of Andy's had been able to come, as well as Karen Ryan with her husband. A bunch of other friends of hers had been able to cancel their plans last-minute as well so they could come. Milo had, with the help of Jesse and Lizzy, been able to come up with a short list of people he knew Andy absolutely wanted there, and had been able to get most of them.

On Milo's side he had his mom and sister, his brother-in-law Collin Platt, and a few friends from high school, college and medical school. Some had come alone, some had brought their spouses along.

Andy felt a nervous feeling grow in her stomach as she came closer and closer to the wedding arch. She hadn't seen what it looked like before coming out just now and she was amazed by how beautiful it all was. There were a few planters and the flowers were all in bloom.  
>As she and her father reached the wedding arch he leaned over to her, ''good luck,'' Andrew said quietly in her ear before he kissed her cheek and sat down next to Andy's mother.<p>

Andy felt a smile grow on her face as she took her position next to Milo and faced the minister. She had the urge to laugh when she saw that Peter was performing the ceremony, it reminded her of when Nick Biancavilla had decided to marry his sister-in-law for health insurance.

Andy smiled at Milo, a little nervously, and he smiled back at her. She let out a breath she hadn't realized she had been holding and waited for Peter to begin.

Peter smiled at both Andy and Milo for a short moment before he cleared his throat and began: ''Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to join together this Man and this Woman in holy Matrimony; which is an honorable estate, instituted of God in Paradise, and into which holy estate these two persons present come now to be joined,'' he had the blue book in his hands and he read what it said.  
>''Therefore if any man can present any just cause, why they may not un-lawfully be joined together, let him now speak, or else hereafter for ever hold his peace,'' he paused a short moment to see if anybody would respond. As expected: nobody did.<p>

Peter gave a short nod and continued: ''Andy and Milo,'' a short pause as he looked at both of them, ''the step which you are about to take is the most important into which human beings can come. It is a union of two people founded upon mutual respect and affection. Your lives will change, your responsibilities will increase, but your joy will be multiplied if you are sincere and earnest with your pledge to one another.  
>Marriage is a serious commitment meant for your welfare and enjoyment. Marriage also offers each of you the opportunity to grow together as a couple and as unique individuals.''<p>

Peter could see them both smile. He almost got nervous as he thought of how serious marriage really was. But he decided not to dwell on the thought too much, he was performing a ceremony after all, ''please face each other and join hands.'' As he said this Milo and Andy did so.

Peter smiled at Andy before he started talking again: ''Andy, do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, and do you promise to love, honor and respect him, and comfort him, and keep him in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others, keep thee only unto him for so long as you both shall live?''

Andy quickly smiled at Milo before looking back at Peter: ''I do,'' she said.

Peter now turned to Milo: ''Milo, do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife, and do you promise to love, honor, respect her, and comfort her, and keep her in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others, keep thee only unto her for so long as you both shall live?''

Milo couldn't help but smile as he finally said the two words he had been dying to say: ''I do,'' he said as he looked at Andy.

Peter could feel the love there was between them and he took a deep breath before he continued to the next part: ''your wedding rings are symbolic of your commitment to each other and your endless love for each other,'' he said. Peter smiled and paused for a moment, ''may I have the rings please?'' He asked Milo's father, who took them out of his pocket and handed them to Peter. He took a moment to look at both of them to see which was which. He handed both Andy and Milo one and looked at Andy. ''Andy, your vows please.''

Andy felt her body freeze for a moment, since it had been a surprise wedding and everything had happened so fast, she hadn't been able to write her vows. She cleared her throat and smiled at Milo as she thought back to how their relationship had progressed and what she wanted to say. ''Milo...'' she smiled a nervous grin at him as she tried to form the sentences in her head. ''During the time that we've been together there have been many obstacles along the way, it was a... bumpy road, to say the least,'' she grinned. ''Having you next to me through it all made me realize everyday that things were going to get better, and that as long as we have each other we can do anything.

Knowing you are there for me when I need you has made me realize that I might actually make it through, '' not everybody in the room knew what she was talking about, she hadn't told everybody that she had been raped, nor had he told his friends, obviously. But it didn't matter, as long as they both knew what she was talking about. ''With you I remember all the dreams that I had forgotten and know that with you I can make them come true. Everyday I'm with you, you make me want to become a better person. And every day that I'm with you, I think of the people who are praying for heaven, and I thank God that I'm already there...''

Andy could feel tears well up in her eyes and she blinked a few times to make them go away. She took a deep breath and turned to Peter so he could continue.

Peter smiled for a moment at what she had just said and paused for a moment so everybody could take a deep breath. He continued: ''Andy, please place your ring on Milo's third finger of his left hand and repeat these words:

''I Andy Campbell,'' he said.  
>''I Andy Campbell,'' she repeated as she slipped the ring onto his finger.<p>

''give to you, Milo,'' Peter said as he quickly glanced over at Milo.  
>''give to you, Milo,'' she said slowly, wanting to remember these moments forever.<p>

''this ring as a symbol of my commitment,'' Peter continued.  
>''this ring as a symbol of my commitment,'' Andy repeated.<p>

''to love, honor, and respect you,''  
>''to love, honor, and respect you,''<p>

''with all that I am... always.,'' Peter finished.  
>''with all that I am... always!'' Andy finished as well as she stared into Milo's eyes.<p>

Peter turned his attention to Milo, ''Milo, your vows please.'' He said.

Milo took a deep breath. He had been able to think about them a little longer than Andy but he hadn't written anything down. ''Andy... I've always been very discrete about how I felt, and I tried to do that when we first started dating... but I couldn't. You made me so much happier than I thought I would, or even could, ever be. I want to be there whenever you need me, and the rest of the time just in case. The second you leave the room I start missing you, and that feeling doesn't go away until I see you again.

Every day I feel like I'm getting to know you all over again, but you know who you are, you know what you want. You're intelligent, you're funny, you're... affectionate, you're beautiful...'' he took a short pause as he looked into her eyes, ''you're the kind of person people would suspect has to give up at some point, but you're too... hard-headed I guess,'' he grinned for a moment at this. ''You have gentle hands and the heart of a fighter. All the words I can think of won't do justice how amazing you are and how much I love you. And I have no words to explain how wonderful my life is now that I you are in it.'' He finished and took another deep breath.

Peter smiled at him, ''Milo, please place your ring on Andy's third finger of her left hand and repeat these words:

''I, Milo Morton,'' Peter began.  
>''I, Milo Morton,'' Milo repeated as he gazed into Andy's eyes.<p>

''give to you, Andy,'' Peter said.  
>''give to you, Andy,'' Milo repeated as he slowly slipped the ring onto her finger.<p>

''this ring as a symbol of my commitment,'' Peter said as he took a quick glance at the book.  
>''this ring as a symbol of my commitment,'' Milo softly squeezed her hands as he said this and she smiled at him.<p>

''to love, honor, and respect you,'' Peter said.  
>''to love, honor, and respect you,'' Milo repeated.<p>

''with all that I am, always,'' Peter finished.  
>''with all that I am, always,'' Milo finished as well as he couldn't take his eyes off of her.<p>

Peter smiled as he saw this and he closed the book, ''I now, with divine blessings and the authority vested in me by the universallifechurch dot com, joyfully pronounce you Husband and Wife. You may kiss your Bride!''

Milo smiled as he pulled Andy a little closer and kissed her lips.

* * *

><p>Please review, I'm thankful for any and all feedback!<p> 


	28. Wedding 4: Here With You

A/N: So, this is the last part of the wedding chapter, I didn't plan on it having so much chapters but each time I wrote a new part I just wanted to upload it. I promise that after this things will return to normal!  
>Enjoy!<p>

* * *

><p><span><strong>C<strong>**hapter 22:**  
><span><strong>Wedding 4: Here With You<strong>

* * *

><p>This is set on Tuesday February 14th.<p>

* * *

><p>''My heart to you is given:<br>Oh, do give yours to me;  
>We'll lock them up together,<br>And throw away the key.'' Frederick Saunders

* * *

><p>Andy's POV<p>

* * *

><p>''I can't believe you did that for me,'' I say softly into Milo's ear as we stand on the side of the small 'dance floor'.<br>He just smiles at me and gently kisses my lips.

''I can't believe how beautiful you look,'' he says as he glances down at my dress, or more particularly: my stomach. It has grown quite a bit and I'm at twenty weeks now, halfway through.  
>I glance down as well and put my hand on it before I look back up and smile at Milo. ''Can you believe that in twenty weeks we'll have a son or a daughter?'' I ask him, hearing the obvious disbelief in my own voice.<p>

Even though I've been through this before, twice, it still feels as amazing as it did the first time. The feeling of having another human being grow inside of me... it's unexplainable how amazing it is.

Milo puts his hand on my belly as well, ''I can't wait until she's born,'' he says.  
>I let out a barely audible sigh and say with a smile: ''we don't even know if it's going to be a girl.'' I know it won't stop Milo from referring to the baby as a she, but I have to at least try in case it's a boy.<p>

''It could be, 50/50 shot,'' he says before looking away at the people on the wooden dance floor.  
>''More like 4654,'' I say and he throws a confused look. ''There's a forty-six percent change we'll have a boy, and a fifty-four percent change we have a girl,'' I explain, though it doesn't lift the confusion off his face.

I, too, look at the people on the dance floor. Pretty much everyone is dancing by now except from us, Lu and Jonas are dancing together, Lana and Atticus are dancing, Robert and Susan, Peter and Kayla, Nick and Dana... only the kids are all standing on the side, and Milo and I of course.

We're at the reception; after the ceremony we all went to Milo's house where his parents had planned the reception. There was a buffet, there's a dance floor, nice music... everything needed.

A new song comes on and I immediately recognize it: Fields of Gold by Sting; one of my favorites. Milo looks back at my face, ''may I have this dance?'' He asks as he holds out his hand. I smile and grab it as I follow him onto the dance floor. He pulls me close and we start dancing. I take a deep breath and take in his oh, so familiar scent as I keep my gaze focused on his face.

He leans in a little closer to kiss me and that's when I feel it...  
>''Oh my God,'' I say and he immediately steps back.<br>''What's wrong?'' Milo asks me with a concerned look on his face. In the corner of my eyes I can see Lu and Jonas, who were dancing next to us, glance over at us and Lu rushes over to me.

I grab Milo's hand and put it on my stomach, ''do you feel that?'' I ask him as I ignore the people who are looking at us in confusion.  
>I can see a smile appear on his face as he gives a slight nod.<p>

They're probably barely noticeable from the outside but I can feel the baby kicking down quite hard. I look down at Milo's hands on my stomach as he shifts them a little bit when the baby starts kicking elsewhere. Milo's eyes are lit up in amazement; it reminds me of the first time I felt Jesse kick... He probably feels as amazed now as I did back then.

* * *

><p>Milo's POV<p>

* * *

><p>''Okay, so what is it with this forty-six and fifty-four thing you said?'' I ask Andy as we head back into the house.<p>

It's now nearly 10 p.m. and all the guests left a couple of hours ago. The girls and both our parents stayed a little longer but have left now as well. My parents are heading back to their house and Andy's parents and kids are staying at her house while she's staying here.  
>We decided to have the honeymoon later since it was so short-term but she's staying here for the night and we both have tomorrow off of work.<p>

''They did a study about whether people are more likely to have a son or a daughter. Usually you have a fifty-one percent change you'll have a boy and a forty-nine percent shot at having a girl. But since I already have two daughters, there's a fifty-four percent change we'll have a daughter,'' she explains to me.  
>''And if we do, than that would make me right,'' I say, almost sounding a little surprised.<p>

I know it's not often that she gets these things, or really anything, wrong, but right now the odds are in my favor.  
>''You sure you want to stick to your prediction?'' I ask her with a half smile as I close the door behind me and lock it.<br>''A hundred percent sure!'' She says before turning on her heel and heading back into the kitchen. I follow her and watch as she gets some ice-cream out of the freezer and grabs two spoons.

She has been craving vanilla chocolate chip ice-cream all week and, thankfully, I like it as well. She hands me one of the spoons and opens the container. As she takes the first bite a small smile grows on her face, ''damn, this is good,'' she says quietly and I laugh.

We stay in the kitchen, eating the ice-cream, for about half an hour before heading upstairs. As soon as the door closes behind us she takes off her shoes and throws them on the floor as I do the same. ''Much better,'' I say as she walks over to the mirror and starts to take her earrings out.

I walk over to her and wrap my arms around her waist as I kiss the top of her head, ''can you believe that we're finally husband and wife?'' I ask her as I take in the sweet scent of her shampoo. She shakes her head slightly as she turns around in my arms and smiles at me.  
>I stare into her eyes for a couple of seconds before she kisses my lips and I close my eyes. As she pulls back she wraps her arms around me as well and we just stand there for a while, embraced in each other's arms.<p>

''I love you,'' I say in a soft murmur.  
>''I love you too,'' she says as she buries her face into my chest, before pulling back and walking over to the bathroom.<p>

I smile as I watch her walk away until she disappears into the bathroom and I can't see her anymore. ''How did you even come up with having the wedding today?'' She asks me curiously.  
>''Well, you helped,'' I tell her as I start undressing. ''You said that you thought it was romantic to get married on February 14th, and since you were so frustrated about all the arrangements... I decided that it would be best to just get it over with, I guess,'' I say as I drape my jacket on shirt over a chair that's always in the corner of my - our? - bedroom.<p>

The silence between us pretty much tells me that she understands me and she doesn't think she'll have to say that again because it would be redundant. ''Were you nervous?'' I ask her as she walks out, she has combed her hair and brushed her teeth I think.  
>''I didn't really have time for that,'' she says as she walks over to me. She turns her back to me and I unbutton the back of her dress. I just grin at her answer, ''were you nervous?'' She asks me as she holds her dress up with her hands.<p>

''Very!'' I say honestly as the last button becomes undone. ''I was kind of worried about what you'd think about the whole 'surprise wedding', I didn't want to freak you out or anything.''  
>She looks at me as I take off my socks and pants, ''I'm really glad you did it anyway, I loved it,'' she says with a sweet smile.<p>

I walk into the bathroom - in my boxers - to throw my dirty socks in the dirty clothes hamper and when I walk back into the bedroom I can see she has taken off her dress and is standing there in her underwear. She seems to be quite shy - probably because aside from all the emotional scars, she has some physical scars from the rape as well - but to me she looks beautiful.

It has been some months since the last time I saw her like this, and I've missed it. Not just being able to be this close to her physically, but showing yourself like that to someone takes a lot of trust - especially when you've been through what she went through. The fact that she lets me see her like this after that... I can only imagine how difficult that must be for her.  
>''So, what are the rules?'' I ask her as I walk over to her.<p>

''Rules?'' She asks me with a grin and she raises her eyebrow. ''Aren't you supposed to break the rules on your wedding night?''  
>''Oh, come on. You must have some,'' I tell her with a smile. She smiles back before I turn serious again. ''Just things you don't want me to do so I won't trigger any... memories,'' I say.<p>

She doesn't answer me, but kisses my lips instead. As the kiss becomes more passionate I can feel her breathing quicken. I pull away from her a little bit and start kissing her neck before I can feel that she has pretty much frozen under my touch. I immediately pull away, ''are you okay?'' I ask her as I grab her hands in mine.

''Yeah, sorry,'' she says as she looks down at the floor.  
>''Don't be sorry, it's okay,'' I tell her. She looks up at my face again and takes a step back. I look behind me; we're standing right next to the bed, as I figured, so I decide to sit down on the edge of it. It's probably less threatening if she can look down at me.<p>

''Andy,'' I say softly and she looks back at me. ''Just tell me what you don't want me to do and I won't do it.''  
>She looks at me for a few seconds but remains quiet.<br>''We don't have to do this, not tonight or not ever, if you don't want to,'' I whisper.

''But I want to do this,'' she says in a determined voice.  
>''Then you'll have to tell me what I can and can't do,'' I say as I softly stroke the backs of her hands with my thumb in an attempt to calm her down.<p>

She stares into thin air, it seems, for a few seconds so I decide to start instead. ''I won't kiss your neck again,'' I begin and she looks down at my face, ''or even touch you there.''  
>She leans over and my pecks my lips before she sits down next to me and starts talking, ''and could you not touch my shoulders or arms either?'' She asks me.<br>''Consider it done - or perhaps, consider it not done,'' I joke with a grin.

She smiles at me, ''and don't call me anything other than my name,'' she tells me and I give a slight nod before I kiss her right cheek. ''And I have to see your face at all time,'' she says and I kiss her left cheek.

''Whatever you want,'' I say and look into her eyes. ''Anything else?'' I ask her after a few more minutes of kissing.  
>She shakes her head before she kisses my lips again.<p> 


	29. Whose Life Is It Anyway?

A/N: Okay, so I know I haven't updated in pretty much forever. The last semester of this schoolyear was very hectic, but summer vacation has started now so I'll probably be able to update a lot more often.  
>On another note: there are several parts in here that are out of character. I'm well aware of this, I just couldn't find another way to write it so I hope it's not too bad.<p>

Anyways, enjoy!

* * *

><p><span><strong>Chapter 23:<strong>  
><span><strong>Whose Life Is It Anyway?<strong>

* * *

><p>This is set on Saturday February 18th 2006.<p>

* * *

><p>''Too often, the thing you want most, is the one thing you can't have. Desire leaves us heartbroken. It wears us out. Desire can wreck your life. But as tough as wanting something can be… the people who suffer the most, are those who don't know <em>what <em>they want.'' Ellen Pompeo - Grey's Anatomy

* * *

><p>Kayla's POV<p>

* * *

><p>I watch him one run of his hands through is thick black hair. He takes a deep breath, leaning one hand on the counter in front of him while he's listening to whoever he's talking to on the phone.<p>

Is it one of his ex-girlfriends - one of the many? Is it his mother - or father - asking him to go to a distant cousin's birthday? Perhaps he's dating someone and she's asking him out. Maybe it's-

''Hi,'' I spin around when I hear a familiar voice behind me. I smile when I see it's Peter.  
>''Hi,'' I say, caught a little off guard.<br>He frowns when he sees the look on my face, ''is everything okay?'' He questions.

''Yeah, fine,'' I say and give a slight smile.  
>Peter glances over at what I was looking at; Nick Biancavilla who's on the phone with... really, it could be anybody. Peter glances back at me, a slight frown on his face and the question obvious in his eyes.<p>

''I had a moment to myself, I was trying to figure out who he was talking to on the phone,'' I say and I can hear the - unintended - defensive tone in my own voice.  
>Peter gives a slight nod but clearly decides not to press the matter.<p>

''Why are you down here anyways?'' I ask him as I pick one of the charts and look through it briefly before looking back up at him. Since he works in the clinic he's not down here very often, except from when Lu or Andy needs his help.  
>''I was coming down here for you,'' he says, a bigger smile appearing on his face.<br>''Okay...?'' I ask with a frown as I can see Nick hanging up the phone in the corner of my eye.

Peter glances back over at him as well - probably following my lead - before looking back up at me. ''I was wondering if you wanted to go to dinner tonight - or sometime soon.'' He says, I can hear the nervousness in his voice.  
>''You mean, just the two of us?'' I ask and he gives a nod. ''Like, on a date?'' I ask him as I - without really thinking about it - smile.<p>

''Yeah,'' he says. Despite how confident he usually appears, he looks a little uncomfortable now. Maybe taken aback because I didn't immediately say 'yes', perhaps worried that I might say 'no'.  
>I give a slight shrug in a nonchalant kind of way, ''sure.'' I say and we both smile.<p>

* * *

><p>''So, who were you talking to on the phone?'' I ask Nick as we walk away from one of the stretchers: a woman got into a car accident - she didn't make it.<br>''What?'' He asks me as he turns to me.  
>''I saw you talking on the phone earlier. I could tell there was something different about this phone call compared to usual, who was it?'' I ask him.<p>

''Manhattan General,'' he says and I frown slightly as he turns away to fill in the chart.  
>''What did they want?'' I ask him.<br>He looks up from the chart to look at me, ''they offered me a job,'' he says.

I can feel the look on my face change, though I have no idea what kind of expression I'm currently showing, ''you're leaving?'' I ask. I'm somewhere between surprise, shock, happy that they're offering him a job and upset that he might leave.

''Who knows?'' He says with a slight grin before turning back to the chart.

* * *

><p>''He asked you out?!'' I take in the only slightly shocked, not very surprised at all, looks they are giving me. Lu's jaw has slightly dropped as a defeated look appears on her face.<br>''I know, right?'' I ask her, Lana and Andy who are all three sitting opposite of me. We are in the hospital cafeteria and I just told them what happened between Peter and me this morning.

I can hear Andy groan as both she and Lu take out their wallets and hand money to Lana.  
>''What're you doing?'' I ask them, my jaw slightly dropped now too.<br>The three of them look up at me, Lana with a slight frown, ''what do you mean?''  
>''Wait...'' I begin as it suddenly dawns on me, ''you guys bet on whether he was going to ask me out or not?''<p>

''No! Don't be ridiculous!'' Lana begins before she and Andy share a look.  
>I frown at them and it's only a matter of seconds before Andy responds, ''the question was never: <em>will<em> he ask you out... it was _when_ he would ask you out!''

''I honestly thought it would be another couple of months,'' Lu tells me before she takes a sip of her coffee.  
>''I bet it would be another year - but Lana's guess was pretty accurate,'' Andy continues.<p>

I look at the three of them quite flabbergasted. ''But...'' I mutter.  
>''Don't be so surprised, we do this all the time!'' Lana tells me with her eyebrows raised.<p>

I just look at them, ''why?'' I ask when I finally regain the ability to form words.  
>They exchange looks, ''why not?'' Lu asks me with a grin.<br>I lean forward on the table and give each of them a look, ''just-'' I begin before taking in a deep breath, ''-stay out of my love life!''  
>I watch Lu and Andy roll their eyes and Lana looks at me with a look I can't quite explain.<p>

''But-'' Lu begins.  
>''No buts!'' I interrupt her and notice the harsh tone, so I decide to change it, ''could you just stay out of it?'' I watch Andy sit back in her chair, folding her arms across her chest, Lu focuses on her coffee and Lana gives me a look that says: 'whatever, fine!'. All in all; they look a little offended.<p>

''Look, you know I would usually tell you everything but... you know both Peter and I and I don't want to jinx anything.'' I tell them. They give me blank stares, ''it's just too soon.''

I decide to ignore the looks on their faces but before I can say anything else, Lu already begins, ''why don't we just change the subject?'' She asks us.  
>''Okay,'' I begin with a smile, at least now we're talking, ''Lu, how are things between you and Jonas?'' I ask her.<br>She looks at me with her jaw dropped once again, ''seriously? I can't talk about your love life but you're asking about mine?'' She asks me.

I let out a small sigh and look at Lana, ''how are things between you and Atticus?'' I try again.  
>''Nothing interesting,'' she replies curtly.<br>I decide not to give up and glance over at Andy, ''you and Milo?'' I ask her.  
>''Nothing interesting either,'' she tells me as she stares off into thin air.<p>

Lu, Lana and I all glance over at her, ''what do you mean nothing?'' I ask her.  
>''You got married four days ago, there's got to be something,'' Lu says.<br>Andy looks back and forth between the three of us, ''I don't know, maybe it's just because we don't live together... Nothing's really changed.'' She tells us.

''When are you moving in together?'' Lana asks her with an - only slight - frown.  
>''Soon,'' is Andy's curt reply. It takes a second before she looks back at us from the people a few tables over. ''Can we change the subject?'' She asks.<p>

I think for a second whether or not I should bring this up, then decide they might as well find out now, ''Nick might move away,'' I tell them and they all look up at me.  
>''What?'' Andy asks, full attention for this conversation again.<br>''He got a call from Manhattan General this morning and he told me they offered him a job,'' I say.

* * *

><p>3rd Persons POV<p>

* * *

><p>It was late at night when Nick Biancavilla arrived home at his small apartment in uptown Philadelphia. He took in the shadows casted by the light outside before he let out a sigh and flicked on the light.<p>

Looking around at all of his stuff he realized it didn't mean all that much to him. It certainly wasn't anything that would keep him here - keep him from taking, what was probably, a better job. Maybe a higher salary, perhaps better hours...

He bit the inside of his cheek thinking about this as he sat down on the couch, grabbing the TV remote off the small coffee table and turning it on.

He flipped through the channels until he found something he liked - reruns of some old football game - but didn't really pay attention to what he was watching.

They had given him a week to decide if he wanted the job or not, and it looked like he was going to need it; he kept going back and forth will all of the pros and cons, unable to make a decision that he could stick with.

He had done his years of residency at Rittenhouse Hospital; he had so much history there. He knew all of his colleagues - the doctors, the nurses, the surgeons, everybody - he knew which patients would come back over and over without there being anything wrong with them. Could he just say goodbye to that and leave it all behind for something he wasn't sure he'd actually like?

He leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees, and rubbed his temples. All of this was giving him a major head ache.

Could he really chose himself and what might be, over what was and what had become his family? He saw a picture on one of the side tables and picked it up, it was a picture that had been taken at the hospital, back when he was still together with Dana.  
>Even though she had left... it didn't mean that the love he had for that place had left with her...<p>

* * *

><p>''I had a really good time tonight,'' Kayla said with a smile as she turned to Peter.<br>''Yeah, me too,'' he answered her smile. ''So... maybe we could do this again sometime soon?'' He asked with raised eyebrows as he looked at her.

She hesitated for a moment before she nodded, ''I'd love that,'' she said.  
>He gave her a small grin, almost a little shy, before he leaned her in and gave her a kiss. Just a short one. They were in front of Dr. Campbell's house, since Kayla was still living there, and he didn't want to risk her finding out about any of this.<p>

They stood in silence for a few moments. They had talked so much - about a lot of things - that they didn't really know the right words to have it come to an end without starting a whole other conversation.  
>''So I guess I'll see you tomorrow?'' She asked, even though she already knew the answer.<p>

''I'm looking forward to it,'' Peter said with a smile before turning around and walking back to his motorcycle. He stopped walking when he felt his cell phone vibrate in his pocket. He turned around to see if Kayla was still standing in the doorway but she had already gone inside. As he flipped open his phone he saw that he had gotten a message from Nick: _'I'm staying_.'


	30. Forever Young, Forever In Doubt

A/N 1: So, in order to make sure everybody is on the same page here: This takes place in 2006, so Jesse is eighteen by this point (according to the show she was born on October 11th 1987) and Lizzy is almost thirteen (her birth date is February 26th 1993). Because of this it might look like I'm skipping a few parts [such as Jesse graduating high school] but I'm just trying to make it as realistic as possible.

* * *

><p><span><strong>Chapter 24:<strong>  
><span><strong>Forever Young, Forever In Doubt<strong>

* * *

><p>This is set on Saturday February 25th 2006.<p>

* * *

><p>''In some ways we grow up. We have families, we get married… divorced. But for the most part, we still have the same problems that we did when we were fifteen. No matter how much we grow taller, grow older, we are still forever stumbling. Forever wondering. Forever… young.''<p>

* * *

><p>Andy's POV<p>

* * *

><p>''So did I tell you Jesse is bringing her new boyfriend?'' I ask Milo who's sitting next to me.<p>

We're in the hospital cafeteria for his lunch break. I have the day off today but considering how little we get to see each other he invited me to have lunch with him. Tonight we - Milo, Lizzy, Jesse, Jesse's new boyfriend and I - are all going to dinner. My birthday was two days ago and Lizzy's birthday is tomorrow so I decided to combine it all and go out to dinner tonight.

''No, you didn't,'' Milo tells me as he looks up from the lunch in front of him - a fruit salad. ''What's his name?''  
>''Jeremy Groves, he's in her class and he's 19-years-old,'' I tell Milo as I pick up one of the forks and take a bite too.<p>

Since Jesse started college last year she's been spending a lot of time with her new class but she never mentioned anyone in particular to me until she told me she wanted to bring a date tonight. It's our first time meeting him.

''19?'' He asks before he takes a sip of his drink and I give him a nod, ''she sure is growing up fast, huh?''  
>''They both are,'' I say before I look away. The whole idea of her going out on dates with God knows who... it's freaking me out a bit.<br>''How do you feel about this?'' Milo asks me.  
>''What? Her dating?'' I ask for clarification and he nods. ''I don't know... She knows I've never liked her going out,'' I say and I chuckle.<p>

''Well, yeah - but considering everything...'' Milo begins before he trails off.  
>''Considering I'm her mom?'' I ask.<br>''That too,'' he says and I frown at him, ''her mom _and_ a rape victim.''

We sit in silence for a few moments. Could that be why I'm not exactly thrilled about all of this?  
>''I mean, because of that she could understand why you're worried about her,'' Milo says as he takes another bite of - what I'm guessing is - apple.<br>''But she doesn't know that happened,'' I remind him as I put down my fork.

''Don't you think she should know?'' Milo asks me and I shrug. I've been going back and forth with 'should I tell them or not' in my mind for months now, I still don't have an answer. ''I'm just saying; they've already figured out something's wrong - you said so yourself - and judging by their behavior they don't believe it has anything to do with us or the baby. Aside from that; this affects them to and besides... Jesse is eighteen, don't you think she's old enough?''

''Jesse might be old enough, but Lizzy isn't. Heck, she probably even doesn't know what 'rape' is. And I can't just tell Jesse and not her,'' I say as I bite my lip. Milo and I look at each other for a few moments before I look away, ''I just cannot tell them, okay?''  
>''It's your call,'' he tells me, ''I just want you to think about it.''<p>

* * *

><p>''Have you decided on a name yet?'' Lizzy asks me from the back seat.<br>We are on our way to the restaurant - Milo is driving, I'm in the passenger seat and Lizzy is in the back seat. Jesse and Jeremy are driving together after having spent their afternoon together doing God knows what. It's not something I really want to think about.

I glance over at Milo, ''ehm, no.'' I tell her, ''we're still thinking about it.''  
>''Any suggestions?'' Milo asks her with a chuckle and I smile.<p>

''How about Hannah for a girl?'' She asks as she shifts in her seat.  
>I smile in surprise. Usually she comes up with the most crazy names and ideas, but this is a name I actually like. I look over at Milo, ''I like it.'' I tell them.<br>''Me too,'' he says before he glances at Lizzy in the rearview mirror, ''but your mom is convinced it's going to be a boy, do you have any names for boys?''  
>''I'll think about it,'' she tells us before she looks out the window again.<p>

* * *

><p>During dinner I can't help but think about the conversation Milo and I had earlier - should I tell Jesse or not? Even if I can't tell Lizzy it might still help Jesse - she could be reminded that she has to be careful.<br>I glance over at the guy next to her - Jeremy. With his dark blue eyes and strawberry blonde hair he looks pretty good and I can tell Jesse really likes him.

As we are walking back to our cars after dinner I pull Jesse to the side and give Milo a look - he immediately understands.  
>''Is something wrong?'' Jesse asks me confused as she looks back at Jeremy.<br>''I just wanted to ehm... talk to you,'' I tell her with a slight smile.  
>She frowns at me, ''okay...?'' She asks me when I don't say anything.<p>

I take a deep breath, finding a way to tell her this. I knew this was going to be hard but at this moment I have no idea whatsoever on how to even bring this up. She's staying over at Jeremy's house tonight... how can I just drop a bomb like this on her so sudden?  
>''Mom, what is it?'' She asks me and I look away for a moment - glancing over at Lizzy.<br>If Jesse knows about this Lizzy will find out soon - I just know it.

''Just, ehm... stay safe,'' I smile at Jesse as I say this.  
>She frowns at me, ''okay,'' she says a little hesitantly. ''I'll see you tomorrow,'' she tells me before she gives me a hug and walking over to Jeremy.<p>

As I walk back over to the car I see that Lizzy has already gotten in, Milo is waiting for me - leaning against the car. ''I couldn't do it,'' I say curtly before opening the passenger door and getting in.  
>He gives a slight nod before turning around and getting in the car as well.<p>

* * *

><p>''You know I didn't mean to pressure you into anything, right?'' Milo asks me as he sits down next to me on the back porch.<br>I glance over at him and give him a slight smile, ''I know.'' I tell him. ''I just can't decide if they should know or not...'' I put my head on his shoulder and we sit in silence for a few minutes.

''And it ain't exactly a thing you can fix with a pro-and-con-list,'' Milo says before he kisses the top of my head.  
>''But, I mean... should they know something like this?'' I ask him as I sit back up. ''He was their father after all, and since he did that to me and what happens to me affects them...'' I trail off before I let out a sigh.<p>

''Did you ask Lu what she thinks?" Milo asks me as he looks over at me. He has his elbows resting on his knees and is leaning forward.  
>''Yeah, I did. She took me to the rape counseling chat group - whatever she calls it - and I asked her when we were there. She just told me that it depended on what kind of a relationship I have with them, what kind of a relationship they had with their father and if they're noticing the change in my behavior,'' I say, thinking about this. ''She also said that in my case, if they ask about it I should tell them that something is going on and that I'll explain it when they get older.''<p>

''But...?'' Milo asks me, noticing there is more.  
>I frown, ''I'm not sure; it just doesn't feel right not to tell them. I mean; except from the whole Santa and Tooth fairy stuff, I'm usually pretty honest with them,'' I tell him.<p>

''But Lizzy is too young,'' he finishes for me.  
>''Yeah. And if I just tell Jesse there is always the risk of her finding out some other way, or she could get upset that I told Jesse and not her,'' I continue. ''I just feel like if I don't tell them they are just going to find out some other way, even though I wouldn't know how.''<p>

I hear him take a deep breath, ''maybe you should sleep on it,'' he tells me as he stands up. I glance up at him, but before I can ask anything he already answers me: ''I should go home, it's getting pretty late.''  
>I let out a chuckle, "<em>home<em>. We are married and you still have to go home.''

''Okay, how about I move in tomorrow,'' he jokes as we walk back into the house and he grabs his coat.  
>I laugh, "tomorrow?" I ask him.<br>''Soon, just tell me when you're ready,'' he says. He leans in and pecks my lips before he puts his coat on and stands still for a moment.

I frown at him, ''what is it?'' I ask him.  
>He glances down real quick before shaking his head, ''nothing.'' He tells me. I think for a second before I take his hands in mine and put them on my belly, knowing that this way he can feel the baby kick. A smile appears on his face before he takes his hands of my belly and pulls me in for a hug. After a few seconds I hug him back. As he pulls back he takes my face in his hands and kisses me, ''I love you.''<p>

''I love you too,'' I say with a smile before opening the door for him.  
>''Goodnight, '' he says as he starts walking to his car.<br>''Goodnight.''

* * *

><p>Please review!<p> 


	31. Unlucky Penny

A/N: I'd like to apologize for not uploading very often. I had expected to be uploading a lot since it's summer vacation but my mind is in full 'vacation mode' and I haven't felt like doing much. Sorry!

* * *

><p><span><strong>Chapter 25:<strong>  
><span><strong>Unlucky Penny<strong>

* * *

><p>This is set on Friday March 3rd 2006.<p>

* * *

><p>''I'll be here for you. Always.''<p>

* * *

><p>Andy's POV<p>

* * *

><p>''I met with the realtor today, she said she's going to come next week to take some pictures of the house and then they'll put it on the market,'' I hear Milo say over the phone.<p>

After the conversation we had the other night - and him suggesting that he could move on whenever I was ready - I decided it was time. We are married, we are having baby, and honestly; I just don't want to wait any longer.  
>I'm coping with my rape as best as I can and I think that I'm ready to take this next step even though it's going to be hard.<p>

''So... when do you think you can move in?'' I ask him with a smile.  
>''Ehm, I actually already started packing up some things. I bought a couple of moving boxes. I think we just have to go over what I have to keep and what I can throw away,'' he tells me.<br>''Sounds good,'' I tell him.

I can hear him hold his breath for a second, ''are you okay?'' He asks me suddenly with a worried voice.  
>''Yeah, I'm fine,'' I tell him as I start playing with one of the pens on my desk. ''Why?''<br>''I don't know... just the way you said that. You know you can't hide it from me when something is wrong,'' he tells me and I can almost hear him smile to himself.

I frown a bit, ''I kept the fact that I was raped hidden from you for a week after it happened.''  
>He is silent for a second before answering: ''touché.'' We both laugh for a second, ''but seriously, you're okay with it all, right?'' He asks me, just to be sure.<p>

''Yes, I am,'' I tell him. ''I have a patient now, I'll call you back later.''  
>''Okay, love you,'' he says.<br>''Love you too,'' I tell him and we both hang up.

I lean back in my chair a bit and smile - we just spoke about my rape as if it were just a normal thing to happen in life. That has never happened before.

* * *

><p>''Dr. Campbell, just the person I was looking for,'' I turn around - away from the coffee machine in the cafeteria - when I hear my name.<br>''Dr. Thompson,'' I acknowledge as I give her a smile.  
>''I need to talk to you about your patient, Penelope Walker,'' she tells me as we start heading back inside.<p>

Penelope Walker was a patient that first came to me when she was brought into the ER because she needed stitches. She had fallen while she went for a jog and had cut up her leg. She had a couple of other symptoms, such as stiffness in her legs, twitching and cramping. I referred her to the neurology department where Dr. Helen Thompson took over the case.  
>I know she's been doing some tests on Penelope but I hadn't heard anything about it yet.<p>

''Do you have the results of the tests you did on her?'' I ask Dr. Thompson.  
>''Yes, unfortunately I don't have good news though,'' she tells me as we walk into the clinic and start walking to my office.<p>

''As you know I ran a blood test on her as well as an EMG, NCV and a MRI to rule out other things that might cause the symptoms,'' she tells me as we walk into my office and we both sit down.  
>''And?'' I ask her.<br>''Well, there were upper and lower motor neurons signs in her left leg, the one she was complaining about when you first met her,'' Dr. Thompson tells me.

''I had her run on a treadmill to see what kind of problems she experiences when she is running. I know there aren't any tests to confirm my diagnosis but I've ruled out everything else, I think she has ALS,'' she tells me.  
>I bite my lip as I lean back in my chair, ''have you told her yet?'' I ask her.<p>

''I figured that since you're her primary physician that maybe you should tell her,'' she tells me as she hands me Penelope's file. I take it from her and read through it briefly.  
>''I'll tell her,'' I say curtly to Dr. Thompson. Giving bad news is one of the necessary evils to this job and I can't help but wonder how Penelope is going to take this.<p>

''Okay,'' Dr. Thompson tells me and she gives me a smile before she walks out of my office.  
>After a few minutes I walk out as well - knowing that there's a new patient waiting for me. ''Hawkins, could you call Penelope Walker and ask her to come in?'' I ask Lana as I walk to her desk.<br>''Sure thing,'' she tells me as she hands me Kathy Longley's file, my next patient.

* * *

><p>''Okay, couch: stay or go?'' Milo asks me as we're standing in his house.<br>''Go! I already have a couch,'' I say with a shrug.  
>''Well, we can get rid of your couch and keep this one,'' he suggests.<br>I narrow my eyes at him, ''what's wrong with my couch?'' I ask him with a half smile.

''Nothing. We just have to decide. Some of my stuff has to go but some of your stuff will have to go as well if we're going to fit all of it in your house,'' he tells me.  
>''If we're going to fit it all into <em>our<em> house,'' I say, putting the emphasis on 'our'. ''What's mine is yours, remember?''  
>''Exactly! And just by the way; I like your couch better anyway,'' he tells me.<p>

I smile at him as he looks around at all the different stuff in the living room. He has quite a big house and a lot of stuff. ''What're you going to do with all the stuff you're not going to keep?'' I ask him curiously.  
>''Well, there are some things I am giving away to others, but most of it is going to the thrift store,'' he says. ''I already packed all of my clothes and other things that I am going to keep, all those boxes are upstairs. I guess we can move those today and figure out the rest of this later.''<p>

I groan, ''this is going to take a long time to figure out.''  
>''Oh come on, with our combined brain power we ought to be able to figure out what to keep and what can go, right?'' He asks me with a grin.<p>

* * *

><p>Saturday March 4th 2006.<p>

* * *

><p>''After all the tests we've ran I'm afraid I have some bad news,'' I tell Penny as I sit down in front of her in my office. A small frown appears on her face, she's still smiling. I get a feeling she won't be in a minute, though. ''All the tests Dr. Thompson did with you lead to only one possible diagnosis,'' I tell her. ''You have ALS.''<p>

''I have what?'' She asks me with a bigger frown, confusion written all over her face.  
>''ALS. Also known as Lou Gehrig's disease,'' I say. I can see the confused look being lift off her face as realization starts to sink in.<br>''Oh my God...'' she says as she looks down at her hands which are folded in her lap.

''I realize that this must come as a shock,'' I tell her as I put my hand on her shoulder, trying to comfort her even though I know that nothing really comforts you when you get news like this.  
>She lets out a deep, shaky breath as she tries compose herself as best as she can. ''So, when can we start treatment?'' She asks me as she swallows hard.<p>

I try to think of the best way to break the news to her. ''I am going to start you on riluzole, which will slow the disease down a little. But there's no known cure for ALS,'' I tell her.  
>''I'm going to have this for the rest of my life?'' She asks me with tears in her eyes. As I nod she wipes away a tear from her eyes, ''how long do I have?'' She asks me.<p>

''There's no way to tell for sure, but most patients pass away within three years after the diagnosis. There are some exceptions, but these are very rare,'' I tell her. I don't want to get her hopes up but I'm obligated to tell her all the information I have.

''Oh my God,'' she says again as she's shaking her head, clearly she doesn't want to accept this - and honestly, who can blame her?  
>''I understand that this is very difficult for you. I am going to be here for you whenever you need me,'' I promise her.<br>She doesn't even seem to hear me, ''what's going to happen to me after I die?'' She asks me and I just look at her, I don't really know what she means. ''Who's going to take care of my daughter?'' She asks with the worry evident in her voice.

''I'm sure there's somebody out there who can take care of her,'' I tell her in an attempt to comfort her.  
>Penelope shakes her head, ''Ella's father died when she was a baby. My parents are dead, Ella and I have no one aside from each other,'' she tells me.<p>

I scoot my chair over next to her and put an arm around her as she buries her face in her hands. ''You have plenty of time to take care of everything that needs to be taken care off. I'll help you with arranging everything for Ella, you can call me whenever you need to for help,'' I tell her. As she looks back up at me she wipes away some of her tears, ''I'm going to help you through this, okay?''

She gives me a slight nod before she starts to cry again.

* * *

><p>''After all that we've been through, you'd think that something as simple as deciding on what furniture to keep and what to throw away would be a piece of cake,'' Milo tells me as he puts his hands on his hip. He's looking around at all the boxes stacked up in the hallway of my - now our - house. Most of his furniture is still at his house because we still haven't managed to decide on what to keep and what to throw away.<p>

''You know what? Why don't you decide what's best? I don't care as long as you can move in here as soon as possible,'' I tell him as I let out a frustrated sigh and run one hand through my hair.  
>''You sure about that?'' He asks me as he looks over at me.<p>

''Very sure! As long as you're here I don't really care about all of that stuff,'' I tell him as I think back to everything Penelope told me. Her husband has passed away, her parents had passed away, her husband's parents had died. She didn't have any friends because she focused all of her attention on raising Ella. It just makes me all the more grateful for what I do have.

I have the bad stuff: unresolved traumas to deal with, a hard job, two teenage daughters, being worried about the baby. But today has made me realize that it's more important to focus on the good stuff instead of the bad and count my blessings every day.

I can see Milo look over at me with a worried expression on his face, ''are you okay?'' He asks me as he walks over to me and pulls me close to him.  
>I nod at him, ''I'm fine,'' I assure him. He looks into my eyes - probably trying to figure out if I really am or if I'm just saying I am. ''I really am fine,'' I reassure him in a singing voice.<p>

As he walks back over to the boxes, to bring them upstairs, he glances over at me real quick.  
>''I love you,'' I tell him with a smile, a little out of the blue for him.<br>He smiles at me, ''I love you too,'' he tells me.


	32. Communication Breakdown

**Chapter 26:**  
><span><strong>Communication Breakdown<strong>

* * *

><p>This is set on Tuesday March 7th 2006.<p>

* * *

><p>''Communication. It's the first thing we really learn in life. Funny thing is, once we grow up, learn our words, and really start talking, the harder it becomes to know what to say. Or, how to ask for what we really need…''<p>

* * *

><p>Lu's POV<p>

* * *

><p>It's late in the afternoon and I have just finished with my last patient of the day when I hear a knock on my office door, ''come in,'' I say in a response.<br>''Hi,'' Andy says as she walks in and I watch her as she sits down on the couch in my office. She has a frustrated look on her face.  
>''Are you okay?'' I ask her as I walk over to her and pull up a chair to sit down in front of her.<p>

She hesitates for a second, ''I need a sounding board,'' she tells me.  
>I smile at her, ''sound off.'' I tell her and wait for her to continue. ''What's on your mind?''<p>

She clears her throat, ''Milo moved in a couple of days ago,'' she tells me in a matter-of-fact kind of way.  
>''I know, you told me,'' I remind her. By the look on her face I can tell that the living together is not going so well. ''The honeymoon phase is over, huh?'' I ask her.<br>''That's the point! We never had a honeymoon phase,'' she tells me jokingly. ''It just seems so much harder now compared to when Les and I first got married and moved in together.''

''Well, you do have Jesse and Lizzy now, plus the baby you and Milo are having together,'' I tell her. Already having children from a previous relationship always make moving in together harder.  
>''I don't think that's it...'' Andy tells me and I can hear in her voice that she already knows what it really is.<p>

''Okay?'' I ask her with a slight frown.  
>She lets out a small sigh, ''we had a little fight yesterday,'' she tells me. ''Since the girls are spending spring break with Les' mother, Corrina is on vacation. And Milo and I got into an argument about doing the laundry.''<p>

I can't help but laugh and Andy looks at me with an amused smile. ''Sorry, to me it just seems like a silly thing to argue over,'' I tell her.  
>''It is! But that's not the point,'' she says.<br>''Okay... then what is the point?'' I ask her as I stop laughing and get serious again.

''Milo and I haven't had any fights or arguments since my rape,'' she tells me. The word 'rape' came out a little more difficult than the rest of the sentence, telling me that this is still difficult for her. I know it's not the point she's trying to make so I decide not to say anything about it. I just look at her and wait for her to continue.

She looks away from me, a little coy all of a sudden. By her body language the point she's trying to make suddenly starts to sink in.  
>''It wasn't really a big argument or anything, and if this had happened before we would have just made up...'' she begins.<br>''But when you used to make up you'd have sex, and now that's-'' I begin.  
>''Not really happening,'' she finishes my sentence. ''I mean; we did on the night of the wedding but...''<p>

''You're not ready?'' I ask her.  
>''No. I thought I was, and that night we did-'' she begins and I can tell she's uncomfortable talking about this. ''But since then it just never came up, we didn't even had the opportunity to even, since I'm staying at my house and the girls were home so he wouldn't stay over. But now, I don't know what to do,'' she tells me.<p>

''You have to find another way to make up,'' I tell her.  
>''I figured that, I just wouldn't know how to,'' she tells me.<br>''Well, if you want to figure it out I don't think I am the person you ought to be talking to,'' I say with a smile.

She gives me a look, ''I'm done for the day anyway, I guess I'll go talk to him,'' she says as she stands up. ''What if we don't find a way?'' She suddenly asks.  
>''You have to! If you're constantly fighting with him you'll just be more stressed, which will then cause high blood pressure which will lead to bed rest,'' I threaten with a smile and I can see the expression on her face change.<br>''You wouldn't,'' she says, not believing my threat as she looks at me with narrowed eyes.

''Hey! I am just looking out for you and that little boy in there,'' I say as I put up my hands.  
>I can see the expression on her face change again as her jaw drops a little, ''<em>that little boy in there<em>?'' She asks me.

I can feel the smile fading from my face as realization sinks in. ''Oh my God, I am so sorry! I didn't mean to tell you; I know you didn't one to find out,'' I tell her rapidly.  
>I can see tears glisten in her eyes, ''we're having a boy?'' She asks in disbelief.<p>

* * *

><p>Andy's POV<p>

* * *

><p>''I'm home!''<p>

''I'm in the kitchen,'' I hear Milo respond as I notice the scent of chicken. He's been making dinner the last couple of days, with Corrina not here we figured it would be easier since he's home before I am on most days.  
>I drape my coat over one of the dining room chairs and walk into the kitchen. I walk over to him and peck his cheek, ''how was your day?'' I ask him.<p>

''It was okay, pretty quiet,'' he tells me. I can tell by his body language that he's kind of turning away from me.  
>''What's wrong?'' I ask him as I sit down on one of the barstools. He's chopping some paprika and keeping his focus on that.<br>''Nothing,'' he says, brushing my concern off. After a few seconds of silence between us he lets out a sigh, ''I know it was a fight about nothing, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't make up, right?''

''It doesn't,'' I assure him.  
>''If we agree on that then why didn't we?'' He asks me with a frown. ''I mean; I know the whole problem surrounding 'the making up' part, I just don't want that to come between us.''<p>

There's a moment of silence between us as we just look at each other.  
>''Do you know the list of the ten most important things in any relationship?'' He asks me and I give a slight nod. ''I always thought we were doing just fine but lately I feel like we're missing a few.''<br>''Are you talking about 'passion'?'' I ask him. I know the list and I think I know where he's going with this.

''Not necessarily. I think that passion is important, but considering everything that happened I think it's understandable that we'll have to work on that,'' he tells me and I nod in agreement. ''There are plenty of things that are going great, but-''  
>''But?'' I ask him, interrupting him.<p>

He looks at me for a few seconds before continuing, ''I believe that communication is very important and I feel like we've been lacking that lately.''  
>''We're talking, communicating right now!'' I tell him.<br>''We talk a lot but we don't say anything,'' he tells me. ''We talk so much - all the time - but when it really comes down; we don't say anything that really matters. We don't talk about the important stuff.''

I frown at him, ''what important stuff?'' I ask him as I stand up. He just looks at me in silence - and honestly, he doesn't have to say anything. By the look on his face I can tell what he means, ''why would you want to talk about that?'' I ask him in disbelief.  
>He seems to be at loss of words for a few seconds, ''I just figured that-''<br>''You figured what?! That it's such a lot of fun to talk about rape that we should talk about it every day?'' I ask him.

''I didn't say that!'' He says back as he puts down the knife and puts the chopped paprika in the cooking pan with the chicken and the chopped onion.  
>''You implied it,'' I say.<p>

''I didn't say that I want to talk about it every day,'' he tells me. ''I know you're getting help and I think that's great! I know you went to rape counseling group and I am behind you with whatever you feel you need to do to cope with this. I just feel like you're not letting me help you even though I do want to be there for you. I want to know why you're hiding that part of you... There are a lot of people who want to help you and you're pretty much shutting all of them out, including me!'' He tells me. ''I understand that it's hard to talk about for you, I just want to know why you choose not to talk about it all to me.''

''I don't really see a point in talking about it with you, you couldn't possibly understand,'' I tell him as I start walking out the kitchen. I hear him turn off the stove and start chasing after me.  
>''I can't understand it if you don't explain it to me! And I think I have a good reason to know what's going on with you: I'm your husband!'' He tells me as he follows me up the stairs. ''I want to know how you feel; I want to know what you have to say about all of it.''<p>

''I know you do, I just don't want to say anything about it,'' I tell him as I walk into our bedroom and close the door behind me, in his face. ''I'm sorry if I am ruining our relationship but I'm dealing with everything as best as I can.''  
>He's silent for a few seconds, ''you're not ruining our relationship, nothing can!''<p>

I can feel the anger rushing through my body as I hold back my tears. I try to regain control over my emotions and breathing before I turn around and open the door.

''Just talk to me,'' he tells me with a desperate look on his face.  
>''I don't want to,'' I tell him before I take the few steps to our bed and sit down. He remains silent as he sits down next to me and just looks at me. ''Talking about my rape - heck, even just thinking about it - makes me feel like...'' I think for a second, wondering how to put this into words. ''It makes me feel like I can't stand up for myself, like I need somebody else to take care of me and protect me.''<p>

''And since you hate that feeling you decided not to talk about it all?'' He asks me.  
>''I guess so, yeah,'' I say as I bite my lip.<br>''Andy, you weren't raped because you can't stand up for yourself. You weren't raped because you can't take care of yourself or because you can't protect yourself, because you can do all those things... No woman gets raped because of those reasons; women get raped, because someone – in this case Les – rapes them,'' he tells me as he takes my hand in his.

I am holding my tears though I have a hard time doing so, ''I'm sorry,'' I tell him.  
>''About what?'' He asks me with a worried frown. ''None of this was your fault,'' he adds.<br>''I know, but... I know that when we first went out you didn't sign up for any of this. Maybe for the marriage part, but I know you didn't expect to have to deal with me being raped, or pretty much being Jesse and Lizzy's father since Les is gone. And most of all: you never signed up for having a baby with me,'' I tell him.

''I signed up for being with you and everything that comes with that. The marriage part was a little more expected than the other things, but still... The fact that you were raped is terrible! _But_ we can deal with it. And I love Jesse and Lizzy and our baby, you know that, right?'' He asks me before he gently kisses my lips. ''And most of all: I love you! None of your emotional scars can make me love you less.''

''I love you too,'' I tell him with a smile before I kiss him back. ''Oh, and Milo?''  
>''Yeah,'' he asks me as he pulls away a little bit, still holding me close.<br>''I was talking to Delgado today, and she kind of let it slip that we're having a boy!'' I tell him with a smile.

He pulls away and looks into my eyes with disbelief, ''are you joking?'' He asks me, remembering that I've joked about this before.  
>''Not this time,'' I tell him with a grin.<p>

I can see his jaw drop a little - just as mine did - and he looks at loss of words before he pulls me in for a loving hug.

* * *

><p>Please review.<p> 


	33. All In The Family

A/N: Okay, so I recently got inspired to write a new chapter. There are more on the way since I want to update as much as I can before I have to go back to chaos a.k.a. school.

I would like to note that the quote pretty much only applies to the second part of the chapter. Enjoy!

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><p><strong>Chapter 27:<strong>**  
><strong>**All In The Family**

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><p>This is set on Friday March 10th 2006.<p>

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><p>''Hearing him talk about his mother, about his intact family, makes my chest hurt for a second, like someone pierced it with a needle.'' Veronica Roth<p>

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><p>Lu's POV<p>

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><p>''Just be there at eight. Oh, and just so you know: it's okay if you don't bring dessert this time,'' Jonas jokes over the phone.<br>''What, is she afraid I'm going to poison her?'' I ask him as I look through Veronica Millers file - she recently had a mammogram and I have yet to tell her the results.  
>He laughs a little before responding: ''Maybe; I think my aunt told her what happened,'' he tells me. ''I have a business meeting now. I'll see you tonight, you have the address, right?''<p>

I shuffle things around my desk looking for it. He called Lana because I was with a patient when he called this morning, so it's got to be somewhere... As soon as the little pink note catches my eye I fumble for it and check to look at the address, ''got it!''  
>''Okay, I'll see you tonight then. Love you, bye!'' He tells me.<br>I smile for a second before I respond, talking slower than he did, ''I love you too,'' I tell him, ''bye.''

As I hang up the phone I can't help but think about how much I like having Jonas around. We are engaged and we're practically living together - I'm staying over at his house almost every night - but we haven't talked about what we want for the future: the wedding, having children, where we are going to live.

I bite my lip thinking about this as I stand up and walk over to the front desk where Lana is filing her nails, ''whose next?'' I ask her as I lean on the desk.  
>''This'll come as a surprise, but: no one,'' she tells me, motioning to the empty waiting room.<br>I glance over at it real quick before I look back at her with a frown, ''how is that even possible?''

She shrugs, ''who knows?'' She asks in a rhetorical way.

I begin to walk back to my office to catch up on some paper work when I notice Milo rushing over to me, ''can we talk?'' He asks me as he comes to a halt in front of me.  
>I look at him with a frown, usually we only talk when Andy's there so this is kind of new territory, ''sure,'' I tell him as I direct him into my office and close the door behind me. He sits down on the couch as I pull up a chair.<p>

''Did Andy tell you about the-'' I begin, giving him a look; telling him that I mean the sex of the baby.  
>''Yeah, she did,'' he tells me and he looks away as I can see a smile growing on his face.<br>''I just wanted to tell you I am sorry; I know you weren't sure yet if you wanted to find out what you were having until he's born,'' I begin but start to trail off.  
>''Oh, that's okay. It was actually a bit of a relief; not having to decide if I wanted to know or not. And now that I know; I'm glad we're having a boy,'' he tells me with a grin.<p>

I smile back at him, ''so what's it you wanted to talk to me about it?'' I ask him.  
>''I remember you mentioning something a couple of weeks about doing an,'' he thinks for a second, ''amnio-''<br>''Amniocentesis?'' I ask him. He nods, ''did you and Andy discuss it?''

''Sort of... Not really,'' he tells me. ''She told me some of it, you know; that they take amniotic fluid and that they examine the fetal DNA. Andy thinks it's best to have one just in case something is wrong with the baby...''  
>''But?'' I ask him.<br>He bites his lip for a second, ''isn't it dangerous for Andy or for the baby?'' He asks and I can hear the worry in his voice.

''It's non-invasive. Andy'll get a local anesthetic and the needle will be inserted away from the baby itself. The puncture heals and the amniotic sac replaces the fluid over the next 24 to 48 hours,'' I explain to him.

He's quiet for a second as he thinks about this, ''what's the point of it?'' He suddenly asks me. ''You'll be able to detect any_ problems_, but they're already there and you can't fix them.''  
>''If there are any problems that we'll be able to solve after birth, we'll be prepared for them instead of having to wait until tests come back,'' I tell him.<p>

He gives a nod, ''and besides that there's no risk for Andy or the baby?'' He asks me to be sure.  
>''There are always risks,'' I begin and I can see the expression on his face turn back to worry, ''but these risks are so small that I doubt there'll be any problems.''<br>''What kind of risks?'' He asks me and his voice is a mix of worry and seriousness.

''There are a few. Considering the percentage of cases in which there's an actual problem is so low; I don't want you to worry about it,'' I tell him.  
>''Dr. Delgado,'' he begins and I give him a look. ''Lu... I'm a doctor too. I know it's not always the best thing to have the family know everything that could go wrong, but I need to know! When it comes to Andy and our son, I need to know. So please just tell me.''<p>

''Some of the possible complications involve preterm labor and delivery, respiratory distress, postural deformities, fetal trauma-'' I begin and I can see the expression on his face change. He buries his face in his hands and takes a deep breath. I get up and sit down next to him on the couch as I put a hand on his shoulder, ''Milo, it's okay to be worried,'' I tell him.  
>''I just wonder if getting a little bit of information is worth all the risk,'' he tells me as he stares off into thin air.<p>

''Well, we'll try our best to make sure nothing goes wrong. After the procedure she can go home and she'll have to take it easy for a day or two. And if anything seems to be going wrong you can bring her back here,'' I say.

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><p>''So, have you two planned anything yet?'' I can hear Jonas' mother - Ava Rey - ask me.<br>''For the wedding?'' Jonas asks before I can say anything. He glances over to me with a knowing look. On the way over here he told me that she was going to ask about this.

''For the wedding... For the future, just anything really,'' she replies.  
>''We have made some plans for the wedding, but nothing is written down yet,'' I tell her.<p>

It is true: though we have been talking about what we want, we haven't decided anything for sure yet. We do know we want to get married in a church, and that we want a small wedding. We've been talking about bridesmaids and groomsmen, what kind of flowers, where we want the reception... Just anything that could come to mind when you think of a wedding.

The only thing that we decided on was that we wanted a short engagement; we want to get married at the end of May, which is only about 2 1/2 months away. Maybe Ava bringing this up is a good thing, and it'll encourage us to finally start planning everything.

''Just so you know; I am expecting the invitation to come soon,'' she tells us with raised eyebrows.  
>''I'll bring it to you personally,'' Jonas tells her with a smile.<br>''I had expected nothing less,'' she laughs before she takes a sip of her wine.

I look at the two of them. Seeing how close Jonas and his mother are makes me wonder about what it would be like if my mom had still been alive to see all of this. It has always been something to think about. Not to be misunderstood; being raised by my grandmother - Isabel - was great, and I cannot imagine what it would be like if my mom had survived the cancer. I just can't help but wonder in what aspects my life would be different if I had still had a mother...

''Luisa, are you okay?'' I hear Ava ask me and it snaps me out of my deep thoughts.  
>''Yeah, just thinking,'' I tell her and I flash her a smile which I know she knows is fake.<br>''What about?'' She asks me curiously. Lately she and I have been trying to bond a little more and I'm pretty sure that that question has something to do with that, but I don't want to talk about it right now.

''You know what; it's nothing. But this wine is...'' I begin, taking a sip, with a smile - letting her know the wine is good. I'm trying to change the subject and I know that Jonas can see right through it, but as long as it works; who cares?  
>Ava looks over at Jonas with a knowing smile.<p>

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><p>''So, are you sure you're okay?'' Jonas asks me as we walk back to his car after spending the evening with his mother - his father wasn't there tonight.<br>I glance over at him as we both get into the car, ''I saw you and your mom together, and I-,'' I scratch my head, ''I just started thinking about what it would be like to have her at our wedding.''

He gives me a supportive smile as he starts the engine of the car.  
>''You know, it doesn't feel like it's been 24 years already. It seems like only yesterday that I saw her - alive - for the last time,'' I tell him as I look at the road.<br>''I would've loved to have met her,'' Jonas tells me.  
>''Ooh, she would've loved you!'' I tell him with a grin.<p>

''You think so?'' He asks me as he glances over at me for brief second.  
>''Definitely,'' I tell him in a soft voice as I watch him drive.<p>

We ride in silence for a while before Jonas breaks it, ''I can't believe our wedding is only two-and-a-half months away,'' he tells me, shaking his head.  
>''I know, right? I can't believe we haven't started planning yet,'' I tell him.<br>''It'll be stressful but I am excited for it,'' he tells me with a smile as he stops for a red light.

''Me too, and it'll be nice to see Marc again,'' I tell him.  
>It was one of the things that - though nothing has been set in stone just yet - we agreed on immediately; that Marc was going to walk me down the aisle. The only part left now is planning everything else...<p> 


	34. What You See Is What You Get

**Chapter 28:**  
><strong><span>What You See Is What You Get<span>**

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><p>This is set on Monday March 13th 2006.<p>

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><p>Third persons POV<p>

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><p>''Life is like a game of Tetris; sometimes you get pieces you don't need, or you don't get the 'stick' you need to clear. Sometimes your score isn't high enough and you have to start over. Sometimes you get extra rows that you don't need and it builds up.<p>

And sometimes you just wonder where the hell you went wrong.''

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><p>''Okay, careful,'' Milo told her as he helped her onto the living room couch - the one they had moved in from his old house.<br>''Milo, I'm fine,'' Andy told him with a smile. She knew that he would never believe she was 'just fine', and would always try to help her - somewhere it made her glad though at certain moments his worrying got on her nerves a little bit.

''I know, but-''  
>''The baby and I are fine; Lu said that she didn't see anything going wrong on the ultrasound. She also said that if I just keep my rest today and tomorrow that our son and I will be fine,'' Andy reminded him.<br>He gave her a slight nod, ''I'll go get you some water.'' He told her and as she nodded he went into the kitchen.

Technically, the amniocentesis performed that morning couldn't have gone better. But Milo couldn't help but feel as if it was all going to fall apart before his eyes.

As he walked back into the living room with the two bottles of water - one for each of them - he saw her relaxed on the couch with her eyes closed and one hand on her baby bump. ''You okay?'' He asked her as he sat down next to her.  
>She opened her eyes and glanced over at him with a peaceful smile, ''I'm doing great,'' she told him.<p>

''Okay,'' he said, excepting that she wasn't going to tell him anything else. ''Jesse and Lizzy are at school until 3:30 and after that they're hanging out with friends. They're coming home around 6 pm and then we'll have dinner. What do you want to do in the meantime?'' Milo asked her, raising his eyebrows.  
>''I was thinking about working on photo albums,'' Andy told him. ''I still have a box of pictures that need to be sorted, that's going to take me at least a couple of hours.''<p>

''Over how many albums do they have to be divided?'' Milo asked her.  
>She counted in her head: 'Jesse', 'Lizzy', 'family', 'general' and just 'old photos'. ''Five,'' she said.<br>''Okay, where's the box?'' He asked her.  
>She thought for a second, ''I think it's in the hallway closet,'' before she could even finish the sentence he had already gotten up to retrieve the box and he returned with it within a minute.<p>

Andy smiled up at him as he put the box down next to the couch on the floor, ''thank you.''  
>''You're welcome,'' he replied before disappearing again. Coming back after a few minutes with five small containers - usually used for food. ''You can use these and pretend they're the different albums.'' He said.<p>

It wasn't long before he went upstairs into the study to catch up on some paperwork and she was downstairs alone again. With a sigh she began her little project; getting a small pile of photos out of the box and cursing herself for postponing it for so long that it had all piled up.

Andy could feel a smile grow on her face as she looked at all the pictures; a lot of them were of Jesse and Lizzy when they were little. Random pictures taken on vacation, swimming in the pool, swinging on a swing in their old backyard in Washington. So many memories and now all they were was just that: memories and a bunch of dusty photos. So much had been lost: not only Les but the innocence they had when they were little, before being traumatized with... life.

As she drank her water, she went through all the pictures – thinking carefully about in which album to put them. The more pictures she had gone through the further back she went. Pictures of her and Les together: embraced, happy... there was no way she could have imagined back then that her life would turn out this way.  
>She was happy, but not the way she used to be...<p>

With a first love you have more faith that everything would last. Now - 20 years of marriage, a divorce and two kids later - she wasn't so sure about it all working out in the end.  
>With that thought she remembered what Les said when she came back after she got sent out to Iraq the first time: ''It'll all be okay in the end. If it's not the okay, it's not the end.''<p>

When he said that she couldn't have imagined that she would cling on to that hope during a moment when she thought about the end of their marriage; and everything that came with it.

Andy could feel a lump form in her throat as she stared at one of the black-and-white pictures; one of her and Les... Young, about 17 or 18, and carefree. It seemed like a lifetime ago. Having him stare back at her from the picture - even with the knowledge that he was dead - scared her just a little bit; a small twinge in the pit of her stomach.

_His weight on her made it a little harder to breath - never mind the excruciating pain in the rest of her body. She had to focus on something other than him; the dirty spot on the wall created when he hit her and her blood had landed on it. The fact that she was lying on her hair and that that hurt. She still had to do the dishes... She hadn't gotten around to making Lizzy's bed yet. Had she been cooking before this happened, if so; had she turned the stove off? _

_All these different thoughts were popping into her head, but she didn't care; as long as it kept her mind off the pain. Off the fact that she couldn't defend herself. Off the fact that she must be really sad for not being able to defend herself from this... man. The man she had once loved with all her heart but whom she now wished would die._

_Andy could feel the tears burn but hold them back - she wasn't going to give him that satisfaction. She would do anything to make sure that none of this would make him happy.  
>Instead, she thought about how cold the floor was, how hairy his legs were. How she could never - in a million years - have been able to predict that this was going to happen.<em>

_She could feel his hands wrap around her throat, making it even harder to breath. When she desperately started to gasp for air he finally removed his hand from there. The mere thought of his skin touching hers disgusted her. His elbows were on the floor next to her arms - supporting his weight - and she could feel them touch her arms every few moments.  
>It made her want to be smaller so she could crawl up - hide away somewhere where he would never find her, and be safe forever.<em>

_She knew she wasn't thinking like herself. She never chose the safe route, always trying to take a risk. But now... who knew? She certainly didn't..._

Andy wiped away the tears and looked away - out the window. She hadn't had a flashback in months... Another reason to hate photos, though they were taken during happy times of her life, they kept reminding her of the worst.

She swallowed hard and looked at the containers on the coffee table - to which one did this picture belong? 'Family'? 'General'? 'Old photos?'  
>She bit her lip as she looked over at an empty spot on the table. ''I guess I'll categorize it as 'undecided','' she sighed as she put the picture down.<p>

Andy looked through a bunch more photos - she had gone through pretty much all of Jesse and Lizzy's photos already so most of them were of herself and friends, all got categorized as either 'general' or 'old photos'. It took a while before she came across two other photos of Les and her; these ones had been taken on their wedding day.

She frowned as she looked over at the box next to her, ''how did these end up in here?'' She questioned. Most of the pictures of that day had been put in their wedding album - which was probably collecting dust in the attic right around now - and she thought that Les had taken all the other ones with him to California. Seeing herself in the wedding dress - also still in the attic - brought back a lot of memories; some better than others.

One of them was of her, in the dressing room. She had put on her dress and was standing in front of a mirror, making sure everything looked right. The maid-of-honor was standing behind her; making sure the veil was spread out nicely. Les was standing in the background, in the doorway, leaning against the doorframe in his suit with a glass of what looked like some kind of alcoholic beverage in his hand. Andy didn't even know he had been in the room with them during that moment.

The other one was taken when they were leaving the church; smiling as the people around them were throwing rice on them. Andy remembered how happy she had been in that very moment and it overwhelmed her. ''Stupid hormones,'' she muttered to herself as she wiped away a tear that was forming in the corner of her left eye. How overly emotional she got was one of the things she didn't like about being pregnant.

She was about to take another sip of the water bottle Milo had left for her when she noticed it was empty. She groaned as she realized she had to get up and go to the kitchen to get some more. But it was probably for the best she got up anyways; the combination of being pregnant and sitting down for a long time had caused a starting lower back pain.  
>After having gotten up and taken a few steps she could feel a sharp pain in her back radiating to her lower stomach.<p>

Andy gasped as she could feel a bit of warm liquid run down her inner thighs and she could feel an immense sense of fear washing over her as she vaguely realized she was calling out Milo's name before everything went black and she passed out.

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><p>''Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end.'' John Lennon<p>

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><p>Please review!<p> 


	35. Dream A Little Dream Of Me

**Chapter 29:**  
><strong>Dream A Little Dream Of Me<strong>

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><p>This is set on Tuesday March 14th 2006.<p>

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><p>''Did you say it? I love you? I don't ever want to live without you. You changed my life… did you say it? Make a plan. Set a goal. Work towards it. But every now and then, look around. Drink it in. 'Cause this is it. It might all be gone tomorrow.''<p>

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><p>Andy's POV<p>

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><p>I can't help but notice the back pain as the bright light from outside wakes me. I frown as I rub my eyes and sit up - only to notice that I'm on the couch in the living room. 'What the hell?' I think as I look around; the room is chaos with child toys everywhere. However, the one thing that makes everything else fade away is the laughter I can hear coming from outside.<p>

I run a hand through my hair as I stand up and look out the window behind the couch. The half-closed, half-see-through curtains tell me that there are people out on the back porch, but I can't make out their voices.

''Andy?'' I turn around when I hear Milo's voice saying my name.  
>''Yeah?'' I ask him with a smile.<br>He walks over to me and pecks my cheek, ''I was wondering when you would wake up,'' he tells me as he pulls me into his arms. He pulls away after a few seconds so he can look me, ''you must've been really tired, huh?''

I give him a slight smile, ''I guess so...'' I tell him. I look back at the window as I hear laughter coming from outside again.  
>Milo must've noticed my confusion, ''Daniel is just goofing around, it's pretty funny,'' he tells me with a grin.<br>Milo turns to walk back to the kitchen and I follow him after a few seconds, 'Daniel?' I keep thinking. 'Who's he talking about?' I go over all the people I know, but I don't remember anyone named Daniel.

When we get into the kitchen Milo turns to look at me - probably to ask something, but he stops when he sees the look on my face. ''Daniel?'' I ask him and I can hear the genuine confusion in my voice.  
>Milo opens his mouth to say something but looks too surprised to do so. He hesitates for a moment, ''Daniel James - DJ - our son,'' he tells me, waiting for a look of recognition to cross my face. When there isn't one after a couple of seconds, he walks over to me and puts a hand on my forehead, checking my temperature, ''are you sure you're okay?''<p>

I can feel that my jaw has dropped. 'Our son?!' It's the only part of what Milo had just told me that my mind is trying to process. I look at him for a few seconds before looking down, expecting my baby bump to prevent me from even seeing the floor. But it's not there, there's nothing there.  
>I am pulled back from my shock when I can hear a baby crying, ''hold on, that's Samantha again,'' Milo tells me before walking past me - probably going upstairs. ''Samantha?'' I ask confused, though nobody's there to answer.<p>

I can feel an uncomfortable pressure on my stomach but don't know what's causing it. I walk back into the hallway, looking around for anything that might give me a clue about what happened - to give me a clue about... ''Oh my God,'' I can hear myself say as I pull myself back from my deep though. As I take the few steps to the side of the staircase I focus on what caught my eye: the calendar.

''August 26th 2010?'' I say confused. My mind is racing; this has to be a dream…  
>I walk back into the living room and notice what I hadn't before: the pictures. We've always had pictures but they've now been replaced with new ones. Jesse looks older, Lizzy looks... grown up. The picture of me with a little boy is the one that catches my eye and I can't look away.<p>

My hand instinctively goes to my stomach, even though he's not in there anymore.

''Mommy?'' I freeze when I hear his voice and wait a few seconds before turning around. He's a little older than in the picture but it's unmistakably him.  
>''Daniel,'' I say a little hesitant as I look at him. His dark brown, frizzy hair is one big chaos on top of his head. His green eyes look like mine, but aside from that he looks exactly like his dad. His big, slightly crooked grin is just like Milo's.<p>

In an instant I have taken the few steps between us and have gathered him in my arms and as soon as I can feel his skin on mine it all comes back: the pain, the blood and - most importantly - the fear of losing him. ''I love you,'' I whisper in his ear before kissing his cheek.

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><p>Third persons POV<p>

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><p>The slow beeping was getting on his nerves. Why wouldn't she wake up? Why couldn't she just come back to him?<br>Milo took a deep breath as he looked at her, lying in the white hospital bed. Her dark hair spread out on the pillow and it looked like she was just asleep. As if she was going to wake up any second now and they could just go home as if nothing had happened.

He couldn't believe what was happening, it felt like it was all hitting him at once and he felt like he was losing control - something he absolutely hated. Everything that made his life the way it was, was slipping away from him.

The memory of the sound of her voice screaming his name in panic pierced his thoughts - thankfully he had the sound of the rain falling outside to distract him.  
>Seeing her unconscious on the floor, the 911 call, rushing to the hospital, the tests, and then - when he least needed it; that phone call. Just yesterday everything had been fine. Everything had been the way he had hoped it would be; nothing could have been better. And now; it might all be gone, time could only tell what would last and what wouldn't.<p>

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><p>Andy's POV<p>

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><p>I can feel Daniel slipping from my arms and I instinctively blink away the tears that are forming in my eyes. ''Don't go away,'' I tell him and I can hear the desperation in my own voice.<br>''Andy?'' I can hear a voice ask and I try to get closer to it. As I open my eyes I can vaguely make out Milo in the blurriness. The pain in my stomach is distracting me from him.

''I saw him, I saw our son,'' I tell him as I look around - hoping Daniel is here. There's nothing; just the white walls, the white floor, the white bed and the dark sky outside. I can hear thunder, the rain falling on the rooftops. Traffic outside... It doesn't matter.

I put my hand on my stomach, ''he's going to be okay,'' I tell Milo with a small smile.  
>He looks at me with a sad look and shakes his head slowly, ''no, he's not.''<br>''What are you talking about?'' I ask him confused. ''I just told you that I saw him. He's going to be fine and he looked just like you,'' I tell Milo but my voice won't let me say anything else as Milo takes my hand in his.

''When we got to the hospital it was already too late. The placenta had ruptured and they had to deliver him by C-section to make sure you didn't both die. They had no other choice,'' he tells me and I can see the tears in his eyes.  
>I shake my head slowly, ''that's not true.'' I tell him, ''he's still alive.''<p>

Milo sits down on the bed next to me, ''they tried to resuscitate him but he was just too small. His lungs weren't developed enough for him to survive,'' he tells me as he takes me in his arms.  
>I feel like I can't breathe as his arms wrap around me. I can feel tears run down my face but other than that I'm completely numb. He was so real, so close... I had him in my arms, he was there. And now, he's gone...<p>

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><p>Third persons POV<p>

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><p>Milo looked up when he noticed her hand moving - the small movement stood out in the room. He walked over from the other side of the room where he had been pacing - wondering how he was going to break the news to her. He swallowed hard as he took her hands in his and she opened her eyes slowly, adjusting to the hard light.<p>

''Hi,'' he said softly as he wiped a strand of hair away from her face.  
>She took a deep, shaky breath, ''hi,'' she responded slowly. Her throat was a little dry, making talking hurt.<br>''How are you feeling?'' Milo asked her as he leaned over to kiss her forehead.  
>''Like I've died and gone to hell,'' she responded, she had tears in her eyes - causing a slight burning sensation when she wouldn't let them fall.<p>

He bit his lip as he looked at the sadness in her eyes, ''honey, I have to talk to you.''  
>Andy looked away, ''the baby is gone, right?'' She asked.<br>Milo shook his head, ''no, the baby is... okay, for as far as they can tell.''

''But, you said that...'' she began, clearly confused.  
>Milo looked back and forth between her eyes, ''Andy, what are you talking about?'' He asked, trying to sound as sincere as possible.<p>

''You said that he was... dead when I woke up earlier,'' Andy said as she tried to sit up a little bit.  
>''This is the first time you've woken up since you passed out yesterday,'' Milo told her with a small smile on his face, ''our son is fine.''<br>''Then, what happened?'' She asked as he took away a cushion so she could sit up better.

''They don't know. Everything seems to be alright with the baby but they're still running test. Dr. Delgado said that bleeding isn't uncommon and the pain might've been just from being pregnant. Why you passed out - they have no idea,'' Milo responded.  
>He could see the - happy - shock on her face, ''so he's okay?'' She asked for reassurance. As he nodded and pulled her in for a hug she remembered what he had said just moments ago, ''then what do you have to talk to me about?'' She asked him and she could feel his body stiffen a little bit.<p>

As Milo pulled away from her and readjusted his position on the bed so he could look her in the eyes she knew something was wrong. ''Last night your mother tried to call you,'' Milo began.  
>Andy could feel the sudden tension,'' is something wrong?'' She asked with a frown - preparing herself for the worst.<p>

Milo hesitated in telling her, knowing it would devastate her, ''your father, he... ehm,'' he began, ''he had a heart attack yesterday.'' He could see her jaw drop just slightly and took her hand in his once more, ''he didn't make it.''

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><p>''Once upon a time. Happily ever after. The stories we tell are the stuff of dreams. Fairy tales don't come true. Reality is much stormier. Much murkier. Much scarier. Reality. It's so much more interesting than living happily ever after.''<p>

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><p>Please review.<p> 


	36. Arrivederci, Daddy

So sorry I haven't updated in a while! A lot has happened but I'm not going to bore y'all with the details..[if you want to know the details, feel free to send me a PM]. This chapter was kind of hard to write, I'm not sure why but I just hope it turned out good enough, so... Enjoy!

[I decided to make it 1 long chapter instead of 2 smaller parts, the 2nd part starts about halfway through].

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><p><strong>Chapter 30:<strong>  
><strong>Arrivederci, Daddy<strong>

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><p>This is set on Friday March 17th 2006.<p>

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><p>''Can you leave it all behind? Cause you cant go back.''<p>

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><p>Lu's POV<p>

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><p>I can see a hint of tears in her eyes as we go over what we just discussed: ''You have to take it easy. The complications seem to have only happened because of the amnio; though that limits the odds of it happening again, it doesn't mean you're not still at risk for a miscarriage,'' I tell her.<br>Andy doesn't respond, but she knows that the only reason I didn't put her on full time bed rest is that she has to go to the general's funeral.

''Andy, are you listening to me?'' I ask her concerned.  
>She clenches her jaw for a second before she looks up from her hands back at me, ''yes.'' She responds curtly. ''I have to take it easy, keep my rest and if I have any pain or if there's any bleeding I have to come back to the hospital immediately.'' She repeats me.<p>

''Exactly,'' I respond as I go over all of the test results again. She's sitting on the bed in front of me, dressed so she can leave as soon as I let her. Its Friday today, her father died three days ago today and the funeral is Sunday. Andy's been anxious to get to DC as soon as possible, wanting to see her mom and help arrange the funeral, but I had to keep her here for monitoring. So far so good. ''Andy?'' I begin, trying to get her attention. She looks up at me, ''you know that if you want to talk about what happened, about everything, you know that we are all-''

''I know,'' she says, cutting me off mid-sentence. I know this is hard on her, despite the fact that she didn't have that good of a relationship with her father. Aside from that: so much has happened these past 6 months that it's got to be taking its toll on here. ''Can I go now?'' She asks me, already getting up.

I am barely able to nod before she's out the door. ''Andy!'' I begin, chasing after her. It's pretty early in the morning still and the hallways are nearly empty, no visitors are allowed at this hour.  
>She turns around to look at me and takes a deep breath, ''I'm not ready for this,'' she tells me.<p>

I frown, ''what do you mean 'you're not ready for this'?'' I ask her for clarification.  
>She swallows hard, ''I'm not ready to lose my dad.'' She looks down for a second with a hand on her stomach, ''I'm not ready to have another baby but I'm also not ready to lose him. And despite everything that he's done; I'm not ready to say goodbye to Les,'' she tells me and I can see the tears in her eyes as she bites down on her lower lip. ''But I don't have much of a choice, do I?''<p>

I close my eyes for a second before shaking my head.  
>We're both quiet for a few seconds, just looking at each other. ''I am not ready to deal with being raped,'' she tells me. ''I wasn't ready to have that happen to me, I wasn't... prepared.''<p>

''You can never be ready for something like that, you can't prepare yourself for it,'' I tell her as I walk over to her - she's still a few feet away from me.  
>''But... I should have been - I'm always prepared for everything. This wasn't supposed to happen to me, <em>I<em> should be able to see something like that coming,'' Andy tells me as she stares off at nothing in particular - looking right past me in such a way that I wonder if she's even still talking to me or to herself now.

''You can't see it coming. Nobody thinks it's going to happen to them until it does, and then it's too late,'' I tell her and she looks back at me as if she suddenly remembers that I am still there.  
>''Right.'' She responds, looking down at her hands. ''I should really get going now,'' she says before turning on her right heel and walking off.<p>

* * *

><p>Andy's POV<p>

* * *

><p>I can hear the front door close behind me and let out a sigh as I run a hand through my hair. It's still dark inside since it's still early in the morning. Jesse and Lizzy went to mom's house on Wednesday, too upset to go to school as if nothing had happened. Milo stayed with me at the hospital but I told him to go home yesterday - he wasn't getting any sleep in my hospital room.<p>

I slowly climb the stairs and come to a halt in front of our bedroom door, I suspect Milo is still asleep. I slowly rub my stomach as I walk in and watch Milo sleep for a few minutes before climbing into bed as well and putting my arm around him.  
>After that it doesn't take long before my eyes start to get heavy and I fall asleep.<p>

* * *

><p>I listen to the soft rain falling as we're driving down the high way. Going to my parent's home it's... comforting, in a way I can't really explain. I bite my lip as I remember the big, dark house that my parents bought when they decided to settle down in Washington after they'd both retired, almost 17 years ago.<br>I used to call it my second home, a warm, loving place where I felt secured when my hectic life got the best of me from time to time. I remember bringing Jesse here when she was little, we'd sleep here sometimes when Les was on business trips.

It seems like forever ago now, and the loss of my dad is only making it a more vague memory. It seems unreal that I'll never see him again.

I notice Milo looking over at me in the corner of my eye, ''are you okay?'' He asks me in a soft voice for the umpteenth time.  
>I lick my lips before I look back at him, ''I'm fine,'' I repeat.<br>This weekend is going to be crazy; having to look after mom and Jesse and Lizzy. Combined with dealing with my own grief - and also, it's Milo's birthday tomorrow. I hadn't really planned anything for it yet, and now I'm not sure I can.

I yawn quietly as I close my eyes for just a second:

_''Daniel is just goofing around, it's pretty funny,'' Milo tells me with a grin._  
><em>He turns to walk back to the kitchen and I follow him after a few seconds, 'Daniel?' I keep thinking. 'Who's he talking about?' I go over all the people I know, but I don't remember anyone named Daniel.<em>

_When we get into the kitchen Milo turns to look at me - probably to ask something, but he stops when he sees the look on my face. ''Daniel?'' I ask him and I can hear the genuine confusion in my voice._  
><em>Milo opens his mouth to say something but looks too surprised to do so. He hesitates for a moment, ''Daniel James - DJ - our son,'' he tells me, waiting for a look of recognition to cross my face. When there isn't one after a couple of seconds, he walks over to me and puts a hand on my forehead, checking my temperature, ''are you sure you're okay?''<em>

I touch my forehead as I sit up with a startle, looking around confused I notice I'm still in the car. I glance over at Milo who's looking at me concerned, ''what happened?'' He asks me.  
>I swallow hard as I sit back up a little straighter, ''ehm...'' I begin, not entirely sure how to explain it. ''A flashback to a flash-forward, I guess,'' I tell him and he gives me a confused smile.<p>

''Does that mean that you know what our future is going to be like?'' He asks me in a joking manner.  
>I shake my head a little hesitantly. What I dreamt when I was passed out seemed so real, and so far they could come true... ''When I was at the hospital, unconscious, I dreamt something-''<br>''The flash-forward?'' Milo asks me for clarification and I nod. ''Was he,'' Milo glances down at my belly, ''already born?'' He asks me.

''Yeah, he was. I'm not sure...'' I rub my forehead as I think hard about what happened in the dream. ''I'm pretty sure it was a couple of years into the future. I woke up in the living room and you walked in. I think we had some people over because I could hear them talk in the backyard. You mentioned something about our son goofing off, you mentioned his name...'' I tell Milo as I try to remember what he told me.

Just barely a minute ago I heard him say it, and it's already hard to remember.  
>''What was his name?'' Milo asks me curiously as he tries his best to keep his attention on the road.<br>I bite my lip for a second before I remember, ''Daniel James, DJ for short,'' I tell him.

''Daniel James Morton,'' Milo repeats to himself with a frown before he smiles, ''I like it,'' he tells me.  
>''Me too,'' I tell him as I look over at him.<br>''So, what else happened?'' He asks me.

I clear my throat as the rest of it comes back to me, ''you told me to hold on when a baby started to cry and you left the room. You said something like, 'let me get her' or 'that's her again'... I'm pretty sure you called her Savannah or Samantha,'' I tell Milo as I look down at my hands, as if that'll make it all come back to me. ''Daniel walked in at some point, he looked just like you,'' I say with a smile. ''I hugged him and then the dream was over.''

* * *

><p>Saturday March 18th 2006.<p>

* * *

><p>Third persons POV<p>

* * *

><p>He slowly opened his eyes - waking up peacefully. Or well; peacefully until he realized he wasn't in his own bedroom, or even his own house. And then, when he remembered where he was and why he was there, he just got an uncomfortable feeling in the pit of his stomach.<p>

Milo rolled onto his back - stretching his arms and legs before turning his head and realizing that Andy wasn't in the bed with him. They were at her folk's house, in one of the guest bedrooms where she always slept when they stayed over. It was Milo's birthday and they day after it they were going to bury her father.  
>Milo sighed and looked up at the ceiling as he remembered what Andy had told him the day before on their way over here. Hearing her talk about the baby, their baby, it created a clearer image in his mind of what life would be like <em>with<em> children. Something he had so far been pretty much unable to do.

He was about to get up out of bed when he could hear the door open slowly, making sure that it wouldn't make too much noise in case other people in the house were still asleep. He smiled when he saw Andy walk in, ''good morning,'' she said with a small smile.  
>He could see on her face how tired she was and when he looked over at the small alarm clock he noticed why: it was only 5:30 am. She had always been an early riser but he knew she hadn't been sleeping that well lately, ''good morning to you too,'' he replied softly as she sat down on the bed next to him.<p>

''I got you something,'' she told him with a grin and only then he realized she had been holding one hand behind her back. ''I figured getting you a big birthday cake wouldn't exactly be a good idea, in case mom found it, but...'' she smiled at him as she showed what she had been holding behind her back, ''I figured it was better than nothing,'' she told him as she handed him the small dish with the cupcake on it.

It had been decorated and in very small writing on it, it said: ''happy birthday.''. The candle in the middle had been lit.

Milo's jaw slightly dropped. He had thought that with everything going on lately she would forget his birthday.  
>''Happy birthday,'' Andy told him as she kissed his cheek. He smiled back at her and then blew out the candle. He took the first bite and then put it down beside him.<p>

Just as she tried to get up from the bed he pulled her back down, "come on, just 5 more minutes." He told her as he pulled her close to him and kissed her again.  
>"I can't, I need to help mom with some last minute arrangements," she told him as she tried to get up again, but laughing when he wouldn't let her.<p>

"I'll do it," he told her.  
>"You really don't have to," Andy told him as she sat up a little bit.<br>"Andy," Milo started with a sigh, "I thought you promised Delgado that you would take things easy."  
>"And I will, there are just some things I need to do first," she told him.<p>

"Really? You're going to wait with doing everything you can to make sure our son will be fine?" Milo asked her and she could hear in his voice how upset he was. ''Milo..." she began, not sure how to continue, knowing he was right.  
>"Andy?" He asked with raised eyebrows.<p>

They looked at each other for a few moments in silence until Andy broke it with a sigh. She laid back down next to him and put her head on his chest. She took a deep breath before looking up at him, "you know, it's still early so maybe we could..." she raised her eyebrows and smiled at him as she moved on top of him.

"Are you sure you really want to do this?" He asked her with a worried voice.  
>She cocked her head to the sight as she looked at him with a frown, "what?"<br>"I'm just saying... This would be the first time since our wedding night and I don't want to do this if it's just for you to have some comfort after your dad dying," he told her. "I don't want you to regret this later."

"You make it sound like this is our first time and you're worried I might be too young," she told him jokingly even though she was serious.  
>They stared at each other in silence for a few seconds, "this has nothing to do with my dad dying, or pregnancy hormones or whatever. This is because I love you and I want to do this with you," she told him before leaning down and kissing his lips.<p>

Milo walked into the kitchen 45 minutes later, surprised to see that Jesse and Lizzy were already up.  
>''Where's mom?'' Jesse asked as she looked up from her breakfast.<br>"Lu wants her to take it easy for a couple of days considering what happened, so she's going to spend most of the day in bed,'' he told the two of them.

* * *

><p>Sunday March 19th 2006.<p>

* * *

><p>Andy's POV<p>

* * *

><p>I can feel him squeeze my hand a little bit as the service started. It reminds me so much of the last funeral I went to: Les' funeral.<br>Lizzy is standing in front of me and Jesse beside me, though right now she's standing with Milo who is holding my hand. My mom is on my other side, in tears. I try to push Les' funeral to the back of my mind as I can hear the minister begins to speak.

''Our brother Andrew James March has gone to his rest in the peace of Christ. May the Lord now welcome him to the table of God's children in heaven. With faith and hope in eternal life, let us assist him with our prayers. Lord Jesus Christ, by your own three days in the tomb, you hallowed the graves of all who believe in you and so made the grave a sign of hope that promises resurrection even as it claims our mortal bodies. Grant that our brother may sleep here in peace until you awaken him to glory, for you are the resurrection and the life,'' the minister speaks.

I take a deep breath and try to hold back my tears - though it's hard. I can feel Milo take his hand out of mine and put it on my back.

''He was nourished with your body and blood; grant him a place at the table in your heavenly kingdom. We pray to the Lord: Lord, love him. Lord bless him. Lord keep him. Lord, have mercy,'' the minister says.

* * *

><p>Third Persons POV<p>

* * *

><p>As Milo made his way to the other side of the bedroom - to the attached bathroom - he could hear Andy lock the door behind her. He turned around to look at her with a frown, ''why are you locking the door?'' He asked her curiously.<br>She gave a slight shrug, ''just cause,'' she answered curtly, before glancing over at the bed which was still disheveled from that morning.

Andy let out a sigh and Milo looked at her with worry, ''are you okay?'' He asked before shaking his head and starting over, ''I mean, how are you?''  
>She looked away from him, ''fine.''<p>

''Andy, I know you're not okay. We nearly lost our baby a few days ago and today we buried your father. I mean...'' he trailed off, looking into mid-air. ''There's no possible way that you're feeling okay. You're tough, but you're not okay.''  
>He could see her lower lip start to quiver as she looked up into his eyes, ''everything's fine,'' she whispered and he could hear her voice break as she finally let her emotions run free.<p>

He could feel tears well up in his own eyes as well as he wrapped her up in his arms, ''it's okay,'' he said softly as he rubbed small circles on her back.

* * *

><p>''Death is not extinguishing the light; it is only putting out the lamp because the dawn has come.'' Rabindranath Tagore<p>

* * *

><p>Please review.<p> 


	37. Fix You

A/N 1: I know I often forget to do this so just once more: DISCLAIMER: I do not claim any right over this TV show/fandom, the characters and any and all copyrighted material that gets referred to in this story. I do, however, own this storyline and any and all OC's.

* * *

><p>AN 2: I know this story contains a lot of _curtain-fic-type-of-moments_. I know this is kind of boring and I apologize for it, I just really want there to be a good balance between the drama and just the everyday life these characters have.

Enjoy!

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 31:<strong>  
><strong>Fix You<strong>

* * *

><p>This is set on Wednesday March 22nd 2006.<p>

* * *

><p>''Everything in life is temporary. So if things are going good, enjoy it because it won't last forever. And if things are going bad, don't worry; it won't last forever either.''<p>

* * *

><p>Andy's POV<p>

* * *

><p>I focus on the sound of my footsteps as I walk away, down the hall. Going nowhere, to be honest. I wish I had somewhere to go but I don't. Right now, I just want to get away from him, I need a moment to think things through. A moment in which I don't have to do anything, a moment in which I'm neither happy nor sad but I just <em>am<em> and that's enough.

''I thought you said you were going to take it easier,'' I hear Milo tell me as he chases after me.  
>''I am,'' I reply curtly as I keep up my fast pace.<p>

The sound of his sigh is what makes me stop walking and turn around to actually look at him. I take a deep breath before looking him in the eyes, ''what?!''  
>He rubs the back of his neck before responding, ''you've had a lot to deal with these last couple of days - this last week, actually. Don't you think it would be best if you took a few days off and just... relax for once?'' He asks me.<p>

''I just had a few days off, remember?'' I ask him, not really wanting to get into this. The only reason I had a few days off was to go to my dad's funeral, he knows that, I know that. But still... it counts, right?  
>Milo walks over to me and takes my hands in his, ''you know that's not what I mean.''<p>

I just look at him for a few seconds before turning on my heel and heading back to my office. He follows me in and we both sit down before I look back at him.

''I know what you mean, I just... Right now I just want to focus on work, focus on anything other than my personal life, okay?'' I ask him.  
>He sits quiet for a few seconds, just looking at me and probably wondering what's best, ''a lot of things have happened in the past... 12 days, and you need to deal with them. Ignoring what happened isn't going to change anything that has happened. It isn't going to change that we nearly lost our son, it's not going to change that your father passed away,'' he tells me.<p>

What he just said reminds me of what Lu told me after I was raped. _Ignoring that it happened isn't going to change the fact that it did._ Ever since I got pregnant all the new hormones have been making me a lot more emotional than I usually am, and it's only making me run away from my feelings even more. Oddly enough; other people seem to be more bothered by it than I am.

''Don't you think I know that?'' I ask him. I hate it when we fight but sometimes stuff he says just gets on my nerves. When he doesn't respond I shake my head for a second before responding, ''I have a patient to get to,'' I tell Milo as we both stand up.  
>''Okay,'' he responds. After all the time we've been together he's probably realized that sometimes it's better to just let me cope the way I want to.<br>For a second this makes me happy, _just for a second_.

We stand there for a second, not saying anything, before I step over to him and wrap my arms around him, burying my face in his chest.  
>''I just want to help you,'' he tells me.<br>''And that's sweet,'' I murmur, ''but right now I don't want any help.''

''Okay, then I'll see you later,'' he tells me with a smile before kissing me again and he leaves as I walk out to call in my next patient.

* * *

><p>After I've finished up with my last off the day I walk out to Lana's office, ''is Lu still here?'' I ask her.<br>She nods, ''she's in her office,'' she tells me.  
>I give a slight nod, ''okay, she's not with a patient, right?''<p>

As Lana shakes her head I smile at her before walking over to Lu's office and knocking on the door. As I hear her tell me to come in I open the door and find her sitting behind her desk, ''hi.''

Lu seems a bit startled to see me here and stands up, ''hi...'' She responds, ''sit down.'' She says and motions to one of the chairs.  
>I nod before sitting down, taking a deep breath and wondering why I even came here.<br>''I haven't seen you since-'' she begins but stops talking mid-sentence as she sits down in front of me.

''Since you decided not to put me on bed rest because my dad died,'' I finish for her and she nods at me.  
>''Are you okay?'' She asks me but puts up her hand after barely a second, stopping me from responding. ''Scratch that... how are you?'' She asks instead.<p>

I frown for a second as I realize I'm not sure how to respond. ''I feel like people have been asking me that a lot lately,'' I tell her.  
>''We're just worried about you,'' Lu says as she looks at me with the same look everybody has been having lately when they talk to me. The look that makes me feel fragile - as if I need other people to take care of me.<br>''There's no reason to-''

''There's plenty of reason and you know it,'' she tells me, cutting me off and giving me almost a mother like look. I'm a bit taken aback by her tone since usually she's not this direct. I clench my jaw as we just look at each other. I can feel the baby start to kick harder, something that often happens when I feel upset. Lu purses her lips for a second before continuing: ''There's plenty of reason despite the fact that you keep saying that you're fine and we know you're not. So why don't you just respond truthfully now?'' She asks me, her 'cut the crap' tone seeping through again.

When I don't respond she shifts in her chair a little bit and asks again: ''how are you?''  
>''I'm fine,'' I tell her again.<br>''God, you're stubborn!'' She tells me, sounding upset.  
>''Well, so are you,'' I tell her.<p>

I know I look angry but I don't move, same goes for her. I don't know how long we've been sitting there when I can feel myself start to break. I don't look away, I don't even move a finger, but I can feel a tear running down my face. Just one.  
>I know Delgado is right... I don't want to admit it; but she is.<p>

''So what if I'm not fine?'' I ask her.  
>''There's nothing wrong with that,'' she says as she leans over and puts a hand on my knee in a supportive way.<br>I bite my lip for a second before responding, ''I'm not fine, but I'm also not... not fine,'' I tell her, looking down and wondering if I'm still making sense. ''I don't feel happy, but I also don't feel unhappy, I'm... somewhere in between.''

* * *

><p>I hear the front door open and it's only a matter of seconds before I hear Milo's voice saying that he's home. I can hear his footsteps on the stairs and by the time he walks into the study I have shut down my computer and I smile up at him as he walks in.<p>

''You look happy,'' he tells me before walking over to me and pecking my lips.  
>''I do?'' I ask him.<br>''Yeah, I think it's the smile,'' he tells me with a grin as he wipes away a strand of hair from my face.  
>I can feel the smile start to fade as I look up at him, ''just because I'm smiling doesn't mean I'm happy,'' I say before looking away.<p>

It takes a few seconds for him to respond, ''I know,'' he tells me and the smile disappears from his face as well. ''How was work?'' He asks me as I follow him into the living room.  
>''It was okay,'' I tell him, ''nothing out of the ordinary.'' I silently reflect back on everything that has happened today; from all the different appointments, to the small fight Milo and I had, to the small breakdown I had in Lu's office. Except from those last two things, it really was just an ordinary day.<p>

Milo smiles at me, ''I'm going to start preparing dinner,'' he says, motioning towards the door.  
>''Anything I can do to help?'' I ask him as I follow him downstairs and into the kitchen.<br>''Could you clean these paprika's?'' He asks me as he gets them out of the fridge and hands them to me.

I nod and take them as I try to think of something to say, ''we have an appointment with Lu tomorrow because she wants to check on the baby, are you going to be there?'' I ask him.  
>''Sure,'' he responds, ''at what time?''<br>''Ehm, I think right after lunch, so probably around 1 pm,'' I tell him. Milo gives a slight nod and I smile at him.

As he looks at me it takes a few seconds before he smiles back, ''what?'' He asks me with a small chuckle.  
>''Nothing. Just thinking about our wedding. If everything had gone the way we planned we wouldn't be married yet,'' I tell him.<br>He has a slight frown on his face as he thinks about this, ''yeah, strange idea.'' He responds.

''If we had stuck to that plan my dad wouldn't have been at the wedding,'' I say as I focus on the paprika again. I can feel Milo look at me, this is probably the first time he's realizing this as well. I blink real fast a couple of times before I look back up at him, it's the only way to make sure I won't start crying again. I'm not even sure anymore if it's my dad dying, the pregnancy hormones, the nearly losing our baby... I just seem way too emotional - for me at least - these last couple of days.

I can see that Milo is about to say something when the front door opens and I can hear Kayla's voice, ''I'm home!''  
>It's just a matter of seconds before she has taken off her coat and walks into the kitchen, ''hey,'' she says, smiling at both Milo and me.<br>''Hey,'' I can hear Milo respond to her. I glance over at him before back at her.

The expression on her face changes just a little bit as she glances back and forth between the two of us, probably feeling the small tension in the room, ''is everything okay?'' She asks us.  
>I run a hand through my hair as I smile at her, ''just great.'' I tell her - it even sounds sarcastic to me, even though it wasn't - completely - meant that way.<br>Kayla bites the inside of her cheek before she takes a step back, ''I'll be upstairs if you need me,'' she tells us before turning on her heel and starting to walk away.

''Dinner will be ready in a half an hour,'' I tell her and she gives a nod without turning around before disappearing around the corner.

* * *

><p>Thursday March 23rd 2006.<p>

* * *

><p>''No more bleeding, cramps or anything else that might ring an alarm bell?'' Lu asks me as we walk into her office.<br>''No alarm bells,'' I tell her with a smile. ''Everything seems to be going good.''

Milo's appointment ran late so he isn't here yet, but Lu and I decided to go ahead and start already.

''And how are you feeling, non-pregnancy related I mean,'' Lu asks me - it's the same question everyone has been asking.  
>''Better than expected,'' I tell her.<br>''Are you still seeing that therapist that you went to a while ago?'' She asks me.  
>''Yeah, just not as frequent as before. I think I've seen her about five times so far,'' I tell Lu as we sit down on the couch.<p>

I clear my throat and look at my watch real quick as we sit in silent for a moment, ''I have a favor to ask you,'' I tell Lu.  
>She looks at me with a slight frown, ''what is it?''<br>''Milo and I have finally decided when to have our honeymoon,'' I tell her. ''We're leaving on the 12th of April. Now, I've asked Lana not to plan anything for that week, but if a patient of mine comes into the ER I need somebody to be there.''

''Well, I guess that Nick, Kayla and I will be able to handle them,'' Lu tells me and I smile at her. ''So, are you looking forward to it?'' She asks me, ''I mean; it's not my intention to pry or anything like that, just wondering.''  
>I look away for a second. Despite all the things I've talked to her about in the past, it still feels weird to discuss all these private issues with her, ''sure, I'm looking forward to it,'' I tell her but I can feel the smile fade from my face.<p>

''Really? Cause you don't look all that excited,'' she says with an almost worried expression on her face.  
>''I am! I just...'' I take a deep breath and when I finally feel able to put my thoughts into words I can hear the door open.<p>

''Sorry I'm late,'' Milo tells us as he rushes in and closes the door behind him.  
>Lu and I stand up so the three of us can go into the exam room, I can feel Milo grab my hand as we do so. I sit down on the exam table with Milo standing next to me as Lu puts her gloves on.<p>

She turns on the ultrasound monitor and squirts some gel on the probe as I watch her. As I lift up my shirt and she puts the probe on there I'm once again surprised by the cold of the gel - like always. However, that fades away when the image comes on the monitor. He has grown a lot since our last sonogram and I can't help but smile before looking over at Milo who is still holding my hand.

''Everything looks good,'' Lu tells us before turning on the speakers and letting us hear the fast heartbeat. She nods slowly before smiling at us, ''sounds good.'' She turns the monitor and speakers back off before turning her attention back at us. ''Can you feel him kick a lot?'' She asks me as she feels my belly to determine how much my uterus has grown.  
>''Yeah, he barely ever stops,'' I tell her with a small grin.<p>

I put my shirt back down when she's done and wait for her to measure my blood pressure, ''did you get the results of the amnio yet?'' I ask her and I can see Milo's expression change slightly just from the mention of it.  
>''I got them this morning, they're on my desk now. We can go over them when we're done in here,'' she tells me. ''13085, A little high but nothing alarming,'' she tells us. ''I'll measure it again next time and we'll just keep a close eye on it.''

I nod as I sit back up a little bit more.  
>''Okay, we are done in here,'' Lu tells us and we all get up and go back into her office. Milo is still holding my hand as we sit down in the two black chair in the office, waiting for Lu to read the results.<p>

We watch her go through them for a minute and it takes me a few seconds to realize I'm holding my breath. ''No chromosomal problems, normal lung development, no infections, Rh compatibility is normal and just all-round it seems to be going good,'' Lu tells us as she sits back.

''That's a relief,'' I hear Milo saying next to me.  
>''Do you have any questions?'' Lu asks us as she closes the file and looks back and forth between Milo and I.<br>We glance over at each other, ''none that I can think of,'' I tell Lu and Milo nods.

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><p>Please review.<p> 


	38. A Journey Of A Thousand Miles

A/N 1: I know the rape kit in this chapter is pretty much the same one as Lu had on the show, but all of them have pretty much the same questions, so there wasn't much I could change about it. Sorry if this made it boring.

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><p>AN 2: Sorry that I keep delaying the chapters. Aside from this one I couldn't help but also work on the next two chapters (''Mothers and (Daughters)'' and ''Romeo & Juliet''). Though it kind of took my focus off of this part of the story, I'm glad I'm able to edit stuff and work on several chapters/storylines at the same time to keep it fresh. I hope y'all don't mind and that you enjoy the chapter!

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><p><strong>Chapter 32:<strong>  
><strong>A Journey Of A Thousand Miles<strong>

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><p>This is set on Tuesday March 28th 2006.<p>

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><p>''Forgive and forget. That's what they say. It's good advice, but it's not very practical. When someone hurts us, we want to hurt them back. When someone wrongs us, we want to be right.<p>

Without forgiveness, old scores are never settled. Old wounds never heal. And the most we can hope for, is that one day we'll be lucky enough to forget."

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><p>Third Persons POV<p>

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><p>Milo could hear the front door slam and he stood up from the dark blue desk chair. He silently prayed that it hadn't woken Jesse and Lizzy up as he turned the corner to walk down the stairs. He frowned as he walked across the hallway through the dining room and into the kitchen where he knew Andy was.<p>

She was pacing back and forth with a bottle of water in her hand and he could tell she was upset about something.  
>''Are you okay?'' He asked her as he took a step towards her.<p>

Andy clenched her fist as she thought about what had happened. ''That son of a...'' she began before cutting herself off.  
>''Who? Miranda?'' Milo asked knowing that she had gone to see her therapist that night. ''What did she do?''<br>''It's not what she did. It's what she wants me to do,'' Andy said.

''What does she want you to do?'' Milo asked.  
>''She wants me to forgive him,'' Andy said as she sat down on one of the barstools. ''She said it like it was nothing, like he had done nothing..., '' she let out a sigh, ''I just wish it were that easy.''<br>Before she could continue talking her pager started to beep and she groaned. ''What now?'' She asked as she got it out off her pocket.

Andy looked back up at Milo, ''I have to go to the ER. I'll be back as soon as I can,'' she promised him before giving him a kiss and walking back out the door. Milo sighed as he watched her walk away, ''maybe it is that easy,'' he replied even though she was gone.

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><p>Lu slowly pulled of her gloves as she watched the gurney behind her. One of her patients had been mistaken for somebody else and had become the target of a drive-by shooting. Lu watched as two nurses pulled the sheet over the body and prepared to take her down to the morgue.<p>

As she walked to the swing doors connecting the ER to the hallway that lead to the clinic she almost got knocked over when somebody ran into her.  
>''Sorry,'' she could hear the other doctor say and Lu let out a small sigh as she rubbed her shoulder and walked through the ER waiting room and a bit down the hall before she could see Andy coming in. Lu frowned, ''I thought you had tonight off,'' she said to the older woman as they both came to stop in the middle of the hall.<p>

''They brought one of my patients in,'' Andy said as she tried to mentally prepare herself for her patient. She knew this would be anything but an easy night.  
>''Okay,'' Lu replied and they walked past each other before she remembered something. ''Wait,'' she began and they both turned around to look at one another. ''Your patient... Donna Evrin, right?''<p>

Andy frowned, not immediately knowing how Lu knew this or why this was even relevant. Andy gave a slight nod.  
>''The rape victim, right?'' Lu asked.<br>''Yeah,'' Andy simply replied as it started to sink in what Lu meant. The first rape kit she had to do since her own rape. ''I can handle it,'' she told Lu.  
>''You sure?'' Lu asked with obvious doubt in her voice. Andy simply gave her a look that said that she'd be okay. ''Sure you don't want me to help you?''<p>

Andy only shook her head for a second before turning on her heel and walking into the ER. As Andy came to a halt in front of bay 8, the one the hospital always uses for rape kits, she took a deep breath. She had so easily turned down Lu's offer to help her just seconds ago, and was already regretting that decision. She took a deep breath as she pulled back the curtain, seeing her patient sitting on the edge of the examination table - turned away from Andy - she could feel her hands shaking a bit, ''Donna...'' Andy began, watching the younger, red-headed woman jump slightly before turning around to look at her.

_Andy swallowed hard as she ran a hand through her hair, waiting for the examiner to come in and do the rape kit. ''Ms. Campbell?'' She heard and she turned to look at the woman who had walked in._  
><em>''Dr. Campbell,'' Andy corrected her.<em>

_The woman gave a slight nod, ''I'm Dr. Martin,'' she said, introducing herself curtly. ''I understand you came in for a sexual assault kit?'' She asked to be sure. Andy gave a short nod and she watched Dr. Martin take a kit out of the glass case they had in the corner of the small examination room in the Pennsylvania Hospital ER._

_As she opened the box she took out a form and put it on a clipboard, ''I need you to sign here to indicate that you're consenting to have an examination to collect evidence of sexual assault,'' she told Andy as caring as she probably could. As Andy signed it she got a quick look at all the questions on the form and silently doubted her decision to come here. As Dr. Martin got the other forms out of the box Andy put a hand on her forehead - feeling the stitches there that she had just gotten minutes ago. Dr. Martin turned back around to look at the brunette woman sitting in front of her, ''full name?'' She asked._

_''Andy Jacoba Campbell,'' Andy replied, silently taken aback by the realization that she already knew all the upcoming questions. ''Date of birth, February 23rd 1963. Female. Caucasian. Engaged. Date and time of alleged assault: December 10th 2005, 8:15 p.m.,'' she paused for a moment, letting Dr. Martin write everything down as she watched her with a close eye._

_Finally having been able to fill that part in, Dr. Martin took a deep breath. ''Have you-'' she began._  
><em>Andy interrupted her, ''I haven't bathed, showered, douched, brush my teeth, use mouth-wash, change clothes, urinated, defecated, vomited or drank any liquids since the assault. I have done nothing to tamper with evidence,'' Andy said, watching Dr. Martin leave every box blank.<em>

_''Successful penetration of the vagina. Ejaculation. No attempted penetration of the mouth or anus. No oral-genital contact. No lubricant, condoms or foreign objects. I wasn't menstruating at the time of the assault,'' Andy swallowed hard, ''I _am_ pregnant, 11 weeks along.'' She could visibly see Dr. Martin freeze in front of her for just a second before continuing. ''I had one injury that resulted in bleeding which was a cut on my forehead.''_  
><em>''We'll take a picture of that in a minute,'' Dr. Martin informed her.<em>

_Andy gave a quick nod and made sure that everything she had just said was written down before she continued, ''one assailant. Male. White. Relationship to victim: acquaintance, Leslie J. Campbell.''_

''Dr. Campbell?'' The sound of Donna's voice brought her back to the Rittenhouse ER. Andy silently cursed herself for letting her own issues come through when she was with her patient. A patient who at the moment needed all the help, support and attention she could get.  
>''Sorry,'' Andy told her before walking over to the glass case - not unlike Dr. Martin had done. Even the glass cases looked alike.<p>

As she put the small, white box down on the steel rolling table in front of her and opened it she got a look at the form in it. It reminded her off glancing over at it during her own examination... She clenched her jaw for a second as she shook her head, 'not right now,' she thought to herself as she grabbed a clip board off the wall and put the form on it.

''Sign here to indicate that you're consenting to an examination in which we'll collect evidence of sexual assault,'' she told Donna as she handed her the form and watched her sign it. As she got the other forms out and took the one on top off it she was just glad that she didn't have to do that many of them since retiring from the army. ''Full name?'' She asked Donna.  
>''Donna Kathleen Evrin,'' Donna replied as she looked down at her knees, her hands resting on top of them.<p>

''Date of birth?'' Andy asked her, thankful that Donna hadn't interrupted her. Hopefully that meant there were lots of women out there who didn't know all the questions asked during a rape kit, just a little spark of hope after all...

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><p>She let out a sigh as she leaned her head back against the cold tiles behind her. She knows she wasn't supposed to, she knows it wasn't the right moment to say ''sorry'' and just walk away for a second, but she had to.<br>This was so much harder than she had imagined. Ever since her own rape other doctors had taken over the rape kits, but tonight she had decided she was ready. And Andy had really thought she was. But it had been so much different after she had walked in there and had started; to ask the same questions she had been asked.

To remember how she had felt when Dr. Martin had asked her those questions... To look at Donna Evrin the same way Dr. Martin had looked at her. Before December 10th 2005 she had been able to do a rape kit, feel bad for the woman and show that, and leave it at that.

Then, just another time when she had said no to a man... It was supposed to have been left at that as well. If only he had listened. If only Les had been able to see how much she meant it, if only he had seen how happy she was with the way things were. If only he had known she was pregnant, then maybe he wouldn't off... If only she had been able to fight him off... If only...

Andy closed her eyes as she licked her lips. She jumped up and stood up straight when the door beside her opened. She relaxed though when she saw it was Lu.  
>''I saw you rush in here,'' Lu told her. ''Are you okay?''<br>''Yeah, it's going fine,'' Andy replied as she walked over to the sinks and started to wash her hands in one of them.

''Then how come you're not with Donna?'' Lu asked as she walked over to Andy and stood behind her.  
>''I needed to use the bathroom,'' Andy said, ''pregnancy thing, remember from when you were pregnant with Marc?''<br>Lu gave her a slight smile, ''I do remember. You just never seemed like the person who would walk away from a woman who needed help, even if you did need to use the bathroom.''

Andy turned to look at her after grabbing a towel and she slowly started to dry her hands, ''gee, thanks! Way to make me feel bad,'' she said.  
>''Sorry,'' Lu replied, putting up her hands. ''I just meant to say that if you need my help, my offer still stands,'' she said, giving Andy a genuine look.<br>Andy gave her a slight smile, ''thanks... but no thanks,'' she said and watched Lu turn away from her and heading to the door. Remembering the feelings she had been reflecting on just moments ago, she let out a small sigh before throwing the paper towel away, ''Lu?'' She watched the younger doctor turn back to her.

''It's okay to ask help every once in a while y'know?'' Lu asked her.  
>''I know,'' Andy replied, leaning against the sink.<br>They stood in silence for a few seconds. ''Let's go finish that rape kit,'' Lu told her before putting an arm around her and guiding her out the door.

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><p>''I had another meeting with Miranda tonight,'' Andy told Lu as they made their way back from the ER to the clinic, which was now completely dark. She was glad she had been able to finish the rape kit – even if she had ended up needing Lu's help with it. It was over now and she was ready to leave it behind.<br>''How did it go?'' Lu asked as they both pulled up a chair.  
>''It went okay,'' Andy simply replied.<p>

''What did she say?'' Lu asked as they both sat down in the chairs.  
>''She says that she thinks it's best if I forgive Les, so I can forget,'' Andy said as she rubbed her eyes. She was getting sleepy, she had noticed the baby had stopped kicking so she figured he was asleep already, something that rarely happened.<p>

''That sounds pretty difficult,'' Lu says. ''Are you sure you're ready for that?''  
>''Ready? Yes. Do I want to? I'm not sure,'' Andy replied.<br>''I can understand that you won't want to because what he did was...'' Lu paused as she thought for a second, what is the word that could comprehend the damage Les had done? She took a deep breath, ''it's awful, but at one point or another you'll have to forgive him in order to forget and move on.''

Andy looked down at her hands as she twisted her wedding ring a few times, ''what if I forget him, too?''  
>Lu frowned at her, ''what do you mean?''<p>

''They say forgive and forget. I'm ready to forgive him and I want to. It's just that the next step after that is forget...''  
>''You don't want to forget what happened?'' Lu asked very confused by this.<br>''I do. But what if I forget the good things about Les too? I want to forget the bad times so I can just remember the good times. That just doesn't seem possible,'' Andy said.

They were both silent for a moment as Lu realized what Andy meant. ''I think you'll always remember both the good times and bad times. I think the forgetting part just means that after you've forgiven him your memory focuses more on the good parts than the bad, while now the bad parts are overshadowing the good.''

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><p>''They say death is hardest on the living. It's tough to actually say goodbye. Sometimes it's impossible. You never really stop feeling the loss. It's what makes things so bittersweet. We leave little bits of ourselves behind, little reminders, a lifetime of memories, photos, trinkets, things to remember us by... even when we're gone.''<p>

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><p>Please review!<p> 


	39. Mothers and (Daughters)

A/N 1: I know that Andy seems way more emotional in this story than she did on the show. That's partially because in this story she's pregnant, and obviously with all the hormones that's going to make her more emotional. And it's also partially because it's the way I write her - it may not seem in character but I think that the things I let the character go through in this story were going to make her this way. I'm sorry if it's annoying, just let me know!

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><p>AN 2: Part of this chapter was written by fanficgirl18. It's the last part of this chapter, don't know if it the tone of it is very different from the way I write, but I can assure you that she's a great writer! (as you will see)

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><p><strong>Chapter 33:<strong>  
><strong>Mothers and (Daughters)<strong>

_Alternative title: 'What Happens At Home'_

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><p>This is set on Saturday April 1st 2006.<p>

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><p>''If you don't go after what you want, you'll never have it. If you don't ask, the answer is always no. If you don't step forward, you're always in the same place.''<p>

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><p>Third persons POV<p>

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><p>''Just keep in mind that it's yours if you want it!'' The man on the other end of the line told her.<br>''Yeah, I'll remember that. I'll be in touch with you shortly once I do make a decision,'' Kayla Thornton told him as she started playing with the phone cord.  
>''Okay, I'm looking forward to that.''<p>

''Me too,'' she told him, ''bye.'' Kayla let out a sigh as she hung up the phone and rubbed her forehead. She was filled with such mixed feelings. Yes or no? Moving on to a next chapter in her life - which she was, without a doubt, ready for - or maybe hang on to this great chapter just a little longer?

As she sat down in one of the wooden chairs by the breakfast table, she could feel all of the conflicting emotions in her. It was only now that she realized how much she had changed since first coming to Rittenhouse; she had grown up a bit, felt more secure and capable. Becoming chief resident was one of the main things that really kept her going.

She had met so many new people, made new friends... Not that this was going to affect all of them, just that they had changed her. And even though she would have said yes to this opportunity if it had come when she first moved to Philly, she wasn't so sure now.  
>Living on her own, completely on her own, for the first time in quite some time. Kayla was a bit anxious for it as she tried to imagine what it would be like.<p>

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><p>''What is all of this?'' Andy asked as she looked over Lana's shoulder at the bridal magazines.<br>''Bride- and bridesmaids dresses. Lu and I were looking through them for her wedding, but she got paged to the ER'' Lana told her as she spun around in her chair. ''Aren't they just lovely?'' She asked in a sarcastic voice as she held up one of the magazine pages, showing one of the dresses to the doctor, ''doesn't it remind you of the sun? It's big, it's yellow and if you look at it for too long you just might go blind.''

''Wouldn't it be easier to start with the wedding dress itself, that's more important than the bridesmaid's dresses,'' Andy told her as she down next to Lana.  
>''Lu doesn't know what she wants yet so I figured I'd start with this,'' Lana told her as she picked up another magazine.<br>Andy looked up as she heard footsteps, approaching Lana and here, and saw it was Lu who'd come back from the ER. ''So what do you have planned so far?'' Andy asked since, unlike Lana, she was still in the dark about most of the wedding plans.

As Lu sat down as well she started, ''we have found a location. We have met up with a florist and we have found a caterer, we're also almost done with the guest list. Jonas' mother suggested it might be wise to start looking at dresses,'' she explained.  
>Andy gave a nod as she put down the magazine and looked over at Lana, ''how long until my next appointment?'' She asked.<p>

''About twenty minutes,'' Lana answered as she handed Lu one of the magazines opened to a page which pictured a beautiful, off-shoulder dress.  
>''I'll be back soon,'' Andy told the other two women as she got up and walked over to the elevators. She was pleasantly surprised when the doors opened and she found only Milo was inside, ''hey,'' she greeted him and gave him a kiss after the doors had closed.<p>

''Hi honey,'' he responded with a smile.  
>''Do you have time to talk or do you have a patient you have to get to?'' Andy asked.<br>Milo glanced over at his watch real quick before looking back at his wife, ''I've got some time,'' he told her as the elevator stopped on the floor where Milo's office was.

As they got off, and walked past all the people who were waiting to get on, Andy started, ''I'm a little worried about Kayla, she seems kind of distant lately. Have you noticed anything?''  
>Milo looked over at her with a frown, ''she and I are not exactly close,'' he reminded her. ''And aside, she's a grown woman with her own life, she probably just feels the need to hang out with people her own age or something like that,'' Milo said as they walked into his office and he closed the door behind them.<p>

''Hmm, maybe,'' she replied.  
>''Plus, I think we've both been a little pre-occupied with work and Jesse and Lizzy considering everything that has happened lately, and Kayla knows that. Even though she has become like a daughter to you, she knows that it's important for you to put Jesse and Lizzy first, always,'' Milo said he sat down next to Andy on the couch. ''If you want to know what's up with her then, instead of guessing and worrying, maybe you should just ask her.''<p>

''I guess you're right,'' Andy told him and smiled at him. He smiled back at her before softly kissing her lips.

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><p><em>''One assailant. Male. White. Relationship to victim: acquaintance, Leslie J. Campbell.''<em>

Andy drew in a shaky breath as that one sentence kept replaying in her head. Ever since the rape kit she had performed just a mere four days ago, she hadn't been able to get that sentence out of her head. It created a nauseating feeling in the pit of her stomach that had nothing to do with the baby - it was all Les.

Before that rape kit she had never even thought about it, all of the flashbacks had been about the rape itself, plus what led up to it and what came after, but never going as far as this. And she didn't understand either why that particular sentence was the one that kept coming back to her, instead of the ones actually describing the rape.

She rubbed her forehead before leaning on the counter and looking at herself in the bathroom mirror, glad that no one had come in. It was only when she had run a hand through her hair and really looked at herself that she noticed how tired she looked. Just everything about her didn't look quite right; her hair was a bit messier than it was supposed to be. Nobody else would probably notice - or care to notice - but she did.

Her foundation hadn't done that great of a job of hiding the dark circles under her eyes and she had rub her lips together for a second to make her lipstick look a bit better.

As she let out a small sigh and her arms dropped to her sides, her gaze landed on what probably looked the most out of the ordinary... She closed her eyes for a second as she concentrated on nothing else but feeling that baby kick. For some reason, since her father had died, being pregnant just felt different. Andy knew it was because of what she had overheard him saying. He didn't believe in getting a divorce - 'just ending your marriage like that'. He had certainly never approved of her getting a divorce.

And now having a baby with another man was just the icing on the cake: having a baby was a huge commitment. A commitment to another man the one she had said 'I do' to when she was just a nineteen-year-old girl. That's what she had been: a girl. She hadn't been an adult when she had made the decision to marry Les, and she certainly hadn't been ready for such a grown-up decision, even if it had ended up giving her a lot of joy in the shape of two daughters.

Her first wedding felt like a lifetime ago, and at the same time it was like it had only happened yesterday. And now she was married to somebody else. Something, and someone, her late father did not exactly approve of. She had cared about his approval - or in this case disapproval - when he was alive, and now she seemed to care even more now that he had died.

And in that moment in felt like it was just hitting her all at once: retiring from the military, Lu finding out about Les hitting her, going through the bad divorce, dating Milo, Milo proposing to her, finding out she was pregnant, being raped, Les killing himself, living through all of the flashbacks, marrying Milo, suffering through all the disapproving looks her father had given her over the years, almost losing the baby and then her father dying.

She had cried, laughed, had seen many peaks and valleys. She had cried because it had hurt so much, she had cried because she was so happy that it just overwhelmed her. Almost every emotion she could think of, she had gone through since she had come to work at Rittenhouse.

And now all Andy could see was her own face staring back at her in the mirror. No tears, no smiles. Nothing. Just herself with a clenched jaw looking at herself. Good thing she didn't believe in self-pity, or she would've felt sorry for her and maybe had started crying again. It took a few minutes before she could see herself relax again and her jaw unclenched.

She looked down at her belly, putting one hand on it before clearing her throat and whispering, ''I love you baby,'' to her unborn child. She felt silly doing it, talking to something, someone who wasn't born yet, who couldn't hear her. But at that moment it was all she needed.

However, as soon as she turned away from the mirror and walked to the door she couldn't stop her mind from repeating those same words again:_ ''Relationship to victim: acquaintance, Leslie J. Campbell.''_

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><p>Kayla took a deep breath as she put the key in the lock and opened the door. She immediately could hear Corinna in the kitchen talking to Jesse and Lizzy and after closing the door behind her she walked into the kitchen as well. Milo was sitting at the kitchen island, working on something on his laptop, Jesse and Lizzy were sitting at the breakfast table playing a card game, and telling Corinna about their day. The latter woman was standing by the stove.<p>

''Hi,'' Kayla said and smiled at all of them. They all greeted her back before returning to what they were doing before. ''Is Andy home?'' She asked no one in particular as she took off her coat and draped it over one of the chairs.

''Mom is upstairs,'' Lizzy responded, barely looking up from the cards in her hands.  
>As Kayla turned around to go upstairs she felt excited about the news she had gotten earlier that day, she just hoped that the other people in the household would be as excited as she was for herself.<p>

After having checked the study, where Andy usually was, Kayla walked over to one of the other doors, the one that led to Andy and Milo's bedroom. ''Andy?'' Kayla asked as she knocked on the door.  
>She could hear some rummaging in the room before she got a response, ''come in.''<p>

As Kayla walked in she found Andy sitting on the bed with a box full of stuff in front of her, ''what are you up to?''  
>''Looking through some of the girls' baby stuff that Milo got down from the attic today,'' Andy said as she put a teddy bear back in the box.<br>Kayla could see the emotionless, hard face Andy had had when she had walked in soften a bit. ''Right. I kind of wanted to talk to you about that,'' she said as she moved into the room a little further. Andy just gave her a look that told her to continue. ''With the new baby coming and all you're going to need more room, right?''

''I guess so,'' Andy began, not sure what Kayla was talking about.  
>''What I'm trying to say is that I've been looking for apartments for a few weeks,'' Kayla said.<br>''What?'' Andy asked as she readjusted her position on the bed to be a little more comfortable. ''You know we have another bedroom right? You don't have to move out just because we're having a baby.''

''It's not_ just_ the new baby. I mean, I've been thinking about this for a while now, before you even told us you're pregnant. I just think it's time for me to get my own place,'' Kayla told her. ''And I found an apartment.''  
>''You've already found something?'' Andy asked and Kayla could tell she was a little dumbfounded.<br>''Yeah. It is pretty close to Rittenhouse, two bedrooms... I just think it might be the right thing for now,'' Kayla said. There was a moment of silence between the two. ''They said it's mine if I want it.''

''It's such a strange idea that you won't live here anymore, it's been like what? Two years?'' Andy said.  
>''Has it really been that long?'' Kayla asked. She hadn't really thought about it and could tell something was wrong, "Andy, I'll still be around. I'm not moving out of the state. I'll be right here, if you need me."<p>

Andy looked at Kayla. She had a mother's love in her eyes. "I know Kayla. It's just I've begun to consider you as one of my daughters. I mean Jesse loves me but I think she really needed an older-sister figure. She's really taken to you, so has Lizzie. You're like the older sister they never got. You've really become a part of this family Kayla. It's hard to let you go."

Now both Andy and Kayla were having a hard time keeping control over their emotions. Andy wiped her eyes and began searching through another box. Kayla wondered what she was searching for. Finally Andy pulled out a small box. She placed it in Kayla's manicured hand. "My mother gave this to me on the first day of Medical school. I was saving it for Jesse but I don't want her to feel pressured to go into medicine. It's better suited for you." She told Kayla.

Kayla looked at Andy confused before opening the box. Inside was a gold chain with the Caduceus, the widely known symbol of medicine, attached to it. Kayla was speechless. "Andy it's beautiful! I love it," she finally smiled.  
>"I know it won't make you stay but I just wanted you to have it." Andy told her with a smile.<p>

Kayla tightly hugged Andy before making her way to the door. Before leaving Kayla turned around, her curls swaying in the process. "Hey Andy? Is it okay if I stay a little longer? You know just until the baby is born? And then we can go apartment hunting together. All 6 of us?" Kayla asked.

Andy smiled. "I'd love that sweetheart."

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><p>Please review.<p> 


	40. Romeo & Juliet

A/N: The title is a quote by_ Milhouse van Houten_, a character from _The Simpsons_. I don't often use quotes as chapter titles but I think it fit the chapter well. I don't own the quote, obviously.

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><p><strong>Chapter 34:<strong>  
><strong>We Started Out Like Romeo and Juliet, But It Ended Up In Tragedy<strong>

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><p>This is set on Thursday April 6th 2006.<p>

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><p>''It's okay. I'm always fine.''<p>

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><p>2nd Person's POV which transitions into Andy's POV<p>

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><p><em>''Sometimes I really hate you, you know that?'' She asked, as she stared into his cold blue eyes, wishing she could leave. If only she could make herself wake up from this nightmare.<em>  
><em>He scoffed and looked away, ''the feeling his mutual,'' he responded quietly.<em>

_She could feel a salty tear escape her eye and run down her cheek as she thought of something to say. Standing in front of him after all these months... It was overwhelming. She felt so many emotions and just didn't know what to do with them. Looking at him though; she just wanted to punch him in the face, scratch his eyes out, yell at him, and ask him 'how could you do this to me?'._  
><em>But she knew it wouldn't matter what kind of explanation he came up with, nothing would be good enough for her. No reason was good enough to do what he had done to her... And then there was the other side of her: the one that wanted to tell him that she still loved him not matter what, the one that wanted to forgive him so bad.<em>

_His hard voice snapped her out of her thoughts, ''are you crying?'' He asked her in a despising voice._  
><em>''No!'' She answered as she quickly wiped her tears away. They were both quiet for a few minutes, neither one of the knowing what else to say. She cleared her throat, unsure if she should tell him this or not, ''sometimes I kind of love you, you know that?'' She asked him anyway.<em>

_He looked up into her eyes and he almost looked... sweet, kind of soft to her. ''I always kind of love you, always have and always will, you know that?'' He asked her. She took a deep breath and looked away at absolutely nothing at all - as he kept his gaze on her. ''I'm sorry for what I did to you,'' he said for no particular reason other than that he knew he had to say it._  
><em>She looked back at him with tears in her eyes, ''than why did you do it? How could you do something like that to me?'' She asked him angrily. When he didn't respond within a few seconds she looked away - disappointed.<em>

_''I don't know why I do the things I do. I just wanted to let you know how much I loved you, and when you didn't feel the same way I just snapped,'' he responded truthfully. ''Now I just want you to know that I never meant to hurt you, never meant to do you any harm, and that I'm sorry I did it anyway._  
><em>''I know you're sorry,'' she responded as she looked back at him, ''I just don't know if that's good enough.''<em>

''Good enough for what?'' Miranda questioned.  
>I get snapped out of the memory replaying in my head by the high-pitched voice of the young therapist in front of me. I frown as I try to recall why I said that, I just dreamt this last night and it's already fading from my memory, ''it's not good enough for me to forgive him, to forget that night or to just pretend none of it ever happened.<p>

Miranda nods as she jots some stuff down on her notepad, ''and what happened after that?''  
>''Then I woke up,'' is my simple response. Dreams like this one were becoming more and more frequent again, though unlike what most people would think, they aren't nightmares; sometimes the conversations in these 'dreams' transition into him acting out in a violent way - but I never end up scared. I don't wake up in a cold sweat, unable to fall back asleep because I'm too scared to do so. They are just dreams.<p>

I can see her write down some more things and I cannot help but wonder what she could possibly be writing down, all I told her was that I woke up... ''Y'know,'' I begin and even though she doesn't look up, I can tell she's listening, ''you can divide the word 'therapist' into 'the rapist','' I say and Miranda looks back at me, eyebrows raised and her jaw slightly dropped.

It takes her a few seconds to recover from my statement and she begins to write again - clearly trying to get everything down as fast as possible, while making sure she doesn't forget anything since it can come in handy later on. I don't mind and I wait patiently, it gives us both a second to collect ourselves. As I glance out the window at the trees, which were in full bloom - unlike the way they looked when I first came here, I decide not to give the dream a second thought today. Heck, if it were all up to me I wouldn't give anything regarding Les another thought.

But I know it still doesn't work that way; all the memories, everything that has happened between him and me, it will only came back to hit me in the face, wait for me to get back up just so it can kick me in the stomach.  
>I immediately, but not entirely consciously, wrap my arms around my stomach, trying to protect the precious life of the innocent child inside. It's a reflex that I've always had when pregnant, not just during this pregnancy. The urge to protect my children and a rush of something that I can't describe but which keeps me alert and ready to fight whatever might be out to harm my kids. I know that it's the memory of Les that brought it on, it just probably won't help my conversation with Miranda.<p>

She finally looks back up at me and immediately notices my change in posture, ''are you okay?''

''Like I told you a million times before, he did what he did and now he's gone and he can't hurt me, so I'm doing fine, '' I say with a shrug, conscious that it came out sounding a bit more angry than I had meant. After a few moments of silence I look at her intently, ''how often do I have to repeat that?''  
>''Once was enough, I just have a feeling that if something as small as me asking you how you're doing can upset you... Then maybe there's an underlying cause,'' Miranda tells me and I sink back into my chair. ''There's no reason to get upset with me, just talk,'' she tells me in a sincere voice that is getting on my nerves.<p>

I sit in silence for a second as I think of what to say, how to explain myself. ''Do you know what it's like to have people constantly asking you if you're okay?'' I ask Miranda. She tilts her head to the side, trying to encourage me to continue. ''I know a lot has happened lately, but people asking me if I'm fine just makes me think about how I am doing and makes it feel like I might not be fine. But when people don't ask me at all and I don't give any thought to it, I feel great.''

''Do you know_ why_ they ask you how you're doing?'' She asks me.  
>''Cause most of the time I look like shit, '' I tell her sarcastically. ''At least; that's what it looks like to me,'' I tell her and she narrows her eyes at me. In response I just roll my eyes and look away, ''I know they only ask because they care, but it's really annoying and getting on my nerves. I appreciate that they care about me, I really do, but sometimes I just want to yell at them to leave me alone.''<p>

''Why do you think it makes you so mad?'' Miranda asks me.  
>I take a deep breath. Didn't she already ask me this? ''Like I said, people keep asking me over and over again, just like you, it's exhausting to keep having to answer the same thing over and over again,'' I tell her and study her reaction to see if she finally understands me.<p>

I can see her think for a second, ''do you think that it might be upsetting to you that they keep asking you that and you keep saying you're fine, even though you're not feeling fine?'' She asks me and I can tell by her tone of voice that she's trying to bring it in such a way that I'll think about it instead of dismissing the idea.

''Whenever people ask others how they're doing, all they really want to hear is that the other person is doing fine. It can be quite frustrating for people to keep answering that they're doing fine - because that's what people expect - when really they're feeling awful-''  
>''I don't feel awful,'' I interrupt her.<p>

''I didn't say you were. I'm trying to make an example so you can see what I think of what you're telling me, and hopefully that way we can figure out what is upsetting you and then we can work on it,'' she tells me.  
>I repress the urge to roll my eyes and sit up a little straighter, crossing my legs and putting my hands in my lap, ''fine. Continue.''<p>

She clears her throat and sits up a little straighter as well, though not completely copying my current posture. ''When people keep asking you if you're fine and you keep saying you are, even though you're not, it can be quite frustrating not to tell them how you're really feeling, whether it be that you don't like it that they keep asking you that, or maybe there's something else in your life that you're not particularly happy about, doesn't matter. It's just that every once in a while people need to let those frustrations out,'' she tells me and at the end she raises her eyebrows, trying to figure out if I can see it from the point of view.

I just look at her, ''what do you want me to do with this information?'' I ask her.  
>''Well, maybe these sessions can be a good time to 'unwind' a bit,'' she tells me. ''Just tell me how you're doing, how you're feeling, how you're life is going... anything that you need to talk about. But don't use the word 'fine', instead tell me your actual emotions, how certain things effect you and what you're happy with, and what you're not happy with and would like to change.''<p>

We're both silent again. I'm not sure where to start, what aspect of my life I want to talk about first. Miranda is obviously just waiting for me to start, giving me all the time I need.

I look out the window - like I do very often when we talk. ''Work is going pretty good,'' I begin and Miranda gives me an encouraging smile. ''I have a lot of patients which is nice because it helps keep my mind off of stuff that I don't want to think about,'' I pause for a second, kind of expecting her to ask me what kind of stuff I mean. When she doesn't ask anything I continue: ''Riggs, Biancavilla and Bob all started keeping kind of a 'safe' distance from me after I told them I was raped, and they're stil keeping that distance which helps make work a lot easier.

''I have Milo nearby and I can always talk to Lu or Hawkins, which feels good. The only thing I don't like about work is everybody always asking me how I'm doing cause it reminds me of everything that has happened. But I guess I can handle it,'' I tell her.

''Okay.'' Miranda says with a smile. ''That was really good! You think you're up for more or...?'' She asks, pretty much leaving it up to me.  
>''I think I'll be fine,'' I tell her before I move on to the next subject. ''Things with Jesse and Lizzy are going better than could be expected. They still don't understand why their father decided to kill himself, they don't know half the things he has done which is probably for the best. I try to spend as much time with them as I can, Kayla looks after them a lot, as does Milo. And Corrina is always there for them when they come home from school.<p>

''I'm glad they don't know what Les did, because I don't think it would do them any good to know, but sometimes it's frustrating because they see him as this great person that suddenly got taken away from them and they just can't make any sense of it. Which is why part of me wishes they know, but...'' I shake my head as I think about this. ''It's just not a good idea.''

I look at Miranda and she smiles at me.  
>''Milo and I are... moving forward. We're getting closer again and we talk more. We also argue more but so far we've been able to work everything out before it turned into a fight, he just seems quite worried about the baby and me all the time which I can understand. And it obviously doesn't help that we nearly lost the baby a couple of weeks ago, but thankfully everything seems okay on that front now,'' I tell Miranda.<p>

When I remain quiet after this she asks me a question, ''how's dealing with the rape going?'' She asks me and I can immediately feel a small lump forming in my throat.  
>Sometimes it's quite easy to talk about and other times it seems like the hardest thing in the world. I look around the room and try to focus on just one thing as I think about this. It's only now that I notice a poster that is hanging behind Miranda. The poster is the same color as the wall and the writing on it is in a pale blue, it looks it like it has faded a bit over the years. I hold my breath as I read it:<p>

_''The girl who seems unbreakable, broke._  
><em>The girl who always laughed, cried.<em>  
><em>The girl that never stopped trying, finally gave up.<em>

_She dropped her fake smile as a tear rolled down her cheek, and she_  
><em>whispered to herself, 'I can't do this anymore'.''<em>

The first thing that popped into my head was, 'what a load of crap'. But I refrain myself from actually saying that out loud. I've already had enough things slip out of my mouth that I wish I could take back now.  
>When Miranda notices me staring at something she follows my gaze, "one of my patients wrote that a long time ago, with her permission, of course, I decided to hang it in here," she tells me with a smile. "Do you like it?"<p>

I haven't even noticed anything the therapist had said, too deep in thought to pay attention to her. Military training had laid the foundation for the walls I've build around myself over the years, barely ever letting anyone in, let alone a therapist. I have always seen it as a positive thing, letting someone else see you in a vulnerable state made you... well, vulnerable. It meant making it easier to let other people hurt you, becoming more dependent on other people.

I don't think it was until I read that poster that I truly started to think about the upside to letting people see what is behind all those walls, see what I'm really like, see that, even though I have been through a lot and have experienced a lot of pain, I am still strong. And that I could and would be just that, strong, maybe even more so when those walls aren't sky-high.

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><p>Please review! It would really help me to get some feedback on this chapter or the story in general.<p> 


	41. Husbands VS Babies

A/N 1: Yeah yeah, I'm terrible at updating regularly. Just want anybody who reads this to know that I do intend on finishing this story no matter how long it takes. There are plenty more chapters to come so I hope y'all sit tight and can be patient with me. There's light at the end of the tunnel: summer vacation is starting so hopefully with all that extra time my updating schedule will be a bit better.

BTW, there's a reference to Jeremy in this chapter. He is an OC and first mentioned in Forever Young, Forever In Doubt, in case you're wondering.

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><p>AN 2: Also, I would like to thank fanficgirl18 for helping me with this chapter and constantly inspiring me!

Anyway, enjoy!

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><p><strong><span>Chapter 35:<span>**  
><strong><span>Husbands VS. Babies<span>**

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><p>This is set on Saturday April 8th 2006.<p>

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><p>''Listen, kid. Someday you're going to change. You're going to grow up and become someone else. Everyday you'll evolve. Despite all the heartache and difficulties that may follow you day-to-day, remember where you come from. Remember the morals you were taught, remember that a good deed, no matter how small, can change the world for the better. People compromise their integrity for things they believe to be of greater value- money, fancy cars, mansions, etcetera. Be the best you that you can be. Change for no-one but yourself, challenge yourself in this way. Because once you compromise your morals, you will never be the same. ''<p>

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><p>Andy's POV<p>

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><p>''What were you thinking?!'' I can hear Milo say, rather loudly, as I open the front door and step into the house.<br>''It's my body and I am old enough to decide what I want to do with it! Besides, you're not my dad and you can't tell me what I can and can't do!'' I hear Jesse yell back before she comes into the hallway and storms up the stairs.

I just look up at her with my jaw dropped. Coming home after getting paged to the ER on what was supposes to be my day off; this was the last thing I expected to come home to. ''What happened?'' I ask Milo as he steps into the hallway as well.  
>He lets out a sigh as he pinches the bridge of his nose, ''you're not going to believe what Jesse did,'' he tells me as he takes off my coat.<p>

''What is it?'' I ask him, preparing myself for the worst.  
>''She got a tattoo,'' he tells me. I just look at him, out of all the things he could've told me this was definitely not one I expected. ''A few minutes ago she was loading dishes into the dishwasher and when she bent over I saw a tattoo on her lower back.''<p>

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><p>Sunday April 9th 2006.<p>

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><p>Third Person's POV<p>

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><p><em>She looked at the pictures in her hands. They had seemed so peaceful at the time; she had been sitting on his lap, both of them facing the camera, she had a big smile on her face as he buried part of his face in her long dark hair. It was the picture that best captured the way they had been at the time; young and in love. Not to be mistaken, they were still very much in love and by most people's standards they were young to take this major step.<em>

_They had told her she was too young when she got married at 19 years of age, and they would - without a doubt - tell her she was too young to be having a baby at 23. Did it matter? Andy felt mature enough, excited, thrilled... It wasn't like they had planned this and though neither of them had ever had expressed the desire to have kids, he was sure that even if Les wasn't going to be too crazy about it now - eventually their son or daughter would prove to be a blessing in disguise._

_She heard a key turn in the front door behind her and she set the picture down on the coffee table before turning around to greet her husband. _  
><em>''Hi honey,'' he said as he put down a bag on the floor and pecked her lips.<em>  
><em>''Hi sweetie,'' she replied, feeling very nervous.<em>

_Les could read that on her face and he froze where he was standing, ''is something wrong?'' He asked, concern sipping through his voice._

_Andy took his hand in her own and smiled, '' we need to talk,'' she simply said._

Andy sat up straight in bed before snapping on the light on the small nightstand next to her. In pieces and flashes the memory turned dream came back to her. She could feel her heart racing and an anxious feeling washed over her. She wasn't sure why. Telling Les they were expecting Jesse had never been anything but a good memory - Les had been even more excited about the news than she had been.

Looking over at the other side of the bed - expecting to see Milo asleep over there - all she found was a note on his pillow.

'Got paged and had to go to the hospital. I'll see you later. Love, Milo.'

Andy smiled as she laid back down, burying her head into the pillows before falling back asleep.

* * *

><p>It was two hours later when she woke up again, two minutes before her 5 a.m. alarm, as always she waited patiently for it to go off. After going through her early morning routine - exercising, showering, getting dresses in her normal clothes for that day, reading the paper, making breakfast for Jesse, Lizzy, Kayla and herself - she sat down at the kitchen table as Jesse walked in earlier than usual.<p>

''You're up early,'' Andy said as Jesse grabbed a plate of the kitchen island and sat down across from her.  
>''I couldn't fall back asleep so I decided to just get up,'' the eighteen-year-old responded.<br>''Something troubling you?'' Andy asked.

Jesse shrugged before looking up from her breakfast, ''just thinking about dad,'' she responded.  
>Andy nodded in response - unsure of what to say. It had been almost four months since Les had died and they had never really talked about his death. Andy tried to be there for her girls but knew that considering everything that had happened between her and Les in the weeks leading up to his suicide, she found it hard to listen to her daughters who had only ever seen him in a positive light.<p>

''We've never really talked about him since he... passed, do you want to talk about it?'' Andy asked.  
>''I guess so,'' Jesse responded, looking for the right words to express her feelings. There was a moment of silence before she continued, ''it is like he never even existed,'' she said.<br>Andy frowned as in her mind she was trying to figure out what her daughter had meant by that, ''what do you mean?''

''I mean that I have lots of memories of him, but he died, Milo has moved in and even before dads death he had already taken over the role of a father, we never talk about dad and I barely even talk to that side of the family anymore. Dad was always there for me and Lizzy, but since the divorce and since his death...'' Jesse hesitated for a second, ''he's just really, truly gone.'' She runs a hand through her hair before continuing, ''and Milo's taken his place.''

Andy watched for a few seconds as Jesse played around with the food on her plate, ''is this about what happened yesterday?'' Andy asked but Jesse didn't respond. ''When I walked in I heard you say that since he isn't your dad he couldn't tell you what to do.''

''Well, he can't.'' She responded curtly. ''Though that doesn't mean that because you're my mom you can tell me what to do,'' she quickly added.  
>Andy chuckled, ''I wasn't planning on doing that anyway,'' she told her daughter. ''Can I see it?'' She asks her as the younger woman looked back down at her food.<br>Jesse frowned, ''the tattoo?'' Andy nodded. ''You know you're not going to like it, right? No matter what it is I got.''

Andy smiled, ''I know, but I'm still curious.'' She watched Jesse stand up, turn around and lift up her shirt in the back.  
>''It's the Eye Of Horus,'' Jesse said before putting her shirt back down and sitting down across from her mother again.<br>''Symbol of protection, royal power and good health... Good choice,'' Andy said with a smile.

''Does that mean that you're okay with it?'' Jesse asked with a bit of hope in her voice.  
>''Well, it's a bit late from stopping you from getting it now. And aside from that; you are eighteen and I can't stop from you doing things like that. Plus, you're right I suppose: it is your body and only you should get a say in what you do with it. So, I guess that though I don't agree with you getting it, I don't have a choice but to be okay with it,'' Andy responded.<p>

Jesse let out a sigh of relief, after having kept it a secret ever since she got it, it was kind of a relief that her mother now finally knew about it. ''So, I'm not grounded?'' She asked.  
>''No, you're not,'' Andy said. ''But please; no more tattoos while you live here, I don't want you to give Lizzy any ideas.'' She added jokingly.<p>

''Nor him?'' Jesse asked, glancing down at her mom's stomach.  
>''Exactly,'' Andy said. ''And even though you're eighteen and you need to make your own mistakes to grow up, and even though you might consider yourself to mature for this; as long as you live under this roof I need you to live by the rules, got it?''<p>

''I got it,'' Jesse responded with a slight smile - knowing her mother wasn't going to like what she had to say next. ''That brings me to the next thing I wanted to talk to you about,'' she began, but pausing to wait for her mother to respond.  
>Andy frowned, not sure where this was going, ''what is it?''<p>

''I'm thinking about moving out,'' Jesse said.  
>Andy could feel her jaw drop, not sure she had heard her daughter correctly. ''You are what?''<br>''Thinking about moving out,'' Jesse repeated. ''Since I'm in college now I just think it's about time for that. I could be closer to the school, hang out with my classmates more so I can get to know them better...''

''Hang out with Jeremy more,'' Andy continued, following the train of thought whilst remembering her daughter's boyfriend. Andy had first met him on Lizzy's birthday and since then he had come over for dinner a couple of times.  
>''That too,'' Jesse said with a bit of hesitation. ''It's not like I'm going to be living with him, but just... closer to him. One of my classmates is looking for a roommate and asked me to live in her dorm with her.''<p>

''I'm not sure this is such a good idea,'' Andy responded as she stood up to pour herself another cup of tea.  
>''I think it'll help me grow up a little more and learn how to take care of myself,'' Jesse said - trying to sell this idea to Andy. ''And even if it does go horribly wrong than you can just think of it as one of those mistakes I have to make in order to grow up,'' she continued, imitating her mother's voice for the last part of the sentence.<p>

Andy shook her head, remembering what she had said as well and thinking about what happened only a week prior, ''a week ago Kayla was thinking about moving out, and now you are too. This house is going to be so empty...''  
>''Just think of it as a way to find out what empty nest syndrome is all about,'' Jesse responded with a grin.<p>

As Andy sat back down she remembered the dream she had had only that morning, the memory of telling Les she was pregnant with Jesse. ''A moment ago you were five-years-old and swinging on the swing, than I blinked and now you have a boyfriend, a tattoo and you're going to move out. That went way too fast!''

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><p>Jesse looked up when she heard a knock on the door. It was hours later, a little after 10 p.m. and she was sitting in her room, going through her homework for the next day. ''Come in,'' she said and she watched as Milo opened the door.<br>''I hope I'm not disturbing you,'' he said as he closed the door behind him and walked in a little further.

''That's okay, I'm almost done anyway,'' she responded and motioned for him to sit down on her bed.  
>As he sat down he couldn't help but notice that the way she had moved was exactly like Andy always did, ''I just wanted to apologize for last night. I was out of line and I do realize that I am not your dad and I should've waited for your mom to come home so she could talk to you,'' he told her.<p>

''It's okay,'' Jesse responded quietly. ''And even though you're not my dad, you are still my stepdad and the closest thing I've had for a father figure since mom and dad divorced. I'm really glad you were there for us through everything,'' she said honestly.

''I was glad to be there - no matter how unfortunate the circumstances,'' he smiled at her. ''And I want you to know that even though I am _just_ your stepfather, it doesn't mean that I don't care about you and Lizzy or don't love you like you're my own kids, because I do.'' Milo watched her as they both remained quiet for a second, and he noticed that she couldn't think of something to say. ''It's okay, you don't have to say it just because I did,'' he said.

Jesse gave him a small smile, ''thanks.'' She simply responded.  
>''Anyway, I'm going to bed. I'll see you tomorrow,'' he said before standing up, ''goodnight,'' he said before leaning over to kiss her cheek and walk to the door.<br>''Goodnight,'' Jesse responded as she watched him walk to the door. ''Oh, and Milo?'' She asked and waited for him to turn around, ''I _do_, love you too,'' she said.

Milo smiled at her before closing the door behind him and walking down the hall, quickly checking to see if Lizzy was asleep before making his way over to his and Andy's bedroom. ''How did it go?'' Andy asked - she was reading a book on the bed and knew that he had been gone to talk to Jesse.  
>''Better than could be expected,'' Milo responded as he changed into his pajama pants and crawled next to her into bed.<p>

''Well I'm glad,'' she responded as she closed the book and put it down on the nightstand. She looked back at him with a smile, ''can you believe we're leaving for our honeymoon in three days?'' She asked.  
>''Only two months after our wedding,'' he responded with a grin, ''our wedding doesn't seem that long ago.''<p>

''I know,'' she said as they both leaned back against the headboard, ''it was such a beautiful wedding.''  
>''You're welcome,'' he said jokingly and she smiled at him. ''I'm looking forward to all the alone time we'll have,'' he said, referring to their honeymoon again.<br>''Me too,'' she said with a smile. ''That and some other things,'' she said suggestively.

''Want to start practicing for that now?'' He asked her as he wiggled his eyebrows before kissing her.

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><p><em>The first sign that she might have been pregnant had come just a little over a week before, although at the time feeling a bit bloated had not set off any alarm bells. It wasn't until her period had been late that she figured something along the lines of a baby might be up.<em>

_For some reason it didn't feel right to know before Milo did so she had decided that she would tell him and he could be there when she took the test. That decision had been made 11 days ago - and now, standing outside his office, she was finally going to tell him. _  
><em>She had wanted to tell him that same night, when he came over to her house after having played poker with friends. But her nerves had taken over and she just couldn't. That was when the game of procrastination had started.<em>

_She had her reasons: they had never even mentioned having kids together, coming out of the blue and telling him that perhaps that decision had already been made for them seemed like just a bit much. Aside from that - even though he was great with Jesse and Lizzy - Andy had never really seen him excited to be around kids. _  
><em>And then there was... something she couldn't put her finger on, just an indescribable feeling that told her he wouldn't be too crazy about this. Although it might have been more her fears than his personality that had been the reason for that excuse.<em>

_And so, the day after the poker game and her fears causing her to chicken out, she decided she might as well just come out with it and break the news. That had been day 1: he had been really busy with surgery, but perhaps they could meet up the next day? _  
><em>Day 2: him breaking the news that his parents wanted to have dinner with the both of them had sparked anger on her side and had taken her mind off of the whole baby dilemma, it wasn't until she was in her car heading home that she remembered. And she shouldn't and wouldn't tell him something like this over the phone. <em>  
><em>Day 3: he was agitated because he had a lot of patients. <em>  
><em>Day 4: he was agitated because he barely had any patients.<em>  
><em>Day 5: he had told her too stay away because he feared he was coming down with something. <em>  
><em>Day 6: he hadn't gotten sick so he'd slept over, but woken up grumpy which seemed like a good enough reason not to tell him. <em>  
><em>Day 7: for some reason he didn't look old enough to be having kids - not ready, or so she told herself. <em>  
><em>Day 8: he was TOO OLD to be having kids, so she couldn't this to him. <em>  
><em>Day 9: she couldn't tell him while they were having dinner with his parents, right? <em>  
><em>Day 10: the fact that she had waited so long the day counting was now in double digits worried her that he might be mad she had waited too long. <em>  
><em>Day 11: she had avoided him for a full 36 hours now, her period still hadn't started and she couldn't pretend she wasn't worried any longer.<em>

_Andy took a deep breath as she knocked on his office door; here goes all or nothing..._


	42. Dracula's Lament

A/N 1: This chapter was named after the song Jason Segel's character sang in the movie Getting Over Sarah Marshall. It is a bit of a love song and I really like it :-) The beginning/middle of this song was my main musical inspiration for this story and lines of it were used to write Andy's wedding vows in the last wedding chapter.

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><p>AN 2: Fanficgirl18 wrote the 'Peter and Kayla coming back from their jog' scene in this chapter, special thanks go out to her!

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><p><strong><span>Chapter 36:<span>**  
><strong><span>Dracula's Lament<span>**

_Alternative title: '1982'_

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><p>This is set on Wednesday April 12th 2006.<p>

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><p>''I wish there were a rule book for intimacy. Some kind of a guide that could tell you when you've crossed the line. It would be nice if you could see it coming. And I don't know how you fit it on a map… You take it where you can get it, and keep it as long as you can.<p>

And as for rules… Maybe there are none. Maybe the rules of intimacy are something you have to define for yourself.''

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><p>Third Person's POV<p>

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><p>"Okay okay, I give up. The next time we go for a run if you have a better time than me I'll cook you dinner for a month." Peter joked. Peter and Kayla had just come in from their daily morning jog.<br>Kayla didn't normally exercise, however since she started dating Peter, she began taking better care of herself. She liked the changes he brought about in her. Kayla smiled, ''okay my little personal trainer. I have to get ready for an all nighter at work . I'll see you later okay?" She gave him a peck on the lips. He wanted more. He grabbed her waist and pulled her in for a deeper kiss. It was the kind that made her weak in the knees.

Once they separated Kayla blushed, ''babe, I'm all sweaty and dirty." She said shyly but with a smile.  
>Peter gently touched her face. "I don't mind. Couldn't you make a little bit of time for me?"<br>Kayla eyed the black front door, the combination of knowing who was inside and the secret she had been keeping from him since they started dating only added to her frustration, "Peter I'm really sore. I have to go take a shower.''

Peter could tell she was a little annoyed, he grabbed her hand as she went to unlock the door, ''Kayla wait, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to pressure you. It's just we've been dating for almost 3 months And I just was thinking with the wrong part of my body.''  
>Kayla smiled a little, moved by his honest apology. "You're forgiven. It's just now is not the right time. I just like taking things slow."<p>

Peter now felt a little less guilty, ''we can wait as long as you want; I'm not one of those guys. I'm not going anywhere." After one more passionate kiss the two parted ways.

Once inside the Campbell residence Kayla breathed a sigh of relief as she leaned against the front door. How the hell was she going to tell Peter that he would be her first?

* * *

><p>''Bags are packed,'' Andy said as she crossed it off on her pre-honeymoon to-do-list. ''Jesse is staying with Jeremy at his parents' house, Lizzy is staying with Karen [Ryan, season 3] and her family, so that's taken care off. Reservations are confirmed, the plane tickets have arrived. And Corrina has been given a week off while Kayla looks after the house,'' Andy said as she crossed off the remaining things as well.<p>

She looked up at Lu who was sitting across from her in the hospital cafeteria with an amused smile, ''I swear, it would have been a lot easier to just forget about the whole honeymoon thing.''  
>''And give up the 10 vacation days, just you and Morton, no responsibilities whatsoever?'' Lu asked with a grin before taking a sip of her overpriced coffee.<p>

''That kind of makes all of this,'' Andy held up the list, ''worth it. I'm just wondering what I was thinking when I agreed to let Jesse stay with Jeremy all those days... and nights.''  
>''Shouldn't be too bad, they're staying at his folks house, right?'' Lu asked.<br>''Yeah... I called them to confirm that he had told them and found out that they will be out of town the entire time,'' Andy replied.

Lu gave her a slight, comforting smile, ''kids grow up so fast, but Jesse's a smart girl, it'll be fine.''  
>''Anyways, I'm going to try not to think about it, let's change the subject: How's Marc?'' Andy asked.<p>

''He's really excited; next year is going to be his last year of college. And, being the hardcore Philly kid that he is, he's going to move back here instead of staying in Arizona which was his original plan,'' Lu said, ''and he and Erin are going to give it another shot so who knows what's going to happen there.''  
>''And who was Erin again?'' Andy asked, not quite sure she knew the girl.<p>

''She is Marc's ex-girlfriend who said he was the father of her baby, but he turned out not to be,'' Lu replied as she remembered Erin telling her that it was in fact her own father who had gotten her pregnant after he raped her. ''She found a couple to adopt her son and she and Marc really want to give it another go.''

''Is he coming here for summer vacation?'' Andy asked.  
>''Yeah, he's coming down here for the wedding next month, then he'll have to go back to Arizona for five weeks to finish the semester, and then he'll stay here until school starts,'' Lu said. She was looking forward to spending time with him after he had been away at school for most of the year.<p>

* * *

><p>''Time of death,'' Kayla looked up at the clock hanging in the ER, ''11:46 am.'' She took one last glance at Christie Williams, one of Lu's long time patients, before walking over to the bin and snapping of her bloody gloves. Lu was standing across from her, doing the exact same thing.<br>As Lu started to walk away Kayla called after her, ''can I talk to you?''

Lu turned to look back at the young intern, ''sure,'' she responded as Kayla caught up with her and they made their way over to one of the vending machines in the hallway.  
>''I'm having a bit of a problem and I could really use some advice,'' Kayla responded. Lu looked at her, waiting for her to continue. ''As you know; Peter and I have been going out for a while now and... it's going great,'' Kayla said, staring at nothing in particular.<p>

''But?'' Lu asked.  
>Kayla took a deep breath. ''Well, I think I'm ready to take the next step, and I know he is; that's not the problem. It's just... I've never,'' she trailed off a bit, hoping Lu could fill in the blanks.<p>

She could see Lu's expression go from a frown to her eyes widening in surprise, ''you've never had sex?'' Lu asked, keeping her voice low so nobody else could hear them.  
>Kayla shook her head, ''and I don't know how to tell him,'' she said. ''I mean, it's pretty clear I won't be his first, and I don't think he's expecting to be mine. So how should I tell him.''<p>

Lu shrugged, ''be honest with him. Explain why you wanted to wait this long and answer any questions he has,'' Lu could tell the intern was still a bit lost. She put an arm around the younger woman as they started walking down the hallway, ''sure, he'll be surprised at first, but I've known him long enough to know that he'll be supporting and that he'll wait for you. As far as I can tell he's crazy about you, and he's not going to let something like this stand between you two.''

* * *

><p>Saturday April 15th 2006.<p>

* * *

><p>She could feel the grass tickling her feet as she looked at the spot on the beach - the spot where he had proposed to her almost seven months earlier. Everything had been different then: her ideas of what their future would look like had been put upside down.<br>They had started talking about having children right around the time they got engaged, but it had still been a big shift in perspective when there had actually been two lines on the pregnancy test - granted, the second line was very vague, but the test was positive nonetheless.

She had been raped, and she couldn't think of a bigger influence on their relationship than that. It had put them back on the start line, as if their whole relationship had had a reboot and they were starting over.  
>Looking at that spot, Andy had many emotions running through her. A mix of positive, negative and just a feeling that she couldn't explain but it made her sigh.<p>

When they had decided to go back to Maui for their honeymoon, one of the first decisions they had made was to go back to that beach. They had been there almost three days now and only just gotten around to doing it. They had spent their time doing typical honeymoon stuff: going sightseeing, enjoying each other's company, thinking about what their relationship had been like so far, speculating about what the future might have in storage for them.

The only thing they hadn't been doing was the most typical thing to do on your honeymoon - and Andy couldn't help but feel guilty knowing that it was mainly because of her. Sure, it was partly because of him since he was still trying to keep his distance, not entirely sure what would make her uncomfortable so he didn't initiate that much on that front. But still, it was mainly her.

Yes, they had been intimate since her rape and yes, she did feel safe around Milo. But as soon as she actually tried to come on to him she started to have a feeling of panic in her lower stomach, a feeling that had the name Les written all over it. When she had first started dating Milo she had had a similar feeling, but back then it had been because she had been married for so long that it felt like cheating to share her bed with another man, even if she was dating the man in question.

As their relationship progressed that feeling had faded away, only to come back on December 15th... _that_ day.

Andy could feel Milo wrap his arms around her waist as he kissed her neck, she smiled as she turned in his arms. ''I love you,'' she whispered to him. She tried to ignore the fact that they were in public. Normally she wouldn't have been comfortable showing this much affection in public, but not knowing anyone on the island certainly helped.  
>''I love you too,'' he whispered back.<p>

She stole one last glance at the beach before looking back at Milo, ''let's go back to the hotel,'' she said. Before he could respond she started walking to the rental car, giving him a big smile as she looked back at him over her shoulder.

It only took a short drive to get back to the hotel and before she knew it they were back in their room for the week, and the knots in her stomach had returned.  
>''I'm going to go change into my pajamas,'' Milo said as he walked over to his suitcase.<br>''Wait,'' Andy said as she put her hand on his arm, ''don't.'' Milo looked at her confused.

Andy pulled him closer and kissed his lips, he broke away when she tried to deepen it. ''What is it?'' She asked as she ran her hands over his chest.  
>''You sure you want to do this tonight?'' He asked, knowing he'd rather put them out of 'the mood' for a moment than be sorry later because he didn't ask.<br>''I can't think of a better night,'' she said.  
>''We don't have to do this just because we're on our honeymoon,'' he responded.<p>

''I know, but I want to. I've been trying for months to get my life back the way it was before... before what happened. And so far that's going pretty well aside from the occasional panic attack, the only thing that's still completely different is us, and our sex life,'' she said before kissing him again. ''I think that would be a good thing to focus on next.''

* * *

><p>Lu looked over at the notes which described everything they had planned for their wedding so far. For only having one month left to plan they were probably completely behind on schedule. Jonas' busy schedule meant that he sometimes had to fly to practically the other side of the world and that definitely didn't help, and on that note; neither did her patient load.<p>

But at the very least they had made some progress tonight, although she could think of a lot of things that were more fun than trying to figure out seating arrangements. ''Do you have any family members coming to the wedding that can't sit together?'' Lu asked Jonas, who was double checking if all of the payments had been made.

''Aunt Barbara and uncle Joe, old family feud,'' was his curt answer.  
>Lu nodded in response as she looked at the layout she had gotten from the beautiful mansion where they were having the reception. At that very moment she was happier than ever before that they had decided to keep it small.<p>

They had fifteen tables which each seated seven people, and aside from aunt Barbara and uncle Joe - whom she had never met - Lu didn't have a hard time figuring out where everyone was going to sit.

''Have you started looking for a dress yet?'' Jonas asked suddenly, making Lu look up.  
>''I've looked through some magazines with Lana but aside from that nothing yet,'' Lu replied. She pretty much already knew what she wanted, she had already seen the dress in several of the magazines Lana had given her, she just hadn't ordered it yet.<p>

''How much time do you get off of work for our honeymoon?'' Was Jonas' next question. He knew that no matter how much time she got off, Lu would never agree to anything longer than a few days since she couldn't be away from her patients for too long.  
>''Officially I get about a week, I think,'' Lu said as she looked back at the seating arrangement she had come up with. ''Although I don't want to stay away that long,'' realizing how that sounded she quickly added: ''not that I don't love spending time with you, but you know what it's like with my patients.''<p>

Jonas smiled at her. ''Where do you want to go?'' He asked her.  
>''Hmm, how about somewhere where even you haven't been before?'' She said teasingly. He traveled so much that she had no idea where he was most of the time; this seemed like a good idea to eliminate some honeymoon destinations.<p>

''I only have two places on my list where I haven't been before,'' Jonas said.  
>''Which would be?''<br>''Bora Bora and Kauai,'' he replied, ''they both have beautiful scenery, lots of things to do, great places to stay at.''

''Which would you prefer?'' Lu asked.  
>''Bora Bora,'' Jonas immediately replied, ''it rains a lot in Kauai,'' he added with a laugh.<br>Lu laughed as well, ''Bora Bora it is,'' she responded, knowing how much her soon to be husband hated rain.

* * *

><p>Kayla could hear the front door close behind her as she made her way to the kitchen. Peter following behind her. They had just come back from the restaurant and she figured tonight was as good a night as ever to tell him - no matter how bad she wanted to postpone it.<br>What Lu had told her earlier that week had calmed her nerves a bit but she could still feel the knots in her stomach as she could feel his hand on her hip, turning around to him. Before she could say anything she felt his lips on her and her mind cleared, not a single thought left in her head.

She put a hand on his chest, pushing him away a little bit while breaking the kiss. ''Would you like some tea?'' She asked as she grabbed the kettle off the stove and started to fill it with water.  
>''Sure,'' he responded as he sat down on one of the barstools at the kitchen island.<br>Kayla went over everything she wanted to say in her mind as she turned on the stove and waited for the water to boil. She turned back to Peter, flashing him a smile as she started to walk towards him, ''I want to talk to you about something.''

''Okay,'' he responded, giving her his full attention. Kayla looked away. ''Is something wrong?'' Peter asked.  
>''No, not really. Things are going great actually,'' she said honestly. She took a second to gather all her courage, because there really wasn't a better time for her to tell him this: they had the whole house to themselves, she liked him and knew he liked her, and she didn't really want to wait any longer. ''I really like you,'' she began and he smiled at her, ''but...''<p>

His smile faded away a bit, ''I like you too,'' he responded when she didn't continue.  
>''But,'' she began again, looking him deep in the eyes. ''I have something to tell you and I don't quite know how to,'' she said as she stepped closer to him. ''What is it?'' Peter asked as she bit her lip. He smiled at her, his eyes twinkling.<p>

''What?'' She asked him.  
>''I think I know what you want to tell me,'' he said teasingly.<br>''I really don't think you do,'' Kayla responded as she smiled back, though not as bright as him.  
>They stared at each other for a second, ''I love you,'' Peter said. ''I'm a virgin,'' Kayla said at the exact moment.<p>

They were both quiet for a moment as they realized what the other had said, ''what?'' They asked simultaneously, both equally surprised by what the other had said. Kayla jumped when the kettle suddenly started to whistle - she quickly walked over to it and turned off the stove. She grabbed two mugs and poured the water in them - as she put the teabags in them as well it started to sink in what he had said. ''I love you too,'' she said quietly, her back still turned to him.

She grabbed the two mugs and turned back to him, knowing she had tears in her eyes - happy tears, very happy tears - and that he hated to see her cry.  
>Peter stood up out of the stool and walked over to her, a loving smile still on his face. He held her face in his hands as he kissed her once more.<p>

She smiled at him as they broke the kiss and handed him one of the mugs. They both sat down at the kitchen island, ''I guess now we should address the so called 'elephant in the room','' Kayla said before taking a sip of her tea.  
>''You're a virgin,'' Peter stated, trying to let that sink in. Out of all the things she could've told him, this was not one he expected - though he didn't feel as surprised as he figured he might've been.<p>

''Yes,'' Kayla responded, ''I know I should've told you sooner instead of just constantly pushing you away, I just didn't know how to tell you.''  
>''I'm just glad you're telling me now,'' Peter said as he took one her small hands in his own, ''so how come you've waited so long?''<br>''To tell you?'' She asked.  
>''To have sex,'' he said.<p>

''Oh,'' Kayla responded as she felt a nervous grin spreading on her face, ''I just figured I wanted to wait until I was ready... and I never really did, until I met you.''  
>Peter softly squeezed her hand, ''we can wait as long you want,'' he told her.<p>

Kayla pecked his lips, ''I feel ready now,'' she said with a seductive smile, ''if you're ready too,'' she added teasingly, knowing he was. She kissed him again, deepening the kiss more than she ever had before. After a few minutes she broke away from him, needing a moment to catch her breath before standing up and - with his hand still in hers - leading him out the kitchen and up the stairs.

* * *

><p>Monday April 17th 2006.<p>

* * *

><p>Andy sat on 'her' side of the bed and looked out of the window at the sunrise. She could hear Milo softly snoring behind her but it barely registered as she was still a bit sleepy. She yawned and stretched her arms as she thought about what today was.<br>It had been two days since she had told Milo that their relationship was next on her list of things she wanted to work on, and it had completely changed their schedule for their honeymoons.

They had made love for hours after she told him and the next day they had only left the room to go out for dinner - after a fifteen minute discussion on if they shouldn't just order room service instead. And just like in the beginning of their relationship the knots in her stomach were already fading away.

And yet, she didn't think it would make today easier. It had been twenty-four years, twenty-four _LONG_ years since she had married Les. And less than four since their divorce.

It had been two-and-a-half months since she had married the man who was constantly proving to be the love of her life. She had no idea what the day was going to bring; but she knew that there was nowhere she'd rather be, and nobody she'd rather be with than with Milo in Maui.

* * *

><p>''Honey, all I need are your two arms around me again,<br>So, if you're in this till the end,  
>Then let the love revival begin.'' Reba McEntire, <em>Love Revival<em>

* * *

><p>I know that the balance between how long all the scenes are is completely out of whack, but I just write all that I think should be in the scene, nothing more and nothing less. Anyways, please review!<p> 


	43. Even If It Breaks Your Heart

A/N: This chapter was named after a song by the band The Eli Young Band.

* * *

><p><strong><span>Chapter 37:<span>****  
><span>****Even If It Breaks Your Heart**

* * *

><p>This is set on Friday April 21st 2006.<p>

* * *

><p>''Lollipops turn into cigarettes. The innocent ones turn into sluts. Homework goes in the trash. Mobile phones are being used in class. Detention becomes suspension. Soda becomes vodka. Bikes become cars. Kisses turn into sex. Remember when getting high meant swinging on the playground? When protection meant wearing a helmet? When the worst things you could get from boys were cooties? Dad's shoulders were the highest place on earth and mum was your hero? Your worst enemies were your siblings. Race issues were about who ran the fastest. War was only a card game. And the only drug you knew was cough medicine. When wearing a skirt didn't make you a slut. The most pain you felt was when you skinned your knees, and goodbyes only meant until tomorrow? And we couldn't wait to grow up...''<p>

* * *

><p>Third Person's POV<p>

* * *

><p>Lu glanced over at Andy as the latter woman walked over to her, ''wow, nice tan,'' Lu said as she grabbed a paper cup and started to fill it with coffee.<br>''Thanks,'' Andy responded as she grabbed a cup as well and waited for Lu to finish with the coffee machine.

''How was Maui?'' Lu asked.  
>''It was great, although I'm surprised I didn't melt, you wouldn't believe how hot it was,'' Andy replied as she filled her cup as well, ''but it was fun to see the island again, we did a lot of sightseeing.''<p>

As they walked over to one of the indoor tables Lu shot her a grin, ''right. That's what you go on a honeymoon for; to go sightseeing.'' She took a sip of the steaming coffee as she sat down.  
>Andy shot her a look, knowing she was blushing.<br>''At least you're already pregnant so you didn't have to worry about that,'' Lu continued in a joking tone.

''Are you done?'' Andy asked with a smile as she drank her caffeine free coffee.  
>''No, I had another one,'' Lu replied as she stared off into midair. After a few seconds she looked back at the doctor across from her and shook her head, ''can't remember it,'' she said.<p>

Andy nodded in response, ''so how were things here?'' She asked.  
>''Busy, like always,'' Lu responded. ''But I had about two seconds to myself so I did get some wedding planning done which was nice.''<br>''How long until the wedding?'' Andy asked.

''A month and six days, the counting down is about to begin,'' Lu replied.  
>''I'm looking forward to it,'' Andy said with a smile.<br>''Me too,'' Lu said. After she had Marc as a teenager she didn't think she'd ever get married, and if she did it definitely wouldn't be to a millionaire. But Jonas had come along and despite her initial feelings of irritation towards him she couldn't deny that she was now very much looking forward to their wedding. ''So, considering how you felt about Jesse spending all the time you were away with Jeremy, did they elope?'' She asked with a grin.

''Not that I know of, but then again; she doesn't talk that much to me so who knows?'' Andy replied. ''And not enough time has gone by to determine if she's pregnant or not, so I'll just wait and see how it goes.''  
>Lu laughed, ''just imagine how much fun you'd have: raising that little boy,'' she nodded at Andy's stomach, ''and your grandchild at the same time. Nothing better than that.''<p>

''The horror,'' Andy replied with a hopeless expression on her face at the thought of it. ''But she's moving out this weekend, so if she's pregnant she can just take the baby with her.''  
>''She's moving out?'' Lu asked surprised.<p>

''Yes. She told me right before we left for the honeymoon, and right after she told me about her tattoo,'' Andy replied.  
>''She got a tattoo?'' Lu asked even more surprised.<p>

''Well, if I have to believe Lizzy it's actually not as much a tattoo as it is a tramp stamp,'' Andy said. Lu was trying to suppress her laughter at the expression on her partner's face. ''But she could be doing much worse things, I guess I have to let go of her at some point,'' Andy added.

* * *

><p>As Andy was putting neatly folded clothes into one of the many cardboard boxes that filled her teenage daughter's bedroom she watched the daughter in question put labels on some of the things that had to come with her to her new dorm room. ''Do you want to take all of your clothes with you?'' Andy asked as she looked at the massive pile there was in the closet.<p>

''No, I just figured I'd take some and I can take or leave stuff when I'm home on the weekends,'' Jesse replied as her phone buzzed in her pocket. She took it out and smiled at the message.  
>''Is that Jeremy?'' Andy asked as she continued packing.<br>''Yes,'' Jesse said as she looked up at her mother, ''he's taking me out for dinner this weekend to celebrate me moving.''

''He's really glad to have you living closer, huh?'' Andy asked.  
>''It was just a bit annoying to have to travel all the time to see each other,'' Jesse said as she put her phone back in her pocket. ''I think that's enough clothes,'' she said and Andy closed the box, taping it shut with duct tape to prevent it from opening during the move.<p>

Putting the box in the pile that was already all closed up her glance landed on a smaller box next to the desk, ''are you taking that with you as well?'' Andy asked as she pointed it out to her daughter.  
>''Ehm no, that's actually something I bought for you... or actually the baby,'' Jesse replied as she picked it up. She handed it to her mother as the latter woman sat down on the bed, ''open it,'' Jesse added.<p>

Andy looked up at her daughter as she unwrapped the small box and Jesse sat down next to her. She smiled as she saw what was in it. Two sets of three pacifiers, in both cases there were a yellow, white and a blue pacifier, on one set there was written Papa Is The Best and on the other three it said I Love Mama.  
>''Do you like it?'' Jesse asked, ''I know it's a bit early to be giving them but I just figured why not.''<p>

''I love them,'' Andy said, giving her daughter a hug.  
>''Now I just have to find you something to give you on the baby shower,'' Jesse said.<br>Andy laughed, ''good luck.''  
>''Thanks, I'll need it,'' Jesse replied as she got up again and started labeling boxes again.<p>

Andy looked at the boxes in her hands for a minute before looking back up at her oldest child, ''I'm really going to miss you while you're away,'' she said honestly.  
>Jesse looked over her shoulder, ''I'll be home on the weekends and it's just a couple of weeks until summer vacation starts and then I'll just be here, you won't have time to miss me,'' she said with a grin.<p>

Andy shrugged as she got up as well, ''you nervous yet? About living by yourself, albeit with a roommate, but still...''  
>''A bit, I guess,'' Jesse said.<br>''I wonder how much fun you'll have spending the summer here once the baby gets here,'' Andy joked.

Jesse chuckled, ''that's going to be hell with that baby crying all hours of the night. But, I wouldn't miss it for the world.''  
>''That'll probably change once you haven't been able to sleep for a couple of nights in a row,'' Andy said, remembering what it had been like when Jesse and Lizzy were newborns.<p>

''Well, he is my little brother either way and Lizzy and I will love him no matter how many nights he'll keep us up,'' Jesse said with a smile. ''Have you come up with name yet?'' She asked her mother.  
>''We're thinking Daniel,'' Andy replied, ''Daniel James Morton.''<br>''That sounds good,'' Jesse said with a smile.

Both women jumped as the sound of Andy's pager started to ring loudly, Andy looked at Jesse, ''I'll be back as soon as I can.''

* * *

><p>As Kayla came back from her short dinner break she expected to come back to chaos, like most days, but there was a rare moment of calmness going on. ''Where are the patients?'' She asked Nick as she put her lab coat back on.<br>''It's the calm before the storm, enjoy it while it lasts,'' he answered without looking up from a couple of forms he was filling in.  
>''What're you up to?'' Kayla asked curiously.<p>

Before he could answer the swinging doors to the ER opened and a woman on a stretcher came in, accompanied by a two paramedics. ''Car versus motor accident, the other guy will be here soon as well, BP is 100/130...''  
>Kayla didn't listen to the rest as Nick and a couple of nurses followed the paramedics to one of the bays.<p>

She clicked her pen impatiently as she waited for the other guy to be brought in. Matt Lin was standing next to her, waiting as well, looking over his shoulder at the woman he murmured, ''she looks pretty bad, I wonder how the other guy is doing.''  
>As the doors opened again and another stretcher came in Kayla looked at Matt, ''only one way to find out,'' she said as they both made their way over to the bay where they were bringing the stretcher.<p>

''BP is dropping,'' was the first thing she heard as she looked down at the man.  
>She swallowed hard as she could feel tears well up, ''Peter?'' She choked out.<p>

* * *

><p>''She's upstairs resting but she should be able to go home later today. She only had a broken nose because of the airbags hitting her face but she got nauseous so they think she has a concussion. They're still running tests to see if she has any brain trauma, so far everything has come back negative,'' nurse Kimberly told Andy as she recalled everything it had said on the chart.<p>

''Do you know what happened?'' Andy asked.  
>''As far as I've been told she was in a rush and ignored a stop sign and hit a motorcycle,'' Kimberly said.<p>

''Okay, thanks,'' Andy replied as she said goodbye to the nurse and started walking to the elevators to go check on her patient. The sight of Kayla sitting in the waiting area caught her eye, ''Kayla?'' She asked surprised, she thought Kayla had been working all evening. ''Are you okay?'' She asked as she noticed the interns red eyes.

Andy sat down in the seat next to Kayla, putting an arm around her, ''what's wrong?''  
>Kayla looked up at her, trying not to cry, just as she had been doing for a while now, ''Peter got into an accident,'' she replied, ''he got hit by a car.''<br>''Oh my God,'' Andy said as she remembered what the nurse had told her only moments ago, ''is he okay?''

''Ehm, his right arm had a pretty big wound but the bone didn't appear to be broken on the X-rays, two of his ribs are broken and he had some scratches on the side of his head,'' Kayla answered absentmindedly - thinking about Peter.  
>''What's the prognosis?'' Andy asked.<p>

''He's still in surgery and they're running tests so they're still waiting for all of that to finish and for him to wake up to determine how long it's going to take to get better. But the orthopedic surgeon said that it could be worse and that he seemed to have gotten lucky,'' Kayla replied.  
>''Well that's good,'' Andy said as she tried to stay positive for Kayla's sake. She looked at Kayla who looked like she was close to crying. She pulled the younger woman a little closer, trying to comfort her.<p>

''This is all my fault,'' Kayla whispered.  
>Andy frowned at those words, ''why is this your fault?''<p>

Kayla looked at her startled, as if she hadn't thought about the fact that somebody else would hear her, ''never mind,'' she quickly replied. She wiped a few fallen tears away before standing up quickly, ''I have to go. Can you message me if you hear anything?'' Not even waiting for a reply she turned on her heel and walked out of the waiting area - leaving a confused Andy behind.

* * *

><p>''Okay, what do we still have to do?'' Jonas asked as he looked over at Lu who had the checklist for their wedding and was looking it over.<br>''Lana and I are going dress shopping tomorrow, bridesmaids' dresses have already been ordered. Have you picked up the rings from the jewelers?'' She asked and looked up as he nodded. ''Okay, we still need wedding licenses, we need to mail the rehearsal dinner invitations and last, but definitely not least, we need to write our vows,'' she added.

''And I've already booked our honeymoon to Maui, with the hotel you chose,'' Jonas said.  
>''Can you think of anything else we still have to do?'' Lu asked as she sat down next to Jonas on the couch in his spacious living room.<br>''Decide where we're going to live,'' he said. She looked over at him. ''I mean, your apartment is a bit too small if we're going to have children. And this house is not exactly kid friendly either,'' he said as he looked around the modern home. ''Besides, maybe it would be fun to start our lives together in a house that's new for both of us.''

Lu thought about it for a second before adding it to the list, 'look for a house'. Jonas couldn't help but smile as he looked at the chicken scratches she had just jotted down. Lu snuggled a little closer into his side, ''so how many kids do you want?'' She asked him as she looked up at his face.  
>He thought about it for a second, ''preferably two,'' he answered.<p>

She nodded in agreement before sitting up as her phone buzzed because of an incoming message. As she flipped open her phone she quickly scanned the message, ''oh my God,'' she said - partly out of surprise and shock, and partly out of worry.  
>''What's wrong?'' Jonas asked as he sat up as well.<p>

''Peter got into an accident on his motorcycle,'' she said as she looked over at her fiancée.  
>''Oh man, is he okay?'' Jonas asked worried.<br>Lu looked back at the message, ''it just says that they're still running tests. I'm going to go to the hospital,'' she said to Jonas as she stood up and walked to the hallway to get her coat.

''Do you want me to go with you?'' He asked as he followed her.  
>''No, that's okay. We probably won't know more until later anyway. I'll message you when I hear anything,'' she replied before pecking his lips and leaving out the front door.<p>

* * *

><p>Saturday April 22nd 2006.<p>

* * *

><p>''I thought I'd find you here,'' Lu said as she opened the door to the roof of the hospital. She had just come back from wedding dress shopping with Lana and after having visited Peter she figured she'd find his girlfriend for him.<br>Kayla was standing next to one of Peter's planters, watering the beautiful flowers that were in bloom. Kayla looked over at Lu, not responding.

''Are you okay?'' Lu asked as she walked over to her.  
>''I've been better,'' Kayla responded.<br>''Peter just woke up, he's asking for you,'' Lu told the younger woman.  
>Kayla let out a sigh of relief, ''that's good news.'' She said with a smile.<p>

''I wanted to talk to you about something,'' Lu said as she motioned over to the small, round table accompanied by three metal chairs that were always on the roof. They both sat down. ''Andy told me that last night you said that it the accident was your fault, that what happened to Peter was your fault,'' Lu began.  
>Kayla nodded hesitantly, she'd had a feeling that was what Lu wanted to talk to her about, ''yeah, I said that.''<p>

''Why?'' Lu asked confused.  
>Kayla ran a hand through her hair, ''I just had a feeling something bad would happen,'' she said, looking up at Lu who was waiting for the rest of the story. She took a deep breath, ''when things started to get more serious with my first real boyfriend he got into an accident. He was hiding in a shed during a storm when the roof of the shed caved in, and he didn't make it,'' Kayla said.<p>

''I'm so sorry,'' Lu replied as she looked at her friend, not sure what else to say.  
>''After that none of my other relationships have ever gotten very serious, so I just had a feeling that when things got more serious between Peter and I, something would go wrong as well,'' Kayla told Lu.<p>

Lu took Kayla's hands in her own, ''this is not your fault. I'm sure it's just an unlucky coincidence.'' She replied.  
>''I just cannot believe something actually happened to Peter,'' Kayla said, looking up at Lu as tears welled up in her eyes. ''I kept trying to convince myself that nothing bad was going to happen, that I was just being crazy. And then I saw him being brought into the ER...'' '<p>

'That must've been hard to see,'' Lu said.  
>Kayla chuckled through her tears, ''I'm used to the sight of blood - have been all my life - but it's a whole different story when the blood is coming from someone you love.''<p>

''Well hopefully you'll never have to see that again,'' Lu replied.  
>Kayla nodded in agreement as she took a deep breath and wiped away her tears.<br>''Do you want to go see Peter?'' Lu asked as she stood up - knowing the answer already.

Kayla's eyes lit up, ''yes!'' She responded as she basically jumped up and waited for Lu to follow her to the door. Lu grinned as the more bubbly side of the intern came back and was glad the young intern felt better.

* * *

><p>''That's the last of it,'' Andy said as she put the last box down in Jesse's new dorm room. Jesse was already unpacking some boxes as Lexie - her new roommate - was sitting on the bed on the opposite side of the room, texting on her phone. ''I guess this is it,'' Andy added as she looked around the room, reminding herself that it was chaotic, not necessarily dirty and that she was not leaving her daughter in a bad place.<p>

''You're not going to cry, are you?'' Jesse asked as she glanced over at her mother. She knew the pregnancy hormones had already caused a lot of tears over the last 6+ months, but was hoping her mother would leave it dry on this occasion.  
>''I'll try not to,'' Andy replied.<p>

Jesse smiled, ''I'll be home for the weekend in two weeks.''  
>''I know.''<br>''So there's no reason to miss me. We've been apart longer than that before...'' Jesse added.  
>''It's not about how long you're going to be away,'' Andy said as she looked up at her daughter, ''you're going to be independent, and before we know it ten years will have gone by and you'll be married with a kid.''<p>

''I'd be upset too if I thought about that prospect for too long,'' Jesse replied with a half smile, ''if that does happen, I'll let you know.'' She joked.  
>''I should hope so,'' Andy responded before pulling her in for a hug. She looked at Milo - who was standing in the doorway - over Jesse's shoulder and smiled at him.<p>

As they both pulled away from the hug Jesse said, ''Jeremy is going to come pick me up soon, I should get ready.''  
>''We should get going anyway,'' Andy said as she glanced over at Milo. He nodded and gave Jesse a quick hug.<br>''I'll see you in two weeks,'' Jesse said as she watched her mother and stepfather walk out the door.

''Be good,'' Andy told her daughter as she started walking down the hallway to the exit.  
>''Yes ma'am,'' Jesse called after her before closing the door.<p>

''It's going to be weird not having her around the house,'' Milo said as he opened the door for his wife.  
>''Yeah, it will. She's all grown up I guess,'' Andy said.<br>''Just imagine that one day all the kids will be living on their own, including that one,'' Milo said, referring to the baby.  
>Andy threw him a look, ''I don't want to think about that yet. One kid at a time.''<p>

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><p>''I've always heard every ending is also a new beginning, we just don't know it at the time, I'd like to believe that's true.'' Emily Prentiss, Criminal Minds<p>

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><p>Please review!<p> 


	44. According To The Guys

A/N1: This chapter was named after the Orianthi song 'According To You', it's about her boyfriend who never thinks she's good enough, and then there's this other guy who thinks she's amazing for all the things that her boyfriend doesn't like about her. Somehow it kind of fit in my opinion.

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><p>AN1: I know people are a lot closer in this story than they were in the show, and yes; unlikely friendships will take form in the story as well. It's needed to keep things moving.

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><p><strong><span>Chapter 38:<span>**  
><strong><span>According To The Guys<span>**

_Alternative title: United We Fell, Divided We Stood_

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><p>This is set on Wednesday April 26th 2006.<p>

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><p>''I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles.'' Audrey Hepburn<p>

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><p>Third Person's POV<p>

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><p>Andy closed the front door behind her as she walked into the house, ''I'm home,'' she softly yelled, like always.<br>''I'm right in here,'' Milo responded with a laugh from the living room.  
>Andy walked into the living room and kissed him on the lips, ''how are you?'' She asked as she took off her coat and hung it over the back of one of the chairs before sitting down.<p>

''I'm okay, it's been a quiet evening so far,'' he replied, ''Lizzy is upstairs, I tucked her in a couple of hours ago.'' Andy nodded in response. ''How was therapy?'' Milo asked as he put down the book he had been reading and focused on his wife.  
>''It was good, she just wanted to know how our relationship is progressing since the honeymoon and all,'' Andy smiled.<p>

''What did you tell her?'' Milo asked curiously.  
>''Just that we had a good time, that we got to talk a lot. Didn't tell her about the thing we did most though, didn't seem very appropriate,'' Andy answered with a grin at the memory, ''I also told her that I'm trying to focus more on 'us' time. She thinks it's a good idea.''<p>

''I agree with her,'' Milo said as he grabbed her hand and planted another kiss on her lips before getting up out of his chair. Andy followed him to the kitchen as they continued talking. ''We could go out for dinner tomorrow night if you're up for it,'' Milo told her as he started to rinse out the cup he had been using that night.  
>''I'd like that,'' Andy responded as she leaned in the archway.<p>

There was a moment of silence between the two as Milo put some things in the dishwasher. Andy glanced over at the clock, ''it's almost 11, I'm going to go to sleep soon. Are you staying up late or are you coming?'' She asked as she realized how tired she was. She always felt a little bit drained after a therapy session - hours of talking about what had been up, how she had been feeling, if she had been having nightmares... Just the whole of it could be pretty exhausting. It was one of the reasons why she had been declining Lu's offer to go to the rape chat group, hearing the stories of all the other women as well seemed to give mixed feelings, but it was at the very least equally exhausting.

''Why don't you just go upstairs? I still have some things to clean up in the living room and then I'll be right up,'' Milo responded as he looked up.

Andy nodded before turning around and heading up the stairs. As she walked up to the door of her bedroom she noticed light coming from under Lizzy's door, she opened it quietly, ''are you still up?'' She asked quietly, in case the 13-year-old had fallen asleep. When she was met with nothing but silence she opened the door a little further, looking at her youngest daughter who had fallen asleep with her nightlight on, face on a comic book as she was breathing heavily.  
>Andy smiled at her daughter as she pulled the comic book out from the girls head, kissed her on the forehead and snapped of the nightlight. Closing the door behind her she walked into her bedroom.<p>

As she washed her face she noticed the small scar on her forehead she had gotten when Les had attacked her, she gently touched it with her fingertips. Most of the time she barely even noticed it, but whenever she had had therapy the memory always seemed a little bit more alive than usual. She took a deep breath as she grabbed a towel and dried her face, trying to forget what had happened. After she changed into her pajamas she was asleep as soon as her face hit the pillow.

_She was walking up the stairs in their old house in Washington, walking into Lizzy's bedroom to tuck the girl in she noticed a man sitting in the corner of the room, the only thing she could see about the man was that he was smiling at her. But it wasn't a nice smile, more like a grin - in a way reminding her of the one The Joker had. She shuddered as she looked at Lizzy who was lying in bed, ''mommy, are you okay?'' The girl asked confused.__  
><em>_''I'm okay sweetie,'' Andy replied as she pulled the covers up over the young girl - as if trying to protect her._

_''When is daddy coming home?'' She heard Lizzy ask and the nightlight on the nightstand became brighter, making the face of the man in the corner visible. She should have known it would be Les, like always. He chuckled at the confused expression on Andy's face as he stood up. Lizzy didn't seem to notice as she kept staring at her mother.__  
><em>_''I don't know, hon. Just go to sleep, maybe he'll be back when you wake up,'' Andy replied to her daughter. She gave the girl a quick kiss on the forehead before walking out the door and - despite her fear deep inside her - closed the door._

_Leaning against it for a second she suddenly realized what she had done and opened the door again. Lizzy was already asleep and Andy could see Les standing next to the bed, leaning over the girl. He looked up after a few seconds and Andy backed away. He started to walk towards her, taking slow but steady steps. He closed the door behind him as he also made his way into the hallway. Andy didn't even think about it but immediately started to walk backwards, as if on cue._

_''You can't run from me,'' Les told her.__  
><em>_''What do you want from me?'' Andy asked as he kept following her, he seemed to keep coming a bit closer with each step, but never reaching her.__  
><em>_''No matter what you do, I'll always be in the back of your mind. You can't escape from me just because you chose to be with someone else. You're still mine,'' Les continued. ''I owned you then and I own you _now_.''_

_''No you don't,'' Andy responded, her voice shaking just a little bit.__  
><em>_''Are you sure?'' He asked her, teasing her. ''Cause it seems as if you're still dreaming about me. Still dreaming I'm in _our_ house, still saying goodnight to _our_ daughter... Still chasing you like I did before I died.''_

_Andy swallowed hard, she wouldn't let him see her fears. She opened her mouth to respond, but before she could she felt her feet slipping, she had reached the stairs. She could feel her head hit the steps as she fell all the way down. Andy slowly sat up, a sharp pain running down her spine. She could see Les standing at the top of the stairs before he turned around and he started to walk away.__  
><em>_''Where are you going?'' She yelled after him as she got up - ignoring the shooting pain all throughout her body._

_When there was no answer she hurried up the stairs as fast as she could, tears running down as the relentless pain took over her body. When she got to the top she felt as if she had run a marathon, she could feel a warm liquid run down her thighs - blood? - which didn't help either. She could see Les turning around the corner upstairs and she followed him.__  
><em>_''It seems as if you're still chasing me as well,'' Les told her with a smile as she finally turned the corner as well. ''Remember what our moms always used to say? You only chase the people you love,'' Les said before opening the door to Lizzy's bedroom and walking in._

_''What're you doing?'' Andy asked confused as she walked to the door as well, only to have it get slammed in her face. There was a moment of silence before she could hear sudden screaming coming from inside - unmistakably Lizzy's voice. ''No!'' Andy yelled as she started banging on the door._

''No! No...'' Andy repeated as she sat up in the bed. She was covered in sweat and there were a few salty tears running down her face. ''It was just a dream,'' she whispered to herself. ''Just a dream,'' she repeated as she laid back down. She laid still for a few seconds, focusing on Milo's calm breathing and trying to match her own to his, hoping it would calm her down. She could feel herself calming down before all of a sudden she felt like she couldn't breathe as a sharp pain in her spine - similar to the one she had felt in her dream - forced all the air from her lungs.

* * *

><p>Milo sat up in the bed as he could hear quiet sobbing coming from the bathroom attached to the bedroom. He quickly got up out of bed and rushed over the door, still deciding to knock before entering no matter how much he wanted to just walk in and gather Andy in his arms.<p>

''Come in,'' he could hear Andy say and he opened the door. She was sitting on the edge of the bathtub, looking nothing short of miserable.  
>''What's wrong?'' Milo asked her as he grabbed her hands in his.<br>''Just a bad dream...'' Andy responded, ''a very bad dream.''

Milo quickly let go of her hands and put his arms around her as her body shook with quiet sobbing. ''Shh,'' he said, trying to sooth her. He held for a few minutes before her body suddenly tensed and she let out a moan out of pain, he pulled back and looked at her with an alarmed look on his face. ''What was that?'' He asked.

It took her a few seconds to answer, waiting for the pain to pass, ''just a contraction,'' she replied as she breathed through it.  
>His jaw dropped as he stood up, ''you're having contractions?! Isn't it a bit early for that?'' He asked, the panic evident in his voice.<br>''It's just Braxton Hicks, you get contractions so your body can prepare for the actual labor, even though it's not actual labor,'' Andy replied as she squeezed her eyes shut and let out a deep breath as the cramp faded away.

Milo seemed to calm down at those words, sitting down next to her, ''why is that happening this early?'' He asked, not knowing nearly as much about labor as his wife - no matter how many pregnancy, labor and parenting books he read.  
>''It can happen at any point in the third trimester,'' Andy replied.<br>''And you're sure it's not actual labor?'' He asked, wanting to be absolutely sure.

''Well, they _are_ more painful than Braxton Hicks usually are, but they don't come regularly like actual contractions do and they're not as bad when I'm sitting opposed to lying down. So yes, not the actual thing,'' Andy responded as a look of discomfort crossed her face again. ''They're already getting less bad,'' she added.  
>''Is there anything I can do for you?'' Milo asked.<p>

Andy looked over at him and smiled as she breathed through the pain, ''could you get me some water?'' She asked and watched him as he got up and got her some water. ''I don't think they'll last much longer,'' she said as she drank some of the water.  
>''Do you want to try to get some more sleep?'' Milo asked as he couldn't help but pace just a little bit - it was hard for him to watch her in pain, but he would rather be there than let her suffer alone.<p>

''Sure,'' she responded, during the 'contractions' she was wide awake but she was continually getting sleepier in between them. This time, as soon as she was back in bed, she fell into a peaceful sleep.

* * *

><p>Thursday April 27th 2006.<p>

* * *

><p>''I don't want you to blame yourself for what happened,'' Peter said sincerely as he looked at Kayla who was sitting on the hospital bed. Kayla had just told him what she had told Lu; about why she felt guilty for him getting into an accident.<br>She wanted their relationship to work out and figured it would be best to just be completely honest with him. ''I just figured I'd tell you anyway,'' she told him as he stood up.

She looked at the clock that was hanging on the wall, lunch break was almost over. She had spent her lunch break in his room every day since he had gotten into the accident - one of the many advantages of working at a hospital - but she still missed hanging out with him away from the hospital. ''I have to go back to work,'' Kayla told him, ''I'll come visit you again later.''  
>He smiled at her, ''I'm not going anywhere,'' he told her.<br>She nodded before giving him a quick peck on the lips, ''bye.''

Just as she walked out the door Milo walked in, ''hey,'' she said quickly before continuing down the hallway.  
>Milo looked after her for a second before turning to Peter, ''hi,'' he said as he walked into the room a little further. ''I figured I'd come see how you were doing.''<br>''Thanks, I could use the company,'' Peter said as he looked at the older man.

''How're you feeling?'' Milo asked as he pulled up a chair.  
>''I've felt better,'' Peter responded. His right arm was still really swollen, but the wounds on his head which had been stitched up where healing nicely and his broken ribs weren't bothering him as much as they had before - though that was mainly because of the pain killers.<p>

''That's good,'' Milo replied, not sure what else to add - he and Peter didn't normally spend that much time together, and if they did it was always in company of other colleagues.  
>''So Dr. Morton-'' Peter began before he was interrupted by Milo.<br>Putting his hand up to stop the other man, Milo replied, ''you officiated at my wedding, I think we can be on a first name bases.''

''Okay, Milo, ... what has been up with you?'' Peter asked.  
>Milo thought about this for a second, ''mainly just a lot of work.'' He replied.<br>''How has married life been treating you so far?'' Peter asked, since the last time they had had an actual conversation had been at the wedding. ''I'm not trying to pry or anything, just curious as to what I can expect once I get married.''

''I thought you and Kayla had only been dating a short while,'' Milo said, avoiding the question a little bit - he was a very discrete man and knew that Andy would not appreciate it if he shared private things with others.  
>Peter shrugged, ''well, it might be a little too soon to say now but I'd like to get married someday - preferably to her,'' he responded with a smile.<p>

''All I can tell you is that every marriage is different, there's a difference of night and day between my first marriage and this one,'' Milo responded.  
>''Meaning?'' Peter asked.<br>Milo shrugged, ''with my first marriage every day was the same as the one before, and the one before that. Of course, you just think that's the way it's always going to be so accept it. The only surprise I ever got was when I found out that my wife was more into women than she was into me... With this marriage every day is different, there's always something happening.'' He paused for a second, thinking about what he had just said, ''but I wouldn't miss it for the world.'' He added.

''So I guess there really is no 'standard' marriage is there?'' Peter asked.  
>''Definitely not, although sometimes it would be nice to kind of see coming what's going to happen next. Just so you can prepare yourself and you know what to do,'' Milo responded, mainly to himself.<br>''Things are hard, huh? With the baby and everything else happening at the same time, in combination with... well, what happened,'' Peter said - knowing that it might not be a good idea to start about this subject.

Milo just nodded in response, ''no matter how much I love her, it's harder than I ever thought it would be.'' There was a moment of silence between the two. ''Just the combination of everything she's going through with the girls, as well as the baby... not to mention the nightmares and therapy sessions, it's just a lot,'' Milo said, taking a deep breath.  
>''I can't imagine how hard that must be, but hopefully you two will just come out stronger,'' Peter said.<br>Milo nodded, ''we'll just see how it goes.''

* * *

><p>Milo looked up at Andy who was sitting next to him in the car. They had both been pretty quiet on the drive over to the restaurant, at the restaurant itself and unfortunately that silence still hadn't ended just yet. ''The food was great,'' Milo said, trying to spark conversation - he could sense something was wrong.<br>''Mhhm,'' was Andy short answer.

As he stopped for a red-light he looked over at his wife, ''what's wrong?'' He asked.  
>''Nothing,'' she responded, looking out the window.<br>Milo frowned, ''are you mad at me?'' He asked.  
>''Maybe,'' she said.<p>

''What did I do?'' He asked as the light turned green and he continued driving. She just sighed. They were both quiet for a while as Milo went over everything she might've been upset about. ''How was your day?'' Milo asked, hoping her answer would help him get to the bottom of this.  
>''It was great,'' she responded. ''Lots of patients, though I did manage to find some time to visit Peter, which was nice.''<p>

''I went to visit him as well,'' Milo responded as he pulled into the driveway.  
>''I know, you were already there when I got there. So, I decided to just leave but then I overheard what you two were talking about,'' Andy responded with a pissed off look on her face before getting out of the car.<p>

Milo bit his lip as he turned the engine off and got out as well - in his head he went over everything he had told Peter that afternoon while wondering how much Andy had actually heard. As he walked through the front door as well and closed it behind him he noticed Corrina standing in the dining room, talking to Andy.  
>''Miss Elizabeth is already asleep, I'll be here tomorrow morning at 8,'' she said in her Russian accent before saying goodnight to the both of them.<p>

''Спокойной ночи,'' Milo responded to her and waited for her to be out the door before looking up at Andy, ''look, I'm really sorry if I said anything to him that upset you - that wasn't my intention.'' He told her.  
>Andy just looked at him, ''how could you share our personal stuff with him?''<br>''I just needed somebody to talk to and he asked how married life was going. I didn't think about it, things have just been hard on me as well and I needed to share it with somebody,'' Milo responded - raising his voice a little bit just like her.

''If you need to talk to somebody about the problems _we_ are having than why don't you just talk to me instead of somebody that I work with - someone that I will have to face almost every day for the next God knows how many years?'' Andy asked, trying to keep her voice down so as not to wake Lizzy up.  
>''What?!'' Milo responded before Andy motioning for him to keep his voice down. ''You share our stuff with others all the time! You talk to Miranda, you talk to Delgado... You don't always to come to me either so why is it such a crime that I talked to Peter?'' He asked her.<p>

''Okay, first of all: Miranda is a professional, I pay her to listen to all my problems and for her to advice me, neither one of us works with her and we will never get into an awkward conversation with her because we work with her. And yes, I do talk to Lu but I get to decide how much she knows about our personal life and I don't tell her things that I think would make our work relationship uncomfortable. I don't go talking to the people you work with everyday and share our personal shit with them,'' Andy said, raising her voice more and more throughout the sentence.

This time it was Milo motioning her to keep her voice down. ''I'm sorry, okay?'' Milo asked, ''I just didn't think about that.''  
>''Exactly! You didn't think about it,'' Andy responded as she turned away and headed into the kitchen, needing to drink something to calm her down.<p>

''That's a bit unfair don't you think?'' Milo asked her.  
>''What?'' Andy asked as she turned to him, leaning against the countertop behind her.<p>

''I have to think twice about everything I do because of what happened, today I had the change to just say what I needed to say without having to filter everything first so I wouldn't upset anyone with it, and I took that chance. I know how tough things have been for you but they have not exactly been a walk in the park for me either, and I could tell Peter that knowing he wouldn't judge me for saying that... And I'm glad I told him everything that I did,'' Milo told Andy - needing to get it all out before his mind would cut out pieces of what he wanted to say out of fear that it might hurt her.

They were both quiet as they tried to let everything they had just said said sink in, after a few minutes of just looking at each other – neither one of them wanting to argue anymore, and neither one of them ready to apologize for anything - Milo ran a hand over his head. ''It's getting pretty late, maybe we should continue talking tomorrow,'' he said. After a moment of hesitation Andy nodded in agreement. ''I'll sleep on the couch,'' Milo said before turning around to get a pillow and a blanket.

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><p>''It's not always easy to speak your mind, sometimes you need to be forced to do it. Sometimes, it's better to just keep things to yourself, play dumb, even when your whole body is aching to come clean. So you shut your mouth, keep your secret, and find other ways to keep yourself happy.'' Ellen Pompeo as Meredith Grey - <em>Grey's Anatomy<em>

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><p>Please review.<p> 


	45. Read Between The Lines

A/N1: Though there'll be focus on other couples as well (Lu/Jonas, Peter/Kayla, Lana/Atticus, Jesse/Jeremy) the main focus always has been and will remain to be Andy and Milo, just so you know.

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><p>AN2: Peter's experiences in this chapter are simply based on what I remember from having a concussion. They might not be how other people experience them.

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><p><strong><span>Chapter 39:<span>**  
><strong><span>Read Between The Lines<span>**

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><p>This is set on Saturday April 29th 2006.<p>

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><p>''What women should know: A man who truly loves you will never let you go, no matter how hard the situation is.<br>What men should know: A woman who truly loves you will be angry at you for so many things, but will stick around.'' Unknown Author

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><p>Third Person's POV<p>

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><p>As Andy woke up from her deep slumber she stretched her arms, reaching over to the other side of the bed to look for her husband so she could snuggle up to him for a few minutes before her alarm went off. As her hand found nothing aside from a cold mattress, cold pillow and a cold blanket she was suddenly wide awake, confused as to where he was. It took her a few seconds to remember that he had been sleeping on the couch for the past two nights - and instead of snuggling up to him in the morning she had to settle for a few words back and forth between them during the day.<p>

They hadn't even argued anymore since they had gone to bed Thursday night - no yelling, no disagreements... just silence and simply ignoring each other whenever they could. And somehow it was a lot worse. In her head she had gone over everything that he had said over and over again, and she was starting to see their whole situation from his point of view - and it wasn't pretty.

For the past couple of months she had been focusing on getting herself back, healing herself and it had been incredibly stressful. Only now she was beginning to see how stressful that must've been from him: missing the first few months of the pregnancy, having to keep his distance from her, the tension there was between them.

But that still didn't make it alright for him to discuss their private things with... an outsider, right? That was the question that was stuck in her mind. They had both gone at things the wrong way; they both had part in the blame. And though Andy definitely did see how wrong she had been, she wasn't quite ready to apologize just yet. As her alarm clock went off she sat up in her bed, their bed.

''Ugh,'' she said as she rubbed the sleep out of her eyes. It didn't go off as early as it would have on a weekday, but she still got up earlier than most people did on a Saturday. Normally she didn't mind, but today 7:15 am was simply too early.

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><p>''Why didn't I set my alarm clock to earlier?'' Andy asked herself as she pushed her key into the lock of the front door. It was almost 8 and she had to be at the bridal shop in an hour to look for bridesmaids dresses. As soon as she walked in she was met with nothing but silence. Lizzy was still asleep, Milo was asleep on the couch though he looked like he was about to fall off of it.<p>

After a quick shower, taking her prenatal vitamins and a change into something more appropriate for the day than workout clothes she felt a lot better. Especially for being thirty weeks pregnant she could be feeling a lot worse. As she walked down the stairs she was met with the smell of pancakes being made in the kitchen - she glanced over at the couch, just a blanket and a pillow... and a shirt?

She frowned as she realized what he was doing, 'he thinks he can make me apologize first if he seduces me,' she thought as she slowly walked into the kitchen. As expected she found him making pancakes shirtless, she swallowed hard before clearing her throat to make her presence known.

Milo turned around with a smile, Andy gave a little smile back as she tried to focus on something else than him. ''How are you this fine April morning?'' Milo asked. He, too, knew he had a lot of things to apologize for, and he knew he couldn't respond the way he normally might if he was mad at someone - they were adults - married adults - after all, and she had been having enough mood swings lately as it was. He could be nice to her, but he wasn't going to apologize until he was ready. That was all there was to it.

''I'm fine,'' Andy replied, ''thank you for making breakfast.''  
>''You're welcome, I noticed you were running late, so...'' Milo said, motioning to the cooking pans on the stove. They held eye-contact for a couple of seconds as he put a plate with breakfast down in front of her. ''Are you looking forward to going dress shopping?'' Milo asked as he continued baking.<p>

''Sure, I probably won't have to try much on anyway because of this,'' Andy replied, looking down at her stomach, ''I just hope I'm back in time to bring Lizzy to her soccer game.''  
>Milo looked over his shoulder at her, ''If you're late just send me a text, I can take her on my way to work.''<br>''Okay, thanks,'' Andy said - she knew they were still fighting, she was still mad at him, but it was hard to be mad when he was being so considerate.

''Will you come visit me later? I have a meeting early afternoon but maybe we can talk after that,'' Milo suggested, hoping she would agree so they could put this disagreement behind them.  
>Andy looked back at him, ''I'll let you know,'' she replied curtly before standing up to leave.<p>

* * *

><p>''Okay, careful,'' Kayla said as she looked at Peter who was trying to get out of the car.<br>After just a little over a week in the hospital Peter finally got to come home, and though neither his legs nor feet had been damaged during the accident the concussion was still making him a little dizzy if he got up too fast, making it a bit of a challenge to get out of the car.

After his third attempt he sat back down in the passenger seat, looking at Kayla, who was standing in front of him, he couldn't help but chuckle, ''stop worrying so much, I'm not made of porcelain.'' He told her with a smile.  
>''I know, I just worry,'' she told him as she took his hand in hers. This time he stood up even more slowly than the previous times - quite a challenge considering how he was used to doing things fast. ''Just try not to move your head too much, that'll make it easier,'' Kayla added, looking up at his tall figure before landing her gaze on his face.<p>

Peter took a deep breath as Kayla locked the car behind him. As they rode the elevator up to the fourth floor Peter tried his best to keep staring at a spot right in front of him, ''so how did bridesmaids dress shopping go this morning?'' He asked as he tried to ignore the strange feeling in his head. When he first moved into the building he sometimes got a weird feeling in his stomach when riding the elevator - something that he had gotten used to over the years - but now he had that same feeling in his head.

''It was good, we found the dresses. Lu already knew what she wanted us to wear so it didn't take long to find,'' Kayla answered as she looked at him concerned. After arriving on his floor and making their way into his apartment she couldn't help but let out a sigh of relief. Peter rested on the couch as she made tea for him and prepared his medicine, ''did you ask Dr. Doster how long it would take for your injuries to heal?'' Kayla asked as she glanced over at him.

''Plus or minus another 2.5 weeks for the concussion to clear, the broken ribs will take a bit longer but they're already starting to feel better. The stitches are out so my arm will also only take about another 2.5 weeks,'' Peter replied. ''He just said to keep on the lookout for any other problems I might have because of the accident, but other than that I'll be able to get back to work pretty soon and I can still be in Lu's wedding without a problem.''

''That's good,'' Kayla said as she sat down next to him and gave him his medication, ''and I'll come visit you every day after work.'' She added with a smile.  
>''That'd be nice,'' Peter replied before pecking her lips.<p>

* * *

><p>Lu looked down at her watch before glancing over her shoulder at Andy, ''I only have about another 30 minutes before my shift starts.'' She answered.<br>''I thought you didn't work on weekends?'' Andy said as she sat down with her cup of coffee.  
>''Normally I don't unless I get called in but Dr. Watson asked me to do rounds with some third year med students and I figured why not. It's not as if I have a wedding to plan or anything,'' Lu said jokingly – it was only because she owed said doctor a favor that she was here at all.<p>

Andy laughed, ''well, at least the bridesmaids dresses are taken care of now.''  
>''So why are you here, anyways?'' Lu asked, ''you don't work on weekends either.''<br>''Milo said he had some time in-between patients and he wants to talk to me,'' Andy replied.

''That sounds serious, is everything okay?'' Lu asked as she looked up from her tray of food in front of her on the table.  
>''Just a fight we had, he's been sleeping on the couch for the past two nights,'' Andy replied.<br>''What was it about?'' Lu asked as she took a bite of her lunch.

''I overheard him talking to Peter about us and he was sharing his feelings and everything, and it sounded like he was having quite a hard time since our relationship is quite tense because of everything that has happened. So later that day I just asked him about it and asked why he didn't share those feelings with me and he just started talking about how I don't share everything with him because I talk to Miranda a lot and to you, _obviously_, so he felt it was unfair that I was mad at him for talking to Peter,'' Andy said.

''How do you feel about what he said?'' Lu asked.  
>''I don't know, I guess he has a point but it just hurt when he said that he didn't feel he could share stuff with me because he didn't want to upset me,'' Andy replied. ''I actually am thinking about stopping my sessions with Miranda,'' Andy said added, waiting for a reaction from a reply from Lu before continuing - the latter just simply looked at her surprised.<p>

''The nightmares, the emotions... it seems like things actually get worse after some sessions and between the sessions things are going great. I just figured that maybe I should take a little break from seeing her just to see how it goes.''  
>''Hmm,'' was Lu's short reaction.<br>Andy frowned, ''what?''

''Maybe now would be a good moment to think about what Milo said,'' Lu replied after a few seconds, ''instead of talking to me, sharing your feelings with me, maybe you should talk to him about this.''

It was twenty minutes later when Andy arrived on the third floor of the hospital - taking Lu's advice. They had talked for a little while longer about general stuff, until Lu's lunch break was over. It wasn't until Lu had pointed it out that she realized how much more she shared with Lu than with Milo that Andy had decided she was ready to make up.

* * *

><p>Milo looked over his shoulder at the woman sitting on his office couch as he grabbed a couple of notes from his desk. Dr. Holly Muller had come from another hospital to consult with him on one of her patients, hoping he would be able to help her. Her patient was a young woman who needed a specific surgery which he had done before, but Dr. Muller hadn't.<p>

As he quickly perused through the notes he turned back around - the entire meeting he had been distracted with what happened over the past two days, wondering if Andy would come by his office that afternoon. He hadn't heard anything yet so he had been trying not to get his hopes up, but he was just wishing they could put the whole things behind them as soon as possible. For the sake of the baby, for Lizzy, and just for the both of them... and so he could maybe one day focus on his work again like he used to.

As he looked up he noticed Dr. Muller had stood up as well and had taken a few steps towards him as she put her notes down on the small table in the centre of his office, ''maybe we should take a little break. We have been working for a couple of hours now and I don't have anywhere I need to be, do you?'' She asked as she took of her glasses and put them down as well.

Milo quickly checked his phone, no new messages, she wasn't coming - ''me neither,'' he replied as he tried to muster up a smile, it wasn't easy as he could feel his heart sink a little bit.  
>''Is everything okay?'' Dr. Muller asked concerned.<br>''Yeah, everything just great,'' Milo said, looking at the door.

''So, break then?'' She asked with a genuine smile.  
>''Sure,'' Milo said, frowning as the woman took a few more steps towards him, only hesitating a little bit before putting her hand on his chest and smiling up at him.<p>

''What are you doing?'' Milo asked as he tried to look away from the woman - granted, she was attractive and as a straight man he couldn't help but notice that, but he was nothing if not faithful.  
>''Just relax,'' Dr. Muller replied as she leaned in a little closer.<p>

Milo put his hand on the woman's arm, trying to push her away without hurting her as she leaned in closer to his face. Hers was only inches from his and he could feel her breath on his face when the creak of his door caught his attention. Not caring anymore if he would hurt Dr. Muller he quickly pushed her away as the sight of Andy in the doorway registered in his brain.

Her jaw was dropped and there was a sudden perfect silence in the room as everybody stood still, Dr. Muller looking back and forth between the other two people as she regained her balance.

It took Andy a few seconds before the numbness in her legs went away and she was able to turn around. She could hear Milo calling her name behind her as she rushed to the stairs - not wanting to wait for the elevators. She could feel the tears burning behind her eyes as the swing doors closed behind her and she rushed up the stairs.

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><p>Please review.<p> 


	46. Thanks For The Memories

Long, long, long chapter! A lot happens and I hope y'all enjoy!

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><p><strong><span>Chapter 40:<span>**  
><strong><span>Thanks For The Memories<span>**

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><p>This is set on Saturday April 29th 2006.<p>

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><p>''And don't you dare come back<br>And try to make things right  
>'Cause I'll be ready for a fight'' Danny Jones - <em>POV<em>

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><p>Third Person's POV<p>

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><p>Dr. Holly Muller looked back and forth between the door and Milo for a few seconds, confused as to what just happened, ''who was that?'' She asked Milo, who had a look of panic on his face.<br>Her words seemed to snap him out of his thoughts, finally looking back at Holly, ''she's... everything,'' he answered before rushing after Andy.

When he got out in the hallway he looked around, not seeing her anywhere he let out an exasperated sigh before going over to the elevators and going down the RWHC. He could feel a bit of panic growing bigger and bigger in his stomach - they had been having a hard enough time already - why did Holly do that? Just make everything a little bit worse just after he thought that it couldn't possibly get any worse.

After quickly checking her office - her empty office - he walked over to the front desk where Lana had just hung up the phone. ''Dr. Morton, you haven't been down here in a while,'' she said before he could get a word.

''Hawkins, have you seen Andy here?'' He asked as he looked around, hoping to catch a glimpse of his wife.  
>''No, she hasn't been here today,'' Lana replied, ''is everything okay?'' She asked as she stood up.<p>

''Not really,'' Milo quietly muttered before turning around and walking back to the hallway. He hesitated when pressing the up or down button, he had no idea where she was but down only went to the morgue, and he was pretty sure she wouldn't be there.  
>As he pressed the up button he waited patiently for the elevator to arrive.<p>

Suddenly having an idea where she might have gone he rushed to the stairs instead, running up the steps it only took him a minute or so to get to the right floor. He silently prayed for a moment - he just wanted to find her and make things right, have her know that he was committed only to her and that that was never going to change. Opening the door to the lower level roof he let out a sigh of relief when he saw her.

* * *

><p>''What?'' Lana asked confused - she didn't hear what Milo had muttered but he was already gone, not hearing her. She looked at him as he rushed away, sitting back down she noticed a middle-aged man walking over to her desk. This was a rare occurrence, it was the <em>Women's<em> Health Centre after all, knowing he didn't work at the hospital she gave him a smile, ''how can I help you?'' She asked.  
>The man looked a bit nervous as he looked at Lana, ''I'm looking for Dr. Lu Delgado,'' he answered as he looked around a bit - as if hoping to catch a glimpse of said doctor.<p>

''She is with patients,'' Lana replied as she quickly looked at Lu's schedule, after her rounds with the third years she had wasted no time and had been seeing a bunch patients who hadn't been able to come in during the week.  
>''Can I just wait in the waiting room until she's done?'' The man asked, he looked over at the waiting room - there weren't that many patients there.<p>

''Sure,'' Lana replied, ''who should I say is here?''  
>''Alejandro,'' the man replied, ''Alejandro Reyes.''<p>

* * *

><p>As Andy turned at Milo's voice he could see her red eyes, it hurt him to know that he had made her cry. ''Andy,'' he said as he started to walk towards her and she started to walk backwards at the same time.<br>''What the hell, Milo!'' She shouted at him in anger - cheating was the last thing she'd ever expect from him.  
>''Just hear me out,'' he said, hoping that she'd at the very least do that for him.<p>

''Why would I?'' She asked as she crossed her arms in front of her chest.  
>''It wasn't what it looked like,'' he told her, knowing those words wouldn't help – despite being clichéd, they were true.<br>''Really? Well, why didn't you say that sooner?'' Andy asked sarcastically.

''Remember when I told you this morning that I had a meeting?'' Milo asked, deciding to just tell her everything despite her response - he had everything to lose and this could be his best change to prevent actually losing it. Andy didn't bother to response, biting her lip she shook her head at him. ''She was just here for a consult for one of her patients, she's visiting from another hospital,'' Milo continued as he watched Andy attempt to take off her wedding ring in anger - her fingers were a bit swollen from being pregnant, making it a lot harder.

''Don't take that off,'' he told her, he stepped towards her and she gave him a death glare. ''I barely even knew Holly before today, and she was just here for business.''  
>''You still kissed her,'' Andy said as she continued trying to take her ring off.<br>''No, I didn't. She came on to me, she kissed me,'' Milo told her as he continued watching her.

Andy just gave him a look that told him that she didn't believe him, finally getting her ring off her finger she threw it at him before walking back to the door and leaving him behind on the roof. He looked around as the image of the hurt look in Andy's eyes wouldn't leave his mind. He sat down on one of the chairs on the roof, looking at the spot on the roof where not even 3 months earlier they had promised to love, honor, respect, and comfort each other - in sickness and in health, through thick and thin.

* * *

><p>''And he's here to see <em>me<em>?'' Lu asked as she looked up from the files in front of her.  
>''That's what he said,'' Lana replied as she looked at the young doctor from the door opening.<br>''Looking for a doctor or specifically for me?'' Lu asked as she got up. She tried her best to put all of the files into a neat pile, making sure that the man Lana was talking about wouldn't be able to see anything once inside her office.

''Specifically for you,'' Lana said as Lu followed her out of her office.  
>''Alejandro Reyes?'' She asked - he was the only person left in the waiting room. Unlike the rest of the hospital - and especially the ER - the RWHC was a bit of a lonely place on the weekends.<p>

The man turned around at the sound of his name, with a smile on his face he stood up to greet Lu, ''hi,'' he simply said as he followed her to her office.  
>As they both sat down Lu looked at the man, ''so, what can I do for you?'' She asked as she tried to subtly study his face. There was something familiar in his eyes that she couldn't quite place, like an old memory that is lost in the back of your mind and you can't reach it.<p>

''Ehm, I came across your engagement announcement in the paper a while back,'' the man started - growing more nervous by the minute.  
>''Okay?'' Lu asked confused.<br>''I tried to forget about it but I just couldn't,'' Alejandro continued, ''I have to ask, are you the daughter of Catalina Maria Delgado?'' He asked.

Lu smiled, it had been a long time since she had heard anyone say her mother's name, and it was kind of bittersweet, ''yes, I am.'' She responded.  
>Alejandro smiled at her, ''I knew her a long time ago. When I saw your picture next to the announcement... You look just like her, I had to be sure,'' he said.<br>''Did you know my mom?'' Lu asked curiously. Having lived in the same neighborhood her whole life she knew plenty of people who had known her mom, but she didn't remember meeting this man before.

''Yeah, I went to school with her,'' he said, ''long time ago,'' he added with a laugh.  
>''Yeah, I bet,'' Lu said as she shifted around in her chair.<p>

''It was so sad when she died,'' Alejandro said, staring off into nothingness. Lu nodded in agreement. ''I didn't come to her funeral, your grandmother had already taken over the care of you and she made it very clear that I wasn't welcome. I did show up but she sent me away,'' he said.  
>''Why?'' Lu asked; she feared she already knew the answer but she wanted to be sure.<p>

''Cate - that's what I always used to call her - she and I, we had a long and complicated relationship for a few years,'' Alejandro told her. ''She wanted our relationship to become more serious, but I was young and foolish. I slept around a lot and after we had an argument we broke up and your grandma didn't want to come around no more. A few months after we broke up I found out that she had given birth to a little baby girl, you.''  
>Lu buried her face in her hands for a second before looking back at the man in front of her, ''you're my dad?'' She asked him in disbelief.<p>

Alejandro gave her a small smile, ''I approached your mom on the streets one day to ask her and she denied it. Said she had been with another man while we're still together and there was no way you were mine. But I knew her better than that, she would never sleep around and get pregnant by some random guy,'' Alejandro said. ''I was too busy sleeping around and getting high to consider getting a paternity test or anything. It wasn't until years later when I got my act together that I thought about it – _you_ - again. By then I already lived on the other side of the world, I had built a home with my wife... It wasn't really Cate's wish to have me in your life so I figured I wouldn't bother. Now I am just visiting here for business and I come across that announcement in the papers. I guess it was fate that I should see you again,'' he said.

* * *

><p>As Andy walked down the stairs she realized she had to go by Milo's office before leaving. She had realized earlier that day that she had left her address book in his office earlier that week - since she was going out for lunch with a friend, whom she had to pick up, the next day she needed to get it before going home. She silently cursed that she hadn't picked it up sooner as she went back up to the third floor. At least there was a pretty good chance that Milo wouldn't be there yet.<p>

As she arrived at the door to his office she took a deep breath before walking in, letting out a sigh of relief when she didn't see him sitting behind his desk she walked over and retrieved the little, black book from the bottom drawer - every time she forgot something from his office he put it in that unused drawer so she could find it. Andy put it in her pocket and it wasn't until she looked up that she noticed that the woman from before was still sitting on the couch.

Andy's jaw dropped and she silently walked back to the door before the distraught woman's voice stopped her, ''excuse me?'' She heard her ask.  
>Andy turned around, she was not even going to feign a smile for this person, taking a deep breath she forced herself to close the door again, ''what?''<p>

Holly took a step towards Andy - she didn't know who Andy was or what her relation to Dr. Morton was, but she was clearly upset. ''Are you Dr. Morton's girlfriend?'' Holly asked, she had met him a few times before and he had been single at the time.  
>''I'm his wife,'' was Andy's curt response.<br>''I'm sorry, I didn't know he was married,'' Holly responded honestly as she realized what the situation earlier had looked like.

Andy looked over at Milo's desk, knowing there was a picture of them somewhere on there. She quickly showed the other woman the picture of her with Milo, Jesse and Lizzy.  
>''Oh my God,'' Holly responded as she had an apologetic look on her face, ''I'm so sorry. The last time I met him he'd just gotten divorced, at the time I talked to him for a while and it just didn't sound like he would ever want to get remarried, let alone become a father,'' she added while looking down at Andy's growing stomach, ''I was being so dumb, it wasn't until he said that you were his everything that I realized he might not have been single.''<p>

''He said that?'' Andy asked surprised - it didn't sound like the way he usually talked, not to her and definitely not to other people.  
>''Yeah...'' Holly responded. ''Again, I'm sorry. If I had known that I would've never tried to hit on him and try to kiss him. I've just gotten out of a relationship and I've been a mess ever since.''<p>

Andy clasped her hand together in front of her, not knowing what else to say - she could feel her bare ring finger and having heard Holly out she regretted being so mad at Milo. ''I guess I owe him an apology,'' Andy said as she sat down next to Holly on the couch, the latter woman seemed to be a little upset after her entire confession.

''To think I came here to ask him a favor, I just wanted him to help one of my patients. And now I've been the most unprofessional I've ever been and I've gotten him in trouble with his wife,'' Holly said, before adding to herself, ''way to go Holly!''  
>Andy looked at the blonde woman next to her, ''I'm sure he'll still be glad to help as soon as we figure this whole mess out.''<p>

Holly smiled, ''I hope so.''

* * *

><p>Lu looked at Alejandro as he answered her question. They had gone out to dinner and she had let Jonas know what was going on. ''A few years after your mom and I broke up I met Sophìa and after two months of dating we eloped to Vegas. We were both in the drug scene at the time, which was one of the reasons for our short-lived marriage and ultimate divorce - the other reason being that after a while I realized I only married her because in her appearance she reminded me of your mother.<p>

''After our divorce was finalized I travelled around the country for almost a year, I got sober and eventually found a job in San Francisco. I also met my second wife, Amaya, there. We dated for three years and then we got married and moved to Japan, where her mother is from. We started a restaurant - had three kids and we still live there,'' Alejandro told her.

''I always knew there was a good change I had a bunch of siblings out there - I've heard plenty of tales about how much you used to sleep around. It's weird to actually get confirmation though,'' Lu said as she smiled at the waitress who put down her plate of food in front of her. It was one of the diners in the neighborhood where she'd lived her whole life - probably not the same neighborhood where she would live once she married Jonas though, she thought with a sad feeling inside.

''Do you want to see a picture?'' Alejandro asked, already pulling out his phone. When she nodded in response he showed her his phone background; it was a picture of a middle-aged Japanese-American woman with three twenty-something children, two girls and a boy. ''We had Valerie - who's on the left - back in 1983. Alejandro Matías Jr. was born in 1985 and we had Kelly in 1989,'' Alejandro said.

Despite the fact that Lu was the spitting image of her mom and didn't recognize a single thing about Alejandro in herself, she still recognized something from herself in the two... sisters – _her_ sisters. It felt weird to think of them like that, but definitely something she wouldn't mind getting used to. ''I'm only going to be in town for another four days,'' Alejandro said and Lu looked up from his phone. ''I was only here to talk to one of my investors, and I have my last meeting with him on Tuesday.''

Lu felt weird, she had only known the man for a few hours now and there was so much more she wanted to know. Only having another couple of days with him before he had to go back to Japan felt kind of sad. ''I know there isn't a lot of doubt as to if you're my father or not, but I think we should do a DNA test before you leave,'' Lu said.

Considering everything he had told her that afternoon there wasn't much doubt in her mind that he was indeed her father, but she had to be sure before she was going to attempt to build a relationship with him. ''You have to leave in four days, which gives us just enough time to do the test.''  
>''I think that would be wise,'' Alejandro replied.<p>

Lu could see in his eyes that he really hoped for the test to be positive. ''If the test says that you're my dad than maybe we can try to get to know each other better, obviously it isn't going to be easy because we live so far apart but we can try. And maybe all of you - you, Amaya and the kids - ...maybe you could come to the wedding,'' Lu said with a smile. That seemed like a good moment to share with a parent, ''and you could meet my son then.''

Alejandro's jaw dropped and Lu realized what she had just told him. They had mainly been talking about him and what had happened since he and her mother had broken up since Lu had been eager to find out more about that. It was only after saying that, that Lu realized she hadn't told him about Marc.

They looked at each other for a moment before Alejandro broke the silence, ''I would love that.''

* * *

><p>''What?'' Andy asked confused as she looked at Milo.<br>''This isn't working,'' he repeated, looking down at his hands.  
>''What're you talking about?'' Andy asked, her confusion growing by the second, ''I talked to Holly; I know you didn't cheat on me. What's the problem?''<p>

''When you first told me you were raped you told me to trust you that things would be okay, that we would work through it and that things would just go back to the way they were. I trusted you, but today when I told you I didn't cheat on you... you didn't trust me. You had to hear it from Holly before you believed me, do you know how much that hurts?'' He asked her.

He had come home from work just a few minutes earlier - Andy had already been home and, thankfully, Lizzy was at a sleepover at one of her friend's and Kayla was at Peter's apartment to take care of him. Andy and Milo had so much to talk about, so much to fight about, it was a good thing nobody else was home.

''I'm sorry but when people cheat and somebody asks them about it, they usually lie,'' Andy replied.  
>''I don't lie to you, I thought you knew that,'' Milo said.<p>

Andy let out a deep breath, ''I guess I do know that,'' Andy said, her voice a lot softer than it was a minute before - though she was still angry and that still shone through. She looked at Milo and swallowed hard, ''I'm sorry I got so mad at you Thursday. I hadn't really considered the fact that maybe you don't want to share everything with me and that you need someone else to talk to.''

''Thank you,'' Milo replied to her sincere apology. ''And I'm sorry too; there were plenty of other people I could've talked to beside one of your or our colleagues. I know you like to keep our private business private, and I didn't think take that into consideration.''

There was a moment of silence as Andy sat down on the couch. Milo looked at her, ''if we want to make this work than we'll have give it our all. I think that everything that has happened thus far has proven that if we don't make an effort, if we don't trust each other blindly than we'll just keep having misunderstandings and fights until eventually we give up and we fall apart. But I don't want that to happen, I don't want us to fall apart. I love you so much that giving us my all is the only thing I can do, because I believe with all my heart that _you're_ worth it - that _we_ are worth it.''

Andy looked at him and gave him a smile, ''I love you too.'' She responded, knowing that was all she had to say. Yes, there were so many words unspoken, but they didn't need to be spoken for them - they already knew how much they loved each other and at that moment they didn't need any more words. Just each other.

* * *

><p>Wednesday May 3rd 2006.<p>

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><p>Lu took a quick glance at her watch as she rushed into the airport. The moment she was inside the chaos around her disoriented her for a moment as she quickly tried to find Alejandro. They had taken the DNA for the paternity test on Saturday and she only got the results that morning. However, she had promised Alejandro that she would come to the airport to say goodbye regardless of the results.<p>

She was already 15 minutes late and she hoped that the ER emergency hadn't taken away her chance to say goodbye to the man she had been trying to get to know over the last couple of days. ''Flight 316 to Tokyo, Japan is now boarding. I repeat, flight 316 to Tokyo, Japan is now boarding.'' Lu heard and she looked over at the screen to find out which gate she had to go to.

When she finally got there she saw Alejandro waiting in a slow moving line, just as she was about to call his name he looked over in her direction - smiling when he saw her. He left the line and walked over to her, ''I wasn't sure you were going to come,'' he said as they gave each other a quick hug.

''I said I would and I wanted to share the DNA results with you,'' Lu said with a smile.  
>''What did they say?'' Alejandro asked as he could feel the nerves in his stomach - he had waited for this moment since the moment he had found out about Cate's pregnancy. He had to say though; it was definitely worth the wait.<p>

''Let's find out,'' Lu responded and pulled the file out of her black, leather bag. She didn't want to find out without him there, wanting them to know at the same time. She noticed Alejandro reading the results along with her even though he couldn't understand all the medical jargon.

''What does it say?'' He asked her, looking back up at Lu as she kept on reading.  
>After a few more seconds she looked up with a smile, ''it says that you are my dad.'' She responded and could feel tears in her eyes. Having grown up without her father it was something she'd always been used to. She couldn't imagine what it would be like to have one and thus never gave it much thought. She would've never thought that she'd get emotional about finding out who her dad was.<p>

Alejandro could feel his jaw drop - there had never been much doubt that Lu was his daughter, but the confirmation was nice. To after having been dismissed by Lu's mother and grandmother to finally have the truth be out... it was special.

He pulled her in for a hug and kissed her on top of her head, as he often did with his other two daughters. As they both pulled apart they looked at each other's faces. It felt different to see one another now they knew they were actually father and daughter. ''I...'' Alejandro began but he didn't have words. Shaking his head he pulled her in for another hug. ''I love you so much and I hate that I have to leave,'' he finally said.

''But you're going to come back for the wedding, right?'' Lu asked as they both pulled apart again and he wiped a tear from her cheek.  
>''Of course, and I'm going to bring my wife with me, as well as our children. I'm sure they can't wait to meet their amazing sister,'' Alejandro told her.<p>

''Sir, the plane is about to take off, you need to board now,'' a flight attendant told them as the young woman walked up to them. She had seen him waiting in line.

''I guess this is it for now,'' Alejandro told Lu.  
>''I guess so,'' Lu responded, giving him a very quick hug as a goodbye she watched him walk over to the flight attendant and give her his boarding pass.<p>

''See you soon sweetheart,'' he told her before turning around and walking into the tunnel.  
>Lu smiled after him, ''see you soon... dad.''<p>

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><p>''Any man can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a dad.''<p>

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><p>Please review.<p> 


	47. Oh, Baby

So despite this story being completely different from the story-line of the show, I still want to incorporate some of the same events. There have been some of that in previous chapters and that will continue through this chapter and quite possibly in future chapters.

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><p><strong><span>Chapter 41:<span>**  
><strong><span>Oh, Baby<span>**

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><p>This is set on Friday May 12th 2006.<p>

* * *

><p>''When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts. A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child.'' Sophia Loren<p>

* * *

><p>Third Person's POV<p>

* * *

><p>''At what time do you have to go in?'' Andy asked Milo as they both sat down at the table in the kitchen with their breakfast.<br>''Not until 11, I'll take Lizzy to school,'' he responded while looking at her as she read the paper, ''are you okay? You look a bit tired.''  
>Andy shrugged, ''just didn't sleep that well.''<p>

''Was it because of the baby?'' Milo asked. He had noticed she hadn't been sleeping that much the last couple of days and couldn't help but worry.  
>''It's just contractions,'' Andy replied without looking up.<br>''You're having contractions?'' Milo asked with raised eyebrows out of surprise, he remembered just barely two weeks earlier when Andy had had them and he hadn't heard anything about them since then.

''Yeah, not that many. They just get worse when I try to sleep,'' Andy replied.  
>''And that's normal?'' Milo asked, he had been reading pregnancy and baby books lately to prepare and he couldn't remember any of the books saying that this was normal.<p>

''It's not uncommon,'' Andy said, looking up at him. ''But they don't come with regular intervals, fetal movement hasn't slowed down and they only get worse when I'm stressed or trying to sleep so I don't think it's anything to worry about. I had them with Jesse and Lizzy as well and it wasn't a problem.''

''Don't you think Delgado should check it out, just to be sure?'' Milo asked. ''Even if it turns out to be nothing - I just think it's better to be safe and not take any risks.''  
>''I'll talk to her on Monday,'' Andy said as she continued to read the paper.<br>''Why not today?'' Milo asked with a frown – it being a Friday it shouldn't be a problem.

Andy looked back up, ''I have patients all day and so does she,'' she responded.  
>''I'm sure she'll have some time for you,'' Milo said - just a few days earlier they had been able to resolve one of the biggest fights they'd had thus far and now it looked like this conversation was leading to another one. Andy opened her mouth to respond but closed it again when Kayla and Lizzy both walked into the kitchen for breakfast.<p>

''Good morning,'' Kayla said cheerfully - it had been a few days since she had slept at home since she was looking after Peter and despite how much she liked staying with him at his apartment, she much preferred her own bed over his.  
>''Good morning,'' Andy and Milo responded simultaneously.<p>

''I'm leaving for work,'' Andy said as she got up and quickly washed the bowl she had used for breakfast. As she gave Lizzy a quick kiss she looked over at Milo, she could see on his face a mixture of worry and irritation. She walked over to him, ''I'll talk to you during lunch,'' she whispered before pecking his lips and leaving.

* * *

><p>''Who's next?'' Andy asked as she walked over to Lana. She had just come back from lunch and her conversation with Milo hadn't gone well. They had only had a few minutes since he had surgery and that certainly didn't help. Their conversation had turned into more of an argument and Andy felt annoyed.<p>

''Mrs. Erickson,'' Lana responded, ''she's waiting for you in your exam room.''  
>''Thanks,'' Andy said as she walked to the door of said exam room. Taking a deep breath she tried to forget about what had happened over lunch - her focus had to be on the patient. ''Mrs. Erickson,'' Andy said as she walked into the room, smiling at the patient. ''What seems to be the problem?'' She snapped on a pair of gloves before looking at the woman in front of her, Andy didn't remember Alicia Erickson ever coming in before.<p>

''A rash,'' the woman responded. ''It's probably nothing but I figured I'd get it checked out.'' She rolled up her sleeves and showed the rash on the inside of her elbows, ''I've had this for a couple of days and it doesn't seem to get better.''  
>Andy looked at it for a few seconds, ''does it itch?''<br>''Ehm, most of the time yes,'' Alicia responded as she resisted the urge to scratch the dry, inflamed area.

''It looks like it might just be a heat rash,'' Andy said.  
>''How?'' Alicia asked, ''it isn't even that hot outside yet.''<br>''Do you exercise a lot?'' Andy asked.

Alicia shrugged, ''lately yeah, I'm going on vacation to Saint Martin this summer and want to lose some weight before then,'' she said.  
>''What kind of clothes do you wear when you work out?'' Andy asked.<br>''Just sweatpants and a long sleeved t-shirt,'' Alicia responded, ''why?''

''Well, people get a heat rash when the sweat glands are blocked,'' Andy explained. ''If your workout clothes are too tight than the sweat can't leave the body and the skin gets irritated.''  
>''So as long as I keep exercising I'll have this rash?'' Alicia asked as she looked at the area.<p>

Andy gave her a smile, ''thankfully no. You just have to make sure that after working out you allow your skin to breathe; wear some loose clothing, shower to prevent the glands from getting blocked and when it's really hot outside keep cool with a fan so you sweat less. In the meantime it'll resolve on its own if you just pay attention to those things and there isn't much we can do. But if the redness gets worse or it starts to hurt than the sweat glands might be infected so you'll have to come back if that happens so I can prescribe some antibiotics,'' Andy said.

''So nothing to worry about after all,'' Alicia responded with a slight smile.  
>Andy thought back to her conversation with Milo earlier that day, ''nothing to worry about,'' she repeated. As she took of the gloves she could feel a contraction coming and as she breathed through it she could hear Alicia behind her.<p>

''Are you okay?'' The woman asked concerned.  
>As the contraction ended, Andy turned around, ''yeah, I'm fine. Just a pregnancy thing,'' she quickly said.<br>Alicia smiled, ''okay.''

* * *

><p>''Dinner's ready,'' Jonas said as he looked up at Lu. They were at her apartment so he was cooking while she was on her computer.<br>Lu looked up, ''okay,'' she simply replied as she closed her laptop with a sigh.  
>''Are you okay?'' Jonas asked as he put down the plate in front of her and sat down across from her.<p>

''Yeah, I'm fine. Just another email from Alejandro,'' Lu replied.  
>''And that's a bad thing?'' Jonas asked, noticing her facial expression.<p>

''No, it's just that it's weird to have a dad, he and his wife are welcoming me into their little family and I'm just...'' Lu said, trying to think of the word.  
>''Having a hard time adjusting?'' Jonas asked as he took a bite from his dinner.<p>

''Something like that,'' Lu responded. ''All this time I considered Marc and you to be my only family - with the people at the clinic and hospital as well, as extended family. So many people in this hood don't have a dad or even a mom that can be around to look out for them, so we all look out for each other, and now it turns out that I actually do have a dad, someone who seems to want to look out for me and give me a brother and two sisters.'' She looked over at Jonas, ''I've always wondered what it would be like to have a big family, and because of all the people that I've gotten to know and especially through meeting your family I now do know what it's like. When I was little I always wanted a dad and now that I have one it doesn't feel all that special, like I thought it would be.''

''Well just because you now have him and his family, it doesn't make anyone else less your family,'' Jonas responded. ''It's not either/or and I think that after all the years that he didn't seek contact with you, he'll just have to get used to the fact that you didn't wait for him to show up.''

''So, did you have contact with the venue to make sure that they take the five extra people into account?'' Lu asked, it would take some arranging to make sure that Alejandro and his family could come to the wedding as well, considering how last minute meeting him had been.

''It's all taken care of,'' Jonas replied. ''In fact, I think all of the arrangements have been made. Only thing left is bachelor and bachelorette parties,'' he added with a grin.  
>''So how many strippers are you going to hire?'' Lu asked as she looked at her fiancée.<p>

''You'd have to ask Max, he is my best man after all and planning the whole thing,'' Jonas replied with a smile. Maximiliano, Max for short, was one of his many cousins and they had been as close as brothers when they were growing up and today, still. ''But seriously? I told him no strippers,'' Jonas added with a smile.  
>''I should hope not,'' Lu joked with narrowed eyes.<p>

* * *

><p>Saturday May 13th 2006.<p>

* * *

><p><em>For the first time in a long time her dream didn't start with darkness all around her, giving Andy hope that this would be just that: a dream, not a nightmare. She was standing at the top of the stairs in her house, looking around her she saw nothing out of the ordinary and decided to go downstairs. There was nothing in the living room but she found herself, Jesse, Lizzy and Les at the dining room table. Andy frowned, she had never seen herself in a dream.<em>

_''I'm hungry,'' she could hear Lizzy say and Andy walked a little further into the dining room. _  
><em>''Can't we eat already? I'm supposed to call Dylan after dinner, but at this rate after dinner is going to be midnight,'' Jesse added to her sister's comment. Andy noticed that her youngest daughter's leg was in a cast and raised.<em>

_''Your manners, Jesse. We have a guest coming we can't eat until he gets here,'' she could hear herself say. _  
><em>'Is that what I sound like?' She asked herself as she looked around the dining room. It reminded her of the first time Milo and Les met, right after Lizzy broke her leg during soccer. Milo was late for dinner that night and it seemed like she was just reliving that night. But why?<em>

_''Don't you think a doctor, a surgeon no less, would run like a Swiss watch? Or in his case of course, a really expensive Swiss watch,'' Les said and Andy could hear Lizzy and Jesse laugh. _  
><em>''Milo is on the way, I'm sure of it,'' she could hear herself say.<em>

_''Well I'm sure he never misses a tea time, or the start of a movie. Y'know maybe he just got cold feet, afraid to meet Big Daddy,'' she almost laughed at Les' joke, but the weirdness of the whole thing stopped her. _  
><em>''Actually he's looking forward to meeting you,'' she could hear herself respond - she was already getting tired of seeing herself but having no control over what the dream version of her did. <em>  
><em>''Well talking about manners; I'm just saying, if you're going to be this late he should have the decency to call,'' Les said.<em>

_''Come on Les, that's enough,'' she heard herself say as she frowned, what was she supposed to do? Reliving a memory, already knowing what was going to happen, it seemed pointless... _  
><em>''My leg hurts,'' Lizzy said after a few moments of silence. <em>  
><em>''Aww I'm sorry.'' Andy took a deep breath, in just a few moments Milo is going to call because he got stuck in traffic.<em>

_As she could hear the phone ring she waited patiently, ''oh, that's Milo,'' she could hear herself state the obvious. Andy could see Les look at his watch, 'is this about what Les did while I was on the phone?' She asked herself. She could hear her own voice but ignored it, ''Hello? Oh, yes this is Dr. Andy Campbell,'' moment of silence, ''yes I do.'' Andy turned around to look at herself - taking her focus off of Les. This sounded like a different call than the one she had gotten – it didn't sound like it was Milo on the other end in this version._

_Behind her she could hear Les sigh and she glanced over at him, he was throwing Jesse and Lizzy a confused look and they shrugged. ''Thank you for calling,'' she heard herself say and looked at the dream her. _  
><em>''What? He's bailing right?'' Andy heard Les ask. <em>  
><em>She watched herself walk back in, ''no. That was the police, there was an accident,'' Andy frowned again as she heard herself talk although this time for a completely different reason. What was going on?<em>

_''You have to go to work?'' Jesse asked. _  
><em>''Mom,'' Lizzy interjected. <em>  
><em>''Now?'' Jesse asked again.<em>

_''No girls, no... Ehh, Milo was in his car on the corner of Cherry and 22nd... He was in an accident,'' as Andy listened to herself talk her confusion only grew bigger._

_''Oh man,'' Jesse said, ''did the Benz get totaled?'' _  
><em>''Is he going to have a cast like me?'' Andy heard Lizzy ask. <em>  
><em>''Andy?'' Les asked, noticing something was wrong.<em>

_She could see the tears in her own eyes and suddenly knew what was going on, ''another driver in a pickup truck just ran a red light... Girls, Milo didn't make it. He was killed.''_

Andy shot up in the bed, another contraction ripping through her body. She looked over at Milo who seemed to had woken up from her.  
>''Are you okay?'' He asked as he sat up and put a hand on her arm.<br>Andy took a moment to calm her breathing down, ''yeah, I'm okay. Just a bad dream,'' she responded.

Normally a dream or nightmare only came back to her in flashes, but every moment of this one was crystal clear imprinted on her brain. She looked over at Milo, ''thank God you're here,'' she said as they both laid back down, Andy with her head on his chest

* * *

><p>As Lu walked up the stairs the smell of paint became stronger. Turning around the corner she walked to what she assumed was going to be the nursery. Jesse had let her into the house with the simple message that her mother and little sister were upstairs painting the nursery while her stepfather was assembling the crib. ''Hi,'' Lu said as she walked into the room, Lizzy was on one side painting a wall a soft yellow color while Andy was painting the opposite wall baby blue.<p>

''Hey,'' Andy and Lizzy responded at the same time.  
>''It looks good,'' Lu said as she looked around, the window frames and the trimming had been painted white and the room looked like it was almost done - just the furniture missing. Andy simply smiled in response.<p>

''Lizzy, would you mind giving your mom and me a moment alone?'' Lu asked, looking at the thirteen-year-old while noticing Andy frowning at her in the corner of her eye.  
>''Not at all,'' Lizzy responded as she put the paintbrush down. When she had volunteered to help she hadn't thought about how much work it was going to be, a bad idea in retrospect.<p>

As the girl walked out of the room Lu sat down on one of the boxes in the room.  
>''What's up?'' Andy asked as she continued painting the wall.<br>''Milo called me last night because he's worried about you,'' Lu responded. Andy sighed as Lu continued, ''he told me that you've been having contractions lately.''

''Milo worries too much,'' Andy responded as she glanced over at her partner.  
>''And rightfully so if everything he told me is true,'' Lu replied.<p>

Andy put down the paintbrush before turning around to face the younger woman, ''look, I had these contractions all the time with my previous pregnancy and they were never anything to worry about. But, I asked Lana to schedule an appointment with you for me on Monday, so if you don't believe me than you can just find out for yourself then. Can we drop it for now?'' She asked.

They were both quiet for a moment, ''sure,'' Lu responded, knowing that if she was going to treat Andy it would have to be on her own terms. ''So what are your plans for this nursery?'' Lu asked.  
>''Lizzy thought it would be a fun idea to paint this one wall blue and paint clouds on them,'' Andy said, ''but I don't know what the layout for the furniture is going to be.''<p>

''And Milo is assembling the crib?'' Lu asked.  
>''Yeah, that'll take him a few hours,'' Andy said - with Milo not being the most technical guy she figured it might take him a while.<br>Lu laughed, ''well, it sounds good.''

''I thought so too,'' Andy said as she continued painting the last piece of wall blue. ''So how's wedding planning going?'' She asked, changing the topic of conversation.

* * *

><p>''Hi,'' Andy said quietly as she walked into the freshly painted nursery. It was a few hours later and she'd just gotten home from going out for dinner with one of her old friends, Maureen, while Milo had stayed in with the girls.<p>

Milo was sitting in the rocking chair in the corner, the assembled crib in front of him as he screwed in the last screw before looking up at his wife, ''hi,'' he responded before standing up and pecking her cheek. ''How was dinner?'' He asked as they both sat down.

''It was good,'' Andy responded - she hesitated as she thought about the things she wanted to talk to Milo about, choosing which topic to discuss first. ''It really wasn't necessary to get Lu here today.''  
>''Well, the contractions continued yesterday, last night and today... I just wanted to make sure everything was fine,'' Milo said.<p>

''She said you called her last night,'' Andy responded, ''what happened after that didn't matter.'' When Milo didn't respond she continued, ''I know you're worried but I would've done what I said; I asked Lana to plan an appointment for me with her so she could check everything out on Monday. And when she does she'll tell both of us that everything is fine,'' Andy said, waiting for a response.

''But what if it's not all fine?'' Milo asked and looked at Andy. ''What if it's not fine and something goes wrong before Monday? As Lu told both of us, this is a high risk pregnancy and there are a lot of things that could go wrong. We nearly lost the baby after the amnio, then you had those Braxton Hicks contractions that looked like they could've led to preterm labor and now you're having contractions and you're treating it as if it's no big deal,'' Milo said and he could hear the anger in his voice. ''I know that you think that I'm worrying too much about this but I think you're just not worrying enough.''

Andy looked at him with a hurt look on her face, ''you think I'm not worried?!'' She asked in disbelief, ''as a mother I'm constantly worried about something happening to Jesse or Lizzy... or Daniel,'' she said as she put a hand on her stomach. ''Every time I get one of those contractions all I can think is that I don't want to lose him - but I know from experience that most likely it's nothing to worry about. I know that because of patients who have gone through the same thing, I know it because Jesse and Lizzy turned out okay as well and I know it because I know my own body and if something was wrong I'd know!''

Milo kept silent as he looked at his wife.  
>Andy took a second to calm down and took a deep breath, ''I'll do whatever it takes to make sure that the baby is going to be fine but I truly think that this is nothing to be concerned about no matter how painful it might be and no matter how hard that might be for you to watch.''<p>

Milo took a few moments to response, ''I believe you,'' he said with a nod, ''if you say that this is nothing to worry about than I believe you, it's just hard to remember that everything is fine when you're trying not to cry because you're in so much pain.''  
>Andy gave him a slight smile, ''I get that,'' she responded as she grabbed his hand. He smiled back. ''But are you willing to drop the issue until our appointment with Lu on Monday?'' She asked.<p>

''I'll try,'' Milo responded, he knew it wasn't going to be easy if she was going to have more contractions. But if Andy said it was all fine, than it was the least he could do.

''There's something else I want to talk to you about,'' Andy added.

''What's that?'' Milo asked.  
>''Well, it turns out that dinner with Maureen was a bit more work related than I thought,'' Andy said, not sure how to break the news.<p>

''Is she okay?'' Milo asked concerned, he hadn't met Maureen that many times but he knew that she and Andy were pretty close friends.  
>''Yeah, she's okay,'' Andy said, ''she told me that upon her recommendation and that of some old colleagues from Walter Reed, I'm being nominated for the post of Surgeon General.''<p> 


	48. I Have The Right To Destroy Myself

Named after the Young-Ha Kim book. I've never read but I liked the title. I know that to most of you the titles I choose don't make that much sense, but they do to me. If you'd prefer to have an explanation at the beginning of the chapter just let me know.

* * *

><p><strong><span>Chapter 42:<span>****  
><span>****I Have the Right to Destroy Myself  
><span>**

* * *

><p>This is set on Saturday May 13th 2006.<p>

* * *

><p>''Trust your instincts, and make judgments on what your heart tells you. The heart will not betray you.'' David Gemmell, <em>Fall of Kings<em>

* * *

><p>Third Person's POV<p>

* * *

><p>''They nominated you?'' Milo asked, slightly shocked.<br>Andy nodded in response and he could see that she was equally shocked and surprised.

''Oh my God,'' was his simple response as he pulled her into his arms in a congratulating hug. As he held her close he thought about what he had told Peter just a few weeks earlier, 'every day something happened that managed to completely throw him off guard and surprise him'.

As Andy pulled away she smiled at Milo, when she had left for dinner that afternoon it had to have been the last thing on her mind. Becoming Surgeon General had been a lifelong dream, something she was constantly working towards. Hearing she had actually been nominated was... a lot of things. Even though she was grateful beyond words when she had heard the news, as soon as Maureen had asked her if she wanted to accept the nomination she'd realized this really couldn't have come at a worse time. As she thought about this Milo could see that some of the excitement on his wife's face was fading away.

''What's wrong?'' He asked her.  
>Andy took a deep breath, ''I have a week to let them know if I accept the nomination, I have a lot of thinking to do,'' she responded.<br>Milo gave her a confused smile, ''what's there to think about? This is a once in a lifetime opportunity, you have to take it,'' he told her.

Andy gave him a look, ''with everything that has been going on I don't know if it's a wise decision to disrupt our lives even more,'' she told him. ''I mean, the baby is due in eight weeks, this is hardly the time to be settling into a new house, a new job... and everything else that comes with this. I'd barely have time to get started there before I leave on maternity leave and after I get back; the combination of a high pressure job and taking care of an infant, I don't see that working,'' Andy stated.

''You have a high pressure job now,'' Milo reminded her with a laugh.  
>Andy laughed as well, ''I think working for the government is a little more high pressure than working for Bob Jackson,'' she replied. ''And even if we completely left the baby out of this decision, I don't know if I can ask Lizzy to pack up her entire life again and move - leaving all her friends behind, all her classmates... I asked her to do that before and I don't know if I can do that again. Her life has already changed too much in the last couple of months.''<p>

''Well, you have a week to make up your mind,'' Milo told her, ''use all the time you can get until you're absolutely sure.''

* * *

><p>Closely snuggled up to a sleeping Milo, Andy kept going back and forth between accepting the nomination and declining it. Her first instinct was to go for it, it's the way she had always approached things and this was something she had been working towards for so long. It was her goal in her entire career, and now that she was finally close to it...<p>

Her life wasn't at all what she expected it to be when she finally got that call. In her imagination she was married to Les; Jesse and Lizzy were grown up and had already moved out and becoming Surgeon General was the next step in her life.  
>It just didn't make sense right now. People had always told her that things never go according to plan and this certainly proved that.<p>

Andy sighed and looked at the clock on the bedside table on Milo's side; it was almost one in the morning. She could feel Daniel kicking against her ribs and winced, her back was sensitive from the contractions that kept coming every couple of hours, they were certainly taking a toll on her body. It had taken a couple of days but she had taught herself to relax whenever they came instead of tensing up, that only made it more painful. She took a deep breath as she felt a small one and breathed through it. As the pain subsided she fell asleep.

_''She's 33 years old, in excellent health, BP and blood work is all normal, no family history of heart disease,'' Andy let out a sigh as she heard herself talk. She remembered what she sounded like from the night before but couldn't get used to it. She followed herself through the hallway on the third floor of the hospital, coming to a halt at the reception desk near Milo's office. One of Milo's colleagues, Dr. Marshall, was walking beside her._

_''A couple of stray PVCs, nothing to be alarmed about. She drink much coffee?'' The other woman asked. _  
><em>''By the gallon,'' was what Andy heard herself respond. <em>  
><em>''Hmm, well tell her that I suggest switching to decaf,'' the female cardiologist replied with a smile.<em>

_''Thanks.'' _  
><em>''How are you?'' Dr. Marshall asked and Andy frowned. She had never been close enough with the other woman to go beyond small talk or asking advice about a patient.<em>  
><em>''I have my good days and bad,'' she could hear herself respond.<em>

_''I'm really sorry about Milo, it was a terribly loss for all of us, personally and professionally,'' Dr. Marshall responded as they started walking towards the elevators. ''When you and he started dating Milo was of course very discrete but I knew something was up cause every time I saw him he had this twinkle in his eye, the smile on his lips like a six-year-old on Christmas morning. In the fifteen years that I knew him, the past year was the happiest I'd ever seen Milo.''_

_It sounded like some kind of continuation from her dream the night before. ''Thank you.'' Andy heard herself say and watched the dream version of her step into the elevator._

Andy woke up with a slight startle; she wasn't sure if anything had actually happened or if it had just been the dream.  
>As she rolled onto her back she put a hand on her stomach, trying to sooth the still kicking baby. She glanced over at the clock again and realized barely ten minutes had passed. As she laid in bed and listened to the silence, Andy realized it had probably just been Daniel who had woken her up.<p>

''Please let mommy sleep,'' she whispered to him as she stroked her belly. After a few minutes the kicking stopped, ''thank you,'' Andy whispered before closing her eyes and falling back to sleep.

* * *

><p>Sunday May 14th 2006.<p>

* * *

><p>As Andy rolled over in bed she felt Milo next to her, ''morning,'' she said as she buried her face into her pillow, still half asleep.<br>''Good morning,'' Milo replied, he was sitting up, leaning against the headboard as he read the paper. He was surprised that his wife had slept in this late. During their years of dating he had come to accept that she was very much an early riser, but since she had gotten pregnant that had changed - not drastically, but noticeably at the least. ''Happy Mother's Day,'' he added after a few seconds.

Andy's eyes shot open, ''it's Mother's Day?'' She asked him.  
>Milo grinned down at her, ''good thing it's not your job to remember that.'' He told her.<br>''Yeah, as if Jesse and Lizzy remembered it,'' Andy said as she sat up a bit as well - the combination of her ever growing baby bump combined with lower back pain making it a bit harder on her.

''Actually they're preparing breakfast in bed for you as we speak,'' Milo told her.

Just as Andy was about to reply the door swung open and Jesse appeared in the doorway - tray of food in her hands. As the 18-year-old made her way over to the bed, her little sister followed behind her - hands behind her back to hide the present. ''Good morning,'' the two girls said simultaneously before they each kissed their mom on the cheek and Jesse put down the tray. ''Breakfast is served,'' she added.

Andy looked down at the food with an impressed look on her face, ''this looks great,'' she said with a smile.  
>''And we have a present for you,'' Lizzy added before handing the - wrapped in silver wrapping paper - box to her mom.<p>

''Do I have to guess what it is?'' Andy asked as she looked at the box, remembering that her daughters always used to guess what they were getting as presents.  
>Jesse and Lizzy shared a glance, ''nah, that's okay,'' Lizzy said with a shrug.<p>

''Okay,'' Andy replied before unwrapping it. It revealed to be a black velvet box from a jeweler, as Andy opened it her jaw dropped. Inside the box was a silver bracelet with five small diamonds on it. ''This is beautiful,'' Andy told the girls.  
>Lizzy sat down on the bed, ''there is one diamond for each of us; one for you, one for Milo, one for Jesse, one for me and one for the baby,'' she said.<p>

''And the jeweler told us that more diamonds can be added to it in case you two have another baby after this one,'' Jesse said sitting down as well.  
>Andy looked up, tears in her eyes, ''this is so sweet of you, thank you so much.''<p>

* * *

><p>Monday May 15th 2006.<p>

* * *

><p>As Peter walked into the RWHC he took in the familiar surroundings; the same desk he walked up to a million times each day, the never ending amount of patients that were waiting in the waiting room, a homeless woman who kept making up more and more excuses to stay just a while longer in the warm clinic before heading out the door back into the cold streets...<p>

He had missed it the weeks that he'd had to stay home because of his injuries and hearing that the concussion had cleared had been some of the best news he had gotten in a while. ''I am back,'' he told Lana as he walked up to the front desk.  
>Lana smiled up at him, ''welcome back Petey boy,'' she told him before standing up and giving him a hug.<br>As Lu walked up to them as well and gave him a one-armed hug he smiled, ''it's almost like a homecoming.'' He said.

''Yeah, I'm sure you couldn't wait to get back to chaos,'' Lu told him with a smile as she picked up a chart.  
>''They say you don't know what you have until you lose it, guess I liked all of this and all of you more than I realized,'' he told her.<p>

''And now that you're back, all that you'll have to miss is the extra time you had with Kayla,'' Lana said with a knowing look - a gleam in her eyes.  
>Peter looked down as a small blush crept up to his face, relieved when he heard the phone ringing for Lana and Lu being called into chat room. ''It really is like home,'' he told himself as he looked around.<p>

* * *

><p>Looking back from the white mass on the otherwise black screen to her partner, Andy took a deep breath. ''So, what do you think?'' She asked Lu as she watched her turn off the ultrasound screen.<br>''It seems as if you were right, as far as I can tell you're not in preterm labor,'' Lu told her.

Andy looked at Milo and smiled - she had been sure that they were nothing to worry about but this extra bit of confirmation had been very welcome.

''The monitor shows that they are indeed contractions and not just pain that you get simply from being pregnant, but they're irregular and they're not strong enough to change the cervix.''  
>''And is there any way to know what's causing them?'' Milo asked as he held Andy's hand.<p>

''It's called uterine irritability, although not a clinical term, irritable uterus describes irregular contractions during pregnancy — before the due date. Sometimes they can be a red flag, indicating that you're going into preterm labor, and other times - as is the case with you - it doesn't pose a threat. At least not at this moment,'' Lu answered, ''though you're not showing any signs that you're going into labor right now, there _is_ a connection between uterine irritability and a higher risk of preterm labor.''

''How big of a risk?'' Milo asked.  
>''It increases from about 11% to 19%, but we'll just have to keep a close eye on the situation,'' Lu replied. When she saw the look on Andy's face she smiled, ''don't worry, I'm not putting you on bed rest, at least not yet.''<p>

''So what do we have to look out for?'' Milo asked.  
>''Well, if the contractions start to get a pattern than that might be a sign that they're actually leading to labor, that's also the case if you have more than four every hour. Other things are pressure on your pelvis, vaginal bleeding and slowed fetal movements,'' Lu said.<p>

''Noted,'' Andy responded as she got off of the examination table and followed Lu and Milo into Lu's office.  
>''In the meantime I think it'd be wise to increase the frequency of your prenatal checkups, do them every week instead of once every three weeks. That way we might be able to detect any problems early on and make sure you don't deliver too soon,'' Lu said as she sat down. ''And you'll probably have to go on bed rest in the final stages of the pregnancy.''<p>

''Any other precautions?'' Milo asked.  
>''Just taking it slow, avoiding stress as much as you can and just simply paying attention to how you're feeling; if you feel like it might be the real deal than just come to me and I'll run some tests,'' Lu said as she looked at Andy.<p>

As Andy took in the looks that Lu and Milo were giving her she sighed and ran a hand through her shoulder length hair, ''I will.'' She simply said. Hearing her pager go off she took it out of her pocket, ''it's the ER, I have to go.'' She said as she got up out of her chair. She gave Milo a quick peck on the cheeks before heading out the door.

''If you have any more questions you can ask Andy, she already knows all of this,'' Lu told Milo.  
>''I know, but...'' Milo began before trailing off.<br>''Is something wrong?'' Lu asked as she looked at the cardiologist. Remembering how private he tended to be she quickly added: ''I don't mean to pry but if there's something you're worried about than my door is open.''

''Thanks,'' Milo responded with a smile. ''I have a feeling that Andy might not tell me everything so I won't worry. She's so used to handling things on her own that I don't think she'll want to - what she thinks is 'bothering' me, with stuff concerning the baby, even though it's not.''  
>''My advice? If you ever feel that that's happening just remind her that you're there and can help her,'' Lu told him as they both got up.<p>

''Lu, you're eleven o'clock appointment is here,'' Lana said as she appeared in the doorway. Lu gave her a quick nod and Lana closed the door again.

''Just wondering, did you talk to Andy before our appointment today?'' Milo asked as he realized that Andy had not told her partner about her nomination.  
>''No, why?'' Lu asked with a frown.<br>''Nothing,'' Milo quickly responded. ''I'll talk to you later.''

* * *

><p>''What're you so worried about? This is the dream, right?!'' Lu asked Andy. The latter woman had just told her about her nomination and Lu couldn't follow her train of thought that somehow lead to not accepting it.<p>

''There are a lot of things to take into consideration,'' Andy responded. ''This used to be the goal but now the more I think about it I keep coming to the conclusion that there are more important things than this. Lizzy has been adapting to all the changes in our lives and though she's doing great, it's not exactly a great time to move her yet again. And Milo...'' Andy said but trailing off.

''What about Milo?'' Lu asked, ''is he not being supportive about this?''  
>''He is,'' Andy responded. Lu threw her a look, not understanding the issue. ''If I were to accept the nomination and actually get it, we'd have to move to Washington. But his entire life is here; he has friends, family, his career... I've asked a lot from him these last couple of months and I don't know that I can ask him to give up everything that he has here.''<p>

''Well have you asked him about how he'd feel about giving up Philly?'' Lu asked.  
>''Not directly, but he'll just say that he's fine with it - that he wouldn't mind moving to Washington, even if he does mind,'' Andy said, knowing exactly what Milo would say.<p>

''Maybe he secretly won't be too happy about it, but the fact that he would do that for you... You say that you've put him through a lot but he knows what's been going on with you too - even if he does feel like you don't share enough with him. He'll want to do it for you,'' Lu told her.

''But I don't want him to do this for me, I want him to want it for himself as well,'' Andy said. ''It can take a lot of time to get used to living in a new city and I won't be there with him because I'll be working... I just don't see him ever being happy living there.''

''He's not going to blame you if he ends up unhappy,'' Lu told her.  
>''But what if he does?'' Andy asked. She thought back to the dreams she'd been having, feeling the pain of losing Milo in her dreams was just a reminder of how much it would hurt if she actually lost him. ''He may not be the kind of person to do that now but people change,'' she added. ''They can change a lot without you even noticing it.''<p>

* * *

><p>Wednesday May 17th 2006.<p>

* * *

><p>Looking through all the files on her cluttered desk Andy tried to figure out where to begin with all the paper work - her least favorite part of being a doctor. Hearing a knock on her door she didn't even have to look up to know it was Lu. Her work partner had been checking up on her regularly ever since Milo had told her about all the contractions. ''Come in,'' Andy responded. Hearing the door open she looked up with a smile.<p>

''Hi,'' Lu said as she walked in and closed the door behind her.  
>''Hey,'' Andy responded as she jotted down some notes in one of the files.<br>Lu looked down at the mess with a grimace, ''you seem pretty busy,'' she said as she sat down.

''Yeah, I have a surgery scheduled for tomorrow so figured I'd get these files done before then so as not to get behind,'' Andy responded.  
>''What's the surgery?'' Lu asked curiously.<p>

''Not sure yet,'' Andy responded and Lu threw her a confused look. ''One of my patients delivered a baby who only has half of his heart - the left side. There are different ways to approach it and Milo and I are already in disagreement about what approach we should take.''  
>''How are you going to decide?'' Lu asked.<p>

Andy shrugged, ''explain the pros and cons to the mother and let her decide, that's worked plenty of times in the past.''  
>''And if she can't decide?''<br>''Then we'll take Milo's way,'' Andy said and noticed the surprise look on Lu's face. ''Neither one of the approaches is significantly better than the other one but Milo has more experience with these cases, I'll have to respect that.''

Lu simply smiled at her, ''so have you decided what you're going to do with the nomination yet?'' She asked.  
>Andy looked up from the file in front of her, ''no.'' She simply responded. ''I still have a couple of days, I guess I shouldn't rush the decision.''<br>''No you shouldn't,'' Lu told her. ''Did you ask Milo about what we talked about?''

''Yes, and he said what I told you he'd say,'' Andy said. She knew that at this point it almost looked like she was looking for excuses not to take the nomination. Partially that was true - even though she wanted to take it she could feel in her gut that it was the wrong decision. There were so many- She could feel a sharp pain in her back, another contraction. She tried to subtly breathe through it and looked down so Lu couldn't see her wince, 'yes, so many things to take into consideration...'

''Don't you think you'll keep doubting your decision if you don't take it?'' Lu asked.  
>Andy thought about this for a moment as the contraction ended, ''I'll keep doubting my decision no matter what I decide,'' she said. ''If I don't take it than yes, I might come to regret that later, but I'll know why I didn't take it. I'll know that I was willing to give up that dream because what I have now is the better option; there's still more time to achieve that goal but what I have now I could lose and not get back.''<p>

* * *

><p>''Man's life is like a diary in which he means to write one story but ends up writing another.'' J.M. Barrie<p>

* * *

><p>In case anybody is interested, it is in fact possible to be born with only half a heart. I know of two women who had babies with this and as far as I know both children are doing well. I do make a lot of stuff up for this story, but most medical stuff is true with me just filling in the blanks when I don't know stuff that isn't all that important or significant to the story.<p>

Anyway, please review! [I'll love you for it!]


	49. The Demon With My Ex-Husband's Face

A/N1: Pay attention to the date for the last scene.

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><p><span><strong>Chapter 43:<strong>  
><span><strong>The Demon With My Ex-Husband's Face <strong>

* * *

><p>This is set on Thursday May 18th 2006.<p>

* * *

><p>''There is no more lovely, friendly, or charming relationship, communion, or company than a good marriage.'' Martin Luther King<p>

* * *

><p>Third Person's POV<p>

* * *

><p>As the pain from the contraction slowly faded away Andy took a small piece of paper out of her pocket and unfolded it. Grabbing a pen from the kitchen counter she quickly jotted down the date and time of it. After her latest check up with Lu she had decided to keep track of them; to calm Milo down, get Lu off her back and so she herself could relax. She looked up as Milo walked back into the kitchen after having gone to use the bathroom. They had been playing Sixty-six - a two-person card game - for a while and she figured it was as a good a time as ever to bring up what she wanted to talk to him about.<p>

Remembering that it was Thursday, Milo looked at his wife as he sat back down at the kitchen table, ''I'm surprised you don't have an appointment with Miranda today,'' he said, referring to her therapist.  
>''I decided to call off today's appointment,'' Andy told him as she looked up from the cards in her hands, ''I'm actually thinking about not going at all anymore.''<p>

Milo looked up from his cards with a surprised look on his face, ''you think you're ready for that?'' He asked her, hearing the doubt in his own voice.  
>Andy took a deep breath, ''well, like you said, it's about time I started talking to you more - instead of sharing everything with Lu and Miranda, it might be better if I shared it with you,'' she told him.<p>

''I'm not a psychiatrist,'' he reminded her.  
>Andy gave him a slight smile, ''I know,'' she responded.<p>

''When I said that I was angry,'' Milo told her. ''Yes, I do want you to talk more about what's going on with you, so I can help you. But I'm not a psychiatrist who can help you deal with... everything.'' He said.  
>''I know,'' Andy responded again as she took a deep breath.<p>

Milo remained silent for a few seconds as he weighed his next words carefully, ''no matter how much I wish I could help you, I can't when it comes to this. And yes, I want you to talk to me, but even more than that I want you to get the help you need so you can move on.''  
>''All I'm saying is that whenever I've gone to see her I just feel worse, not better. That can't be good,'' Andy told him.<p>

''That just happens because you're working through it, and then once you have you can leave it behind you,'' Milo told her. When Andy didn't respond he took her hand in his, ''surgery might hurt, but it cures - I think that's also the case here.''

Andy let those words sink in as she watched him stand up and fill the kettle to make tea, ''you really think this is for the best?'' She asked him - he was there for all the downhills she had had in the past couple of months, she just figured he might have a more objective point of view than her despite that.  
>''Therapy might not always be a smooth ride but putting broken people back together is Miranda's job, if it didn't work she wouldn't be doing this,'' Milo told her.<p>

Andy frowned as she stood up, her tea-mug in her hand, ''broken people?'' She asked him.  
>Milo turned away from the counter to look at her, ''I didn't mean-''<br>''Is that how you see me?'' Andy asked him, her jaw dropped a little bit. She knew she had been a bit of an emotional mess since her rape, her pregnancy not making it any easier - but for him to think of her that way still hurt.

''I'm not saying you are broken, I'm saying that it would be understandable if you were,'' Milo said - trying to explain his train of thought but failing miserably.  
>''But you <em>are<em> saying that I am, otherwise you would've used to different words,'' Andy told him.  
>''Honey, I didn't mean it as bad thing,'' Milo said to her.<p>

Andy gave him a look, ''no, it's a real compliment!'' She told him sarcastically. She could feel tears build in her eyes as the words stung her heart, but she refused to let them fall. Letting her emotions get the better of her would only make his case right now.  
>Milo could see she was holding the tears back, ''Andy,'' he said softly, he didn't want to tell her that it was okay to cry - knowing that right now she would only get more upset.<p>

When one of the tears rolled down her cheek he moved his hand up to wipe it away with his thumb - only to have her flinch and jump back at the movement.  
>Andy knew that what had just happened was exactly what Milo had meant but she didn't want to acknowledge it. They just looked at each other for a few moments before she turned on her heel and walked out the kitchen.<p>

* * *

><p>Andy could feel Milo laying down next to her on the bed, her back to him - they hadn't talked to each other since their fight in the kitchen. He had stayed downstairs while she was taking a shower - his words replaying in her head over and over again.<p>

When she was in the army she had learned not to let her emotions show - male soldiers already expecting her to be soft simply for being a woman, and she was constantly proving them wrong. Through all the things she had seen happen on the battlefield she had learned to be strong and distance herself from things that were happening to other people - as well as to herself from time to time. The only person she had ever truly see beneath that facade was Les - and he had only hurt her as a response.

How was she supposed to let her guard down in front of Milo without risking the same thing happening?  
>The question wasn't as much if she trusted him, but if she trusted herself. And that proved to have a far more complicated answer.<p>

She looked over her shoulder at him, their eyes locking. She simply stared at him for a few seconds before turning back on her side and looking back at the green light coming from her alarm clock.  
>After a few seconds she could feel him lay down behind her, his arms around her. She could feel his hot breath on her neck as she fell asleep.<p>

_''Could you look at me while we're talking to each other?'' Les asked her. _

_Andy looked up from the toys in her hands - with Jesse almost being three-years-old it seemed that all she was doing all day was picking up toys and cleaning up the house. The little girl was currently napping and it was only a matter of time before she woke up and the house would be a mess again. ''You were the one who wanted the house to be cleaned before your parents come over for dinner, and I can't look at you and clean the house at the same time,'' Andy said back - she tried to keep her voice low so Jesse wouldn't hear them and wake up. _

_As she picked up the plates from the table and walked into the kitchen to clean them she could hear Les follow her. ''Can't you wait until we finish talking about this?'' Les asked, waving the papers that were the subject of their current little quarrel in front of her face. He had been offered a job at a big firm, the only downside was the fact that they'd have to move. _

_After finally moving out of her parents' house, Andy had promised she would never move again once she had kids, not wanting her own children to go through the same things she had to go through as a child._  
><em>''It's a great opportunity,'' Les reminded her. <em>  
><em>''I know,'' Andy said as she walked back out into the living room, picking up some more stuff to throw away. <em>

_''But?'' Les asked, still following her. _  
><em>Andy let out a sigh, ''could you just let that go for one minute and help me with this?'' She asked frustrated as she motioned at the mess. <em>

_''And could you just forget about that for a moment and talk to me about this?'' Les asked, mimicking her tone of voice. _  
><em>Andy threw him an exasperated look, ''unbelievable,'' she muttered to herself as she walked away from him again. <em>

_''What was that?'' He asked with a frown, hoping he had heard her wrong. _  
><em>''Nothing,'' she said, not bothering to look back at him. <em>

_''What?!'' Les asked, ''is the fact that I just got this amazing job-offer that awful to you?'' He asked her. _  
><em>''I just don't think we should move,'' Andy told him. <em>

_''Jesse isn't even in school yet, it's not like she's losing any friends,'' Les told her. _  
><em>''But-'' Andy began, she was already heading back into the living room but was cut off by Les grabbing her by the shoulder. <em>

_Turning back to him she was just about to ask him to let her go but was stepped when he grabbed the bottom of her face with his hand - forcing her to look at him, ''just look at me while you're talking to me!'' He told her. ''Is that so difficult?'' He asked her and she could feel his grip becoming tighter with every word, making it feel as if her jaw was going to break. _

_Andy just looked at him in fear, when he didn't let go she swallowed hard, ''you're hurting me,'' she said quietly - trying not to show the pain too much. After a few seconds - which felt longer - he finally let her go, pushing her back a bit. He gave her one last look before walking away, shaking his head in frustration the meantime._

As Andy woke up her hand immediately went to her face - it had felt so real that the only confirmation she had that it hadn't really happened was the fact that her face didn't hurt. Except that wasn't entirely true, since it had happened, years earlier. It was the first time Les had ever been aggressive in a physical way towards her and it was one of the moments she would never forget.  
>Make up had been able to cover the small bruises on her face at the time - making them practically invisible until they faded away almost a week and a half later.<p>

She could hear Milo quietly snoring behind her as his hands softly stroked her ever growing baby-bump. She put her own hands over his, snuggling against him a little closer before allowing sleep to take her over again.

* * *

><p>Friday May 19th 2006.<p>

* * *

><p>Andy could feel butterflies in her stomach as she stared into his eyes as he stared back into hers. They had been laying like this for a few minutes now, not a word had been spoken since they woke up. She could see Milo lick his lips before he spoke, ''I'm sorry about what I said,'' he told her.<br>''I know you are,'' Andy replied with a small smile.

''It wasn't right for me to say that about you and-'' Milo continued.  
>Andy stopped him mid-sentence, ''it's okay. Really.'' She told him.<br>He frowned, ''are you sure?'' He asked her.

''Yeah,'' she said. ''You didn't say it to hurt me and... even if you do think I'm 'broken', you're still here.''  
>Milo smiled at her, ''I'll always be here,'' he said.<br>''You promise?'' She asked.

''I vowed to love, honor, respect and comfort you,'' Milo reminded her. ''Forever,'' he added, holding up his left hand with his weddingring on it.  
>''Forever,'' she repeated, grabbing his hand and holding it in her own before kissing his lips.<p>

''And I want you to know that I'll never hurt you,'' Milo said, remembering the night before. ''I can't promise that I'll never let anything slip that might come out the wrong way - last night proved that, but I'll never hit you.''  
>''I know,'' Andy said. ''I mean, in my head I know that and in my heart I trust you, it's just a reflex. It has nothing to do with you.''<p>

Milo smiled at her, ''I'm glad.''

* * *

><p>''Good morning,'' Andy said as she walked up to the front desk of the RWHC. ''Any messages?'' She asked as she looked at Lana - considering how early in the morning it was she doubted it, but she always checked nonetheless.<br>''Just one; Carmen Campbell called, she was looking for you,'' Lana replied, looking up from the computer.

Andy frowned at the sound of her former mother-in-law's name, ''Carmen called?'' She asked, hearing the shock in her own voice. She looked at Lana as she took the pink post it note from her.  
>''Yeah, she just asked me to ask you to call her back,'' Lana told her. Seeing the look on the doctor's face she added, ''is everything okay?''<p>

''Sure,'' Andy responded as she trailed off. She looked at the short note for a few moments before looking back at Lana, she cleared her throat, ''any other messages?'' She asked. Getting a short 'no' in response she walked to her office and closed the door behind her.

As soon as she heard it close behind her she let out a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding.  
>She sat down behind her desk and glanced over at the clock, she had just ten minutes before her first appointment - that oughtta be enough. She ran a hand through her hair before picking up the horn - hesitating for a moment before dialing the familiar number. It had to be the last thing she'd expected to do that morning. She hadn't had any contact with Les' mother since she had picked the girls up from the airport the Sunday after the funeral.<p>

It was just a matter of seconds before she heard the phone being picked up, ''Carmen,'' was the brief greeting she got from the other woman.  
>Andy swallowed, ''hi,'' she said, ''it's Andy.''<p>

''Oh hi,'' Carmen said and Andy could hear the fake cheeriness in the woman's voice. ''You know; I tried to call you earlier but your receptionist told me you weren't in yet, but you didn't answer your home phone either,'' she told her. Andy kept quiet as she tried to think of something to say. She had never gotten along with Les' mother and talking to her made her nervous. However, before she could respond Carmen started talking again: ''I just wanted to let you know that I send you two letters, one for you and one for the girs. They'll probably come in the mail today or tomorrow.''

''What?'' Andy asked, a little responded. Carmen had never send her a letter, not even when Les was still alive, and since his death she hadn't been involved in any of their lives.  
>''When he killed himself they found three letters in the hotel room, one of them was for Aidan and me, the second was for you and the third one was for Jesse and Lizzy. I thought you should have yours,'' she said.<p>

Andy frowned, ''it's been five months since the funeral, why did you wait so long?'' She asked.  
>Carmen kept quiet for a few seconds, ''I wasn't sure you should have them,'' she replied honestly.<br>''Why not?'' Andy asked.

Carmen sighed, ''just a feeling,'' she responded.

* * *

><p>''Hi mom,'' Lizzy said as she walked into her mother and stepfather's bedroom.<br>''Hey sweetheart,'' Andy responded, looking up from the notepad in front of her.  
>''What are you doing?'' Lizzy asked as she sat down on the bed, next to her mom.<p>

Andy looked down at it, it was a pro and con list regarding her decision on whether or not to accept the nomination. She was making it to keep her mind off of the letter Carmen had sent her that hadn't arrived yet, as well as for the actual decision. She sighed - the truth was, everytime she tried to write down a reason to go for it she remembered the dream she had had the night before.

That fight had let to them moving for the first time after having kids and all Andy could remember was why she didn't want to move back then. But this was different, right? Lizzy had friends in Washington already, so that would make it easier. And it wasn't as if she was throwing Milo's life completely upside down... except she was. And that was what made it all the more difficult.

''I am making a list,'' she told her youngest daughter.  
>Lizzy looked at it, ''you don't have a lot of reasons to do it, do you?'' She asked jokingly, seeing that the pro-bar was completely empty. ''What is it for?'' She asked after a few seconds.<p>

Andy looked over at the thirteen-year-old. ''I've been nominated for the post of surgeon general,'' she told the girl - knowing that Lizzy probably wouldn't know exactly what that meant. ''If I accept the nomination and get hired, we'd have to move back to Washington,'' she added.  
>Lizzy frowned, ''move back?'' She asked.<p>

''Yeah,'' Andy said, ''how would you feel about that?'' Lizzy was quiet as she thought about it - but even without answering Andy could already see that she didn't want to move back.  
>''But I go to school here, my friends are here,'' Lizzy began.<p>

''You have friends in Washington,'' Andy reminded her, trying to remain gentle.  
>''That I haven't talked to in forever!'' Lizzy told her as she stood up from the bed.<p>

''Lizzy-'' Andy began.  
>''I don't want to move back!'' Lizzy shouted at her as she ran out of the room.<br>After a few seconds Andy could hear a door slam and loud music starting, ''that went well,'' Andy told herself.

As she wrote down the fact that Lizzy didn't want to move back in the con-bar she heard the door open again, looking up she saw Milo walking in and shutting the door behind him, ''what happened?'' He asked concerned.  
>''I told Lizzy about possibly moving back to Washington,'' Andy told him. ''She didn't take it too well.''<p>

''I figured that,'' Milo responded with a smile as he sat down next to his wife on the bed.  
>''Do you think I'd be selfish if I wanted to take the nomination?'' Andy asked him. Milo was quiet as he looked at her. ''Just be honest,'' she told him.<p>

''To be successful you have to be selfish, or else you never achieve,'' Milo told her, ''Michael Jordan said that, and I think it's true.'' He could see in her eyes that that didn't help her decision.  
>''So you think that if I take it I'm being selfish?'' She asked him.<p>

Milo shrugged, ''I guess it's what you consider succesful. You might consider becoming Surgeon General being succesful, but that's just career wise. You're already succesful at being a mom and being a great wife.''  
>''And you think I'll lose that if I take the nomination?'' Andy asked.<p>

''I can't see into the future,'' Milo said. ''All I'm saying is that you have to figure out what's most important to you - what you'd most like to be succesful at - and what you think will make you happy, and choose that. And no matter what that might be, I'll be there.''

* * *

><p>Wednesday September 4th 2002.<p>

* * *

><p>Les let out a chuckle in disbelief, ''are you kidding me? All these years that we've been together, everytime I wanted to move you kept bitching that we shouldn't. And now we're settled down in Washington and you want to move all of a sudden?'' He asked her, trying to make sense of her logic.<p>

''Your company has crashed-'' she began before being interrupted.  
>''Wow, thanks for reminding me - hearing it the first hundred times wasn't enough,'' Les told her sarcastically.<p>

''Look, I got a job offer to work at a Women's Clinic in Philadelphia, the pay isn't spectacular but it's good enough. It can put us back on our feet and maybe in a while you can try to start over,'' Andy told him. She knew that ever since his company had gone bankrupt every mention of work related stuff was a sensitive issue, and the fact that she had just been offered a job while he wasn't getting any work, wasn't making it any easier.

''Honey,'' she began, against better judgement she put a hand on his shoulder in an attempt of comfort him. As he shoved her away from him she tried not to take it personally. Taking a deep breath as she steadied herself back on her feet she looked at him. ''I have to take it,'' she said and figured that the cold hard truth - no matter how he'd take it - was just what was needed. ''There's no prosprect of you getting any job anytime soon and this is the best option.''

''Well, thanks for believing in my capability,'' he responded, taking her words the wrong way.  
>''You know I believe in you,'' Andy responded sincerely - she truly did, but she also knew that at the moment not a lot of other people did.<p>

Les looked at her with a cold stare for a few seconds before responding, ''I think it's best if you just shut up now.'' He told her before looking out the window - not wanting to look at her anymore as she continued to put him down.  
>''Les...'' she began.<p>

''What did I just tell you?!'' He shouted at her as he looked back at her. ''Are you listening to me?'' He asked her, his eyebrows raised as he waited for an answer. Andy bit her lip, knowing that there wasn't a correct response when he was like this. ''Hello. You awake?'' He asked her annoyed. He looked at the table on the right of him and saw his coffee-mug standing there. When Andy still hadn't responded after a few seconds he picked it up and threw the coffee in her face.

Andy could feel the hot coffee hit her face and let out a soft yelp - she knew it wasn't hot enough to actually burn her, but it was hot enough to hurt.  
>''Can you hear me now?'' Les asked her in a taunting voice.<br>Andy simply looked at him, not knowing what else to say or do. ''I'll be upstairs,'' she told him as she pulled her wet shirt off of her skin.

''Yeah, I thought so.'' Les said as he watched her walk away.

* * *

><p>''People have scars. In all sorts of unexpected places. Like secret road maps of their personal history. Diagrams of all their old wounds. Most of our wounds heal, leaving nothing behind but a scar. But some of them don't. Some wounds we carry with us everywhere and though the cut's long gone, the pain still lingers.''<p>

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><p>Please review.<p> 


	50. Did I Tell You?

A/N1: The last three sentences of the letter in this chapter are ones I stole from a website. I do not own those.

* * *

><p><strong><span>Chapter 44:<span>**  
><strong><span>Did I Tell You?<span>**

_'Til Life Did Us Part_

* * *

><p>This is set on Saturday May 20th 2006.<p>

* * *

><p>''You can spend your whole life building something from nothing, one storm can come and blow it all away ... build it anyway. You can chase a dream that seems so out of reach, and you know it might not ever come your way ... dream it anyway.'' Martina McBride - Do It Anyway<p>

* * *

><p>Third Person's POV<p>

* * *

><p>Andy hesitantly picked up the phone. She'd taken everything into consideration; other people's opinions, what she herself wanted for the future, what would be best for her family in the long run... And she had finally come to a decision, a decision that - though it was the right thing to do - still hurt a little bit. She dialed the number and waited patiently for Maureen to pick up.<p>

''Mills,'' she heard the woman pick up, greeting her with only her surname.  
>''Maureen? It's me, Andy,'' Andy responded.<p>

''Oh hi,'' Maureen said - sounding a bit surprised, ''I didn't expect you to call me until tomorrow.''  
>''Well, I've been going back and forth with what I should do with the nomination and last night I finally made up my mind, I figured I'd let you know before it changes again,'' Andy said.<br>Maureen let out a sigh, ''you're going to say no, aren't you? I could tell last week - when you said you needed more time to think about it, I just knew.''

''I'm sorry but yes, I do have to say no,'' Andy replied.  
>There was a moment of silence between them before Maureen broke it, ''I don't understand what happened. I've known you for forever and this has always been your dream. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to but can you explain to me why you're saying no? I promise that whatever you say will remain between us.''<p>

Andy considered telling her everything for a moment but then decided against it, ''let's just say I have my reasons.'' She replied curtly.  
>''Okay.'' Maureen responded. ''And who knows; maybe in the future - when the position opens up again - maybe it'll be better timing and you can become Surgeon General then.''<p>

''Yeah, maybe,'' Andy responded. Just because she had declined it now didn't mean that it wasn't still a dream of hers, so maybe she would get another chance...  
>''Hey, I have a meeting in a few minutes so I have to go,'' Maureen said.<br>''Okay,'' Andy responded.

''But Andy?'' Maureen asked.  
>''Yes?''<p>

Maureen hesitated for a moment, ''I've got a feeling that there's more going on than you're telling me - that you declined the nomination for more than just the fact that you're expecting a baby,'' she said, ''now I don't mean to pry but if you ever need someone to talk to, just call me, okay?''  
>Andy smiled, ''yeah, I will.'' She said.<p>

* * *

><p>It was just after lunchtime when Andy had another moment to simply sit back and relax for a moment. She'd been working her way through medical files all morning, updating medical files and doing research for a patient who had been plagued with a disease nobody had been able to figure out just yet.<p>

She hadn't had any contractions all morning - which seemed to pretty much be the definition of a good day at this point - and she had to say that she felt pretty good for being thirty-three weeks pregnant.  
>Walking into the kitchen she found Lizzy sitting at the table, working on an English paper that was due on Monday. ''Where's Jesse?'' Andy asked her daughter as she got a bottle of water from the refrigerator.<p>

''She's out, said she was going to introduce Jeremy to some of her friends,'' Lizzy replied, not even looking up.  
>''Has the mail come yet?'' Andy asked next, her phone call with Carmen Campbell had been in the back of her mind since she'd had hung up.<br>''It's on the counter,'' Lizzy said.

Looking through the mail she soon found an envelope with a stamp from Chicago on it. Opening it she just found a small note in Carmen's handwriting explaining the same thing she had said on the phone the previous day, plus the two envelopes. One had Andy's name on it, the other simply saying For My Daughters in Les' handwriting.

Seeing that both the envelopes had been opened - most likely by Carmen, who else? - Andy grew angry. She didn't know what the letters said and wasn't sure if she wanted to find out, but she did know that she didn't want her former mother-in-law knowing it.

What if Les had mentioned the abuse? The rape? Anything else that might hint at either one of those things?

It would certainly explain why Carmen had said that she wasn't sure if Andy should have the letters.  
>As she let out a sigh she could feel Lizzy looking at her.<p>

''Are you okay?'' Lizzy asked.  
>''Yeah, I'm fine. I'll be upstairs if you need me,'' she responded.<p>

Closing her bedroom door behind her she threw the letters on the bed. Did she want to know what Les had written her? Reading how he made a sad attempt at apologizing to her?  
>Taking a moment to calm herself down, she sat down on the bed before grabbing the envelope with her name on it. Taking out the letter and opening it she made the decision that she might as well read it, nothing to lose.<p>

_Dear Andy,_

Andy closed her eyes and took a deep breath. The familiar handwriting felt comforting somehow.

_Considering the fact that you're reading his, I'm going to assume that my plan succeeded. I've been going back and forth with this for a while now and after what happened – what I did - last week… let's just say that that idiotic, snap decision of mine pretty much made the decision for me._

_The reason I'm writing you this letter is because I want to make an attempt at telling you how sorry I am, not just for last week but for everything that I ever did, every way I ever wronged you. I have so many regrets that I don't even know where to begin and I know that right now you probably hate me so much that you don't even want to know what I have to say. I understand that completely.._

Andy looked up from the letter as she heard her bedroom door open, she quickly folded the letter back up in case it was Lizzy - but was relieved when it was Milo. ''You're back early,'' Andy told him, Milo was called back to the hospital early in the morning because one of his patients had been brought into the ER.  
>''Yes, you don't have to stick around as long if the patient dies mid surgery,'' Milo replied with a sigh as he began to change out of his work clothes into something more comfortable.<p>

''I'm sorry,'' Andy said, she continued reading the letter as she talked to Milo.

_I want you to know that I didn't mean everything I said last week; yes, I meant that I love you, that I wanted another chance… but I didn't mean all the hurtful things I said, and you didn't deserve that. We both know how I get when I'm angry and I shouldn't have started anything because of that. Since moving to California I've been seeing a therapist and I've followed a lot of anger management workshops but I guess that just wasn't enough._

''Did you call Maureen to tell her your decision?'' Milo asked from inside their walk-in-closet.  
>Andy looked up for a moment, ''yes, I told her that I respectfully decline the nomination,'' she replied with a smile. She hadn't told Milo her decision upfront so he was hearing this for the first time.<p>

Milo stepped back out into the room in his underwear, ''and you're sure that's what you want to do?'' He asked even though he couldn't suppress the smile that was growing on his face. He was glad she had made the decision to stay in Philadelphia.  
>''A hundred percent,'' Andy replied with a grin. ''I thought about what you said last night; about choosing what I want in life and if I get hired as Surgeon General it'll just keep me away from the girls, from you and from Daniel,'' she put a hand on her stomach, ''and I don't want to miss out on anything for a job. There's a chance I'll get another shot at becoming Surgeon General, but I'll never get another shot at having these moments back or watching Daniel grow up twice.''<p>

_I'd do anything to take it back, take back what I did last week, the words and the actions. I wish I could take it all back, but I can't, that hurts but I've accepted it. It's why I'm going to do what I'm going to do._

''Well, I'm proud of you for going after what you want,'' Milo told her before planting a kiss on her lips, lingering for a few seconds before pulling away.  
>''Thank you,'' Andy responded. As she watched him walk back into their closet she continued reading.<p>

_I know I don't deserve it but I'm hoping that one day you'll be able to find it in your heart to forgive me, not for me but so you can leave me in the past and move on – focus on the beautiful daughters you gave me, focus on that other guy you're with and focus on the baby you're going to have. I know you didn't know I knew but I could see it on your face, there was something different about you and I only just figured out what it was._

''What are you reading anyway?'' Milo asked as he walked back into the bedroom - this time fully clothed.  
>''Les' suicide letter to me,'' Andy responded, not even looking up as she finished reading it.<p>

_Always remember that I'm sorry and that I love you._

_So I guess this is my last goodbye. Now, I must end it. There's no hope left. I'll be at peace_

After finishing the letter and folding it back up, Andy looked up at Milo who was staring at her with his jaw dropped. ''You never told me he wrote you a letter,'' he said to her.  
>''I just found out yesterday because his mother called me. Apparently she had had it for all these months and I only just today got it in the mail, there's one for Jesse and Lizzy as well,'' Andy said, motioning to the other envelope.<p>

''What does it say?'' Milo asked with a frown. As Andy handed him the letter he looked at her, trying to figure out from her expression how she felt about what it said. Tearing his gaze of her he unfolded the letter and quickly read it. ''I'll be at peace?'' Milo asked Andy in a mocking tone of voice. ''After what he did, the last thing he deserves is to rest in peace.'' He said, handing her the letter.

There was almost a minute of silence between them during which they just looked at each other. ''Right?'' Milo asked. When Andy didn't reply he asked her again, ''don't you think he deserves not to rest in peace?'' He asked her.  
>Andy contemplated this for a second before answering, ''there are a lot of reasons why he <em>does<em> deserve that,'' she answered.

Milo let out a groan, ''why are you always defending him?'' He asked her in disbelief.  
>''He's dead, he can't talk anymore so someone will have to,'' Andy said.<p>

''And that person has to be you?'' Milo asked her. ''You were the person who he promised to love forever, who he was supposed to take care of when you were both old... and you're the person who he beat repeatedly and ended up raping despite taking that vow.'' Milo took her hands in his, ''you don't have to defend him, you don't owe him that - in fact, you don't owe him anything.''

Andy pulled her hands back from him, ''I know I don't owe him anything, but we both know that even though he might not have been the best husband there were also great things about him.'' Milo huffed as he took a step backwards. Andy looked up at him from where she was sitting on the bed, ''he was smart, a good father... He had his bad moments but he had more good ones than bad ones. And no, after all the things that happened between him and me I don't have to defend him, but I am going to anyway and I don't owe you an explanation for why I am.''

Milo remained quiet, knowing that if he said anything bad about Les the situation would only get worse. He turned away from Andy and picked up a wedding photo of theirs from the dresser in front of him, ''do you know what I think when I think about the fact that he's dead?'' He asked Andy, throwing her a quick glance over his shoulder before turning his attention back to the photo.

Andy closed her eyes; she didn't want to hear this and couldn't believe he was going to bring this up.

''When I think about his death I feel glad,'' Milo told her.  
>''I don't want to hear this,'' Andy told him, she would've walked away had it been easier to actually do so - but in this stage of her pregnancy it wasn't much of an option.<p>

''I love you so much that when I think of him, I think of all the times that he's hurt you. Or at least, the times you have told me about which is probably nothing compared to all the things he actually did. I feel happy that he's dead because it means that he will never hurt you again. And at the same time I feel sad because I know that he hurt Jesse and Lizzy by taking his own life and I care for them and I love them,'' Milo said, he put down the picture and looked back at Andy. ''And when I see the way you respond to the fact that he's gone, the way you always defend him... It makes me feel like if he was still here than you'd rather be with him than with me,'' he finished. ''And that hurts.''

Andy bit her lip as she listened to him; she had never realized that it might've hurt him. When she didn't respond he walked away - out of the bedroom, leaving her there.

* * *

><p>''I'm sorry,'' Andy said as she sat down next to Milo. It had been almost an hour since their... conflict, up in their bedroom, and they had both taken their time to calm down a bit. Now they were just sitting on a wooden bench in the garden behind their house. ''I didn't take your feelings into account while dealing with this and that was wrong,'' she told him. ''I just wish you had told me sooner how you felt about it.''<p>

Milo looked over at her, ''you want to know how I feel right now?'' He asked her, looking deep into her eyes. She smiled and with a nod let him know that she was listening. ''I'm scared,'' he said, pausing so she could reply.  
>Andy frowned; it wasn't the answer she had expected, ''why?'' She asked.<p>

''Not counting Jesse and Lizzy and Daniel - since they have to be first, you're my number one person and when you talk about Les I feel like I could never be yours,'' Milo responded. ''Nobody's perfect, not me... not you. But if I could have any other woman, the most perfect woman in the world... I'd still rather be with you, even if you're flawed, because your flaws and imperfections make you all the more perfect in my eyes. And all I can ever hope for is that you could say the same about me,'' he said.

Andy smiled at him, ''I would,'' she said, ''I would rather be with you, than with the most perfect woman in the world,'' she joked - breaking the serious moment between them. They both laughed for a moment.  
>''But seriously?'' Milo asked her. ''If Les was here, and he wanted to be with you, would you still choose me over him? Not taking into account the fact that we're having a baby together.''<p>

Andy looked down at her hands for a moment, ''I would,'' she said.  
>''Are you sure?'' Milo asked.<p>

''I told Les that, the night he raped me. I said that I still loved him as a friend, as the girls' father, but that he and I were over and that I was happy with you,'' Andy said.  
>''And then he raped you?'' Milo asked her - she had never told him the full story of what happened that night and he couldn't help but be curious; hoping that by knowing what had happened he could help her.<p>

Andy took a deep breath, ''after that he kissed me,'' she said, thinking back to that night. ''And I kissed him back,'' she added after a few seconds.  
>She saw a shocked look cross Milo's face, ''you what?'' He asked her.<p>

''I kissed him back,'' she repeated. ''And then after a few seconds I broke away and I slapped him in the face. I told him that that kiss meant nothing and he kissed me again, only this time I couldn't break away since there was no room. So I just bit on his lip until it started to bleed and I was just hoping that that would make him understand that I didn't want it - that I didn't want him. But that just made him mad and he pushed me on the ground and I tried to fight him off for as long as I could but...'' she didn't finish the sentence and she didn't have to. Milo was still staring at her in silence. ''And now I keep wondering if he had still done that if I hadn't kissed him back,'' she said.

''I'm sure that nothing you said or did caused him to do that, that was all him,'' Milo responded.  
>''But something must have set him off,'' Andy said. ''And you know what the worst part is? After what happened I still wish he was alive, that the girls could go talk to him and that I could talk to him,'' she added. ''It scares me that someone could hurt me so bad and that I'd still want them around. I promise you that even if he did come back - despite every messed up feeling that I have for him - I will always choose you. You'll always be number one.''<p>

Milo smiled at her and gave her a kiss, ''I'm sorry for what I said earlier, I'm not going anywhere. You don't have to be afraid about losing me.''  
>Andy's smile faded a bit, ''I suppose I'm a little bit scared. You might not like it that I felt so much for him. But that was then. You are here now; you make me and define me. It's over after all but he's still a part of me. And I know you don't like it when I talk about him but I want you to know all about it, so there are no secrets.''<p>

* * *

><p>"You didn't love her. You just didn't want to be alone. Or maybe, maybe she was good for your ego. Or, or maybe she made you feel better about your miserable life. But you didn't love her, because you don't destroy the person that you love.'' Sara Ramirez as Callie Torres - <em>Grey's Anatomy<em>

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><p>Please review.<p> 


	51. Keep On Loving You

A/Ns: This chapter was named after two of my favorite songs, the first one is by Reba and the other one is by REO Speedwagon; obviously, both have the same name.

This is the Lu and Jonas wedding chapter. This means that though they'll play a big part in the chapter, it'll still contain a lot of Andy and Milo as well, since they're the main focus of this fic. Please don't be mad that this wedding isn't as elaborate as the 4chapter wedding for Andy and Milo.

* * *

><p><strong><span>Chapter 45:<span>**  
><strong><span>Keep On Loving You<span>**

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><p>This is set on Thursday May 25th 2006.<p>

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><p>''I dreamed of a wedding of elaborate elegance,<br>A church filled with family and friends.  
>I asked him what kind of a wedding he wished for,<br>He said one that would make me his wife.'' Author Unknown

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><p>Third Person's POV<p>

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><p>''Is there anything I can help with?'' Marc asked. He was standing in the doorway of one of the guestrooms in his soon to be stepfather's beautiful mansion. Said room was still a bit of a mess and he knew that the maids had been cleaning all day to get everything in order, Jonas was just now doing the finishing touches - checking everything yet again.<p>

''No, that's okay,'' Jonas told him, ''I think we're all done. Plus, your mom will almost be back from the airport and I'm sure she'd much rather have you downstairs meeting the family you never knew you had than helping me clean,'' he jokingly added.  
>Jonas would never admit it, but he was pretty nervous to be meeting Alejandro Reyes' family. He had already met the man himself, but meeting Lu's apparent stepmother and half-siblings seemed to be stressing him out as well.<p>

Both men slightly jumped at the sound of a car honking outside, ''that must be them,'' Marc said as he and Jonas made their way downstairs and opened the door for Lu and her newfound family.

Marc took in a deep breath; the family on his grandfather's side looked familiar. It was like he had seen them a long time ago, only to get reacquainted with them now. Seeing Lu and Alejandro stand next to each other, he immediately knew where that feeling came from. He had seen lots of old pictures of his mom's mother, and always felt that they looked alike, but now he could recognize a lot of her features in her father as well.

There was a moment of silence and everybody looked back and forth between each other, not sure how to behave since none of them had ever been in a similar situation.  
>Jonas cleared his throat before opening the front door a little further, ''come on in,'' he told everybody, effectively breaking the silence and the awkwardness that came with that.<p>

As they all made their way into the grand foyer, Alejandro took the lead. He stood with his wife and children on one side, Lu stood on the other side with Jonas and Marc. ''This is my wife, Amaya,'' he told Marc and Jonas. He had already introduced Lu to his family. ''And these are our children: Valerie, Junior and Kelly,'' he pointed to each 'child' as he mentioned their names.

''It's nice to meet you,'' Marc told the man, extending his hand only to be pulled into a hug. After a moment of hesitation he hugged the older man back before hugging the rest of the family as well - literally being welcomed with open arms.

''And this is my fiancé, Jonas,'' Lu added. He had wrapped an arm around her. Their wedding was only two days away and it had made them feel closer to each other - feeling that after surviving planning the whole ordeal, they could survive anything together.

* * *

><p>Friday May 26th 2006.<p>

* * *

><p>The rehearsal dinner was in full swing when Isaac Rey, Jonas' brother, clinked his wineglass with the small spoon which had been next to his plate just moments before, as he stood up he looked around the room, ''I'll save the big speech for tomorrow but I figured it would only be right to say a few words now,'' he said as he stood up straight - his tall stature towering over everybody else.<p>

''For years I saw my brother invest all his time in building his company to where it is now, never taking time off to date and maybe meet the one. All of that changed the first moment he saw you, Luisa. He told our mother, and I quote: 'do you see that girl? I'm going to marry her one day.' Of course, nobody took him serious... including me. I figured he had just fallen head over heels and this relationship would end as quickly as it began.

'But he proved all of us wrong. When after a month they were still together I knew she must be something special. And when I met her, I knew in an instant the same thing Jonas had known all along... Jonas, Luisa, you two are as perfect for each other as two people can possibly be and here's to you,'' he finished, raising his glass. He took a sip and the rest of the people followed suit.

Lu and Jonas both stood up, ''thank you Isaac,'' Jonas told his brother before turning his attention back to Lu for a moment. ''Lu and I would like to thank everybody who made the trip out here, we are really glad you could all make it. Hopefully tomorrow will go as smooth as it did today and Luisa, I can't wait to finally be your husband.'' He told her with a smile.

Lu smiled at him before standing on her toes so she could kiss him on the lips real quick.

* * *

><p>Hearing the soft music coming from the TV, Andy leaned into Milo's body, curling up next to him. The credits, to the film they had been watching for the past two hours, were rolling and all she really wanted to do was sleep, which is what was becoming increasingly harder these days. ''At what time do we have to be at the church tomorrow?'' Milo asked her as he grabbed the remote and turned the DVD player off.<p>

''I think I have to be there at 10,'' Andy responded. ''But you can probably come later, I don't know what time it said to be there on the invitation,'' she added.  
>As a bridesmaid she had to be there a bit earlier than him.<p>

''I'll go check it in a minute,'' Milo responded, nuzzling his face in her hair. If it were up to him they'd spend more time together like this, but it seemed like they were always either working or wrapped up in some argument that - in retrospect - wasn't even all that important. He absentmindedly stroked Andy's stomach, feeling Daniel move under his touch.

''You looking forward to the wedding?'' Andy asked him, feeling increasingly tired. They had started watching the movie after they'd come back from the rehearsal dinner and it was nearing midnight already.  
>''Yeah, it should be fun,'' Milo told her. ''I wonder what it'll be like to dance with you, y'know, with you being...''<p>

''The size of a blimp?'' Andy asked him - finishing his sentence before looking down at her stomach as well.  
>Milo laughed, ''I was going to say 'being eight months pregnant', but both work,'' he joked.<br>Andy lightly slapped his arm, ''hey! This belly is only going to get bigger these last couple of weeks, so you better get used to it,'' she told him.

''I don't mind,'' Milo said, ''to me you look just as beautiful as you always have. All I mean is that I wonder what it's going to be like to dance with you like this.''  
>''Well, we don't have to dance,'' Andy told him. ''I'll probably be tired anyway, so we might not even get a chance to.''<p>

Milo smiled down at her for a second before getting up from the couch, going over to the stereo he looked at a few CDs before putting one on. After a few seconds soft music came from the speakers. He made sure it wasn't loud enough to wake Lizzy and Kayla who were both asleep upstairs, ''may I have this dance?'' He asked Andy, extending his hand to her.

Andy chuckled before taking his hand, standing up from the couch.  
>''Just in case you're too tired to dance tomorrow we'll just have that dance now - and otherwise it can just be a practice run for tomorrow, so we can get used to it,'' he told her as he pulled her close.<p>

Andy buried her face into the crook of his neck, trying to relax and just sway to the music. She had noticed that she had more contractions when she was stressed or tense so she was hoping this would relax her enough that she wouldn't have any contractions during the night.

* * *

><p>Saturday May 27th 2006.<p>

* * *

><p>''Okay, all buttoned up,'' Kayla said, looking Lu up and down, admiring the beautiful white dress.<br>Lu was looking in the mirror, it kind of shocked her what seeing herself in the dress made her feel. It had been different when she was just trying it on in the store; she now understood what Andy had meant a few months earlier about making it feel real.

She'd been feeling conflicted for a while now, but even more so these last couple of days. Marrying Jonas, marrying someone with the amount of money he has... It made her feel like she was betraying her old friends, the people from her old neighborhood and maybe even her patients.

What if they felt like she could no longer sympathize with their everyday struggle, barely scraping by... Or with what they were going through; not having the money to get all the medical attention that they need? Would they not trust her with their problems because they felt she simply couldn't possibly understand?

Pushing the thought to the back of her mind, Lu turned around to look at Kayla.  
>"I'm going to go get Marc," Kayla said. Lu nodded at her. She knew it was traditional to have the bride's father walk her down the aisle - and that was possible with Alejandro there - but she wanted Marc to walk her down the aisle. He had been the only family she had had for a long time, she had him when there was no one else and he had always been the most important person in her life.<p>

"What time will Jesse be here?" Lu asked Andy who, along with Lizzy, was sitting on one of the two couches in the church's dressing room.  
>Andy looked up from her phone, she quickly glanced over at Lizzy who was reading a book, before looking at Lu, "I don't know, she was supposed to be here already," she told her work partner.<p>

"Okay," Lu responded with a nod. Neither Jesse nor Lizzy was in the wedding party but they had both been invited. Taking a deep breath, Lu turned her attention to the teenage girl, "what are you reading?" She asked Lizzy.

Looking up from her book, Lizzy answered, "It's for school. We have a dance coming up in a few weeks to celebrate the end of the year. They're making us read a book about all the dangers that are 'out there in the real world', she said, partly quoting the title of the book itself.

Lu laughed, "they're doing that now?" She didn't remember schools making them read that back when she was in high school. "What subjects are there?" She asked.

"Ehm, alcohol, drugs, I just finished the part on unwanted and teen pregnancy and I'm currently on date-rape drugs and rape itself," Lizzy responded.  
>Andy looked up from her phone, putting it away as she looked at her youngest daughter who was slightly red - just like most people would, she felt uncomfortable talking about the subject. Andy felt like she should say something, anything... But nothing came out.<p>

Lu noticed the look on Andy's face and took a step towards Lizzy, sitting on the edge of the couch as comfortably as her wedding dress would let her, "what do you think about what you've read so far?" She asked the 13-year-old, ignoring the building tension in the room.  
>Lizzy shrugged, "I don't know." She answered honestly, "I mean, this just sounds like stuff that happens on TV, not in real life. Not like something that would ever happen to me."<p>

Lu glanced over at Andy, silently asking permission to continue talking about this subject. She knew that Andy had avoided it ever since her own rape, partly because she thought Lizzy was too young to know about this kind of stuff, but if she was reading about it than maybe one day Andy could tell the girls what had happened. And talking about something like this helped Lu forget about her nerves about the wedding.

Andy gave Lu a quick nod, giving her permission. "You know, rape is very common, more common than most people think," Lu told the girl. "It happens to approximately 1 in 4 women," she said.

"Do you know anyone that has had that happen to them?" Lizzy asked after a moment of hesitation. She felt uncomfortable but was too curious to change the subject.  
>"Yes, I do," Lu responded, not wanting to go into specifics about any specific patients or friends. "In fact, it has happened to me," she added after a few seconds.<p>

Lizzy looked up at her stunned, Andy remaining quiet. After a few seconds Lizzy turned to look at her mom, as if silently wondering what to do with all this new information.  
>Before Andy could respond, the door opened and Kayla, Marc and Nick all walked in. As Andy slowly let out a sigh of relief she watched Nick take Lizzy back with him so he could show her where the girl could sit.<p>

''Why don't you and I go to Lana? We only have a few minutes left,'' Kayla told Andy. Since they were the bridesmaids - with Lana being the maid of honor - they could just wait in another room while Marc and Lu talked before the ceremony started.

After they left, Marc turned to his mother with a smile. ''How do I look?'' She asked him.  
>Marc smiled at her, ''you look beautiful, ma,'' he told her. ''I just cannot believe you're getting married,'' he added.<br>Lu bit her lip, ''I can't believe it either. I'm really happy though.''

''And I'm happy for you,'' Marc responded. ''You deserve it and Jonas is a great guy.''

* * *

><p>On the sound of the soft, instrumental music, Kayla first walked down the aisle, taking her spot on the left side of the marriage officiator. After her followed Andy and then Lana. The music stopped and another song started as everybody in the church stood up to watch Lu and Marc walk down the aisle. Jonas had a soft smile playing on his lip as he watched her. He couldn't believe the day was finally here - most people waited longer than them before they got married but to him it felt like they had already taken too much time.<p>

Glancing over at his mom, Marc could see the shocked look on her face at the amount of people in the church. He knew that she and Jonas had meant to keep the whole thing a small affair but it appeared people had invited themselves. After kissing his mom on the cheek, Marc smiled as Lu took her spot next to Jonas.

''Who represents the family in blessing this marriage?'' He heard the marriage officiator, reverend Cornelius, ask.

''I do,'' he said.

Revered Cornelius smiled as he started the ceremony, ''we have come together, family and friends, in the presence of God, to uphold Jonas and Luisa as they make their vows of marriage.'' He looked at Jonas who was going to say his vows first.

''This is a glorious day, but if I could pick just one day to last forever, it might not be today. It might just be the day I first laid eyes on you. Your exuberance for life, your concern for others, your utter lack of vanity, your inner goodness... all came washing over me in an instant. And I knew right then that you were the one I needed to spend my life with and there hasn't been one moment of doubt since,'' he told Lu, glad he had been able to remember what he wanted to say.

''When I first met you, Jonas, only one word came to mind: annoying,'' Lu chuckled for a second before continuing: ''it seemed that everywhere I looked; in the cafeteria, in the chat room, in the clinic, you were there. And as time went on I began to realize that was kind of a good thing. You are always there, there with your gentleness, there with your understanding, there with your patience, your heart and soul. Your generosity of spirit overwhelms me. I love you forever.''

''May I have the rings please?'' Reverend Cornelius asked and he got handed them by Marc.

Slipping the ring on her finger, Jonas said, ''Luisa, I commit my entire being to you. To love, nurture, challenge and support you through all of the changes of our lives.''  
>''Jonas, I commit my entire being to you. To love and nurture, challenge and support you through all the changes in our lives,'' Lu said as well.<p>

A wide smile spread on the reverend's face, ''Jonas and Luisa I pronounce you husband and wife!'' He told them.

Taking Lu into his arms, Jonas captured her lips in a kiss, their first kiss as husband and wife - while the rest of the people in the church cheered.

* * *

><p>''Come on,'' Milo said, taking Andy's hand in his. ''Don't you want to at least have one dance?'' He asked her. He had been practicing for this - not just the night before - and he knew that despite her pregnancy she didn't mind dancing.<br>''I don't want to,'' Andy told him, not getting up like him. She was watching Lu and Jonas dancing on the big, wooden dance floor and that was more than enough.

''Are you too tired?'' Milo asked her as he sat back down next to her.  
>''No, just worried about Jesse. She should have been hours ago,'' Andy told him. She hadn't been able to have her phone with her during the ceremony but had had it with her since they had left the church and gone to the hotel for the reception. It wasn't like Jesse to be late and she was starting to get worried.<p>

''You still haven't heard from her?'' Milo asked, slightly surprised. As Andy shook her head he put his arm around her, ''I'm sure she's fine.''  
>Andy looked over at him, ''if she's fine than why isn't she here?'' She asked him.<p>

Before Milo could respond Andy's phone rang. Digging it out of her pocket as fast as she could, Andy looked at it. She let out a sigh and her shoulders slumped. ''It's not Jesse, just the ER. If I have to go take care of an emergency, just let Lu and Jonas know I'm sorry and that I'll be back as fast as I can,'' Andy told Milo as she got up to take the call.

Milo gave a nod and watched her walk away to the lobby. He could still see her as she took the call and couldn't help but watch her.

''Where's mom going?'' He heard Lizzy ask and turned around to look at his stepdaughter.  
>''The hospital is calling, if there's an emergency she might have to leave,'' he explained. As the thirteen-year-old nodded he turned back to look at his wife. Her face had gone pale and one hand was clasped over her mouth in shock.<p>

As Milo shot up from his chair and rushed over to her he just knew that something was wrong.

* * *

><p>''Can you listen to the words I've been aching to say, that I go where the lights pull me, and you, my love, are the stars.'' Tyler Knott Gregson<p>

* * *

><p>Because of a request I got I'm going to start working on another multi-chapter story soon, alongside this one. The other story will be focused on Peter and Kayla so keep an eye out for that.<p>

Anyways, please review!


	52. I Want The World To Stop

This chapter is named after the song by She & Him which has the same title; I don't claim any rights over the song or title whatsoever.

* * *

><p><strong><span>Chapter 46:<span>**  
><strong><span>I Want The World To Stop<span>**

* * *

><p>This is set on Saturday May 27th 2006.<p>

* * *

><p>"You care so much that you feel as though you'll bleed to death with the pain of it." J.K. Rowling<p>

* * *

><p>Third Person's POV<p>

* * *

><p>Rushing into the ER, Andy looked around frantically trying to find Jesse. As one of the nurses rushed by her she grabbed the young woman's arm as gently as she could while not even caring if the woman got hurt or not. ''I'm looking for Jesse Campbell,'' she told the nurse.<br>The nurse looked down at her arm and Andy released her grip on it, ''she's currently being examined in bay 3,'' nurse Sheila said.

Andy nodded a quick thank you and started walking to bay 3 before Milo - who had been following her - stopped her. ''Maybe we should wait in the waiting room until they're done with their exam,'' he told her.  
>Andy looked back and forth between the bay and Milo for a few seconds, ''I have to see her,'' she told him despite knowing he was right. If she had been the one performing the exam she wouldn't want her patients parents barging in either.<br>''You can see her when they're done,'' Milo told her.

Andy hesitated for a moment before giving in and following her husband to the waiting room, she knew that there was a good chance this would take a while and it reminded her of when Jesse was in back surgery a few years earlier. The waiting had dragged on for what had seemed like forever... So much had happened that night and the following days. But Jesse had turned out okay at the time, and Andy could only hope it would turn out the same this time. She looked over at Milo, ''where's Lizzy?'' She suddenly asked, realizing she had completely forgotten about her other daughter.

Milo looked over at Andy, he had forgotten as well. He had been talking to the girl before realizing there was something wrong and rushing over to Andy. ''I'll call Kayla, she and Peter can look after Lizzy tonight,'' he told her.  
>Andy nodded in response. Kayla had looked after Lizzy before and she trusted Peter enough to look after her daughter as well.<p>

''Family for Jesse Campbell?'' Andy and Milo could hear one of the ER doctors ask and they both stood up. Dr. Howard Lane looked up from the chart at them with a surprised look, he hadn't realized that Jesse was Andy's daughter.  
>''Is she okay?'' Andy asked, partly dreading the answer.<p>

''She is doing okay,'' Dr. Lane replied. ''It was quite a bad accident but it wasn't her part of the car that got hit,'' he continued, ''it could've gone a lot worse for her but thankfully the metal structure in her back seems to have prevented worse injuries from happening.''  
>''Can we see her?'' Milo asked.<p>

''Yes, we still have a couple of minutes before we take her upstairs for a MRI to check again that she's okay, but she's in bay 3 until then and you can go see her,'' Dr. Lane said.  
>''Okay thank you,'' Andy replied. She watched Dr. Lane walk away as she took a deep breath and felt Milo grab her hand. ''She's okay,'' she repeated to herself, feeling a wave of relief wash over her.<p>

''Yeah, she is. Come on, let's go see her,'' Milo told her and they walked into the ER together.

* * *

><p>Sunday May 28th 2006.<p>

* * *

><p>Lu smiled as she looked over at Jonas, he seemed to still be half asleep. She leaned over and softly kissed his lips, effectively waking him up from his deep slumber. ''Hmm,'' was his short reply as he tried to wake up. Finally opening his eyes he looked back into hers. ''Good morning,'' he said groggily.<br>Lu grinned, ''good morning,'' she replied, ''husband,'' she added after a few seconds.

This certainly got Jonas' attention, looking at her like he only just remembered they had gotten married the day before. ''My beautiful wife,'' he said as he rolled onto his back, stretching a bit.  
>''I can't believe we're married,'' Lu said as she rolled onto her back as well. She couldn't lay her finger on what it was but something felt different about their relationship since they had said 'I do'.<p>

''I cannot believe we will get to wake up side by side every morning for the rest of our lives,'' Jonas replied - smiling at the thought of it.  
>Lu looked over at him, ''yeah, cause our busy schedules really allow for that to happen,'' she said.<br>Jonas looked over at her as well, ''well as long as we're together here, let's just make the best of it,'' he said in a flirtatious way, finally returning the kiss she had given him the minute before.

* * *

><p>Andy walked into the hospital room as quietly as she could, not wanting to disturb Jesse who was silently watching Jeremy. ''Hi,'' she said and Jesse looked up startled.<br>She took a deep breath before looking back at Jeremy, ''hi,'' she responded.  
>''How are you?'' Andy asked as she pulled up a chair next to Jesse's.<p>

The latter woman turned around slightly, still holding Jeremy's hand in her own, ''how do you think I am?'' She asked, a slight annoyance in her voice.  
>Andy hesitated for a moment, ''they called Jeremy's parents, they'll be here sometime tonight, depending on delays,'' Andy said. Jeremy's parents had been vacationing in Europe and had decided to catch the first flight back. ''They say that he's doing better,'' Andy added after a few seconds.<p>

''Better?'' Jesse asked in disbelief. ''He's in a coma, how well could he be doing?'' She asked, raising her voice.  
>Andy knew that it was because her daughter was in distress that she was lashing out, and tried not to take it personally. ''That's not necessarily a bad thing, his body is taking it's time to heal... He went through a lot yesterday,'' Andy said, though careful not to mention the complications there were during the long surgery. It wouldn't help Jesse to know about that.<p>

''Yes, I know,'' Jesse responded.  
>''Do you want to tell me what happened?'' Andy asked. She had caught a few versions of what had happened the night before but had been too focused on her daughters both being okay to hear the full story.<p>

''There isn't much to say,'' Jesse responded. ''We were waiting in front of the red light, just talking. The light turned green, Jeremy started driving... and then that car came out of nowhere... I don't remember what happened after that except from waking up in the ER,'' Jesse said.  
>Andy watched her daughter, she knew that the other driver had been killed instantly. There was a moment of silence, ''I am just glad you're okay,'' Andy said, softly rubbing Jesse's back. Jesse didn't bother to respond as she kept her focus on Jeremy.<p>

* * *

><p>Monday May 29th 2006.<p>

* * *

><p>''Everything seems alright, how are you feeling?'' Peter asked Andy as he looked at the ultrasound screen on which he could see the baby moving around.<br>''I've felt better, but that's more about Jesse than this baby,'' Andy responded.  
>''That's understandable,'' Peter said as he looked back at her.<p>

Since Andy needed regular prenatal exams ever since the contractions had started way too early, and since Lu was on her honeymoon, they had decided that he would take over the appointment this week. ''I hope Lizzy wasn't too much trouble for you and Kayla these past two nights,'' Andy told him. She and Milo had stayed at the hospital overnight so they could be there for the additional examinations Jesse had needed and to wait with her until Jeremy got out of his second surgery after a small brain hemorrhage.

''Don't worry about that, she's no trouble at all,'' Peter responded with a small smile. ''Let's just focus on this little boy right now. Lu wrote down in your chart that you've been having contractions for awhile,'' he said.  
>''Yeah, they haven't been as bad these last couple of days though,'' Andy responded.<p>

''That's good,'' Peter responded. ''And his position is good too, nothing indicating that you're going into labor anytime soon.''  
>''That's a relief,'' Andy said. It was one of the things that she was constantly worried about, she was having contractions every once in a while and she couldn't help but worry that she would go into preterm labor. Granted, the baby would most likely survive just fine when born in this stage of the pregnancy but it would still be better if he grew a little bit more before being delivered.<p>

''Perhaps in a few weeks you'll be wishing he would be born already,'' Peter said with a smile.  
>Andy chuckled, ''probably.'' She watched him for a few seconds as he continued writing stuff down in her chart.<br>''You only have about 5 more weeks until your due date right?'' Peter asked as he looked through her file.

''Approximately yes,'' Andy responded as Peter shut down the ultrasound machine and she got off the table.  
>Peter looked at her as she stood on the scale so he could check her weight - making sure she didn't gain or lose too much weight. ''You look a bit pale,'' he told her with a frown - he had been too focused on the ultrasound before to notice it.<p>

''I'm always pale,'' Andy told him with a chuckle. Peter smiled at this response as he went to write down her weight in the file. ''Did I gain enough?'' Andy asked him since she wasn't keep tracking of it herself.  
>Peter looked at the data from the previous appointment, ''actually, you lost some weight.'' He told her.<p>

''That's odd,'' Andy responded as she stepped off the scale and sat down on the examination table again.  
>''Did you change your diet at all?'' Peter asked her as he looked up at her.<br>''No not really, it's probably just these past two days since I haven't had a lot of time to eat,'' she responded. As she caught site of the clock she realized her next appointment was in a few minutes. ''I have to go, are we done here?'' She asked.

''Sure.''

* * *

><p>''I'll go wait out in the hall and you two can look around for a while,'' Hannah Wilkinson said before stepping out the front door of the apartment.<p>

''It looks good, doesn't it?'' Kayla asked Peter as she looked around the apartment. She had been looking for apartments for a while now and this one actually seemed to meet her requirements.  
>''Yeah, I'm surprised you found it. There aren't a lot of good apartments available right now as far as I've heard,'' Peter responded as he checked out the wooden floor. ''How many bedrooms is it?'' He asked.<p>

''Two,'' Kayla responded. ''And one bathroom. It should be big enough for just me, right?'' She asked with a smile as she walked around.  
>''Just you?'' Peter asked as he wrapped his arm around her waist and walked into the bigger bedroom with her.<br>''Well yeah, if I'm going to move out I'm going to do it right - no more roommates for me,'' she responded with a big grin.

''You sure? No roommates at all?'' Peter asked.  
>''Of course not, because if I live alone we can have all the fun we want without having to worry about a potential roommate hearing us,'' Kayla said before pulling him closer and kissing his lips.<br>As they broke away Peter swallowed hard, ''how about if I'm your roommate?'' He asked her as he looked deep into her eyes.

Kayla's jaw dropped a bit as she thought about this, ''you want to move in together? Isn't it a bit soon for that?'' She asked him.  
>''It might be soon for some people's standards, but... I love you, you love me. Why shouldn't we move in together?'' He asked her. Kayla took a step backwards as she thought about this. ''If it's too soon for you than you can just tell me,'' Peter told her, ''I just want to spend all my time with you. Plus, when we get married one day we're going to move in together anyway.''<p>

Kayla smiled as a blush spread on her cheeks, ''you really think we will get married one day?'' She asked him  
>Peter bit his lip for a second, he had assumed she had that plan as well. It's what he saw for their future and he hoped she felt the same way. ''I see us being married one day, yeah. Maybe a couple of kids a few years later...'' he said.<p>

''You're getting a little ahead of yourself there,'' Kayla told him as she wrapped her arms around him and buried her face into his chest. ''I would love to move in together,'' she told him.  
>Peter smiled even though she couldn't see it, ''and marry me one day?'' He asked.<p>

''Someday I will,'' she replied.

* * *

><p>Tuesday May 30th 2006.<p>

* * *

><p>''We should probably get up at some point today,'' Lu said with a grin as she looked over at Jonas. He was next to her in the hotel bed, laying on his stomach with his face buried deep into the pillows.<br>He smiled, ''I can think of a lot worse ways to spend our time,'' he told her. ''This week will probably be the most time we'll have together in a long time, I'd rather be in bed with you the entire time than look at... old churches, or whatever else people visit when they're on their honeymoon.''

Lu gave in after a few seconds, ''we should at least leave the hotel once a day, we can spend all day together back home,'' she said as she got out of bed, wrapped in one of the thin, white sheets.  
>''With your patient load and my business meetings?'' Jonas asked. ''Did you come from some kind of alternate universe in which we're both in the same place for longer than a few hours?'' He added jokingly.<p>

Bending down, Lu got a pair of kneelength khakis from his open suitcase - they hadn't bothered to unpack - and threw it on the bed near Jonas' feet. ''I'm going to take a shower - you can either join me or stay in bed a little while longer. But either way we're going to go out and do something,'' she told him. She walked to the bathroom, letting the sheet drop about halfway there. With a grin on her face she could hear Jonas get up from the bed and rush after her into the bathroom.

* * *

><p>''I just want to go back to the hospital room and wait for him to wake up,'' Jesse told her mother as they walked around in the hallways.<br>Andy glanced over at her daughter, ''you have to stretch your legs every once in a while, it's good for you.''

''And it'll be good for him if I'm there when he wakes us,'' Jesse responded. Jeremy's parents had gone to their hotel for the night since they weren't allowed to stick around. The only reason Jesse was allowed was because of Andy. Andy remained quiet at those words. ''You don't think he's going to wake up, do you?'' Jesse asked, reading the expression on her mother's face.  
>Andy hesitated for a moment, ''he's been in a coma for two days now, and...''<p>

''And what? I know that the longer you're in a coma the less likely it is that you wake up, but two days ain't that long,'' Jesse responded.  
>''That's true, I just want you to be prepared for the worst. His injuries were severe and there's a good chance he'll never be who he was before the accident again. I want you to keep that in mind and not expect that once he wakes us everything is going to be fine,'' she responded.<p>

''I don't expect him to be okay right away,'' Jesse said. ''But I know he'll be okay again one day, he has to be,'' Jesse took a sip of her tea as she looked up. She had been staying by her boyfriend's side since he had gotten out of surgery and not getting enough sleep was making her feel miserable. ''Do you think he'll wake up?'' Jesse asked in a small voice all of a sudden.

Andy glanced over at her daughter, ''I really hope so.''

* * *

><p>Wednesday May 31st 2006<p>

* * *

><p>''It seems you have gotten lucky, we haven't had this little amount of patients on Wednesday night clinic in years,'' Lana said as she looked up from the computer at Andy. ''They probably all know she's on her honeymoon.''<br>''I guess so,'' Andy replied as she sat down on the edge of the desk.

They both looked up when a young woman walked up to the front desk, she was holding her left arm up across her chest as if she had injured it, ''damn, looks like the doctor needs a doctor more than I do.'' She commented, looking at Andy's stomach.  
>Lana looked back and forth between the two women for a moment as she picked up a chart from her desk, ''you're in luck, Rosetta, you don't even have to wait.'' Lana told her.<p>

''Well lucky me,'' Rosetta replied as she took the chart from Lana and then made her way over to the waiting room to fill it in with her uninjured hand.  
>Standing up as the young woman walked away, Lana eyed Andy, ''she is right. You do look like you need a doctor,'' she said, noticing how pale the doctor looked.<p>

Andy shook her head, ''I'm fine,'' she said. ''I'm going to go to the ladies room real quick.'' Walking into the ladies room a minute later she needed to lean against the sink for a few seconds. Working long hours whilst pregnant really wasn't easy, in fact; she had been tired before she even started the night shift, but she had promised Lu she would do it. Feeling a small, short contraction come and go, all she could think about was how much she wanted to go to sleep.

After having used the bathroom she walked back out into the hallway, nearly colliding with Peter in the process.  
>''Hey,'' he said in surprise, grabbing onto her arm to keep her from falling.<br>''Sorry,'' Andy replied as she walked with him, still holding onto his arm as a wave of dizziness washed over her.

Helping her to sit down in one of the chairs in the small kitchen behind the front desk, Peter squatted down in front of her with a frown on his face. He might not be a doctor but he had been a nurse for a long time and was used to dealing with pregnant women, ''are you feeling okay?'' He asked as he put his hand on her forehead to check if she had a fever.

Normally she would've just told him she was fine, but Andy knew she had to be honest with him, ''I'm a bit lightheaded and dizzy,'' she told him as she tried to focus on his face. ''But it's probably just because I'm tired,'' she added quickly.  
>''Maybe you should go lie down,'' Peter told her as he helped her back up.<br>''Can't, there is one more patient,'' Andy told him but she didn't protest as he guided her to her office since there was a couch there.

''I'll take care of her, you just go to sleep,'' Peter told her as he helped her lay down on the couch. Before he had even reached the door, she was already asleep.

* * *

><p>Thursday June 1st 2006.<p>

* * *

><p>Andy rolled her shoulders as she walked over to the elevators. Despite having to sleep on the couch in her office - which was, in Lana's words, 'as hard as a rock' - she felt a lot better. More awake, refreshed and not as sick as the night before. Getting on the elevator she smiled at Peter - the only other person in the elevator. ''Riggs,'' she acknowledged as she pushed the button for the 6th floor.<p>

''Morning Dr. C.,'' Peter responded. ''Feeling better?''  
>''Yes, thank you,'' Andy said as the elevator very slowly made his way up. ''And thanks for covering for me last night.''<br>''Happy to do it,'' he told her. ''You going to check up on Jeremy?''

''Actually more on Jesse, he just happens to be in the room. She hasn't left the hospital since the accident,'' Andy said.  
>''Tell her that I hope he feels better,'' Peter said before the doors opened on the 4th floor, where he had to get off.<p>

''I will,'' Andy replied as the doors closed. She rode the elevator in silence to the sixth floor. Walking into Jeremy's private room a minute later, she noticed one big difference from the night before; the ventilator had been removed. Seeing Jesse asleep in one of the chairs, Andy gently shook her awake. ''Hey,'' she said as her daughter opened her eyes.  
>''Morning,'' Jesse replied as she rubbed the sleep out of her eyes - squinting because of the light.<p>

''I see they removed the ventilator, that's good,'' Andy said as she picked up the chart to see if there had been any other changes.  
>''Yeah,'' Jesse said as she stood up and stretched a bit, ''I think he's really starting to get better,'' she added with a smile.<p>

_A few hours later..._

Andy watched Jesse wait impatiently, her knees bouncing up and down while her hands were folded in her lap. ''It could be a while until he wakes up, right?'' Jesse asked and Andy could hear she had lost a bit of the hope she had gotten when he started breathing on his own earlier that day.  
>''Yes,'' Andy said with a bit of hesitation, not wanting to say what she and Jesse both already knew.<br>''If he wakes up at all,'' Jesse said.

Andy had told Jeremy's parents that they should go to their hotel, get some rest so they could be at the hospital bright and early the next morning. They had stayed at the hospital without any sleep too long already. Andy frowned as she watched Jeremy stir a little in his sleep, the look on her face made Jesse look over at him as well. ''Jeremy?'' Jesse asked as she stood up from her chair.

Slowly opening his eyes and blinking a few times, Jeremy looked around as his vision became clearer. His head hurt like hell and his throat was so dry he couldn't speak clearly, ''water,'' he whispered. Feeling a straw lightly touch his lips he opened his mouth a little bit and took a sip. ''That's better,'' he said quietly as he tried to sit up a little. Finally opening his eyes long enough that he could actually look around and take in where he was - the first thing he noticed was that everything was white and it caused alarm bells to go off in his head, ''where am I?'' He asked.

''You're at the hospital,'' he could hear a woman say and turned his head to look at her.  
>''Jeremy...'' he could hear a voice say on the other side and he looked over at it.<p>

He frowned as the sight of a young woman no older than twenty registered in his brain, ''who's Jeremy?'' He asked her, ''and who are you?''

* * *

><p>''Wow, it's been quite a day,'' Milo said as the front door closed behind him and Andy.<br>''Quite a week,'' Andy responded as she took off her coat. ''But thankfully he's doing a lot better.''

''Yeah, just imagine if it hadn't ended well. Jesse would've lost her father, one of her grandfathers and her boyfriend all in less than six months,'' Milo said.

''They do say death comes in threes,'' Andy responded. ''Now I just hope that sometime soon he'll be able to remember who she is. You should've seen the look on her face when he asked who she was...'' There was a moment of silence between them before Andy started heading up the stairs, ''I'm going to take a shower, you coming?''  
>''I still have some paperwork to finish for tomorrow, but I'll be right up,'' Milo said.<p>

''Okay,'' Andy walked up the stairs, heading to Jesse's bathroom first. Her hair dryer had broken a few days earlier and she was sure her oldest daughter wouldn't mind if she borrowed hers - it wasn't as if she was using it herself. Walking into the small cluttered bathroom, Andy let out a sigh - Jesse certainly hadn't gotten her organizational skills from her mother. Grabbing the hairdryer from on top of a small shelf, Andy noticed a small box on top of the counter next to the sink. Her jaw dropped a little as she picked it up and read what it said on the side of the box, ''a pregnancy test?''

* * *

><p>Please review!<p> 


	53. I Have No Mouth And I Must Scream

The title of this chapter is taken from the post-apocalyptic sci-fi short story by Harlan Ellison. No rights are claimed by me.

* * *

><p><strong><span>Chapter 47:<span>**  
><strong><span>I Have No Mouth And I Must Scream<span>**

* * *

><p>This is set on Thursday June 1st 2006.<p>

* * *

><p>''A successful marriage is an edifice that must be rebuilt every day.'' André Maurois<p>

* * *

><p>Third Person's POV<p>

* * *

><p>''Where are you?'' Andy could hear Milo ask for her from the hallway - it snapped her out of the daze she had been in since she had found the box.<br>''In here,'' she responded as she walked back into Jesse's bedroom, now seeing him standing in the doorway. ''I thought you had some paperwork to finish,'' she told him.

''I do, just can't find my briefcase. Have you seen it?'' He asked her, wondering why she was in Jesse's room.  
>''You left it in the living room, next to the couch,'' she responded. Andy walked over to him and handed him the box. Milo looked at her confused, ''I just found that in Jesse's bathroom.'' She told him.<p>

He read what it said on the side of it and his jaw dropped. ''She's pregnant?'' He asked her shocked.  
>Andy let out a sigh, ''I don't know. I only found the box, not the test.'' She and Milo stood in silence for a few seconds, ''God, I hope she's not pregnant.'' Andy told him as she took the box back and put it back in the bathroom. ''She's not ready to be a mom.''<p>

''Let's not panic just yet,'' Milo told her. ''Maybe she took the test with her because it's negative and she wanted to show that to Jeremy,'' he said, hopeful.  
>''And maybe she took it with her to show him that she <em>is<em> pregnant,'' Andy replied as she started walking back to their bedroom. ''Personally, I think it's more likely that you keep the test when it's positive. You don't do that when it's negative.''

Milo stood in the doorway to the bathroom as Andy undressed for her shower. ''Just call her and ask her if she is. You are not going to sleep until you know,'' he told her.  
>Andy shook her head, ''she is already going through way too much right now; I should just wait until she comes to me. Right now she's already struggling with having a boyfriend - who she may or may not have a baby with - who doesn't remember her. The last thing she needs is me bothering her.'' She told Milo.<p>

''It's your call,'' Milo told her.  
>Andy nodded, ''I'll ask her the next time I see her,'' she told him, her fingers crossed that this wasn't happening.<p>

* * *

><p>Friday June 2nd 2006.<p>

* * *

><p>Lana was sitting at her desk, waiting patiently for Lu to walk through the front doors of the clinic. They had been working together for a really long time and Lu never missed a day - it had been strange not seeing her for a couple of days in a row.<br>Granted, Dr. Luisa Delgado-Rey was barely ten minutes late, but Lana was already restless.

''Good morning,'' Lu said as she walked in, her summer coat wrapped tightly around her. It had been very hot in Bora Bora and though Philadelphia was anything but cold this time of year, she was still cold.  
>''Good morning to you too,'' Lana responded as she stood up. With her eye on her watch she smiled, ''having some post-honeymoon fun early in the morning, huh?'' She asked.<br>Lu couldn't help but smile at that, ''hardly. Jonas had to come into work early this morning so he wasn't even there when I woke up. The only reason I'm late is because the traffic was insane. Are the girls ready?'' She asked, ready to start chat room.

''Ready and waiting,'' Lana responded, sitting back down as Lu started chat room.

* * *

><p>''Hawkins?'' Andy asked as she walked up to the front desk.<br>''Doctor?'' Lana responded with a smile as she stood up. The clinic was almost closing for the day and she was just preparing to go home.  
>''Is Delgado still here?'' Andy asked.<p>

''Yeah, she should be in her office,'' Lana responded as she put on her coat. ''I'm heading home, good night.''  
>''See you Monday,'' Andy responded as the receptionist headed for the door. She knocked on Lu's door for a few seconds before she could hear the latter woman call her in. ''Hey, do you have a minute?'' Andy asked as she closed the door behind her.<p>

Lu looked up from the patient chart in front of her, it was filled with information from her last patient of the day and she still needed to transfer all of the info into the patient's file. Looking at her watch she realized she didn't have that much time but enough.  
>''If you don't have any time we can just talk tomorrow,'' Andy quickly added.<p>

''No no, I have a minute. Just sit down,'' Lu responded, motioning to the couch in her office. ''Does this have anything to do with what happened Wednesday night?'' She asked.  
>As she sat down, Andy frowned at her, ''how do you-''<br>''Peter wrote it down in your file, along with his notes from your appointment on Monday,'' Lu told her - interrupting her. ''Do you want to tell me what happened?''

Andy thought about this for a moment, ''I would but I don't know what happened,'' she said honestly, thinking back to the previous Wednesday. ''I was probably just tired,'' she added, hoping that Lu wouldn't blow what happened out of proportion.

''Peter wrote down that you said you felt light-headed and dizzy, aside from being tired,'' Lu told her. ''It sounds to me like there was more going on. As long as tests show that there is nothing wrong I can't really argue with you about if you're okay or not, I just want you to seriously think about taking it easier this next month... At least until the baby is born. I believe you if you say you're doing fine but I don't want your child to become at risk because you're being stubborn.''

''I am not just being stubborn,'' Andy told her.  
>''I know that,'' Lu said. After a moment of silence she continued, ''do you remember after Mickey died?'' She asked her partner, thinking back to the week following her then boyfriend's death. ''I was working way too hard and I put my patients at risk because of that. I was in no shape to take care of them and you were the one who told me to slow down. And now I'm telling you; I think you need to slow down. Obviously that situation was different from this but even though you didn't lose a lover, you still went through a lot.<p>

''I think that maybe all these symptoms you're having is just your body telling you that you need to slow down. Take it easy as you cope with what happened,'' Lu said. She saw Andy's hand resting protectively on her stomach as she took in what Lu was telling her, ''I've been thinking about this and I think it would be wise if you didn't take ER calls anymore.''

Andy looked up, ''why?''  
>''It's very fast paced in there and I think that that could cause even more stress, which is the last thing you need right now,'' Lu told her. ''I think you should take it easier and you don't want to be on bed rest so this is my compromise; you don't take ER calls anymore and I won't order bed rest for you unless I think there truly is no other option. Kayla and Nick can take over - I haven't talked to them but I'm sure they won't mind.''<p>

''Okay fine,'' Andy replied.  
>''Good. Was that what you wanted to talk to me about?'' Lu asked, realizing she never asked.<br>''Not really but the other thing can wait,'' Andy told her. She had come to Lu to ask advice on how to deal with what Jesse was going through, but now figured it might be better to talk to Milo.

* * *

><p>Saturday June 3rd 2006.<p>

* * *

><p>''Hey sweetie,'' Andy said as she walked into Lizzy's room.<br>''Hi mom,'' the girl responded. She was lying on her stomach on her bed, closing the book in front of her as she looked up at her mom. ''What's up?''  
>''Nothing much, just wanted to let you know that Milo and I are having brunch with Lu and her husband tomorrow morning, so we won't be here,'' Andy responded.<p>

Lizzy looked at her mom for a moment, hesitating, ''okay.'' She responded, looking back at her book.  
>Andy frowned as she sat down in the desk chair, looking at her youngest daughter intently, ''is something wrong?''<br>''No, it's fine,'' Lizzy responded. She watched her mom get back up and sat up as well, ''can I ask you something about dad?'' She asked.

Andy turned around in the doorframe, not sure how to respond. Even after all these months it still felt a bit painful to talk about Les, but she couldn't blame her daughter for wanting to know more about him. ''Sure,'' Andy responded as she took a step back into the room.  
>''I read the letter that he send Jesse and me,'' Lizzy told her - she didn't know if her mother had read that letter as well.<br>''Is there something in it you don't understand?'' Andy asked, not sure where this was going.

''No... or, maybe yes. I understand what he wrote us but it doesn't say much. I'm just trying to figure out why he killed himself,'' she added. ''Do you know why?''  
>Andy stared at her daughter in shock, she knew part of the reason why he did but she couldn't tell Lizzy that. She sat down next to her daughter on the bed, ''I know that he found it very difficult to be so far away from your sister and you and things just weren't working out the way he wanted them to. I think that might be why,'' she finally responded. ''I don't think it was just one thing that led to this and I don't think any reason could ever be good enough.''<p>

Lizzy nodded, ''I suppose so.''  
>''Do you wish we talked more about dad?'' Andy asked.<br>Lizzy shrugged, ''I don't know, maybe I guess. But I get why you don't want to,'' she replied.

Andy frowned, seriously doubting that Lizzy knew, ''you do?'' She asked anyway.  
>''Yeah,'' her daughter told her, she hesitated before continuing, ''you have this new family now. Dad's gone and you're with Milo now, and you're having a baby. Plus you're always working or somewhere else... You just don't have time to talk about the past and dwell on things,'' she said.<p>

Andy brushed a strand of hair away from Lizzy's face, ''I know I've been very busy these last couple of months but if you need to talk or want to ask something about daddy than you can come to me. I don't want you to feel like just because I have more people in my life now that you're less important.'' Lizzy looked at her in silence. ''I know that I don't always have enough time for you and I feel awful about that, but you can come to me at any time for anything. I don't always show it enough but you and your sister are very important to me and I love you very much,'' she added.

Lizzy stared at her in silence for a second, ''I love you too,'' she replied.

* * *

><p>Sunday June 4th 2006.<p>

* * *

><p>Andy glanced over at Milo as he waited for the traffic light to turn green. ''Is everything okay?'' She asked him. He had been kind of quiet since they left the house and it was slowly getting on her nerves.<br>Milo looked over at her, ''there is something I want to talk about.'' He told her. ''But I don't think this is the time or the place.''  
>''Why not?'' Andy asked.<p>

''Because I'm worried that it might lead to an argument and I just want to have a nice brunch with Lu and Jonas,'' Milo told her.  
>Andy smiled, ''we're going to be stuck in traffic for a while. You might as well get it out now,'' she told him. She couldn't hide her curiosity from him.<p>

''Okay...'' Milo began, taking a deep breath. ''I know you stopped going to therapy a while ago, but I think it would be a good idea if we tried couples therapy,'' he told her. He had given this a lot of thought and it truly seemed like a good idea to him. When he didn't hear a response he glanced over at Andy - he could sense that she wasn't sure how to respond. ''I just think we should try it...''

Andy cleared her throat, ''but we don't need couples therapy,'' she told him. As she looked at him the expression on her face changed from shock to surprise as realization sunk in, ''you think we need that?'' She asked.  
>Milo shrugged, ''I don't know if we need it. I just feel like we've been through a lot these last couple of months - you individually especially but together as well, and I don't think it could hurt to have someone else who can help us to strengthen our relationship.''<p>

''I thought our relationship was pretty strong,'' Andy told him as she sat back a bit.  
>Milo looked over at her, ''it is. It has to be given the fact that we're still together after... You know.'' He told her. ''But at the same time I also think that we probably wouldn't be together if it hadn't been for the baby,'' he added. ''Plus, we fight a lot and a therapist might be able to help us resolve conflict without it turning into an argument.''<p>

Andy sighed, ''newlyweds fight, okay? That's just a given,'' she told him.  
>Milo remained silent for a second, ''could you please just do this for me? I think it would be wise and it would be great if you can be on board with it.''<br>She hesitated for a moment before giving a slight nod, ''okay. If you feel it's necessary than I'm a hundred percent on board,'' she told him.

* * *

><p>''So, I already contacted this couple's therapist that a friend of mine once told me about,'' Milo began as they were waiting in line to order at the diner.<br>Andy cut him off, ''honey, not now.'' She told him. ''Right now I just want to be able to relax; we can talk all about it when we get home.'' She promised.

Milo nodded in response, ''did Lu and Jonas want anything as well?'' He asked her as he waited a bit impatiently.  
>Andy shook her head, ''no, they already got all that they wanted.'' She told him as she glanced over at the newlyweds sitting in a booth in the back of the diner. She could hear her stomach growling a bit and regretted not eating anything at home. It had taken them forever to get there due to insane traffic - not the kind you'd expect on a Sunday morning, and the line was moving slower than ever before. Holding Milo's hand she leaned her head against his shoulder.<p>

''If you don't feel like standing you can just wait with Lu and Jonas,'' Milo told her with a smile.  
>''And be forced to watch them be all lovey dovey?'' She asked. ''No thanks, I'd rather be with you.''<br>Milo smiled at that, giving her a quick kiss on the lips when she looked up at him.

They didn't tend to show a lot of affection to each other in public but neither one of them cared at that moment. As Andy snuggled against Milo's side a bit she noticed a guy - sitting at least 15 feet away from them - looking at them. She noticed it before but he hadn't looked that intently at them before. Noticing that she was looking back at him he threw her a dirty look before taking a sip of his coffee. She cleared her throat, not sure what was going on or how to respond.  
>Milo glanced over at her, ''you okay?'' He asked her.<p>

She nodded at the man and Milo looked over as well. Andy watched the man shake his head at them before continuing to read his paper.  
>Milo looked back at her, ''just ignore him.'' He told her.<p>

She averted her eyes to look back at the counter, trying to forget the man. She knew why he was looking at them and it made her angry to know that even in this day and age people could still have a problem with a man and woman being together if they were of different ethnicity.

She and Milo had been through this before in the years they had been together and now it enraged her even more because she knew that her son would almost certainly one day have to deal with it.  
>''Don't waste your energy on him, he's not worth it,'' Milo told her like he had so many times before.<p>

After they had placed their order and had gotten their food they walked back to their booth. ''Could you just please let it go for now?'' Milo asked her as they sat back down. Andy nodded before looking back at Lu and Jonas.

* * *

><p>''How is it possible you are not angrier about this?'' Andy asked Milo with anger in her voice - it was directed at the man from the diner but still... Over brunch she had been able to let it go but they had started talking about it on the way back home, bringing back the same feelings.<p>

''Who cares what he thinks?'' Milo asked her as the front door closed behind him.  
>''What? You're not the least bit upset that we can't even hold hands in public without some guy throwing us a nasty look?'' Andy asked him in disbelief.<p>

Milo looked at her, ''honey, he's just small minded guy who doesn't even deserve a second thought from either one of us. Don't you think it's better to just let this go?'' He asked her. Lu had warned them barely two weeks earlier that Andy should avoid stress as much as possible for the last couple of weeks of the pregnancy to go smoothly. Milo had been trying his best to help her with that but this little scene was not exactly making the job any easier. Though now quiet, Milo could see his wife was still upset about it. ''The people who matter to us don't care what color our skin is,'' he reminded her.

''If I remember correctly your mother minded it very much,'' Andy told him.  
>''But she got over it,'' Milo responded.<br>''Yeah, but she still hated me for a while even when she got over the racial thing,'' Andy said as she sat down on the couch in the living room.

''She didn't hate you,'' Milo said and Andy threw him a look, ''she strongly disliked you.'' He joked, trying to make her laugh and relief some of the stress. Andy smiled. ''And your parents never had a problem with it,'' Milo told her as he sat down as well. When she looked away he could see that there was something she wasn't telling him. ''What is it?'' He asked her.

Andy looked back at him, ''when I first told my parents about you they immediately liked you,'' she told him.  
>''So what is it then?'' He asked her.<br>''Well, it took me a while before I told them about you and when I finally did they liked you, and the more I told them the more they liked you. And then, when I finally decided that you should meet them...'' Andy said but choosing her next words carefully.

''What?'' Milo asked.  
>''To avoid the same situation we had when I met your parents I decided to tell mine that you are black upfront,'' she answered.<br>''And?''

''There was a long uncomfortable silence before my mom hung up on me,'' Andy said. ''And then I didn't hear from them for a month.''  
>''You never told me that,'' Milo said with a frown.<p>

''I didn't want to hurt your feelings,'' Andy responded. ''And besides, once they finally agreed to come over for dinner everything went well so I didn't think it mattered anymore.'' They sat in silence for a moment as Milo let it sink in. ''What I'm trying to say is that before dating you I never anticipated that something like race would matter this much. Of course there are racists but I didn't think anybody would care if I dated somebody who just happened to be of a different ethnicity than me. It took me a while to get over the fact that both our parents seemed to care so much and it's just not something I like to be reminded of,'' Andy said. ''How do you feel about it?''

Milo thought about this for a second, ''I've experienced racism all my life, some times more than other times and it's disappointing that people can't just accept others for who they are. But over time I've just come to realize that it's not something I can change, and I accept that. All that matters to me is that I love you and I care about what you think, not all those other people who I don't know and who don't know me,'' Milo told her. Andy smiled at him. ''As long as you can accept me for who I am - whether it be race or anything else - than that is what is most important, and I'm not going to let some random person stop me from being affectionate towards you just because he or she might have a problem with it.''

Andy was quiet as she took in his loving words, ''I love you,'' she simply replied after a few seconds.  
>Milo smiled at her as he pulled her to him and kissed her, ''I love you too.''<p>

* * *

><p>Andy softly knocked on Jesse's door, ''can I come in?'' She asked as she opened it a bit.<br>Jesse looked up from her position at her bed - she had meant to get a head start on her homework since she had gotten behind being with Jeremy all week, but she couldn't focus. ''Sure,'' she replied after a few seconds.

Andy walked in and closed the door behind her, ''how are you?'' She asked as she sat down on the edge of the bed, softly stroking Jesse's back in an attempt to comfort her.  
>''I don't think Jeremy and I are going to last,'' she told her mother. Sitting up a bit she took a deep breath, ''he's starting to remember things but he has no idea who I am.''<p>

''He can get to know you again,'' Andy told her. ''This doesn't have to be the end of it,'' she added. She barely knew Jeremy but she knew that he made Jesse happy and that was what was important. She couldn't stand to see her daughter heartbroken.  
>''I guess I'll just see what happens,'' Jesse told her, ''it's not like we've officially broken up or anything.''<p>

Andy gave her a slight smile and then remembered why she had come there in the first place, ''Jesse I need to ask you something.'' She said.  
>''What is it?''<br>''A few days ago I was in your bathroom and I came across the box of a pregnancy test,'' Andy said. She could see the expression on Jesse's face change. ''Are you pregnant?'' She asked.

''No I am not,'' she quickly assured her mother. ''I mean; I thought I might be but I'm not. Just took the test to be sure and it turned up negative.'' She told Andy with a smile.  
>Andy let out a sigh of relief, ''thank God.''<p>

They talked a little while longer before Jesse decided to go to sleep. Walking back to her bedroom, Andy noticed the door was slightly ajar - she frowned since she knew Milo was still downstairs. As she opened the door a little farther she saw Lizzy sitting on the bed, Les' letter to Andy in her lap as she was reading it.

* * *

><p>''Life can catch you off guard. It smacks you in the face when you least expect it. There is nothing that you can do but accept what has been given to you and work with what you have.'' Joann Buchanan<p>

* * *

><p>Please review!<p> 


	54. This Ain't A Love Song, This Is Reality

This chapter was named after a song by Scouting For Girls. As always, I claim no rights for the title of the song, nor the song itself. [For further disclaimer that applies to all of my stories/chapters and I'm too lazy to put in every single chapter, I would like to refer you to my profile page].

* * *

><p><strong><span>Chapter 48:<span>**  
><strong><span>This Ain't A Love Song, This Is Reality<span>**

* * *

><p>This is set on Sunday June 4th 2006.<p>

* * *

><p>''Can you see me? All of me? Probably not. No one ever really has.'' Jeffery Eugenides<p>

* * *

><p>Third Person's POV<p>

* * *

><p>Andy quickly walked in and closed the door behind her; the sound of it made Lizzy look up. ''Mommy,'' she said as she tried to hide the letter.<br>''Lizzy what are you doing?'' Andy asked as she walked over and took the letter from her daughter.  
>Lizzy hesitated for a moment, ''I was looking for something and found this, I just wanted to know what he wrote you.''<p>

''Honey, I've told you a million times that you can't go through my stuff,'' Andy reminded her, giving her a scolding look.  
>''I know, I'm sorry,'' Lizzy said.<p>

Andy took a deep breath, she knew what Les had written her and she knew that Lizzy wouldn't be able to make sense of it.  
>''What did dad want to take back from the week before he died?'' Lizzy asked, reciting the letter.<br>Andy remained silent for a few moments, ''that's between your father and I.'' She said, ''it's grown up stuff and you're not old enough to understand it.''

''I'm not a baby anymore,'' Lizzy told her as she looked up at her mom.  
>''I know that,'' Andy replied. ''But there are just some things that you won't understand until you're a little older.'' She sat down next to Lizzy on the bed.<p>

They sat in silence for a few minutes as they both thought about what to do next. ''Did dad kill himself because of something he did to you?'' Lizzy asked Andy, breaking the silence. Andy glanced at her, not wanting to answer. ''Or was it something you did to him?'' Lizzy asked, biting her lower lip - not even sure she wanted to know the answer.

Andy swallowed, ''I think it's time for you to go to bed,'' she told Lizzy as she stood up.  
>''Mom-'' Lizzy began, wanting answers.<br>''Don't 'mom' me, you have school in the morning.'' She said. ''Just go to bed and we can talk tomorrow.''

* * *

><p>Kayla looked over at Peter as they laid side by side in bed. She hadn't moved into her new apartment yet so they were staying at his. ''What?'' She asked him with a smile as she rolled onto her side to be closer to him.<br>''You look pretty,'' he told her with a grin. ''I hope that our children will look like you.'' He added after a few seconds.

''You want to have kids?'' Kayla asked him, ''how many?''  
>''I think two would be nice,'' Peter replied as he reached over and started playing with her hair. ''A boy and a girl.'' Kayla nodded in response. Peter frowned, ''you want to have children too, right?'' He asked, realizing that they never really talked about it before.<p>

After a moment of hesitation Kayla nodded, ''I guess so.''  
>''You're not sure?'' He asked as he pulled back a bit. He had been happy when almost a week earlier she had told him that she would marry him one day, but he was absolutely sure that he wanted to have children one day and if she didn't or wasn't sure… It was kind of a deal breaker.<p>

''I mean, I do, but… I just have my doubts,'' Kayla said.  
>''Why?'' Peter asked as he sat up a bit, his head leaning on his hand.<p>

Kayla shrugged, ''I told you about Keisha,'' she began. ''She has Schizophrenia and because we're identical twins, I have those genes in me as well. I want to have children but I don't want to burden them with this,'' she told him. Peter nodded in understanding as he grabbed her hand in support. ''What would happen if we had children and they developed it as well?'' She asked.

''We'd love them anyway, as much as you love your sister,'' Peter responded. ''There's still a good chance that they won't get it, and I still want to have children with you despite it.''  
>Kayla smiled at him, ''I'm glad.'' She told him as he rolled onto his back and she put her head on his chest. ''I hope that if we ever have a son that he'll be just like you,'' she told him.<p>

* * *

><p>Monday June 5th 2006.<p>

* * *

><p>Andy watched as Lu wrote down everything on her chart. Milo hadn't been able to make it to the appointment so it was just the two of them. ''Are you still having contractions?'' The latter woman asked, looking up from the chart.<br>''Not really, now that I think about it,'' Andy responded. ''I think last Wednesday was the last time.'' Lu nodded as she wrote that down. ''Can I ask some advice,'' Andy asked as Lu helped her off of the exam table and they walked into Lu's office.

''Always,'' Lu responded before sitting down, ''what's up?''  
>''Lizzy is starting to ask me questions about Les - she wants to figure out why he killed himself,'' Andy responded. ''Last night she found the letter that he wrote me, his suicide note, and she asked me what he meant by what her wrote in that letter.''<p>

''What does it say?'' Lu asked with a frown as Andy sat down. ''Not much. Just that he's sorry for what happened and wished that he could take it back. It doesn't say what he did, just that something happened,'' Andy told her. ''I don't know what to tell her - I understand that she wants to know, but...''  
>''Do you think that they're ready to know?'' Lu asked her.<p>

''I have no idea. It was hard enough for them to know that he hit me, let alone this,'' Andy said. ''Do you think they'd be able to manage that?''  
>''I always encourage women to be open about it, even to their children, as long as they're comfortable with that. I know Lizzy is still quite young but she knows what 'rape' means, and it would give them an explanation for...'' Lu responded, hesitating to continue.<p>

''For what?'' Andy asked, sitting up a little straighter as her back began to ache.  
>''I just think that your behavior changed after what happened and there's no doubt in my mind that they noticed that as well. If they know what happened than they might understand that,'' Lu told her.<br>''Did I change that much?'' Andy asked, for her it was hard to estimate, her mind had been too occupied with other things to pay that much attention to it.

''Enough to be noticeable,'' Lu responded. When Andy didn't respond she continued; ''I think that you should tell them and - just like you - they'll have to come to terms with what happened. It'll also help them understand why their father killed himself and I honestly think that in the end they'll still mostly remember the good things about him, not the bad things.''

''I hope so,'' Andy responded.  
>Lu got up out of her desk chair and sat down in the chair next to Andy's. ''Look, I know that you don't want to ruin the image they have of their father but they only have half the story.''<p>

Andy sighed, ''I wish that what they know about him was all that there was,'' she said.  
>''Think how different your life would be if it was,'' Lu responded. ''You probably would still be married to him, you wouldn't be expecting a baby right now.''<br>''Everything would be different,'' Andy told her, looking down at her hands.

Lu frowned at her, ''do you want it to be that way? You and Les still together, happily married. You and Milo nothing but colleagues...''  
>''I don't know what I want Lu,'' Andy said.<br>Lu hesitated, knowing that despite the fact that they had become a lot closer Andy would still want a bit of professional distance, ''do you ever miss Les?'' She asked her anyway.

Andy shrugged, looking over at her partner, ''sometimes, I guess. Not being with him, just what we had before everything went wrong.''  
>''When was that?'' Lu asked curiously.<br>Andy thought about this for a moment, it seemed like forever ago even though she remembered it like it was yesterday, ''about a week before our wedding, I think.''

Lu's jaw dropped slightly, she had no idea that it went back that far, ''and Jesse and Lizzy never noticed it?'' She asked.  
>''I don't know, I don't think so,'' Andy told her, suddenly not sure anymore.<br>''They never noticed bruises? Not even after you were raped?'' Lu asked.

Andy glanced over at her, ''it's easier to hide than you think.''

* * *

><p>As Andy laid in bed that night she couldn't help but think about her conversation with Lu that day. Did she really miss Les?<br>Glancing over at Milo she knew that what she had now was a lot better that the way it had ever been with Les. But still, there was a part of her that wondered how different everything would be if Les hadn't had a problem controlling his anger.

Maybe they would've had more children; they'd probably still be together. He wouldn't have raped her and she wouldn't feel like her life was falling apart at the seams. She wouldn't have to figure out how to tell Jesse and Lizzy about the things their father had done to her. She would be… happy?  
>Everything that had happened had shaped her into who she was now, how different would she be if it hadn't been for all the years of pain, the years of hiding what was going on behind closed doors. The years of trying to figure out if she should tell someone what was going on or if she should pray for it to stop... None of it would have happened.<p>

She and Les might've grown old together, forever as in love as they had been at seventeen. She would've been able to tell her daughters that their parents were soul mates and it would've been true. Or was it still true…? Andy couldn't decide. Despite all the pain that he put her through, the feelings for him had always remained - it had been those feelings that for the longest time made it impossible for her to leave him.

It was Lu who ultimately helped her decide that it should stop, and at the time Andy had only told Lu that he had hit her once. Just once! And that had been enough, as it should be.  
>In retrospect she should've left a lot sooner, but then she wouldn't have had Jesse and Lizzy and she wouldn't give them up for the world. And she wouldn't give Daniel up for the world either, not even for a happy life with Les if that had been possible.<p>

Andy softly stroked her belly before rolling onto her side and finally falling asleep.

* * *

><p>Thursday June 8th 2006.<p>

* * *

><p>''Jesse, could you come downstairs for a second?'' Andy asked as she opened the door to her oldest child's bedroom. Jesse looked up, her eyes a bit puffy and red. Andy walked in, a bit alarmed, ''are you okay?'' She asked, closing the door behind her.<br>''After class today I went over to Jeremy's, we broke up,'' Jesse told her mother. ''He's trying to figure out what his life was like before the accident and we both agreed that perhaps it was better if we took some time apart.''

''I'm sorry,'' Andy told her before pulling her in for a hug.  
>''It's okay, really. It's just best for now and if it's meant to be than one day we might get back together. If it's not that meant to be than it's good that we ended it now,'' Jesse told her before pulling her away. ''Why do I need to come downstairs?''<p>

''There's something I want to talk about with you and Lizzy,'' Andy told her, feeling slightly sick to her stomach out of nervousness. She didn't know how they were going to take it and still didn't know if it was for the best that they knew. Andy and Jesse walked downstairs and into the living room where Lizzy was already waiting for them. Andy had been able to get her to stop asking questions about the letter and was thankful for that, but she knew her daughter still had it on her mind. Jesse sat down next to her little sister on the couch and Andy sat down across from them.

''Is this about the letter?'' Lizzy asked.  
>''Yes,'' Andy responded, she had it laying next to her on the stool just in case.<br>''What letter?'' Jesse asked, looking at Lizzy before glancing over at her mother.

''Just like you two I got a letter from your father, one that he wrote before he killed himself,'' Andy told them. Jesse nodded in response. Andy turned her attention to Jesse, ''Lizzy has read it and I think it's time that you both know the truth.''  
>''What <em>is<em> the truth?'' Jesse asked her, not following where this was going.

''I know that you've both noticed some changes that have happened since he died, maybe changes in the way I've been or otherwise so I think you should know this. So, as _you_ know,'' Andy said, looking over at Lizzy, ''he apologized for what happened a week before he died,'' she found it hard to continue.  
>''What happened a week before he died?'' Lizzy asked. She had been wondering that all week but couldn't figure it out. Being as curious as she was, it was driving her mad.<p>

''A week before he died he came by because he wanted to talk,'' Andy told them, ''we had a fight and-''  
>''He hit you?'' Jesse asked, filling in the blanks.<br>Andy gave her a look, telling her to let her mother continue. ''We had a big fight because he was upset that I choose Milo over him. Things did get physical,'' she said, mainly to Jesse. ''And he…raped me.'' She added after a few seconds.

Seeing the expressions on their faces change to disbelief, anger and confusion, Andy almost immediately regretted telling them. ''I feel like you're both old enough to know about this and I hope that it gives you some kind of explanation for the way I've been since then. Just like you both, I was going through a hard time and I'm sorry if I ever took that out on you,'' she said. ''I was sad, angry, confused and just… upset and - if you noticed that - than I want you to know that it didn't have anything to do with you, it was just me trying to deal with everything that was going on.''

Lizzy pulled her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms around her shins. She had wanted to know what had happened, what her father had done…but she could never have imagined this. She knew it must've been bad, just not this bad. She stared at her mother with tears in her eyes. Jesse looked just as, if not more, shocked. After a few seconds she shook her head in disbelief before getting up off the couch and running upstairs.

Andy stared after her, not knowing what to do. On the one hand she wanted to follow Jesse and talk to her, on the other hand she couldn't leave Lizzy here alone. After a few seconds she stood up from her chair and sat down next to her youngest daughter, wrapping an arm around her. ''Honey,'' she began, ''just talk to me, tell me how you feel about this.''  
>''I'm sorry I pushed you to tell us this,'' she said before burying her face into her mother's shoulder.<p>

''It's okay, you were bound to find out at some point,'' Andy told her.  
>Andy stroked her daughter's hair as the girl looked up at her, ''how could he do something like this?'' She asked.<p>

''I don't know,'' Andy responded honestly. ''But what I do know is that he never meant to hurt me; he just didn't know how else to express what he was feeling in that moment.'' She said to Lizzy, believing this to be true. In all honesty, she knew that she could never be sure about it - but it was the most logical explanation she could come up with.

She and Lizzy talked a little while longer before Andy decided to go upstairs to talk to Jesse. Opening the door she found Jesse staring at a picture of herself with her father, ''Jesse?'' Andy asked.  
>Jesse turned around with tears in her eyes, ''he did not do that to you, he couldn't have. Why are you lying to us?'' She asked, trying to comprehend it.<br>Andy sat down on the bed, across from Jesse who was sitting on her desk chair, ''sweetie, I'm not lying to you. I wish he hadn't done that either but I would never lie to you about something like that. I couldn't.'' She told her.

''I don't believe you,'' Jesse said as she stood up. ''I called Sherry, I'm going to stay at her house tonight,'' she informed her mother.  
>Andy frowned, ''Jesse, running away from this isn't going to change anything.''<br>''I just need some time to think, okay?'' She asked – not caring if her mother was okay with it or not - as she grabbed her packed bag from beside her bed.

Andy could feel tears well up as she gave a slight nod, ''okay.''

* * *

><p>''Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.'' Aldous Huxley, <em>Complete Essays 2, 1926-29<em>

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><p>Please review!<p> 


	55. Secret's Safe With Me

**Chapter 49:**  
><strong><span>Secret's Safe With Me<span>**

* * *

><p>This is set on Thursday June 8th 2006.<p>

* * *

><p>''The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past...we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude...I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you...we are in charge of our attitudes.'' Charles R. Swindoll<p>

* * *

><p>Third Person's POV<p>

* * *

><p>''Do you want to talk about this?'' Andy asked Lizzy as she pulled the covers up a bit.<br>Lizzy shook her head, ''I don't know what to say,'' she told her mother as she bit her lip.  
>''That's okay,'' Andy told her, brushing her hair away from her face.<p>

''Is Jesse mad?'' Lizzy asked.  
>''I don't know pumpkin, I think she just has trouble believing your father could do something like that,'' Andy said.<br>''And so she just ran away?'' Lizzy asked with a frown.

''She'll come back,'' Andy promised before giving Lizzy a kiss on her forehead. ''Sleep tight,'' she told her before getting up and turning off the light. As she walked down the stairs the front door opened and Milo walked in, having just gotten out of surgery. ''Hey,'' she said as she walked up to him and pecked him on the lips.  
>''Hello to you too,'' he told her with a grin as he followed her into the living room, ''how did it go?'' He asked her, knowing what she had had to tell Jesse and Lizzy tonight. He would've been there for moral support but one of his patients had been bumped up to the top of the transplant list and he had to perform the transplant that evening.<p>

''Could've gone worse,'' Andy told him, ''could've also gone a lot better.''  
>''I'm sorry,'' Milo told her as he wrapped his arm around her, ''want to tell me what happened?''<br>Andy shrugged, ''there isn't much to tell to be honest; Lizzy is still letting it sink in but I don't think she can really grasp what it means or what kind of impact it can have, you know?'' Andy told him.

Milo gave a nod, ''and Jesse?''  
>''She does know but she doesn't want to believe it, or me. She packed her bags, is staying at a friend's house tonight,'' Andy told him.<br>''It must be hard for them to believe he could do anything like that,'' Milo said.

Andy glanced up at him, ''he raped me and I still can't believe it,'' she told him. ''Despite all the things that he did to me over the years I still never expected this from him.''

* * *

><p>Friday June 9th 2006.<p>

* * *

><p>''So how did it go?'' Lu asked as she and Andy walked down to the clinic together.<br>Andy glanced over at her and let out a groan, ''no comment.''  
>''That bad?'' Lu asked.<p>

''Well, Lizzy took it as well as you could expect a thirteen-year-old to take it. Jesse stormed off and spent the night at a friend's house,'' Andy told her.  
>''I'm sorry,'' Lu told her.<br>Andy shook her head, ''it's fine. They'll just need their time to let it sink in,'' she told Lu.

''It's already bad enough that they lost their father - now they are finding out what kind of a person he really was,'' Lu said. ''That's got to be really rough on them.''  
>Andy remained silent as she thought about what a great father Les had always been - he couldn't have been worse as a husband but he was always loving and caring with them... Such a stark contrast. She let out a deep breath, ''I want them to know the good things about him as well though, the way he was as a teenager and as a kid. I don't want to just have to tell them negative things about him all the time, he deserves better than that,'' Andy said.<p>

Lu grimaced, ''from what I've heard he doesn't deserve anything, and you don't owe it to him to tell people great things about him. I know that you know he wasn't always such a bad person but from what I've seen there aren't a lot of positive sides to him.''

* * *

><p>''How was lunch with my mom today?'' Milo asked Andy as he sat down next to her at the kitchen table where she was reading a paper.<br>''It was great,'' Andy replied sarcastically. ''She wanted to know why I haven't taken your last name so we had a lovely discussion about that,'' she said without looking up from the paper.

''The end result being?'' Milo asked.  
>''We agreed to disagree,'' Andy told him before looking up at him. ''I really don't see why it's a big deal to her though; it's not that unusual for a woman not to take her husband's name.''<br>Milo shrugged, ''yeah, but you didn't keep your maiden name, you kept Les' name. That's probably why.''

''I guess so, but as long as neither of us minds...'' Andy said before trailing off a bit. When he didn't respond she frowned, ''you don't mind, do you?''  
>Milo took a second to respond, ''I wouldn't have minded if you had taken my last name,'' he told her. ''I guess it could come across as odd to some people that you still use Campbell, but it's what everyone knows you by and it should be your choice.''<p>

Andy looked back at her paper with a frown; she hadn't really given it much thought when they got married. They had had a surprise wedding and so everything went kind of fast. She had been using Les' last name for so long now it would be strange to be known as Dr. Morton instead of Dr. Campbell.  
>Milo cleared his throat, ''do you mind my asking why you did choose to change your name when you married Les but not when you married me?'' He asked her.<p>

She looked back up at him, ''I did it back then so I'd have the same name as our children would have but now I won't have that either way,'' she told him. ''I mean, I would love to have your last name and express our love like that, it'd just be weird to have another name,'' she said. ''I like having the same name as the girls.''  
>''I know you do,'' Milo told her.<p>

''And you really don't mind?'' She asked him to be certain.  
>''It's your choice, I don't own you,'' he told her as he stood up to get some tea.<br>''That's not really an answer,'' Andy told him as she stood up as well.

''Look, would I like you to have the same name as I do and our son will, sure,'' he told her as he turned around to look at her. ''Do I think it's odd that you'd rather have the last name of the man who-''  
>''That's enough,'' Andy cut him off. She could feel her heart racing, ''just drop it for now,'' she told him before turning around and walking out the kitchen.<p>

* * *

><p>Saturday June 10th 2006.<p>

* * *

><p>Peter looked up as he heard the door to his bedroom open. He had slept in and was thus still in bed. Seeing Kayla - as expected - walk in, he couldn't help but smile. However, she didn't look as happy. ''Is something wrong?'' Peter asked as he sat up.<br>''I just got off the phone with my parents,'' Kayla told him as she sat down next to him on the bed.

''Is everything okay?'' Peter asked, starting to get worried.  
>''Yeah, everything is fine. Ehm, they happen to be in the area and want to have dinner with us tomorrow night,'' Kayla told him. It would be the first time her parents would meet Peter and she couldn't shake the feeling that they'd for one reason or another disapprove of him.<p>

''Tomorrow night?'' Peter asked as he swallowed hard. That was less than a day and a half away, he needed more time than that to prepare for this.  
>''Yes,'' Kayla told with a smile, on the inside she was just as worried as he was though. Her parents had the tendency to point out all the things they didn't like about the boyfriends she had introduced them to and she had no doubt they would do the same with Peter. It wasn't very encouraging to be dating someone who you know your parents disapproved of, but she and Peter were more serious than that which gave her hope.<p>

''Should I prepare myself for a cross examination?'' Peter asked, only half jokingly.  
>''Probably,'' Kayla replied as she sat back against the headboard next to him. ''But they'll love you, eventually.'' She said, trying to sound hopeful.<p>

* * *

><p>Andy looked up from the bag in front of her on the bed when she heard the front door open followed by someone walking up the stairs. She got up from her bed and walked out into the upstairs hallway, just in time to see Jesse slip into her room. She quickly walked over and knocked on the door, ''may I come in?'' She asked as she opened the door a little bit.<br>She could see Jesse shrug, ''fine,'' the nineteen-year-old replied.

''I am glad you came back,'' Andy told her as she closed the door behind her and leaned against it.  
>''I'm not back, I just came to pick up some clean clothes,'' Jesse replied curtly before walking into her bathroom to throw her dirty clothes in the clothes hamper.<br>''Honey, just talk to me. Tell me how you feel about... what I told you,'' Andy said as her gaze followed her daughter around the room.

''There's nothing to tell,'' Jesse replied. She sighed before continuing anyway: ''y'know, you don't have to tell Lizzy and I anything about what dad may or may not have done, we already get along with Milo.''  
>Andy frowned, ''what does Milo have to do with this?''<p>

Jesse glared at her mother, ''if you were trying to make dad look bad so we'd get along with Milo-''  
>''Jesse, I would never do that,'' Andy told her, not understanding where she got that idea.<br>Jesse simply shrugged, ''it's the only explanation that makes sense, because dad would never do anything close to what you say he did.''

Andy could feel her heart sink a bit. After a few seconds she moved down to sit on the bed and patted on the spot next to her, ''Jesse, sit down.''  
>Jesse looked over her shoulder at Andy, ''mom, I really don't-''<br>''Jessica Campbell, sit down.'' Andy told her again, with a more strict voice this time. Jesse turned around to look at Andy again; she let out a sigh before walking over and sitting down as well. Andy took a deep breath, ''I'll admit that it's very important to me that you and your sister get along with Milo, but I would never spread lies about your father to make Milo look better. Do you understand that?''

Jesse glared at her mother for a second, ''I understand,'' she replied, though not coming across as very convincing.  
>Andy swallowed hard, ''but you still don't believe me, do you?'' She asked, knowing what her daughter was like.<br>Jesse stood up and swung her bag over her shoulder, ''to me there's nothing to believe,'' she replied before leaving again.

* * *

><p>Sunday June 11th 2006.<p>

* * *

><p>''Peter, this lasagna is unlike any I've ever had before,'' Ellie Thornton told Peter - not specifying if it was meant positive or negative.<br>Peter smiled at her, deciding he might as well take it as a compliment, ''I made it with tofu instead of minced meat like most people use.'' He explained to her.  
>''Why?'' Kayla's father, Isaac, asked, piping in.<p>

''Peter is a vegetarian,'' Kayla told him. ''And a proud member of Humans For Animals.''

There was a moment of silence between the four of them before Ellie decided to change the subject, ''so, Peter, tell us a little more about yourself.''  
>Peter swallowed the bite he had just taken and looked up at the woman, ''well, I work at the Rittenhouse Women's Health Center, which is a free clinic for women who can't afford medical care. It is located in the hospital where Kayla works too and that's how we met.'' He explained to her.<p>

''What do you do at this clinic?'' Isaac asked him, looking up from his dinner.  
>''I am registered nurse, certified nurse midwife, nurse practitioner, acupuncturist, herbalist and I am basically the one to go to when patients are looking for a holistic solution.''<br>''Sounds…new-age-ie,'' Ellie told him.

''It was the way to go for centuries,'' Peter told her, ''western medicine is fairly recent. I simply practice medicine the way I think is right.''  
>This didn't help to ease the growing discomfort in the room.<br>''May I ask what religion you are?'' Ellie asked him, hoping that the answer wouldn't make things worse.

''I am a Buddhist,'' Peter told her honestly. He had never been ashamed of his religion but he felt like his girlfriend's parents wouldn't be as accepting of it as Kayla was.  
>Isaac stared at him for a moment before looking over at Kayla, as if silently asking why she couldn't date a nice Christian boy. Kayla simply smiled a forced smile back at him; feeling like this whole evening was going disastrous.<p>

* * *

><p>Monday June 12th 2006.<p>

* * *

><p>''13085, that's still a bit high,'' Lu told Andy as she took the arm cuff off of her and put it away. ''But no cramps or contractions or anything that might indicate you're going into labor, right?''  
>''No, the contractions have completely stopped,'' Andy responded as she waited for her to move on to the next part of the examination.<p>

As Lu moved back to look at her she noticed that a small bruise had formed around where the cuff had been, surprised that she hadn't noticed it before she tried to remember if anyone had ever gotten bruises from that before. She frowned but decided not to press the matter, ''so, are Jesse and Lizzy excited about the baby coming soon?'' She asked to move on to a different subject while continuing the examination.  
>''Well, I'm pretty sure they're still just trying to get used to the idea. But yeah, they're pretty excited. Jesse will be home fulltime for part of summer break so she can spend time with the baby,'' Andy told her.<p>

''Lay back for me,'' Lu told her so she could feel her stomach and tell the position of the baby. As Andy lifted up her shirt Lu noticed two small bruises on the side of her stomach as well and frowned again.  
>''Is something wrong?'' Andy asked as she looked over at her work partner.<br>Lu looked up and smiled as she continued, ''nothing,'' she replied. ''Position is good; he's descending well so everything is right on track.''

Andy smiled, '' that's good to know.'' She said as Lu helped her sit up and she readjusted her shirt before rubbing her forehead.  
>''You okay?'' Lu asked as she wrote down the blood pressure in Andy's file.<br>''Yeah, just a bit lightheaded again, but I'm sure it's nothing,'' she told her.

Lu gave a slight nod, knowing that if Andy thought it was nothing she wasn't going to get anything out of her. ''Well, everything looks good, heartbeat is strong. Is he still kicking a lot?'' Lu asked as they both got up and walked back into Lu's office.  
>''Not as much, but that's probably because there isn't enough room in there,'' she said as she sat down.<p>

Lu handed her her white lab coat and as Andy moved to take it, Lu noticed more bruising on the side of her arm. ''What happened to your arm?'' She asked as she sat down on the edge of her desk.  
>Andy looked over at it as well before giving a slight shrug, ''probably bumped it into something,'' she replied as she put her hair up.<br>''Is that the same thing that happened to your stomach?'' Lu asked her before pulling up a chair and sitting down in front of her.

''What are you getting at Delgado?'' She asked as she sits back, immediately creating emotional distance between them by using Lu's last name.  
>''I'm not getting at anything, just wondering how you're all of sudden getting all these bruises, that's all,'' Lu said as she folded her hands in her lap and waited for an answer.<p>

''I already told you it's nothing, just drop it,'' Andy told her before standing up - with a struggle - and walking out to get back to patients.

* * *

><p>Andy looked up from her lunch when Kayla sat down in front of her, ''hey stranger.'' She greeted. Even though Kayla technically still lived with her they hadn't seen each other much in a while. Kayla was staying over at Peter's most of the time and they didn't have a lot of moments during the workday to catch up.<br>''Hi,'' Kayla replied, a lot less enthusiastic as she put her tray with her lunch on it down.

''Are you okay?'' Andy asked concerned.  
>''I need advice,'' Kayla told her as she took a deep breath.<br>''Fire away,'' Andy told her.

''I introduced my parents to Peter last night,'' Kayla started. ''To say they disapproved would be an understatement. They don't like that he is a vegetarian, they are not exactly fond of the idea of me dating a nurse, they don't like that he is a Buddhist and not a Christian and there might have been disapproval because he's white.''  
>''That's a lot to disapprove of,'' Andy told her, thinking about the first time she met Milo's parents, compared to what Kayla was telling her that wasn't that bad.<p>

''What do you think I should do?'' Kayla told her. ''I mean, I love Peter and I don't want to lose him but if my parents disapprove...'' She trailed off.  
>''Continue dating him and just hope that they'll come around eventually?'' Andy suggested. ''Milo's parents disapproved of me and they came around, same goes for my parents when it comes to him. Eventually your parents will see how happy he makes you and hopefully that'll be enough to change their minds.''<p>

''I really hope so,'' Kayla replied, sitting back in her chair.  
>''Kayla,'' Andy began, ''as long as you and Peter can accept each other who you are than that's the most important thing.'' She said, repeating what Milo had reminded her of just a little over a week earlier.<p>

''I'll try to remember that,'' Kayla said, ''I just hope Peter isn't mad at me about what happened, he didn't seem very pleased last night.''  
>''I am sure you two will be fine,'' Andy told her.<br>''I really hope so, because...'' Kayla began but before hesitating, ''we are going to move in together. I found an apartment a few weeks ago and I signed the contract a few days ago.''

''You're moving out?'' Andy asked, she knew that Kayla had been thinking about it for a while but it still surprised her a bit.  
>''Yes, pretty soon actually,'' Kayla told her. ''I know I said I'd wait until after the baby was born and that we could all go apartment hunting together, I just found a really great place and I don't want to pass it up and have to settle for something worse in a little over a month.''<p>

''I understand,'' Andy told her. ''I'm just going to miss you.''  
>''I'm going to miss you too,'' Kayla replied, ''but we'll see each other here almost every day and you'll be so busy with the baby that you won't have time to miss me.''<br>''I'm really happy for you though,'' Andy told her.

* * *

><p>Tuesday June 13th 2006.<p>

* * *

><p>''Hawkins said you wanted to talk to me?'' Andy said as she opened the door to Lu's office a bit, poking her head in, knowing that - considering how early in the morning it was - Lu didn't have a patient in yet.<br>''Yeah, I do,'' Lu replied as she waved her in. ''I just wanted to talk to you about yesterday, about the appointment... and the bruises.''  
>Andy let out a groan, ''I already told you it's nothing, why do you need to keep pressing the issue?'' She asked.<p>

''I am just worried about you,'' Lu replied as she stood up from her chair.  
>''There's no reason to be,'' Andy told her.<p>

Lu cocked her head to the side, ''as your doctor, I have to ask,'' she told Andy. ''Did Milo cause them?''  
>Andy stared at Lu with her jaw dropped, ''no.'' She said in a firm tone. ''Of course not!''<br>Lu sighed, ''I just had to be sure. I know things haven't been going great between you two.''

Andy shook her head, ''Milo would never do that.''  
>''At one point you thought the same thing about Les,'' Lu told her.<br>''Yeah, and when Les did that I told you about that,'' Andy reminded her. ''Don't you think I would do the same now?''

Lu shrugged, ''I guess so. Although it might be harder now, considering everything.''  
>''If anything it's easier now. Les and I were married for 20 years, Milo and I for a couple of months.'' Andy told her.<br>''Yeah, but you are currently pregnant. That can't make things easier,'' Lu said.

''Either way, the point is mute, because Milo and I have enough things to work out without adding trust issues to it,'' she replied.  
>''That bad?'' Lu asked.<br>''Milo thinks we should go into couples' therapy,'' Andy told her. ''Married for not even 6 months and we're already going into couples' therapy, that promises something for the future.''

''Well, at least he's willing to work on the problems you two have,'' Lu told her. ''I know it's not exactly something you'd hope for but maybe it'll help with some of the issues you've been having.''  
>''Hopefully,'' Andy told her.<p>

There was a moment of silence between them before Lu stood up, ''anyway, I would like to run some blood tests to figure out why you're getting these bruises,'' she told Andy. ''We need to be sure that nothing is seriously wrong.''

* * *

><p>''We must take care of our families wherever we find them.'' Elizabeth Gilbert<p>

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><p>Please review!<p> 


	56. Little Talks

Just like a lot [if not most] other chapters, this one is named after a song. This particular song is by the band Of Monsters And Men. In other news; CHAPTER 50! Yay!

* * *

><p><strong><span>Chapter 50:<span>**  
><strong><span>Little Talks<span>**

* * *

><p>This is set on Tuesday June 13th 2006.<p>

* * *

><p>''You've got your sunshine, I've got rain-clouds<br>You've got hope, I've got my doubts.'' Drew Holcomb & The Neighbors, _What Would I Do Without You (Good Light, 2013)_

* * *

><p>Third Person's POV<p>

* * *

><p>''Thanks for your help Dr. Morton,'' Lu said as she snapped off her gloves, already making her way out of the ER as the patient was being wheeled to the elevator for a plastic's consult upstairs.<br>''Dr. Delgado,'' Milo said, rushing after her. When she didn't respond and kept walking he picked up his pace a bit, ''Lu!'' He said and she finally turned to look at him.  
>''What?'' She asked him, one eyebrow raised.<p>

Milo took a deep breath - not sure where to begin. ''What is going on?'' He asked her. He had never seen her behave so cold towards him, or anyone else for that matter.  
>''I don't know what you're talking about,'' Lu told him as she turned on her heel and started walking to the clinic again.<br>''I would like to know why you're giving me the cold shoulder. From my experience we have always gotten along and I don't understand why you're being so cold all of a sudden,'' Milo explained to her as he walked besides her.

Lu sighed as the memory of the bruises on Andy popped into her head again. As a doctor - and as a friend - she had made assumptions on where those bruises had come from and they weren't putting Milo in a good light. ''Can we discuss this later?'' She asked him as she stopped in front of the swing doors that led to the RWHC. ''I have a patient in a few minutes.''

''Can't you just tell me what's going on?'' Milo asked - he couldn't help but wonder. When Lu didn't respond he put a hand on her shoulder, ''you and your husband are going to be my son's godparents. I think it's important that we all get along.''  
>Lu looked at him surprised, forgetting about the bruises for a second, ''we're going to be his godparents?'' She asked.<p>

Milo stared at her for a few seconds, ''yeah, I thought you knew.''  
>''It hasn't come up,'' Lu told him. ''But like I said, can we talk about this later? I really have to go.''<p>

Milo pulled away from her, his arm dropping to his side, ''okay. I have something I have to discuss with you anyway.''  
>Lu forced a small smile - not sure how to feel about him. A part of her was mad at him, while another part of her brain screamed that she had made the wrong assumptions, ''just come find me later.''<p>

* * *

><p>Lu looked up when there was a knock at her already open door, it was just who she expected: Milo. ''Come in,'' she told him and watched him sit down in one of the chairs on the other side of her desk. ''I'd like to apologize for the way I behaved this morning, that wasn't fair.'' She told him.<br>Milo gave her a smile, ''may I ask what the reason behind it was?'' He asked her.

Lu shrugged, she knew what the reason was but until she had some kind of evidence - to prove what she hoped wasn't true - she couldn't do anything. ''Just some things unrelated to you,'' she lied to him. ''You said you wanted to talk to me about something,'' she reminded him.  
>''Yes,'' he replied, ''I was thinking about throwing Andy a baby shower but I know that is usually more of a thing girlfriends do.''<p>

''Lana and I have been talking about throwing some kind of party but nothing is set in stone yet,'' Lu told him. ''And with her due date only three weeks away, we're not certain we even have enough time.''  
>''But you are not planning to put her on bed rest, right? Nothing that would hinder her from attending the baby shower if there is one,'' Milo asked.<p>

Lu shook her head, ''at the moment there's no reason to put her on bed rest,'' she told him. ''Usually when pregnant women go on bed rest that ends around week 38 anyway because from that point on it's safe for the baby to be delivered. That's only a week away. She will have to take it easy though, but it's not as if baby showers are that wild anyway,'' she added with a laugh. ''But if you need any help with planning the whole thing, I can help you and I am sure that Lana is more than willing to help as well.''

''Okay, thank you,'' Milo responded as he stood up.  
>Lu hesitated for a moment before standing up as well, ''can I ask you something?'' She asked him, deciding that it probably couldn't hurt to ask.<p>

Milo nodded, ''shoot.'' He told her.  
>''During her last prenatal exam I noticed some bruises on Andy, do you know what caused them?'' She asked him.<br>A frown appeared on Milo's face, ''not that I can think of,'' he told her.

''Did you notice her maybe bumping into anything?'' Lu asked, hoping that there was an innocent explanation for her concerns. ''Or maybe another thing that would cause bruises?''  
>Hearing the tone in her voice, Milo hesitated before answering, ''I don't remember anything like that,'' he said.<p>

There was a moment of silence between them as they stared at each other.  
>''Okay,'' Lu told him as she sat back down.<p>

Milo looked at her in shock as he took a step towards her desk, ''you think I hurt her, don't you?'' He asked her. He wasn't blind nor deaf; he noticed the particular way she had asked him about it. The almost accusing tone seeping through. And it certainly explained the way she had behaved that morning.  
>Lu took a deep breath, ''I don't want to make assumptions but-''<p>

''No.'' Milo interrupted her. ''I would never hurt her!'' He added.

* * *

><p>Milo dropped his briefcase beside the front door as he closed the door behind him. He could hear Andy's voice coming from the kitchen and walked in, ''hey,'' he greeted everyone as he took off his coat. Corrina was making dinner, Lizzy was working on a school assignment at the kitchen table and Andy was doing something on the computer. He pecked Andy on the lips, ''can we talk in private?'' He asked her.<p>

''Sure,'' she told him before standing up and following him upstairs. ''What's up?'' She asked as she closed their bedroom door behind her.  
>''I talked to Delgado today and she told me that she found bruises on you,'' he told her. ''Did you give her a reason to suspect I caused them?'' He asked her.<p>

''No, I didn't,'' she assured him. ''She asked me if you had anything to do with it and I already told her no.''  
>This helped make the tenseness Milo had felt ever since Lu asked him, fade away. Since talking to her right after lunch, he couldn't help but wonder why she thought he had done that, and - despite how unwanted the thought was - it had made him wonder if Andy had anything to do with it. He watched Andy sit down on the bed and decided to sit down as well. ''I can't believe she thought I would do something like that,'' he told her.<p>

Andy shrugged, ''she sees domestic violence cases very often - she was probably just concerned. Plus, I can't figure out what did cause them, so that didn't help either,'' she told him. ''But she drew some blood this morning - before she even talked to you - and is going to run some tests.''  
>''Okay,'' Milo replied to her before putting his head on her shoulder. It had been a long day and with the added stress it had worn him out.<p>

Andy chuckled, ''dinner is almost ready; you have to stay awake just a little while longer,'' she told him.  
>''Oh really?'' He asked her as he picked up his head and slowly leaned in to kiss her. Lately the moments when they were simply happy together - no fighting, no arguments - were rare, and he was planning on savoring this particular moment.<p>

''Yes really,'' Andy replied as she kissed him back. They both deepened the kiss until Corrina called from downstairs that dinner was ready. Andy groaned as Milo pulled away from him, she buried her face in the crook of his neck and continued kissing him.  
>''Sweetie, we have to go downstairs,'' Milo told her as he chuckled.<p>

Andy pulled away and Milo helped her get up, ''this isn't over yet,'' she told him before they went downstairs.

* * *

><p>Wednesday June 14th 2006.<p>

* * *

><p>Milo stared at the small piece of paper in his hand, trying to decipher the grocery list Andy had jotted down on it. He was leaning on the front of his shopping cart. He couldn't decide if he needed glasses or if her handwriting was in fact that bad - that of a doctor as some people might say. Finally figuring out what the next item on the list was he turned the corner. Looking back at the list to make sure, he didn't pay enough attention to where he was going and he could feel himself bump into something or somebody. Looking up, his eyes widened when he laid eyes on his ex-wife, Tookie. ''Oh my God,'' he whispered as a smile spread on his face.<p>

''Milo,'' she responded, smiling as well. Taking the few steps towards him, she wrapped her arms around him, giving him a big hug.  
>They pulled away from each other after a few seconds, ''it's good to see you again.'' Milo told her - they had broken up on good terms. Granted, she had cheated on him but he now knew that she was in fact gay and that their relationship wouldn't have lasted anyway because of that. ''And you're pregnant,'' he added, looking down at her belly. They had tried to have a bay together for a long time but nothing had happened. Seeing her pregnant now stirred an odd feeling inside of him.<p>

''Yeah,'' she responded, rubbing her belly. ''Kendra and I decided to use IVF and on the first try... Boom! It happened,'' she said with a grin.  
>''That's great, congratulations,'' Milo told her.<br>''Thank you. Gosh, I haven't seen you in so long! What have you been up to?'' She asked him.

''I got married again,'' Milo said, not knowing if she knew.  
>''Oh that's right; your mom told me about that,'' she responded. ''And you two are expecting a baby as well, right?''<br>''Yeah, we are going to have a little boy,'' Milo said - he couldn't help but smile even wider at the though.

''That's great! We are going to have a little girl,'' Tookie told him.  
>''I'm really happy for you,'' Milo told her.<br>Tookie chuckled before jokingly adding, ''I'm happy for me too!''

* * *

><p>Andy smiled as Milo walked through the front door; she was just coming down from the study upstairs and had planned on going through some patient files while Corrina was making dinner, ''hey.'' She greeted him as he closed the door behind him.<br>''Hi,'' he responded, putting down the brown bags with groceries on the dining room table.

''Did you have a nice day?'' Andy asked, she hadn't seen him since he had left early in the morning.  
>''Yeah, it was okay,'' Milo told her. ''Very busy with a lot of patients,'' he told her.<br>Andy smiled, ''is there ever a day when you're not busy?'' She asked him. She knew that - just like herself - he would always be busy with work, with personal time being very limited.

''I guess so,'' Milo told her, smiling back at her though it seemed a bit forced, ''and then at the grocery store I ran into Tookie - literally.''  
>Andy frowned but had an amused smile on her face, ''literally?'' She asked him.<br>Milo shrugged, ''well, I turned the corner and bumped into her with my shopping cart.''

Helping him take the groceries into the kitchen, Andy followed him, ''how is she?'' She asked curiously, she had only met Milo's ex-wife twice before - both times with the woman's wife with her.  
>''She's okay; she and Kendra are going to have a baby,'' Milo said, looking over his shoulder as he put some groceries away in one of the cabinets.<br>''They're adopting?'' Andy asked.

''No, they used IVF,'' Milo told her.  
>''That's nice,'' Andy replied.<br>''Yeah, I thought so too,'' Milo said, his smile fading a bit. ''And then on the way back home I started thinking...'' he said, trailing off a bit.

Andy looked up at him when he didn't continue, ''about?''  
>Milo leaned against the cooking island, ''as you know; she and I never had children together.''<br>Not knowing where he was going with this, Andy simply looked at him, ''yes.'' She said.

''I mean, we tried for a while but nothing happened and eventually we just kind of gave up, neither one of us had a particular strong desire to have children and so it wasn't that big of a deal. And after we broke up I told myself that one of us must be infertile and that's why we could never conceive,'' he continued. ''And then, when you got pregnant, I figured that she must've been why - except now she's pregnant,'' he finished, staring at Andy and waiting for her to respond.

Andy was leaning against the cooking island as well, albeit on the other end. She had one hand on her hip and was looking back at her husband as they stood there in silence. Swallowing hard she took a step towards him, ''are you asking me what I think you're asking me?'' She asked him. Her voice had been calm but Milo could tell that that was not the way she was on the inside.  
>Milo hesitated for a moment, ''I'm just trying to make sense of it,'' he told her.<p>

Andy frowned, ''and the most logical explanation is that I cheated on you, that this is not your baby?'' She asked him as she put a hand on her stomach.  
>Milo took a moment to respond since he knew that she wasn't going to take this next question well, ''I just want an honest answer,'' he told her, ''is he or isn't he my son?'' He asked.<p>

Andy took a deep breath, ''of course he is,'' she told him.  
>''Okay,'' Milo responded with a nod.<br>Andy followed him with her eyes as he walked back to the counter to put more groceries away, ''no, not okay.'' She told him as she shook her head. ''After everything that we've been through I thought you knew me better than this. You know I would never cheat on you and the fact that you think I'd be capable of doing that to you is insulting,'' she told him, glaring at him.

Milo turned around to look back at her, ''I'm sorry, okay? Tookie and I tried to have a baby together for six years and nothing happened. And without even trying, you get pregnant,'' Milo told her. ''Obviously Tookie isn't the problem, as I know now, so something is just not adding up.''  
>Andy took a step towards him, ''there are lots of reasons why people can't have children together,'' she told him, ''but just because you're frustrated because you can't figure it out doesn't give you the right to accuse me of things.''<p>

Milo rubbed the back of his head, ''I take it back, okay? I'm sorry said anything.''  
>Andy let out a sigh, ''Corrina will come back from picking up Lizzy from school soon, I'll be upstairs if you need anything,'' she told him before turning around and going upstairs.<p>

* * *

><p>Thursday June 15th 2006.<p>

* * *

><p>Andy looked up when she heard a knock on her office door, it was the end of the day and she had already seen her last scheduled patient. ''Come in,'' she said as she put some of the files that she still had to work on that night in her briefcase.<br>The door opened and Bob Jackson walked in with a blonde man Andy had never seen before. ''Dr. Campbell, this is Dr. Dylan West. Dylan, this is Dr. Andy Campbell.''

Andy shook the man's hand before looking over at Dr. Jackson, ''what's going on?'' She asked him.  
>''Well, seeing as you're going on maternity leave pretty soon I thought it would be a good time for you to meet Dylan, he's going to fill in for you,'' Bob told her.<br>Andy looked at him for a few moments, surprised that it was a man who was going to temporarily replace her, ''okay, it's nice to meet you,'' she told Dylan before turning to Bob again, ''did you introduce him to Lu yet?''

Dr. Jackson shook his head, ''no, Dr. West here couldn't get here until just now and I have to leave in a few minutes. I was hoping that you could introduce them to each other,'' he told Andy.  
>''Sure,'' Andy told him and watched him leave her office.<br>There was a moment of uncomfortable silence between Andy and Dylan before the latter broke it, ''so, I guess congratulations are in order,'' he told her.

''Thank you,'' Andy replied as she put her hand on her stomach, ''so, you're going to take over my practice.''  
>''For a while,'' Dylan responded with a nod, ''trust me, I am not here to take over your position in this clinic. I am only planning on staying in Philadelphia for a little while.''<p>

''That's good to know,'' Andy responded as she walked with him to the door, ''I'll introduce you to Dr. Delgado, she runs the other half of the clinic.'' As they walked out of her office she noticed Lana getting ready to leave, ''Hawkins,'' Andy said as they walked over. ''This is Dr. Dylan West; he's going to take over my patients while I'm on leave.''

Lana extended her hand to him and flashed him a smile, ''nice to meet you, I'm Lana Hawkins. If you have any questions you can come to me.''  
>''Nice to meet you too, and I will,'' Dylan told her as he shook her hand. As Lana continued getting ready to leave they made their way over to Lu's office.<br>''Delgado?'' Andy asked as she knocked on the office door.

Lu looked up from the mess on her desk to the door, ''come in.''

* * *

><p>''So what are some of the issues you two would like to discuss during these sessions?'' Dr. Randall Ellis asked Andy and Milo. ''Why did you two decide to go into counseling?''<br>''_We_ didn't, _he_ decided,'' Andy told him with a sarcastic smile.  
>''Well, it was necessary,'' Milo added to that as he sat back on the couch to get more comfortable. He could tell Andy was still upset that he had basically accused her of cheating the day before.<p>

''I see,'' Dr. Ellis responded. ''How long have you two been married?'' He asked them.  
>''Five months,'' Milo told him.<br>Dr. Ellis hesitated for a moment, slightly surprised by that answer, before turning to Andy, ''if _he_ decided that you two should give this a try, and you disagree - which I assume by your tone of voice -, what made you decide to come along?'' He asked her.

''For him,'' was Andy's curt response. No, she didn't think they needed therapy but if it was the way to keep Milo, than that was what she was going to do.  
>''I see. I am asking because marriage counseling is only going to work if you're both a hundred percent committed to this - to making your relationship work,'' told her. ''You can't just do it to please your partner, you have to want it.''<p>

Andy sat up a little straighter and threw Milo a quick glance before looking back at the therapist. ''I am committed to this.'' She told him. Milo nodded in agreement.  
>Dr. Ellis smiled at them. ''Okay then. So tell me a little more about your relationship,'' he told them.<br>''Well, we met through work,'' Milo started. ''When we first met we were both still married to other people.''

''But both our marriages fell apart within a year of meeting each other,'' Andy said.  
>''Because of each other?'' Dr. Ellis asked them.<br>''No, just circumstances,'' Milo told them. ''So anyways, we were both single and had to work together on a case. We got to know each other better and I finally told her how I felt,'' Milo said as he looked over at Andy, thinking back to those first couple of weeks.

''How did your relationship progress?'' Dr. Ellis asked.  
>''I asked her out on a date, she said yes. Then she cancelled. And then she cancelled her cancellation. After our first date things went pretty fast; I met her daughters, she met my parents... We first said 'I love you' during our first Christmas together.''<p>

''Things just progressed easily,'' Andy said.  
>''When did that change?'' Dr. Ellis asked.<br>Andy hesitated for a moment. ''We got engaged last September, found out we were going to have a baby a couple of weeks later and then last December I was raped by my ex-husband who killed himself soon after that,'' she told him. It was after that that things started to fall apart and she couldn't help but blame herself.

''We got married on Valentine's Day this year and moved in together a few weeks later,'' Milo finished for her.  
>''And now everything turns into an argument,'' Andy added.<p>

* * *

><p>Friday June 16th 2006.<p>

* * *

><p>''First I would like to say, Milo, that I am sorry I assumed that about you,'' Lu began as she sat down behind her desk, Andy and Milo in the two seats on the other side.<br>Milo still felt hurt that she would assume that about him but knew that he had to let it go, ''that's okay,'' he assured her, anxious to find out what the test results showed.

''So did you get the test results?'' Andy asked as she shifted in her seat, trying to get comfortable.  
>''Yes I did,'' Lu told them as she got the manila folder out of her desk drawer. ''The only thing that really popped out that could've possibly been the cause of those bruises is a vitamin B12 shortage. It would also explain some of the other 'symptoms' you've been having that we didn't know were even symptoms.''<p>

Hearing the results a lot of things fell in place for Andy; the dizziness, lightheadedness and some other things she had just attributed to her pregnancy.

''Considering the symptoms you have been showing it's safe to assume that you haven't had this deficiency for very long and it was likely caused by your body simply needing more because of your pregnancy,'' Lu said. ''If you just take the extra vitamins than you should be fine and we can avoid permanent brain-damage.''  
>''What about the baby?'' Milo asked as he grabbed Andy's hand, worried about what Lu was going to tell them.<p>

''At the moment there is no reason to assume that the deficiency caused any developmental issues. Of course we'll run some extra tests when he's born to make sure and until then we will just have to wish for the best,'' Lu told them. ''The most important thing is that we do now know the reason for all of your symptoms and that we can fix it. Once you start taking the vitamins you'll probably start feeling better pretty soon.''

Andy looked over at Milo with a smile, ''that's a relief,'' she said. No matter how good she was at putting on a brave face, it had taken its toll and she honestly couldn't wait for her pregnancy to be over.

''You can start taking the vitamins right away and we'll just keep our weekly appointments,'' Lu told her. ''That way we can keep track if the vitamins are helping. And I know I've told you this a million times but if there are any other symptoms or you just have a feeling something is not right; just let me know,'' she told Andy.  
>''And as I have told you a million times: I will,'' Andy told her.<p>

* * *

><p>Yes, I am in fact so lazy that I used an existing character to replace Andy during her maternity leave. And in case you haven't noticed, I haven't seen a lot of episodes featuring Dylan simply because I am not a big fan of him, so he might be out of character - I have no idea. [Also, I am not using the storyline that he and Lu already knew each other.]<p>

Anyways, please review! Let me know what you think of the chapter and of Dylan joining the story :-)


	57. Little Up On The Downside

So a bit of a short chapter but a lot happens.  
>Enjoy!<p>

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 51:<strong>  
><strong>Little Up On The Downside<strong>

* * *

><p>This is set on Sunday June 18th 2006.<p>

* * *

><p>''Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can break hearts.'' Tim Minchin, <em>Prejudice (Only A Ginger Can Call Another Ginger Ginger)<em>

* * *

><p>Third Person's POV<p>

* * *

><p>Milo looked up when the door to the study opened. ''Can I come in?'' Lizzy asked from the doorway, knowing he was probably working.<br>''Of course,'' Milo said with a smile and watched the thirteen-year-old walk in a little further.  
>''I have a present for you,'' Lizzy told him with her hands behind her back, clutching the gift with her hands.<p>

''What's the occasion?'' Milo asked curiously. It had been a couple of months since his birthday - which had happened to be the same day as his father-in-law's funeral - and he hadn't received any presents from him stepdaughters then.  
>''Father's Day,'' Lizzy stated, ''I know you're not my dad but soon you will be my brother's and I thought it would be nice to get you something.''<p>

Milo's smile grew wider, ''that's sweet of you.'' He told her.  
>Lizzy removed her hands from behind her back, the wrapped present in one of them. ''It's not as much for you as it is for the baby, but I thought you'd like it anyway,'' she told him before handing it to him.<p>

Milo's smile turned into a toothy grin as he unwrapped it. It was a baby blue onesie with the text 'When I Grow Up, I Want To Be As Awesome As My Daddy' on it in bold black letters.  
>''Do you like it?'' Lizzy asked nervously. She knew it was a bit odd to give a stepdad a Father's Day present but he didn't seem to mind.<p>

''This is really neat,'' Milo exclaimed, ''thank you so much.''  
>''You're welcome,'' Lizzy told him.<p>

* * *

><p>Tuesday June 20th 2006.<p>

* * *

><p>''If something is bothering you than I want you to tell me,'' Andy told him, her voice slightly raised. They were currently right smack in the middle of their second appointment of marriage counseling and they were struggling.<br>Milo looked at their therapist, doubting if he should voice what had been on his mind lately. Deciding to just go for it he took a deep breath, ''you kissed him back.'' He blurted out as he looked over at Andy.

Andy's jaw dropped, ''what?'' She asked him.  
>''Before Les raped you he kissed you, and you kissed him back. Those were your words,'' he told her.<br>''What does that have to do with anything?'' Andy asked as she sat up a little straighter.

''You are an expert in self defense; you can easily fight off guys bigger than Les... So why couldn't you fight him off?'' Milo asked her, looking straight at her. ''You claim that it was rape, that you didn't consent to it, but you kissed him back, and you didn't fight him off even though - based on what I know about you - you could have,'' Milo said. ''So why didn't you?'' He was glad to have finally told her what had been on his mind lately. It felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulder whilst at the same time he was so nervous for her response that it almost made him nauseous – knowing that this could easily spiral out of control and ruin their relationship.

Andy swallowed hard, literally speechless. After a minute of letting what he just said sink in she responded, ''I can't believe you could ask me that.'' She told him, stunned.  
>''You wanted me to tell you what has been on my mind,'' Milo told her knowing that he was being unfair and that he had no right questioning her about her rape. He had been supportive since she had told him what had happened, but always with that question in the back of his mind. Her telling him that she had kissed Les back that night had only made things worse. There was a moment of silence between them, ''just think about it, and be honest with yourself, and tell me why!'' He told her.<p>

Andy stared at him, tears in her eyes, ''I don't know what to tell you,'' was her honest answer. She shook her head and looked down at her hands for a moment before looking back at him, ''I can't believe you're saying this. Of all the people who could've doubted if I was telling the truth, I never thought you could ever be one of them,'' she told him.  
>''I don't mean to accuse you of anything,'' Milo told her.<p>

''Are you sure? Cause that's pretty much what it sounds like,'' Andy told him. She swallowed hard, ''I didn't ask him to do that, I didn't want that. I don't know why I couldn't stop him, all I remember is fighting against what he was doing and it didn't change a thing and then I just gave up. I was tired of fighting him after I had done it for all those years while I was still with him, everything hurt, there was blood on the wall and on the floor and… I just couldn't do it anymore. I never thought that he had it in him to rape anyone, let alone me, and then I found out that he did. And so after a while I didn't fight him anymore because I didn't want to have to find out what else he was capable of,'' she told him.

''Yes, maybe the fact that I kissed him back means that I was asking for it, I don't know if it was or wasn't. And maybe the fact that I chose you over him despite the fact that he went to get help makes me such an awful person that I deserved it. But it shouldn't have mattered if I was asking for it or if I deserved it, I said no! And that's all that should've mattered,'' Andy told him. ''And now you're asking me why I didn't fight him off of me?!'' She added, still in disbelief.

''Andy-'' Milo began.  
>''No. I... I can't even look at you right now,'' she told him as she picked up her purse and stood up. She looked at the therapist, ''I'm sorry, I have to go,'' she told him, not even giving Milo another glance before walking out the door.<p>

* * *

><p>Wednesday June 21st 2006.<p>

* * *

><p>Andy walked over to the phone in the kitchen, quickly checking caller-ID to make sure it wasn't Milo. She was sure he was the last person she wanted to talk to in that moment until she saw a name that was possibly even worse: Carmen Campbell, Les' mother. She let out a deep breath before picking up, ''hi.''<p>

''Are you insane?'' Was Carmen's greeting.  
>''Excuse me?'' Andy asked her with a frown as she walked over to the refrigerator.<br>''I just got off the phone with Jesse, she told me that you told her and Eliza that Les raped you,'' Carmen said to Andy.

''I did,'' Andy told her, ''because he did.'' If it had been any other day – not the day after Milo had almost blamed her for her own rape – she wouldn't have been so blunt. But it wasn't any other day and Andy didn't have the energy to be nice to Carmen.  
>She could hear Carmen sigh on the other end, ''dear, we both know my son would never do anything like that.''<br>''I don't think you have a clue about what kinds of things your son was capable of,'' Andy told her, sounding just the slightest bit pissed off as she got a bottle of water out of the fridge.

''Andrea-'' Carmen began.  
>''That's still not my name,'' Andy told her - annoyed with the fact that her former mother-in-law insisted on calling her that.<br>''Andy,'' Carmen told her with annoyance in her voice. ''I don't know where you got the idea that you could go out spreading lies about things that never happened between you and Leslie, but it needs to stop.''

Andy swallowed hard, ''I know that you and I have never gotten along, but believe me when I say that I would never lie about anything like this. I wish that it wasn't true but it is; he raped me, and because of certain circumstances that I don't feel I have to disclose to you I decided that I should tell Jesse and Lizzy.'' When Carmen didn't respond Andy was tempted to simply hang up. She couldn't take it to hear the older woman call her a liar, especially not after what had happened during marriage counseling.

''I know you don't want to believe that Les was capable of that, neither did I, but he was. You're calling me and telling me that I am lying, I wish I was. I wish it hadn't happened, but it did. You can either choose to accept that and move on like I am trying to do, or I'm done talking to you.'' Andy said. There was a moment of silence before the phone started beeping, realizing that Carmen had hung up, Andy put the phone back on the table. She let out a sigh, not believing that on top of Jesse and - apparently - Milo not believing her, now Carmen knew about it and didn't believe her either.

* * *

><p>Thursday June 22nd 2006.<p>

* * *

><p>As Lu walked up to Andy's office door she had a nervous feeling in the pit of her stomach even though she knew there wasn't much of a reason for that. ''Can I talk to you for a moment?'' She asked as she poked her head in, the door had already been open so no reason to knock.<br>''Of course,'' Andy replied as she looked up from the open patient file in front of her.

''I need your help with something,'' Lu told her. ''I'd do it myself but I can't, so...'' She said, trailing off.  
>Andy frowned, starting to grow a bit worried by the look on Lu's face. She closed the file and focused her full attention of Lu now. ''Is everything okay?'' She asked.<br>''Yeah I just need to have my blood drawn,'' Lu explained.

''Tell me if it's none of my business, but what for?'' Andy asked as she stood up from her desk chair and walked over to her exam room to fetch the supplies she needed.  
>A nervous smile appeared on Lu's face, ''I think I might be pregnant,'' she told Andy.<br>The latter woman turned around, her jaw slightly dropped before she smiled, ''really?'' She asked, an excited feeling washing over her. She had never heard Lu talk about possibly wanting children with Jonas but had naturally assumed they would.

Lu nodded, ''I'd take a home pregnancy test but we both know how inaccurate those can be so I figured I wouldn't risk it and just do a blood test instead.'' She rolled up her sleeve as she followed Andy into the exam room. She looked away as the needle pierced her skin, still not very fond of the whole process even after having performed it a million times herself.  
>''So what makes you think you might be pregnant?'' Andy asked Lu as she watched the vial slowly fill up.<p>

Lu shrugged, ''been pretty tired lately and nauseous. Didn't think much of it until I realized my period was late.''  
>Andy looked up at her partner, ''were you and Jonas trying to conceive?'' She asked curiously before seeing that the vial was full and extracting the needle.<br>''No not at all,'' Lu responded. ''We honestly haven't even talked about having children, it just never came up. I don't even know how this might've happened, but I can feel it, you know?''

Andy nodded as she put a small band aid over the needle puncture hole. ''I'll get this up to the lab as soon as possible; I'll make sure they'll let you know when they have the results.'' She told Lu.  
>''Thanks,'' Lu responded. Part of her couldn't wait to get the results but she mostly just wanted to take her mind off of it for the time being. ''But enough about me, how's your life going?'' She asked Andy. ''Less than two weeks until your due date, excited yet?''<p>

''Yeah, I guess,'' Andy told her. ''Just a bit nervous.''  
>''About the birth?'' Lu asked curiously. They had already drawn up a birth plan but that didn't give any certainty about how it was all going to go down.<p>

''More about afterwards. Babies tend to put a strain on a marriage and to say that our marriage is strained right now would be an understatement,'' Andy told her. After what happened during the marriage counseling session she was more worried about her and Milo's relationship than ever. Knowing that he would think something like that…It didn't help to soothe her already increasing worries.

''What happened?'' Lu asked as she and Andy both walked back into Andy's office, the latter woman writing the needed information on the vial of blood.  
>Andy cleared her throat as a lump formed, feeling emotional about the whole thing. ''As you know Milo and I started marriage counseling,'' she told Lu who nodded in response. ''During our session on Tuesday Milo basically asked me why I couldn't fight Les off when he raped me.''<p>

Lu's jaw dropped a little, ''wow, that must've been hard to hear. What did you tell him?'' She asked as she and Andy both sat down.  
>''I was too upset to answer him so I simply left and we haven't talked much since,'' Andy informed her. ''I just can't believe he would ask me that.''<p>

* * *

><p>Saturday June 24th 2006.<p>

* * *

><p>''I can take that from you,'' Peter told Andy as he took one of the many moving boxes from her. It was one of the last boxes with Kayla's stuff and Peter was relieved they were almost finished. Between him and his girlfriend there was quite a lot of stuff to be moved, let alone the amount of furniture from his old apartment.<p>

''Thanks,'' Andy told him with a smile as she wiped her hands on her jeans. She had promised earlier that she would help them without thinking it through; her back had already ached and lifting boxes all day hadn't helped. She looked around the sizable apartment.  
>Kayla walked in a few moments later, ''can I talk to you?'' She asked Andy.<p>

''Of course,'' following Kayla into one of the two bedrooms, Andy readjusted her blouse. Lately even her maternity clothes were getting tight. ''What is up?'' She asked.  
>Kayla pulled up a chair for Andy to sit in before sitting down on one the boxes, ''I just wanted to thank you for taking me in when I first came to Philadelphia,'' she told Andy. ''I know it couldn't have been the easiest thing to have another person live in that house and I really appreciate it.''<p>

Andy smiled, ''you know you'll always have a home, right? If you need anything then you're always welcome.''  
>''I do know that,'' Kayla said, she felt a bit emotional to finally be leaving the Campbell residence but knew that it was time for her to live on her own - or with Peter, in this case. She took the Caduceus necklace Andy had given her two and a half months earlier out from underneath her shirt, holding on to it tightly. ''You have always been there for me and I just want you to know that I'll never forget that.''<p>

''I'm going to miss having you around,'' Andy told her honestly. ''You have become a part of our family over the years and it won't be the same without you.''  
>''Well, you do have a new tenant moving in in a couple of weeks,'' Kayla told her with a small grin as she put one of her hands on Andy's belly. ''You'll have your hands full with him.''<p>

''That's true,'' Andy told her as she looked down at her belly, feeling Daniel kick as she placed her own hand over Kayla's. Daniel seemed to kick more when someone other than herself put their hands on her belly. ''It's just going to be different; Jesse has moved out, you've just moved out...''  
>They sat in silence for a few seconds before Kayla pulled Andy in for a hug, ''I love you.'' She said quietly.<p>

''I love you, too,'' Andy said back as they both pulled away. She blinked the tears that were forming in her eyes away, ''this baby is really messing with my hormones,'' she added.  
>''But it'll be worth it,'' Kayla reminded as she stood up, helping Andy get up as well.<p>

Andy smiled, ''you can say that again.''

* * *

><p>Milo hesitantly walked into the kitchen, still a bit shaken from the phone call he had just gotten. ''Andy,'' he said, making her turn around. She was sitting at the table in the kitchen, drinking tea while reading a book. She didn't respond to him, ''I know you don't want to talk to me right now and you don't have to,'' he told her. She had her eyes on the book in front of her but he could tell she was listening to him. ''I just want you to know that I am sorry for everything I said-'' he began but she interrupted him.<p>

''I'm not ready to talk about that, let alone accept your apology and make up,'' Andy told him, still not looking up.  
>''That's okay,'' Milo told her before sitting down across from her. ''But despite everything that went down during that session there's still something that I need to talk to you about.''<br>Andy looked up from her book, exasperated, ''do we have to do this now?'' She asked him, clearly annoyed. The whole day, the whole week, had been an emotional roller coaster and she just wanted a moment to sit back and take her mind off of it.

Milo licked his lips, ''we're two married, living together adults and we're in this together - so even though neither of us wants to, we will still need to talk from time to time,'' he told her.  
>She gave him a glare, ''<em>you<em> don't want to talk to _me_?'' She asked him. ''Why? It wasn't like I accused you of lying, cheating-'' this time it was him who interrupted her.

''I know that what I did was completely uncalled for, but right now there's something that I really need to talk to you about and it can't wait until we resolve our fight,'' he told her. ''So can we please just put that aside for the moment?''  
>Andy hesitated before giving in, ''fine.'' She told him. She closed her book and folded her hands in front of her on the table as she looked at her husband.<p>

''Okay,'' Milo told her, taking a deep breath.  
>''What's going on?'' Andy asked impatiently.<p>

''I got a call from child protective services today,'' he told her, glad when she looked up at him. ''After Tookie and I divorced I dated another woman for a couple of weeks, they called me to let me know she died a few days ago,'' Milo told Andy.  
>Andy frowned as the words sank in, a realization dawning on her. ''What does child protective services have to do with that?'' Andy asked him, dreading the answer afraid that she knew what was going on.<p>

''It turns out that she was pregnant when we broke up and they think that I might be the father of her son.''

* * *

><p>''Words are like eggs dropped from great heights; you can no more call them back than ignore the mess they leave when they fall.'' Jodi Picoult, <em>Salem Falls<em>

* * *

><p>Clichéd soap-opera plot-twist, I know. Please bear with me and let me know what you think should happen next. And as always, thanks for reading and please review!<p> 


	58. The Good Soldier

A/N: I, without pride, accept the award for Worst Updater Ever. I'd like to blame my school and friends for keeping me busy.  
>So, it took me a long time to be mildly okay with this chapter [I've written it thrice now], and I can only hope y'all like it. This chapter is named after the song by Nine Inch Nails. No rights are claimed by me, as always.<p>

* * *

><p><strong><span>Chapter 52: <span>**  
><strong><span>The Good Soldier<span>**

* * *

><p>This is set on Saturday June 24th 2006.<p>

* * *

><p>''Don't swim against the current. Just know that you are doing what you have to do, and you're doing it as well as you are able. You're not Superwoman and no one expects you to be.''<p>

* * *

><p>Third Person's POV<p>

* * *

><p>Milo looked at Andy as she was taking blood from his arm. They had to send it to Child Protective Services who would get it tested to see if he was indeed the boy's father. He and Andy had been silent since they had arrived at the hospital and it was starting to bug him; not even being able to simply talk to each other. He cleared his throat and she looked up at him, giving him a look that told him that she wasn't in the mood for chit chat. As she withdrew the needle he let out a breath he hadn't realized he had been holding. He took the vial of blood from her and softly grabbed her arm before she could walk away from him, ''we really have to talk. We can't just simply keep silent, it's only going to make things worse,'' he told her.<p>

Andy crossed her arms across her chest, ''fine. What do you want to talk about?'' She asked him, her tone a bit harsh.  
>''Well, I'd like to start by saying that I'm sorry for what I said during counseling,'' he told her.<br>Andy bit the inside of her cheek, ''what else?''

''I would like to ask you something about what you said during the session,'' he told her. As he hesitated she threw him a look that he better make it quick, her patience with him was already wearing thin. ''You said that maybe the fact that you chose him over me makes you such a bad person that you deserved it,'' he told her.  
>Andy took a deep breath as she shrugged, ''so?'' She asked.<p>

''Do you honestly believe that?'' He asked. ''Do you really think that you deserved what happened?''  
>Andy closed her eyes for a second as she sighed, ''Milo-''<p>

''No. Just say yes or no,'' Milo interrupted her. When she didn't respond his shoulders slumped, ''I know that he had quite a bad temper while you were married and from what I know about abusive relationships is that the victim always gets blamed by whoever is abusing them. I don't know what Les has told you over the years that somehow makes you believe that any of what happened could be your fault, but I want you to know that it's not true.''

''That's not the song I heard you singing Tuesday,'' Andy told him.  
>''I shouldn't have blamed you, that was wrong of me,'' Milo told her.<p>

Andy hesitated for a moment before walking into her office so she could sit down, her feet had already been sore. Milo joined her after a few moments. ''Milo, we are going to have a baby in less than two weeks, and we might have another child joining our family depending on whatever the results of that DNA test might be. I want us to be okay, and to be ready, so we can focus on our children instead of whatever is happening between us. This isn't easy, but… I prefer to just accept what happened during therapy and move on over staying mad at you,'' Andy told him.

''That simple?'' Milo asked. He liked the idea of them being okay again, but he also knew that she had had to probably keep her anger inside during her marriage to Les and he didn't want her to have to do the same thing now.

''Yes,'' Andy told him, ''I guess I can see where you were coming from when you said that and I think that-''  
>Milo put his hand up, stopping her mid-sentence as his face turned into a frown, he could see that she was getting a bit emotional and it made him wonder what she had meant by what she said. ''What do you mean 'you see where I was coming from'?'' He asked her.<p>

Andy bit her lip for a moment before replying, ''you said that you don't understand why I couldn't fight him off,'' she repeated his words. ''I have been wondering the same thing, kind of.'' When he didn't respond she continued: ''you were right; I can fight off guys bigger than Les, I have. So I don't understand it either...''  
>They were both silent for a moment as Milo let her words sink in, ''can I ask you something? I don't want you to get mad at me for suggesting such a thing, but-'' he said hesitantly.<p>

''It's fine,'' Andy told him as she looked down at her hands nervously, wondering what he wanted to ask.  
>''You said that you kissed him back. Do you think that maybe you still had, or still have, feelings for him? And so you couldn't fight him off because subconsciously you didn't want to hurt him?'' He asked her.<br>Andy knew she had to be careful when answering that question, having his now ex-wife cheat on him had made Milo very nervous that she would do the same thing. ''Maybe,'' she told him, ''I don't know how I feel about him but I do know I'll always love you more.''

Milo smiled a bit, feeling like they were heading in the right direction, ''I love you too,'' he told her as he looked up. Seeing the sad frown on her face, he became alarmed, ''what's wrong?''  
>Andy shrugged as she hesitated to voice her thoughts. She took a deep breath and decided to ignore the lump in her throat as she spoke, ''I love you very, very much, but... I just don't know if that's enough.''<p>

''What are you saying?'' Milo asked her.  
>''I guess what I am trying to say is that though we love each other I don't know when we should still be fighting for our marriage and when it's just a lost cause.'' She told him.<br>''With all our arguing you are worried that our marriage is a lost cause?'' Milo asked.

Andy could feel a tear fall, ''I am saying that I don't know if it is,'' she said. ''And I am a bit afraid to possibly find out during therapy.''  
>Milo drew in a shaky breath, ''well, if it is, it's better to find out now than ten years from now,'' he told her. He felt thankful that she had been sharing her feelings so openly with him for the past couple of minutes and put his hand over the one she had resting on her belly. ''However messed up our marriage might be right now, I believe with all my heart that it's all going to be okay,'' he told her honestly.<p>

Andy smiled at him. ''Do you want to hear something I'm afraid of?'' Milo asked her, hoping that she would feel more comfortable sharing her thoughts and feelings if he did the same. Andy gave a slight nod as she wiped away the tear that had rolled down her cheeks. ''I am afraid of what the results of that DNA test are going to be,'' he told her. ''I am afraid it's going to be positive because I'll suddenly be responsible for a two-year-old whom I've never met and who has just lost his mother. And at the same time I'm afraid that it'll be negative because of a reason that I can't explain.''

Andy stared into his eyes for a few moments, ''you're going to make an amazing dad. Whether it be to this baby,'' she began as she rubbed her stomach, ''or to that other boy. I can see in your eyes that - even though you don't know anything about him - you already care. I know it's scary but to me it just shows how great of a father you're going to be.''  
>Milo kissed her lips, happy that for the first time in days she would actually allow that, ''thanks. I needed that,'' he told her as he pulled away a bit and rested their foreheads together.<p>

* * *

><p>Sunday June 25th 2006.<p>

* * *

><p>Andy looked up from her book as the front door opened, her jaw slightly dropped when she saw Jesse walk in. It had been seventeen days since Andy had told Jesse and Lizzy that Les had raped her, seventeen days since Jesse had told her that she didn't believe her. They had only talked once since then and it hadn't gone well.<p>

''You're back,'' Andy stated as she struggled to stand up from the couch.  
>''I am,'' Jesse told her as she leaned against the front door. Spending time at Sherry's house had given her time to think about what her mother had told her. She didn't want to believe that her father was capable of doing such things, but she could feel in her heart that he could.<p>

Andy hesitated for a moment, ''do you want to talk abo-''  
>''No,'' Jesse told her, crossing her arms in front of her chest as she looked away. ''I think I'd prefer to forget what you told us.''<p>

''Jesse, we can't just pretend that this didn't happen. Ignoring what he did isn't going to suddenly wipe the memory from my brain, nor is it going to bring him back,'' Andy told her as she took a step towards her oldest daughter.  
>''I know that,'' Jesse said, ''and I'm okay with that. Even if it were possible, I don't want him back in my life.''<p>

Andy pressed her lips together as a slight frown crossed her face, ''you wouldn't want him back under any circumstances.''  
>Jesse let out an exasperated sigh, ''I don't, okay? If he did what you said he did then I wouldn't want him in my life.''<br>''Okay,'' Andy replied with a slight nod, not being sure what else to say she just walked over and pulled Jesse in for a hug, glad to have her back in the house.

* * *

><p>Monday June 26th.<p>

* * *

><p>''13085, same as last time,'' Lu told Andy as she took the cuff off of the latter woman's arm. ''How are you feeling?'' She asked as she wrote the BP down in the chart.  
>''A lot better,'' Andy replied, ''the supplements are helping.'' She was only a week away from her due date and the pain in her back and legs made sure she didn't forget that, but the B12 supplements Lu had given her were helping. In fact, she felt better than she had for most of her pregnancy.<p>

''And you're not having contractions?'' Lu asked as she looked up from the chart at Andy and Milo.  
>''I had some last night, actually,'' Andy told her. ''But they weren't that strong.'' She glanced over at Milo who was looking at her with a confused look on his face, wondering why she hadn't told him.<p>

''At this point it probably just means that you'll go into labor one of these days,'' Lu told her as she made a note of it. She checked her watch, ''it's almost lunch time.'' She informed Andy and Milo, ''you only have about eight days left until you're due date. How about I call Dylan to take over for you and you start your pregnancy leave? I think you have postponed that long enough. If you take it easy then maybe you'll be able to get your blood-pressure down a bit before going into labor,'' Lu suggested as she put down the chart.

Andy was just about to object when she glanced over at Milo, they had been talking a lot these last couple of days and had reached a truce for the time being but things were hardly okay and fixed between them, however, she knew that he cared about her and their baby and she couldn't ignore the fact that he had been telling her to take it easier for a while.  
>''I'll drive you home,'' Milo told her, squeezing her hand which he had been holding during the entire appointment. Andy simply smiled at him, she had almost planned to keep working until the moment she actually gave birth – wanting to be there for her patients – but another part of her was relieved to go on a pregnancy leave because of how much her entire body ached.<p>

''Okay then,'' she told him. ''Are we all done?'' She asked Lu.  
>''Almost,'' Lu told her. ''We still have our appointment for next Monday and - if you haven't delivered by then - I think that would be a good time to induce you. Given how high your blood pressure is I don't think it would be wise to just wait for you to go into labor naturally,'' she told them.<br>Andy took a deep breath, ''okay.''

* * *

><p>Milo checked his watch as he followed Andy into the house; he had almost an hour until he had to leave for his next appointment. He could see Corrina walking out of the kitchen towards them, a laundry basket in her arms and a smile on her face, ''you're home early,'' she noted.<p>

''Delgado won't allow me to postpone going on maternity leave any longer so you'll be stuck with me for the next week or so,'' Andy told her with a joking grin. Corrina simply smiled before disappearing upstairs. Andy turned to Milo, ''thanks for driving me home,'' she told him as she ran a hand through her hair, not looking forward to not being allowed to do anything until the baby came. When he didn't respond she cocked her head to the side, ''are you okay? You were very quiet today, that isn't like you.''

''I'm fine,'' Milo told her. ''Just a lot on my mind.''  
>''Do you want to talk about it?'' Andy asked as she followed him into the living room and they both sat down.<p>

''Sure. Ehm... First of all, I'm nervous about becoming a father. If not to that other boy then at least to this one,'' he said with a nod to her stomach. ''Plus, I'm worried about you and-''  
>Andy interrupted him mid-sentence, ''you don't have to worry about that. I've given birth before and even though it's a bit more high-risk this time, it's going to be okay. Delgado is very good at what she does.''<p>

''It isn't just the birth I'm worried about; it's what you said last Saturday. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad that you want us to move forward and want to stop fighting, but I don't want you to keep everything inside just because it's easier,'' Milo told her.  
>''Okay,'' Andy told him, ''but I already told you I'm not mad at you anymore, and it's not because I keep feelings bottled up but because I <em>can<em> see where you're coming from,'' she reminded him.

''Well you shouldn't be able to see where I'm coming from. At least not when it comes to this... You shouldn't have to think about why you couldn't fight Les off, it's not important,'' Milo said.  
>''It is to me,'' Andy told him. ''I should've been able to fight him off all along, not just when he raped me but when we were married and he'd get mad. I just was never able to, not when it came to him. Back then I didn't give it much of a second though because I loved him and I figured that that's why I couldn't hurt him back. But thinking about the fact that I couldn't defend myself against him last December... I don't know if I still loved him but I pray to God I didn't.''<p>

Milo swallowed hard as he took in the expression on her face, ''you do know don't you?'' He asked her. ''You did still love him.''  
>Andy took in a shaky but deep breath, ''I don't want to and I wish I didn't. But it isn't like I can just press a button and switch these feelings off and I think that's what has made accepting what happened even harder.''<br>Milo filled in the blanks for her, ''you feel like you cheated on me.''

* * *

><p>Wednesday June 28th 2006.<p>

* * *

><p>''Good morning,'' Kayla said as she rolled over in bed to look at Peter. She buried her face in his chest for a second before looking up at him.<br>''Morning,'' he replied a bit groggily. ''Did you sleep well?''

Kayla nodded as she yawned.  
>''I'm going to go make breakfast, do you want pancakes?'' Peter asked as he moved to get up before Kayla groaned and pulled him back. ''Sweetie, we only have 30 minutes until we have to leave for work. Why don't you go get dressed while I make us breakfast,'' he told her.<p>

Kayla let out a sigh as she sat up and leaned against the headboard, watching him get out of bed and walking out their bedroom door. She decided to take a quick shower - in and out in less than five minutes – before getting dressed. Catching a glimpse of herself while getting dressed, she groaned. Her outfit was as put together as it always was, but her hair was a hot mess.  
>She smiled as she could hear music coming from the kitchen and she slowly danced along as she made her way over to her nightstand, looking for hair ties.<p>

Not finding any she moved over to Peter's side. She opened the drawer and stopped dead in her tracks, staring straight at a ring box. She swallowed hard as she glanced over her shoulder, making sure Peter was still in the kitchen. Kayla opened the little box slowly, trying to make as little sound as possible. It was undoubtedly an engagement ring. Hearing the music in the kitchen stop she quickly closed the box and put it back, only grabbing a hair tie out of the drawer before closing it.

* * *

><p>''So I open the drawer and inside is a ring box,'' Kayla told Lu as they sat down in the hospital cafeteria.<br>Lu looked up from her lunch, surprised, ''I didn't know you guys were talking about getting engaged.'' She replied.  
>''We haven't,'' Kayla told her. ''I mean, he told me that he wanted to get married some day, not any time soon though.''<p>

''Well, do you want to marry him?'' Lu asked. From what she had seen it had been love at first sight for the intern and nurse and had expected them to get married sooner rather than later.  
>''I do,'' Kayla said.<br>''Pun intended?'' Lu joked as she took a bite from her sandwich.

Kayla cocked her head to the side, ''very funny. No, I mean, I want to marry him some day, it's just that when we talked about it, it sounded like… five years from now. We have only been together for four months, and the fact that we live together doesn't mean that I want to get married right away.''  
>Lu nodded in understanding, ''then tell him that. Better that he finds out now than finding out when he proposes before you're ready, right?''<p>

''I guess so,'' Kayla replied. She groaned as she buried her face in her hands, ''I wish I'd never found it, then I'd actually be able to focus on work. It's been distracting me all morning.''  
>''All the more reason to go talk to him,'' Lu said.<p>

After a minute or so Kayla frowned, ''you know, maybe he's not planning on proposing. Maybe he just bought the ring so he'd have one if he does decide to propose?''  
>Lu chuckled, ''guys don't buy rings just to be safe. Plus, anyone can see that he loves you and I'm sure he wants to marry you.'' Lu watched Kayla run a hand through her hair, looking completely lost. ''Just ask him, you'll feel better afterwards.''<p>

* * *

><p>Thursday June 29th 2006.<p>

* * *

><p>Andy glanced over at Milo as they waited in the waiting room of Child Protective Services, he seemed to be quite nervous and she couldn't blame him. She reached over to hold his hand, ''it's going to be okay,'' she assured him.<p>

Milo looked over at her and flashed a small smile, ''yeah,'' he told her, ''and we're going to be okay.'' He added after a few seconds, mainly to reassure himself.  
>''We are,'' Andy agreed, sounding much more determined than him. ''No matter the results, I'll always be here for you. It's going to be a lot of work if he is indeed your son but we'll figure it out, we always do. Try not to worry about it too much until we actually hear the results.''<p>

''Dr. Morton? Mr. Fisher is ready to see you now,'' the receptionist told Milo and Andy.  
>As they both stood up, Andy grabbed Milo's hand, ''it's going to be okay,'' she assured him one last time before they walked into the social worker's office.<p>

* * *

><p>Please review.<p> 


	59. Ordinary Love

A/N: Named after the amazing song by U2 which you probably all have already heard. Of course, no rights are claimed by me.

* * *

><p><strong><span>Chapter 53: <span>**  
><span><strong>Ordinary Love<strong>

* * *

><p>This is set on Thursday June 29th 2006.<p>

* * *

><p>''Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.'' Mark Twain<p>

* * *

><p>Third Person's POV<p>

* * *

><p>Milo and Andy both said down in the seats across from the social worker's desk, the whole room looked surprisingly much like a doctor's office. Milo glanced over at Andy, needing support. He was more ready than ever to hear the results, but still not prepared in a way. The prospect of possibly meeting one of his... children, today. Nope, definitely not ready.<br>As Mr. Fisher walked in, they both stood up to shake his hand. ''I apologize for making you wait,'' he apologized to them with a thick British accent. ''Busy day.''

''That's quite alright,'' Milo told him, keeping a firm grip on Andy's hand for support. ''So... what's the verdict?'' He asked.  
>Mr. Fisher opened one of his desk drawers and took out a manila folder, he handed it to Andy and Milo, ''you're not the father,'' he told them as Milo opened the folder and looked inside.<p>

Andy let out a sigh of relief as she looked over at Milo - not sure how he'd respond.  
>''That's... a relief,'' Milo said as he handed the folder back. It was a bit of a lie but at the moment that didn't matter to him, ''so, have you found his father?'' He asked Mr. Fisher.<p>

''Not yet, according to her parents, Carrie was involved with another man at the time. We still have to test him but he has moved to Europe and we haven't been able to track him down yet. Michael is going to stay in foster care until we do find him. If he's not the father either then let's hope he gets adopted,'' Mr. Fisher told him.  
>Milo nodded in response, ''are we done here?'' He asked, suddenly feeling the need for some fresh air.<p>

* * *

><p>Friday June 30th 2006.<p>

* * *

><p>Lu looked up when there was a knock on her office door, seeing it was Dylan West - Andy's replacement for the time being - she frowned. They hadn't gotten to know each other yet and she wasn't sure how she felt about him, after Dana and Andy it felt odd to have a man as partner. ''Come in,'' she called out and she closed the file in front of her as he walked in.<br>''Sorry to bother you,'' he said as he closed the door behind her.

''It's fine, what can I do for you?'' Lu asked as she stood up.  
>''The lab gave me this file since apparently Andy sent out the order for the test, but I think they're for you,'' he told her as he handed her the folder.<br>Lu took them from him and looked down at it. It was the results of her pregnancy test. She could feel the nervousness in her stomach and smiled up at Dylan. ''Thanks, I've been waiting for these,'' she told him.

He looked at her concerned, ''is everything okay?'' He asked, not knowing what the blood work had been for.  
>''Let's find out,'' Lu told him as she opened the folder and looked down at the paper inside. Her jaw dropped and tears formed in her eyes as she read the results, ''I'm pregnant,'' she whispered.<p>

''What?'' Dylan asked, not hearing what she said.  
>She looked up, ''I'm pregnant,'' she repeated, not quite believing it. As she felt overjoyed she hugged Dylan before looking back at the results, ''I'm having a baby,'' she said once more as realization started to sink in.<p>

Dylan smiled, ''congratulations to you and your husband,'' he told her, hesitant to say husband since he didn't know her situation. Lu's smile dropped, she still hadn't told Jonas about any of this. ''Is something wrong?'' Dylan asked.  
>''I haven't told my husband I might be pregnant, I'm not sure how he's going to respond to it,'' she told him. She had figured that Jonas wanted a baby sooner or later but she hadn't anticipated getting pregnant this fast after getting married.<p>

''He'll probably want to have a baby,'' Dylan assured her. ''If he didn't, he would have told you a long time ago.''  
>Lu smiled at him, glad that they seemed to be getting along, ''let's hope so.''<p>

* * *

><p>Kayla hesitantly looked up from her plate to Peter. She wanted to ask him, she did... But her nervousness kept getting in the way. She bit her lip when Peter looked back at her, ''this is good,'' she told him as she took another bite of the steak she had ordered, ''it's a shame you're a vegetarian.'' She told him jokingly.<br>He chuckled, ''you don't hear me complaining,'' he told her as he took another bite of his salad.

And that was that. The uncomfortable silence came back as they both looked down at their plates. Peter knew something was up with Kayla and knew that he had to just come out and ask her about it, ''is something wrong?'' He asked her. ''You've been a bit distant all day.''  
>''I eh-,'' she hesitated before deciding to swallow the lump in her throat and just coming out with it: ''I found the ring, the one in your nightstand,'' Kayla told him without looking up.<p>

''Oh,'' Peter sat back in his chair. It explained a lot. He wiped his hands on the napkin in his lap as he sat up a bit more.  
>''Yeah, 'oh'.'' Kayla replied as she looked up at him. ''I didn't know you were thinking about that next step,'' she told him. She wasn't sure how he was going to respond, whether he would ask her to marry him right there and then or just play it off.<p>

''So, what do you think?'' Peter asked as he relaxed a bit - Kayla didn't look too freaked out which gave him a bit of confidence.  
>''I don't know,'' she said. ''I guess I just didn't see it coming. It's way too soon... We've been together for what? Four, five months? I'm just not ready for that kind of commitment. I love living together and I love you, but I'm not ready to get married,'' she told him, hoping he would understand.<p>

''Fair enough,'' Peter told her. ''Just so we're clear; I'm not either. I just wanted to have it ready so I could ask you whenever I was ready. I saw the ring a few weeks ago and it was perfect, it reminded me of you somehow, I didn't want to risk losing it.'' He explained.

Relieved, Kayla took a deep breath. ''I get that,'' she said to him, a small smile appearing on her face.  
>''So we both agree that we should wait a little while longer?'' Peter asked. When Kayla nodded he let out a sigh. ''And we're okay?'' Peter asked, smiling back at her.<p>

''We're... perfect,'' Kayla told him. 'Okay' didn't do their relationship justice at this point - every day that they were together she could tell they were perfect for each other.

* * *

><p>Andy looked up from her book as Milo walked into their bedroom. He let out a sigh as he plopped down on their bed next to her. She smiled at him, ''how was work?'' She asked as she grabbed a bookmark and put the book on her nightstand.<br>''It was okay,'' Milo told her as he took off his shoes. He looked over to Andy, ''how was your day?'' He asked. He knew that she missed going to work now that she was on bed rest.

Andy shrugged, ''fine,'' she told him. It was one thing to not be allowed to work, but to not be allowed to do... anything, it was really getting to her even though it had only been a couple of days. As Milo started to get up to change out of his work clothes, she stopped him, ''Mr. Fisher from CPS called for you today.'' She told him.  
>Milo turned around with a frown, ''what did he want?'' He asked.<p>

''They tracked down that guy who moved to France, he told them that he can't have kids so they're looking for other potential dads. He wanted to know if you knew of any men who were in Carrie's life at the time,'' Andy told him. ''He wants you to call him back.''  
>Milo sat back down on the edge of the bed, facing away from Andy. He thought about it for a second, ''I can't think of anyone.'' He told her. They were both silent for a few moments. Milo put his face in his hands, ''I mean, she liked to party so maybe she met a guy and...'' he told Andy as he trailed off.<p>

''Yeah, maybe,'' Andy told him. Noticing he looked a little upset, she frowned at him, ''are you okay?'' She asked.  
>Milo looked up and turned around to look at her, ''yeah. Just thinking about Michael,'' he told her.<br>''You really care about him huh?'' She asked him as she got up and sat down next to him.

''Surprisingly enough, I do,'' Milo told her. ''I didn't think I would, but during that week while we waited for the results I really thought he was my son. I thought I wasn't ready to be a dad to a 2-year-old, but now... I wish he had been so he would have a father. It's just so unfair to him, loses him mom in a freak accident and nobody else is around to take care of him.''  
>''I'm sure they'll find him a nice foster home. And maybe he'll get lucky and gets adopted,'' Andy said, trying to console him.<p>

''Yeah,'' Milo replied as he bit his lip. ''I'm going to take a shower; I'll call Mr. Fisher tomorrow.''  
>Andy smiled after him as he walked off into their bathroom. She laid back against the pillows on their bed, she was glad Lu had never put her on bed-rest during the entire pregnancy but that didn't mean she still didn't have to take it easy in these last couple of days, nor did it mean that she didn't spent most of the day napping anyway because she was so tired.<p>

The baby wasn't even born yet and he was already giving her sleepless nights and wearing her out. She could feel him kicking - which was somehow still possible despite how he was crammed in there with little space to move.

_Andy slid between the cold sheets, a very welcome feeling that warm August night. She could hear the front door slam downstairs as Les left the house. She crossed her fingers hoping it hadn't woken Jesse up; she had only gotten the baby to go to sleep an hour before._

_Clutching her stomach she hoped this wasn't really happening. She had known that this hadn't happened according to plan, that it was too soon after Jesse to be having another baby. Jesse was still a few months shy of her first birthday, she was still nursing even. But how could Les blame her? It hadn't just been her fault that she had gotten pregnant again, no matter how careful they had both been._

_Andy could feel warm liquid on her legs and on the sheet beneath her, and she didn't have to look to know it was blood. __  
><em>_It had been another fight, about the baby. Nothing new. Except the added stress of Les starting his new business had somehow pushed him over the edge. Leading this fight to a different ending than all the others._

_There had been pushing, shoving, kicking... Everything. It seemed to get worse every time it happened, but this time she was sure this was the worst it had ever been.  
>This time he had done it with a purpose. She was sure he would deny it if she called him out on it, but she had seen it in his eyes. What had happened tonight had happened because he thought they weren't ready to have another baby.<em>

_And maybe they weren't, she had to give him that. But any solution must've been better than this..._

_She curled up, hoping for the pain to end soon but knowing it wouldn't. She wasn't like most women going through a miscarriage; she knew what was happening, she knew how much it could emotionally destroy you. During her residency she had seen it more than once. She never thought she would go through it herself, also nothing new._

_There were many things she had gone through that as a little girl she could have never fathomed would ever happen. Not to her. To so many other people, but not her. Andy knew she couldn't stop what was happening, that didn't make it easier though._  
><em>She bit her lip, trying to stay calm, trying not to cry. Trying to ignore what was happening. As she took a deep breath she could hear Jesse start to cry in the next room and that did it. A few salty tears rolled down her cheeks.<em>

Shaking her head she tried to forget the memory, now was not the moment for flashbacks and nasty memories. She looked up when she heard the bathroom door open and watched Milo walk in. Andy smiled at him, ''dinner will probably be ready in a few minutes.'' She told him.

* * *

><p>Saturday July 1st 2006.<p>

* * *

><p>Lu pushed open the front door to her and Jonas' house. She had just come from his childhood home. It had recently been put on the marker and he had brought up that it would be nice for them to live there. She couldn't help but be curious so had decided to check it out. When she got in the hallway she noticed his suitcase standing next to the staircase. Jonas had been on a business trip to Rio for the past week, she hadn't expected him to be home already. ''Jonas?'' Lu called out as she closed the front door behind her.<p>

''In here,'' she heard his voice come from the kitchen.  
>Walking in, she saw him pick up two plates from the counter and walk into the informal dining room - which was adjacent to the kitchen - where a dinner for two had been set up. Her jaw dropped slightly, ''this looks amazing,'' she told Jonas before walking over to him and giving him a kiss. ''You didn't have to do all of this.'' She said as she eyed to delicious looking food.<p>

''Well, I wanted to. I really missed you this week,'' he told her as he sat down on the edge of the dining room table - bringing him to her eye level - and pulled her closer, arms around her waist. ''A week of talking business is even more unbearable when you don't have a beautiful wife to come home to,'' he said. He pecked her lips, ''I sent all the staff home,'' another peck, ''so we have the house all to ourselves.'' Another peck.

''Sounds great,'' Lu told him as she gave him kiss, lingering longer than he had.  
>They both pulled away at the same time with a smile, ''I hope you're hungry,'' Jonas told her as he got up and pulled out the chair for her.<p>

After she sat down, Lu took a deep breath when she saw him grab the wine bottle from the table. She hadn't told him she was pregnant yet, wanting to wait until he was home so she could tell him in person. He poured them both a glass before sitting down as well.  
>He held up his glass, ''a toast to us,'' he said and they clinked their glasses before he took a sip. Seeing that she didn't drink any, Jonas frowned, ''is something wrong?'' He asked.<p>

''No, no. Nothing's wrong,'' Lu assured him as she put down the glass. ''I just can't drink wine… for a couple of months.'' She told him, hoping he would understand what she meant.  
>''You can't dri-'' Jonas started confused before it dawned on him. ''You can't drink the wine,'' he repeated her as his eyebrows shot up in surprise. ''You can't drink the wine,'' he said as a grin spread on his face. He got up from his chair and pulled her into his arms. He pulled away and gave her a long kiss.<p>

''So you're happy about this?'' Lu asked as she smiled as well. He was certainly responding better than expected. She noticed the twinkle in his eyes which he always got when he was excited about something.  
>''Really, really happy,'' he told her as he looked deep into her eyes.<p>

* * *

><p>''How do I look?'' Kayla asked Peter as she glanced at her reflection in the mirror.<br>''You look great,'' Peter reassured her for the umpteenth time. ''Don't worry about it, just relax. My mom is going to love you no matter how you look.''  
>Kayla glared at him for a second, ''you're just saying that because of how my parents reacted to you.'' She reminded him. It hadn't even been that long ago since her parents had first met Peter and they had decided that she should meet him mother as well.<p>

''I'm not,'' Peter told her as he kissed her forehead, ''tonight is going to be great. We'll have dinner, have some wine and you and she can get to know each other. Just a simple evening with my mom, don't over complicate it for yourself.''  
>Kayla took a deep breath when the doorbell rang. Looking over at Peter she smiled, ''okay, I'm ready.''<p>

Peter grabbed Kayla's hand before opening the door to their apartment, revealing a beaming, fake blonde-haired, blue eyed Stella Riggs. ''My baby!'' She exclaimed as she wrapped Peter up in her arms.  
>Kayla looked on with a smile at the reunion, she knew Peter and his mom weren't very close and didn't talk to each other as often as she talked to her own parents, but it was a nice moment.<p>

Pulling away after the long hug, Stella took in Kayla. She smiled at Peter before looking back at Kayla, ''well aren't you gorgeous,'' she said before pulling Kayla in for a hug as well.  
>After they let each other go she put her arm around Kayla's shoulder as they walked further into the apartment. ''This is beautiful, have you two lived here long?'' Stella asked as she let go of Kayla and looked over at Peter.<p>

''Just a little while,'' he told her. He and Kayla had been together for a couple of months now and she was the first girlfriend he had ever introduced to his mom, probably one of the reasons why she had always thought he was into guys.  
>''And here I was thinking that you'd introduce me to your boyfriend,'' Stella exclaimed as she looked around the apartment.<p>

''Boyfriend?'' Kayla asked Peter with a curious grin. She had never heard about this before.  
>''For the longest time my mom was convinced I'm gay,'' Peter told Kayla quietly, he'd rather not have his mother hear or else she's mention all the reasons why she thought so.<br>''And I thought you were quite the ladies man, can't believe I was so wrong,'' Kayla jokingly whispered back.

* * *

><p>Sunday July 2nd 2006.<p>

* * *

><p>Milo groaned and looked up as Andy took the paperwork he had been working on for the past hour out of his lap. ''I should finish this,'' he told her as he tried to grab a hold of them.<br>Andy yanked them out of his reach before sitting back and putting them on the bed stand next to her, ''why can't you just put them away and relax for a little while?'' She asked him, faking that she was annoyed. His work drive was one of the things that initially attracted her to him; it was one of the ways in which they were the same.

''I might as well do it now. I have some time off starting tomorrow, but I can't get behind,'' Milo told her.  
>''Honey, you're not going to get any rest in the next couple of days, you might as well take some advantage of the quiet right now,'' Andy reasoned. ''Plus, if you want I know a fun way to spend some time together,'' she told him with a grin before leaning in to kiss him.<p>

After a couple of seconds Milo pulled away, ''are you sure this is a good idea?'' He questioned.  
>Andy gave him a look, ''it's perfectly safe,'' she reminded him. After another kiss she leaned her forehead against his, ''and I don't think I have to remind you that after the baby is born we won't be able to have sex for at least six weeks.''<p>

Milo groaned, ''not looking forward to that,'' he told her. As he started to kiss her neck she suddenly pulled away. Putting a hand on the side of her stomach she held her breath for a few moments before letting out a deep but shaky breath as a painful look crossed her face. Milo looked at her intently, ''are you okay?'' He asked her concerned, he had gotten to know that look all too well over the past couple of months.

Andy looked at him, ''Yeah, just a-''  
>''Contraction,'' Milo finished for her as he lay back against the pillow.<p>

After the pain had faded away Andy curled up against him, ''they only come every few hours,'' she told him before leaning in again.  
>Milo stopped her, ''Andy, I really don't think that-''<br>Andy cut him off mid-sentence with another kiss. After pulling away she smiled at him, ''there are hours in between Milo, hours. Now I don't know how long you plan to take but...'' she said jokingly, teasing him a bit.

Milo chuckled. He wasn't feeling all too sure about this but she seemed to be fine. ''And-''  
>He could barely start his sentence before Andy interrupted him once more, ''just shut up and kiss me.''<p>

...

They were both panting as they pulled away from each other. ''Wow,'' Andy said as she rolled onto her back.  
>Milo looked over at her with a sideways grin, ''that was…definitely a wow,'' he told her. His grin faltered a bit as he reminded what she had told him, ''and now we have to wait six weeks to do this again.''<p>

It was now her turn to groan, ''don't remind me,'' she commanded. She turned her head to look at him, ''at least something nice to look forward to,'' she said as she softly rubbed circles on her stomach.  
>Milo put his hand over hers, ''that, and spending time with this little guy.''<p>

* * *

><p>Please review!<p> 


	60. Baby Blues

Last chapter, only an epilogue left after this.

* * *

><p><strong><span>Chapter 54:<span>**  
><strong><span>Baby Blues<span>**

* * *

><p>This is set on Sunday July 2nd 2006.<p>

* * *

><p>''Happiness is not that easy to achieve, but having a handsome husband, a beautiful baby, and a great job helps.'' Ellen Pompeo<p>

* * *

><p>Third Person's POV<p>

* * *

><p>Andy glanced over at the alarm clock next to her bed with a sigh, it was almost midnight. She was exhausted but every time she was close to falling asleep another contraction would come and she'd be wide awake once again. She glanced over at Milo who was lying beside her; he was sleeping peacefully with his face buried into the pillow. She licked her lips as she slowly rubbed her belly.<br>Between contractions there was an annoying ache that wouldn't go away.

Sighing again, she got up out of bed. It was no use trying to sleep. It was hot - it was early July so no surprise there - her whole body was aching, and she was nervous at the prospect of finally having this baby. Walking down the stairs she cursed quietly when one of the steps creaked. Lizzy had always been a light sleeper, every faint sound would wake her up. Not hearing anything, Andy continued to go downstairs.  
>As she stood in the hallway she put her hands on her hips, she was up and there was nothing to do except for feeling thankful she wasn't on bed-rest.<p>

She walked into the kitchen and got a cold bottle of water out of the fridge and pondered on what to do next. The sight of the hammock in the backyard looked appealing.  
>When she and Les had first moved to Philadelphia he had insisted on putting in a barbecue instead of a deck, and after having fought about it she finally gave in. Plans were made, he had started preparations, and then they had separated. He had moved to California and the plans were put on hold. It was still unfinished but it had left enough space to put down a hammock. Not that it was ever used, but Andy liked the idea of having it so she could use it if she wanted to.<p>

Opening the door to the backyard she was met with... heat. That was the best way to describe it. It had always surprised her just how hot Philly could get, and remained during the night. As she lowered herself into the hammock she was surprised by how comfortable it was. Rocking from side to side a bit, it wasn't long before she started to doze off.

* * *

><p>''I'll come by after school,'' Lizzy told her mother before grabbing an apple off of the counter and following Corrina out to the car.<p>

Andy took a deep breath as she watched her youngest daughter run off. This made Milo look over at her with an amused smile, ''you okay?'' He asked her. He was asking her that same exact question all the time - at least he had been lately with her due date approaching. It had seemed to take forever to get there and now they were just one day away from it.

Andy looked at him, ''yeah, I'm okay. Just a bit nervous about today, I hope it all goes well.'' She told him. Giving birth to Jesse had been easy, and Lizzy's birth had basically been a walk in the park - they had been painful but that was nothing she couldn't manage. This time however, she wasn't sure things would go that smoothly. Nothing about the entire pregnancy had been, why should labor and delivery be any different?

Milo grabbed her hand, trying to be supportive, ''things will go okay,'' he reassured for the umpteenth time.  
>Andy gave him a small smile, at least one of them didn't feel like everything was going to go wrong, ''that would be a lot more assuring if I didn't know everything that could possibly go wrong.'' She told him as she laid her hand on her stomach. She could feel the baby kick; it calmed her nerves a bit but not a lot.<p>

* * *

><p>''So, you're fully effaced and two centimeters dilated,'' Lu told Andy as she wrote it down in the chart. ''How often are the contractions coming?''<br>''Not all that often,'' Andy responded, ''around every forty minutes for the past couple of hours or so.'' She hadn't begun to time them yet since she figured it would only add stress, but she had noticed a pattern.  
>''Do we have to wait at home until they come more frequently?'' Milo asked. He was standing next to Andy who was laid back on the exam table.<p>

''You could, but if you like I'm sure Dr. Jackson wouldn't mind if you stayed at the hospital the entire time. That way I can check up on you more often and if necessary we can give you some medication to speed up the process if it starts to take really long.'' Lu told them.  
>Andy looked over at Milo, ''let's just stay here,'' she told him. She had been taking it easy - because of doctor's orders - for too long now, at least for her taste. She was sick of staying at the house and much preferred being at the hospital, feeling more comfortable there. She put one of her hands on Milo arm, ''why don't you go call Mr. Fisher while I talk to Lu?'' She suggested to him, knowing that he hadn't gotten around to calling the social worker yet.<p>

Milo smiled, ''sure,'' he told her as he stepped out of the exam room.  
>''What's up?'' Lu asked as she helped Andy get up and they walked into Lu's office.<br>''I haven't heard from you in a couple of days and was wondering if you had gotten your test results back yet,'' Andy said as she put a hand on her stomach and sat down in one of the chairs.

''I did. Dylan actually got them since he's taking over for you,'' Lu said as she sat down as well. She paused for a moment before grinning, ''it was positive, approximately eight months from now your son will get a playmate,'' she told Andy.  
>A smile spread on Andy's face as she pulled Lu in for a hug, ''I'm so happy for you,'' she told her.<br>''Thank you,'' Lu told her as they both pulled away.

Milo hung up his phone as he reentered Lu's office, ''so what do we do next?'' He asked Lu as he put his phone in his pocket.  
>''You can put your bags in one of the rooms in L and D and then maybe walk around some. It will speed things along and get the baby in the right position,'' Lu told them.<p>

Andy nodded and looked over at Milo, ''sounds like a plan.''

* * *

><p>Andy groaned as Milo helped her get back into the hospital bed, ''this is taking forever,'' she complained. It had been almost five hours since her appointment with Lu and her contractions were still coming incredibly slow. Lu had been busy with patients so she hadn't had as much time to check up on Andy and talk about what should be their next step.<p>

She was starting to regret not going home. Yes, being there was boring but there were a lot of people at the hospital while all she wanted to do was rest. And now too much time had gone by to have the option of going home - even if it was taking long.  
>When Andy noticed Milo looking down at his phone it reminded her of the phone call he had made earlier, ''did Mr. Fisher have anything interesting to say?'' She asked as she shifted in the bed to get a bit more comfortable.<p>

Milo shrugged, ''nothing worth mentioning - still no father in sight,'' he told her. He sat down on the edge of the hospital bed and stared off out the window. There had to be something he could do for Michael, to either help the authorities find his father... or-  
>''No.'' Andy told him. When Milo looked over at her she shook her head. ''I know that look on your face; we're not going to do this.'' She told him sternly as she crossed her arms.<p>

Milo threw her an almost exasperated look, ''somebody has to look after him, and it might as well be us.'' He told her in a pleading way. He didn't know how it had happened but the responsibility he felt toward Michael... It didn't quite equal how he felt toward the baby he and Andy were having, but it was close.

''No, it might not 'just as well be us','' Andy told him. ''We barely have time for each other and the girls, our time will be even more limited once this baby decides to finally come out. We don't have the time - and I don't know about you but I don't have the energy, to take care of yet another one. I know you feel responsible but you're not,'' Andy said. When Milo didn't respond she bit her lip and scooted a bit closer to him, ''honey we talked about this; CPS is perfectly capable of finding a good home for him, he can have foster parents who have the time and energy to take care of him. But we don't.''

They both turned around when the door opened, Andy was grateful when she saw it was Lu - hopefully that meant they could finally speed things up.  
>''I'm going to go for a walk,'' Milo announced as he got up. He really needed to take a moment to think about what had just happened.<p>

As he walked out the door Lu looked over at Andy, ''is everything okay?'' She asked as she looked at the monitor which registered all the contractions, there wasn't much on it since Andy and Milo had gone for a walk.  
>Andy laid back and let out a sigh, ''yeah, everything's just great,'' she said, not very convincingly.<br>''Do you want to talk about it?'' Lu asked.

Andy hesitated for a moment, ''maybe some other time,'' she responded with a sigh as she shifted around on the hospital bed. It seemed impossible to get comfortable and she wasn't sure what was causing it.  
>Lu looked at her concerned, ''something wrong?'' She asked as she looked at the monitor, contractions were coming regularly but they were still as frequent as they had been an hour ago: once every fifteen minutes. She frowned.<p>

''What is it?'' Andy asked concerned - noticing the expression on Lu's face. She had a feeling that something was wrong but she had been pushing it to the back of her mind all day long, telling herself she was just nervous about having the baby.  
>''Your labor is not really progressing the way it should,'' Lu told her.<p>

''Meaning?'' Andy asked as she tried to steal a glance at the monitor. Lu had turned it away from her slightly so no luck there.  
>''We'll just have to see how it goes. If nothing changes then we may have to do a c-section, but we'll see,'' Lu told her. ''Are you still comfortable?''<br>Andy sighed, ''this pregnancy hasn't been comfortable for a while. But I'll be fine,'' she told Lu. ''You remember what it was like, don't you?''

Lu smiled slightly, remembering when she was pregnant with Marc, ''it's been a long time, but it's hard to forget. But, with Jonas' support, this pregnancy will be a lot easier,'' she said as she put one of her hands on her stomach, rubbing it lightly. It still felt surreal to her that she was having another baby.

* * *

><p>Andy opened her eyes and found herself still in her hospital room. She held her fingers crossed as she glanced over at Lu who was standing beside the bed, ''please tell me I had the baby while I was asleep.'' She asked her co-worker.<br>Lu smiled at her, ''no such luck. I'm giving you something that will hopefully speed things along now,'' she told Andy, hoping it would keep her calm. ''You just get as much rest as you can so you'll be rested when you actually have to deliver this baby,'' she told Andy.

The latter woman smiled at the thought, ''I'm looking forward to it already,'' she joked. She frowned as she could feel a small contraction. It barely matched the Braxton Hicks contractions she had had for a couple of weeks, let alone of the ones she should be having at this point in labor.  
>Lu wrote down in the chart the time she had administered the medication and which ones she had used before looking back at Andy. ''I have some other patients that I have to check up on, but I'll be back later, okay?''<p>

Andy nodded at her, ''sure.'' She told Lu. She hesitated for a moment, not knowing what time it was, ''has Lizzy been by?'' She asked. She glanced over at the clock on the wall, it was almost eight pm.  
>''Yeah, she's making homework in at Lana's desk. I can tell her to come here if you want but I think it would be more helpful if you tried to get some more sleep. That way you'll be able to sleep through most of the contractions hopefully.''<p>

* * *

><p>Feeling an uncomfortable pressure - nothing like what she had been feeling before - Andy rolled onto her side in an attempt to get more comfortable.<br>Milo looked up from the paper in his hands at the sudden movement. He quickly stood up to help her, ''are you okay?'' He asked her as Andy let out a sigh.

Andy bit her lip as a sudden wave of pain rolled through her, it felt like her insides were turning inside and it hurt worse than any contraction she had ever had. ''Could you page Lu?'' She asked Milo as she breathed through the pain.  
>Milo nodded at her, he was reluctant to leave her so left to get Lu paged and got back as quick as he possibly could. ''Is there anything I can do?'' He asked Andy. He hadn't seen her in this much pain before and he was starting to freak out – his usually calm demeanor quickly fading away as worry took over.<p>

Andy didn't respond and barely a minute later, Lu came into the room. She threw a glance at Milo, silently asking her what was wrong. He just shrugged in response, not knowing the answer himself.

''Andy?'' Lu asked as she rolled Andy onto her back, it would be easier to examine her in that position. ''What is wrong?'' She asked as she looked at the monitor. There hadn't been any contractions recorded for a while, not knowing if it was because the machine was malfunctioning or because the contractions had stopped, she needed Andy to answer her. Stealing a glance at the fetal heart rate monitor she frowned, the baby's heartbeat was a bit slower but nothing that concerning.

''I think something is wrong,'' Andy finally answered as she clutched her stomach. She tried to take slow, steady breaths but it was continually becoming more difficult.  
>Lu nodded, ''why does it feel that way?'' She asked, at this point she could take an educated guess, but it would be just that: a guess. If something was seriously wrong she needed to be surer.<br>''There was a lot of pressure,'' Andy started. ''I think that maybe he has turned or something, that's what it felt like.''

Lu nodded as she felt Andy's stomach, something was definitely different. ''Andy,'' she began as she wiped Andy's hair out of her face, ''I'm going to do an ultrasound and if he has indeed changed position then we'll probably have to do a c-section. Now, I know it hurts, but I do need you to stay conscious, okay?'' She asked.  
>Andy slowly nodded as Lu had an ultrasound machine rolled into the room and started the ultrasound.<p>

Lu let out a deep breath as she took in what was on the screen. She looked down at Andy, ''the baby is in breech position,'' she told her. I'm going to call the OR and schedule a c-section as soon as possible, okay?''  
>Andy could feel the pressure on her stomach subside as she became lightheaded.<br>Seeing that her eyes had glazed over, Lu started to get worried, ''Andy I need you to stay with us.'' She said as she looked up at the monitor, her heart rate was holding steady but her blood pressure was slowly going up.

''Lu?'' Milo piped up behind the women's med specialist.  
>Glancing over her shoulder at Milo, she frowned, ''yeah?'' She asked as she was starting to worry. She had picked up the phone that had been on the nightstand and was ready to call the OR.<br>Milo nodded at the midpoint of the bed, where a blood stain was starting to form.

* * *

><p>Tuesday July 4th 2006.<p>

* * *

><p>Andy opened her eyes for a second before squeezing them shut, the bright light being just a bit too bright for her. She licked her lips before trying to sit up, too confused to do anything else. She barely moved a centimeter before she felt a hand on her shoulder, making sure she stayed down. ''Just lay still,'' she could hear Milo's voice tell her.<p>

As she did what he told her she calmed down a bit, the memories of what had happened before everything went dark came flooding back to her. She could feel her whole body shaking, knowing that was not uncommon after having a baby she decided to just stay as still as possible in order to calm down before facing Milo.  
>When Andy finally did open her eyes she could see Milo's face hanging over hers, ''what happened?'' She asked as her hand automatically went to her stomach.<p>

''The baby changed into breech position,'' Milo told her. Andy nodded along as she remembered it. ''You started to bleed heavily and lost consciousness and they had to do an emergency c-section,'' he said.  
>''How did it go?'' Andy asked. Her throat was a bit dry but she chose to ignore it, needing answers first.<br>''It went perfect,'' Milo told her. ''He was born at 2:17 am, 6 pounds, 7 ounces ''49 inches,'' he told her with a big smile on his face at the perfect little son they had had in the early morning.

Andy smiled up at him, glad to hear that it all went well.  
>''His APGAR score was perfect, they ran some other tests but they all turned up perfect as well,'' Milo said. He had been worried when Lu had first told him that she wanted to run some more tests, but that worry had thankfully been short-lived.<p>

''Where is he?'' Andy asked after a few seconds, wanting to finally meet her son after nine long months.  
>Milo glanced up to the other side of the bed and Andy diverted her attention, seeing one of the plastic hospital bassinets on the other side of her bed. Milo walked to the end of the bed to change the bed into a reclining position before walking over to the other side and picking up little baby Daniel James Morton.<p>

Handing him to Andy he sat down next to her on the bed.  
>Andy looked down at the little boy in her arms. Seeing his big green eyes, dark brown curls and snub nose she smiled, reminded of the dream she had had a few months earlier.<p>

So much had happened and changed since she found out they were expecting a baby, so much joy and so much pain. Her life had always been hectic and forever changing, and the past nine months were a perfect example of that. So much had been gained and lost and now it felt like a new beginning. Despite knowing that there were still many things left to solve between her and Milo and she still had to make peace with what had happened to her, as she looked down at her newborn son she knew everything was going to be okay.

Her 'premonition' she had had a few months earlier had given her hope - hope she had clung to when it seemed everything was falling apart, because it had shown her that in the end it would all work out okay. At times that premonition seemed like the only thing that could ever give her hope for a happily ever after. Now, as she looked down into Daniel's eyes that matched her own perfectly, she had another reason.

And in that moment she knew: everything would be okay. Eventually.

* * *

><p>''Pain is real, but so is hope.''<p> 


End file.
